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Should I start a family?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussions' started by Rogozhin, Aug 27, 2010.

  1. Rogozhin

    Rogozhin Active Member

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    The pros and cons don't really matter as it really boils down to ego and the infinite. :ohnoes:

    My issue is that I'm not a comfortable progenitor of our species, I see the huge issues that we must surmount (overpopulation and resource scarcity) and it scares me to death, but I also am able to understand the joy that parents experience while raising their children. But I've written off the allure and reality of finding true love again in my lifetime, so I'm at a crossroads. If I continue to wait I may end up being 50 years old and without children. :blank:

    Thoughts?
     
  2. IROC-Z

    IROC-Z Raw Bench Daddy

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    I'm not trying to tell you what to do with your life, but I will give you my honest opinion. I was your age when my son was born, and prior to that had just about given up on ever having children. It has been extremely rewarding for me to have him in my life, and it almost seems strange now when I try to think back to what my life was before he came along.

    My advice would be that if you have even the slightest desire to have a family, you should act on it.:)
     
  3. M@

    M@ Monster Maker 2017

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    You're a guy: You can be 50 years old and a new Dad. This is a decision you should make when you're 100% sure.

    Just stay in good enough shape to care for/play with your kids when you have them and you'll be fine. They may even be better off for your having waited. :nod:
     
  4. George

    George Senior Member

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    If overpopulation and resource scarcity are issues for you, then adoption might be a good idea. :)
     
  5. HevyMetal

    HevyMetal Well-Known Member

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    You don't want to be 50 and start being a dad.

    Just after 50 you'll hit your mid-life crisis and you'll need all your money for a 527 cu.inch. Corvette.
     
  6. Zilla

    Zilla Well-Known Member

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    :lol:

    Aside from the mid-life crisis thing, I wouldn't want to be 50 and a new parent. There mere thought of such a thing is nothing less than exhausting.

    Parenting can be fun, but it's also alot of work. My own son has been a handful pretty much from day one as he had colic. It's one of those things that all those new parenting books merely mention. They don't go into detail of how exhausting it is.

    Today The Boy is 13 going on 14 this week and the drama hasn't stopped only now he doesn't need to be burped. There are issues with school, friends and how he thinks his father and I fell off the turnip truck when he gets himself into a mess or corner.

    i.e- The Boy came home the other day with a doodle on his arm. The said doodle is in black, permanant marker. When asked about it, he said that he didn't know what it was or how it got there. Then the story changed to a friend put it there, but he didn't know what it meant. Then it was that he knew who did it and what it meant, but he didn't want to tell us what it meant. :rolleyes:

    After 15 minutes of this stupid conversation he finally owned the whole thing, but he had to see if his father and I were dumb enough to fall for all the BS before doing so.


    I'm not going to tell you whether you should have children or not, but I will say keep it real with whatever you decide.
     
  7. phillydude

    phillydude Don't Never Give Up.

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    no. :blank:
     
  8. PeterJ

    PeterJ Active Member

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    You could just have one kid if your worried about overpopulating the planet. I have 3, had the first when I was 32, now I'm 55. I couldn't imagine life without them. Doing things with your adult children is off the scale cool. I climbed Mt. Baker with my daughter this summer-it was absolutely frigging awesome.
     
  9. akm3

    akm3 Well-Known Member

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    I love my daughter...but I don't know if I'd advise anyone else to become a parent. however if you don't you will never understand a critical part of the human experience and being alive, but you will be able to do and pursue things that you can't as a parent, but you will NOT be able to do and pursue things as a parent, but, but, but.

    Your current life gets destroyed. It's replaced with a new different one with lots of challenges and rewards.

    Don't go out of your way to have kids just to have kids.
     
  10. Rogozhin

    Rogozhin Active Member

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    Thank you for all the thoughtful and insightful replies. :)
     
  11. Mauidude

    Mauidude Active Member

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    For me, if you have to ask yourself if you should have kids, then the answer is probably no. Plus, I'm with HM on this one about having kids at 50. There are too many other things guys want to do at that age then raise kids. Right now I'm 53 and am raising my 3 year old granddaughter. She's as sweet as can be and not a problem, but heck man, I've paid my dues and raised my kids; even raised my youngest son as a full time single dad from when he was 15 (the toughest years).

    Only those who are willing to commit a lifetime of loving and supporting that child should have children. IMHO.

    You can fulfill your need to a good influence on youngsters by getting involved in the lives of your nieces and nephews, if you have any, or get involved in youth programs. Many times you can be that guy they can talk to because you don't have the parent thing in the way.
     
  12. Akira-Kai

    Akira-Kai Well-Known Member

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    To be a good parent is to be prepared to sacrafice your life for theirs in just so many ways. If you are a mature enough person to "love" then you will love your child and will make the necessary sacrafices.

    Personally I think that if you think you can become a good parent and you are prepared to make a life long sacrafice to become a good parent, then you will slowly raise good, respectful children. There will be plenty of challenges and tests along the way but as we all know here, nothing worthwhile comes easy.

    However if you think that having children will make you happy - think again. You'll have to help them to be happy before they will help you to be happy, and that's a whole lot of hard, hard work!

    The rewards of course are there to be had, and go beyond anything imaginable, but the road is the length of a lifetime.
     
  13. FatLenny

    FatLenny Active Member

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    Everyone in this thread has hit the nail on the head. Seriously. Parenting is a joyous thing and a nerve racking, frustrating, and downright soul crushing challenge at the same time. I have a 14 month old and some days I am on top of the world, while other days, I'm not sure I can survive. They just don't tell you that you will feel like your life is over...

    Of course this is an individual experience and it is an individual decision. You have to come to it for yourself, because your experience will only be yours.

    That said... Mauidude's and Akira-Kai's comments nearly set me to tears. So true. So many good things about parenting. So many difficulties.

    I do have one questions for you, though, Rogozhin. What does the following statement mean, exactly?

    Are you thinking about having a kid without a woman? With a surrogate? Adoption? Raising the child as a single father? What what what?
     
  14. Eye-Licker

    Eye-Licker Member

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    Overpopulation isn't so much an issue as who are overpopulating the earth.

    No offense to anyone, but since unintelligent people mate at a much faster rate than the more educated part of our population, it should be the intellectuals' duty to reproduce and make sure idiocracy remains just a silly comedy and not a prophecy. So, since you seem like a bright enough chap, follow Nike's advice and "just do it."

    Or, you know, just live in the moment and eventually your genes will again enter the human genepool. According to statistics at least.
     
  15. rgordon82

    rgordon82 Member

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    Yes you should if you want to. Having a child is great. Takes your problems and stress away.
     
  16. akm3

    akm3 Well-Known Member

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    I think EVERYONE tells you this, but no one listens or understands or can comprehend it. It's just advice you can't process and use until you live it.

    Your life is DESTROYED! Gone! It's like you are dead and put into a different body that looks like you and has the same name and knows the same people, but you and your life are fundamentally different.

    What can you DO with that gobbledegook? Nothing it sounds meaningless until you actually experience it and go "ohhh, that's what everyone meant. I miss my old life, but I like this one too"
     
  17. akm3

    akm3 Well-Known Member

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    Idiocracy has already happened. Too late to 'prevent'.

    "Ow my balls!" would do very well I think.
     
  18. RyanTheOne11

    RyanTheOne11 Member

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    I believe you should only have kids if you know 101% in your mind that it is what you want. You shouldn't have to question it .
     

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