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Well it's time to change... Why I am quitting marijuana

Discussion in 'Fitness Journals' started by omartron, Jan 13, 2016.

  1. omartron

    omartron Active Member

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    FIRSTLY: I am sorry if this is in the wrong thread, the only other tread I could think to put it was misc. But I guess it sort of applies here, right? General health an all :)
    Well, hello there.
    I’m Omar, and this (although I doubt I’ll keep updating this because I have no willpower) is the beginning, hopefully, of the rest of my life.


    Let me start with some background information, shall we?
    I am 23 years old and I am not happy with my life. I desperately need to change before I look in the mirror and realise I’m 30 and have wasted the prime years of my life.


    I left university – by left I mean dropped out – in January 2013 and came back to live with my family (I had moved to England to study when my home is in Wales). Looking back on it now I was not ready to ‘leave the nest’ and leaving home and living with a crazy girlfriend in university halls was no the most informed choice I’d made to say the least. The toll it had on my mental state was rather severe.


    So after me and my girlfriend of the time broke up and I came home I began to go to the gym and I made very very (VERY) good progress. That is until student finance made a mistake and sent me £3000 even after I’d told them I was leaving university.


    I had always been a ‘recreational’ weed smoker but because I was unemployed (not for lack of trying to find a job) I had a lot of time to fill and I chose to do this with weed. I think I could have managed if I was the ‘every day’ weed toker… but I’m not. My parents cannot know that I smoke weed so this leads me to only be able to smoke in my room after my parents have gone to bed. It has been this way for just under three years.


    So I have been smoking for three years now, basically spending £10 every night for these past years. This is not mentioning the munchies, or if I get more than £10 worth when I see my friends (I always do). It doesn’t take a genius to realise that this is a lot of money. My estimates are around £7000 wasted so far.


    Not only is it the money that’s an issue, but it has had a profound effect on my life that I began to notice after a year or so of smoking:

    • I was going to sleep at around 4/5am every morning (It’s usually around 6/7am nowadays). This left me waking up at around 4pm every day unless I had work earlier than that (I usually start between 12pm and 6pm). I have been operating on 3-5 hours sleep for three years now. This is just unsustainable for me. I’m 23 damnit.
    • My mother works 5 days a week in one job, and 4 nights a week in another job. She comes home, cleans, cooks and washes everyone’s clothes. Apart from Sunday, she maybe has about 45 minutes to herself a day… if that. How can I continue to selfishly indulge myself every single night while she works as hard as she does? The fact that I have been so insensitive to my mother makes me angry. What kind of a son am I?
    • My father starts work at 4pm and finished every night at 12am. If I don’t wake up until around 4pm every day, and I am usually in my room beginning smoking at 11:30ish, how can I see my father? The answer? I haven’t. I see him for around 20 minutes a day. My father is very sensitive and I know this. He hates the fact that he never sees me or my brother in the day because we’re sleeping (oh yeah, my brother does it too, but he has a sleeping disorder too). The fact that I could see my father every day and spend time with him but I choose to simply indulge myself every night makes me angry too.
    • Me and my girlfriend got together in July of 2014. She is against weed (for the wrong reasons, but that doesn’t matter). I told her I’d quit, and I did for 69 days. Those 69 days were the happiest, most fresh, most vibrant days I have had in years. This all ended when season 5 of The Walking Dead began. I told her that I was going to smoke on the night it came out so I could watch it. But I never stopped. I was hooked again and it’s been this way ever since. She still thinks that I don’t smoke it. She believes me that I sleep around 12 hours a night… Ugh, how can I lie to her like this? What is wrong with me?!
    • I am lethargic and lazy (weed doesn’t do this to me, the lack of sleep does, just to eradicate the myth that weed makes you lazy, I know plenty of people who are successful while smoking weed every day). I have no motivation to do anything during the days apart from lay down and sleep.
    • If I plan on smoking weed, and can’t get any weed, look out! I am a nasty, angry person.
    • I started college in September and my work is definitely suffering due to the laziness and lethargy. Also, when I do have time to do it I often choose to just get blazed instead.
    • Porn. Screw it, I’m being totally open here. People may not be aware of how damaging porn can be. Take it from me – a 23 year old who has around 15 years experience watching porn. I am a child of the internet, I can only vaguely remember a life without it. I wake up in the morning, watch porn. I go to bed and watch porn. It has been continuously at least twice a day for the past three years. I often spend two hours every night watching it while I’m stoned. Anyone who stops and thinks about it can possibly imagine the side affects:
      • I often can’t concentrate while I’m doing college work because I feel the need to watch it.
      • The novelty and appeal of sex is negligible when you’re able to see all the ass n’ titties you’d like. My girlfriend is 20. You can imagine her sex drive and a lot of the time I refuse her. Ever heard that before?!
      • You think I can last any reasonable amount of time in the bedroom now? Ha! Masterbation has ruined that for me. Masterbation is nothing more getting to the point of orgasm, stopping and repeat. If my body is so used to getting there so quickly then how am I meant to satisfy the needs of my girlfriend? (Yes yes, I am now a foreplay master which may be the only benefit these past years have provided but sex is not all about foreplay).
      • Porn really does take up a lot of time. A lot of my porn time is spent looking for the perfect 20 seconds in a movie that’s in a warehouse of movies!
      • I have refused my girlfriend sex because I wanted to go home and do it for myself. Fuck. FUCK!
    • If I smoke weed for 5-6 hours a night, every night for most of the three years, how much time is that spent simply sitting in front of a computer screen in the dark with headphones on? I can’t explain the amount of times I’ve endured back pain from sitting too long simply so I could go on smoking. I often go to bed with a head ache because I’ve been watching movies and straining my eyes. God knows what this has done for my posture, and my joints.
    • Fitness. I am proud to say I have kept my fitness levels… satisfactory. I do often ride my road bike/mountain bike to work and I go on rides but this does nothing to make up for the fact I have lost a lot of muscle mass and have probably ruined my spine. I have been getting a lot of trouble with my neck these past few months and I believe this is directly connected to my posture most nights.
    • What have I done to my lungs? Chain-smoking every night for years (yes I use tobacco in my joints).
    That was a long list. It feels good to finally see it all written down on paper (well… on screen). I am posting this here with the intent of updating it every day. I hope one day this will bring help to someone, including myself.


    I understand that many many many people can smoke weed in moderation and if that is you then good for you, enjoy it if you choose to. I strongly believe it should be legal but for me right now it is too much of a risk to take.


    From this point on I choose not to smoke marijuana. It’s going to be hard, but it will be worth it.

    Any advice that you can give me would be most appreciated :)

    Take it easy, y’all and thanks for reading. Much love to you all. :)
     
    #1 omartron, Jan 13, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2016
  2. omartron

    omartron Active Member

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    Well one night has passed since I decided to stop smoking.  

    Suprisingly there have been no problems as of yet, but the hardest days as I learnt during my 69 day break are the 3rd to the 14th or so. 

    I can already feel the benefits.  I guess this is just what a good night's sleep without my kidneys and liver working overtime feels like. 

    Luckily I'm currently on a train heading to see my girlfriend, so I definitely  won't smoke tonight or tomorrow night, so that'll be three days!  Then comes the hard bit.  I have work Saturday night and I know I'll crave it then.  I'm going to try to do some yoga and head to bed to curb my cravings.  

    The porn front has seen no action yesterday or today too so that's something to smile about. 

    I probably won't update this until I come home, so wish me luck! 

    I shall not falter.
     
  3. omartron

    omartron Active Member

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    Three nights down

    16/01/2016

    I am back home from my girlfriend's and I feel a little irritable but nothing that can't be pushed through.


    Me and my girlfriend had an argument on Friday and it was over something simple. It was one of those arguments where you know you've both said all you can but you still keep going anyway, plucking things out of your mind to keep arguing... I was the one who kept it going in this case... I'm never usually like that but I guess I can put it down to the lack of weed.


    I know I'm not going to smoke tonight too because my girlfriend's back for her mother's birthday and I'm staying over her family's house tonight.



    I already feel more motivated - I'm making sure I have all of my college work done, I'm carrying out all my tasks that I need completed and I'm persisting with Yoga. (Side note: Yoga seems to be really helping with my joints - I've had problems with my joints since I was 12 but maybe more on that another time.)



    Tis' a long road ahead but hopefully I can keep this up, the cravings aren't too bad right now but this is the fourth day and they will get stronger. If you're reading this wish me luck damnit! I need it, haha :p


    Time to get some more stuff done for my application to university, then head to work (ugh).


    Peace and love. :)


    I shall not falter.
     
  4. phillydude

    phillydude Don't Never Give Up.

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    Keep on keeping on... we all have our demons, and I've found the best approach is to concentrate on fixing one at a time, rather than making wholesale changes on a number of fronts all at once.

    If you haven't read John Stone's story, I highly suggest you do so, as he started his journey with many of the same challenges you are facing. You can read it here: http://www.johnstonefitness.com/2016/01/06/its-the-13-year-anniversary-of-jsf/

    Finally, send a message to John and ask him to move your thread to the Fitness Journals section (instead of in the General Health) section. You'll probably have more visibility (and support) in that area, as that's where most of us keep each other updated on our progress.

    Good luck, dammit. :D
     
  5. omartron

    omartron Active Member

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    Thank you ever so much for your positive comments. It makes all the difference :) I'll take that advice on board :)

    John's original story is one that I've read many times. In fact I was only 13 when I first read it and ever since then I have been sure to be involved in some sort of fitness/health related activity. You could even say it changed my life... it definitely had a big impact on me. :)
     
  6. omartron

    omartron Active Member

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    Four nights are down together with five days.

    I'm feeling some serious cravings today and was very irritable. Work was incredibly stressful today and morale was low which put me in an even worse mood.

    My brother bought some weed, and I'm going to smoke with him... but not much, and I will be going to bed at around 12am instead of the normal 6am which I guess is a huge improvement. I do plan on smoking it every now and again (say about once every two weeks or so) but only during the day but then again I may be just making excuses to justify it.

    It's so strange; for a few days I say to myself that I cannot smoke at all and then I somehow come to the conclusion that it'll be okay to smoke. It's like I have absolutely nothing to look forward to if I'm just going to go to bed... I have no idea how it happens. All I know is that my mindset totally changes.

    I have continued to practice yoga and have completed everything that I needed to do today and I made a few cool riffs on my guitar. I also revised instead of putting it off like I usually do. All seems to be going well and they will continue to go well.

    If I feel that smoking tonight impedes my ability to function tomorrow then I will have to make sure I don't smoke unless it's with friends during the day and once every few weeks or so. Everyone needs a little escape every now and again, and I can count on my fingers how many times I've been drunk in my life. Weed is my drug of choice, albeit it can be destructive. Over-indulgence is where my fault lies.

    Here's to hoping that I'm not just making excuses to myself, although I worry I am. I'll have to find out tomorrow.

    Peace and love,

    Omar.

    I may have faltered (but if so, then I will fix it).
     
  7. omartron

    omartron Active Member

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    Well last night I smoked and was planning on going to bed at 12am.  

    That didn't happen.

    I ended up watching a few episodes of star trek with my brother and ended up going to sleep at 4am.  This is not good.  I guess this means I can't really control it and I need to just stop entirely.  

    I feel silly for letting myself believe that I'd be able to control myself while I'm stoned and go to bed early.  I see now that I was making excuses last night to justify smoking again.  

    Okay, so what now? I have to remember my mindset will change after a few days and that if I'm giving myself reasons to smoke again I need to just not smoke.

    The main reason I smoke was because I feel like I'll have nothing to do at night if I don't, but I guess I could go to bed... Y'know, like every other normal person does and like I did before.  

    I guess because I've been smoking every night for so long I've developed a nicotine addiction too.  People always say that when you quit smoking it's just as hard to give up the habit as it is to beat the addiction, and I know that I'm in the habit of staying up at night. 

    I feel stupid and I'm a little ashamed to admit that I smoked but I feel like I need to be honest.

    Also if I'm being honest, the porn thing... Yeah I have no self control when I'm stoned. Not good. Not good at all.

    I feel I need to stay positive now and not less this setback be an excuse to fall back in to this lifestyle that I've grown to despise.

    All I can do is accept it and learn from it, so let's get to it. :) 

    Time to go work out and do some yoga.

    Omar out! 
     
  8. Bat

    Bat Well-Known Member

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    Good on you for committing to turn things round mate.

    Don't beat yourself up for the slip, we all do it. The important thing is to get right back to focusing on making changes. Don't give up!
     

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