1. Have you installed the new JSF Mobile app? Check out all the details here.
    Dismiss Notice
  2. One account & one avatar for all of JSF. Unified login and profile. Forum alerts on the main site, and more. Check out the details here: Forum & main site unified account feature is live!
    Dismiss Notice

Parenting and nudity

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussions' started by woeisemma, Apr 4, 2010.

  1. woeisemma

    woeisemma Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2004
    Messages:
    535
    Likes Received:
    0
    I don't have children, but I do have a 6 year old half-sister who is being raised by her father and my mother. Her father is 47 and our mother is 51. They are raising her in a way I do not believe is right, but to each their own. I'm posting this to get other perspectives, and if anyone agrees in what I describe below, please tell me why you agree.
    I guess you could say my step-dad and mom are very 'open' minded people. They are swingers, and proud of it. My mother was very prudish and strict while raising me, so this came to a shock to all of us when this was discovered a few years ago. I guess you could say she completely changed her lifestyle when she met her new husband.
    So, that aside, they don't close the bathroom door when they're on the toilet, they walk around naked freely, and they ALL take BATHS TOGETHER. Every night my step-dad will take an hour long bath with his 6 year old daughter. She has asked her mother to join them if she's around.
    Does this seem odd to anyone else? Is this ok? Do europeans or other cultures do this? It just seems very very odd to me, and in a way, wrong.
     
  2. JoeSchmo

    JoeSchmo Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2004
    Messages:
    4,018
    Likes Received:
    11
    Uh yeah, thats fucked up. I'm sure we'll get a few types in here proclaiming that Americans are too uptight about nudity, and that all nudity isn't necessarily sexual. And, I would agree with that to some extent. But a step-dad climbing into the tub with his naked 6-year old step-daughter??! That ain't cool in my book.

    And the bathroom thing? Nudity aside, I'm sure she probably doesn't want to walk by an open bathroom door while dear old dad is dropping a deuce. Hell, I was a little traumatized just writing that last sentence!
     
  3. PlainGreyT

    PlainGreyT Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2007
    Messages:
    2,160
    Likes Received:
    5
    +1 to what Joe said. I don't believe europeans anywhere endorse this kind of thing. I was washed in a bath with my brother until I was six or seven to save on hot water but this is entirely different

    Regardless of his personal lifestyle choice that whole bathtub arrangement is entire inapporpiate. Confront him about it and hint at taking serious action if he blows you off

    If he changes his actions, so much the better - if not call social services or the police immdeiately
     
  4. guava

    guava Elite Member
    Lifetime Platinum Member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2004
    Messages:
    12,604
    Likes Received:
    19
    Walk around naked around the house? Absolutely. Take baths together as a family? I have no idea.

    I don't think it should be anything for anyone else to be concerned about if a family would rather not wear clothing in their home. I think it's less inappropriate than traipsing around the house in a sexy nightie or even a low cut blouse with boobs spilling out. Because the first instance is not sexual, whereas the second instance definitely is (decorating your body in enticing fabric), and the third instance is somewhat so (emphasizing specific body parts over others).

    However, I think it's important to have privacy for intimate acts like bathing and personal hygeine.

    Can any harm come from the situation? I don't know. It's hard to say. When people do intimate things together, those things could potentially escalate to inappropriate actions, more easily than if the parents have set stricter examples of what is "private" and what is not private.

    I wouldn't be surprised if their daughter starts to have a really tough time with this when her natural body awareness kicks into high gear. I'd actually be more concerned about the fact that they are swingers, and are "proud of it" (ie. not being discreet about it), as this is a separate issue. Exposing a child to that environment could be extremely confusing for her.
     
  5. KT Monahan

    KT Monahan Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2007
    Messages:
    972
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yeah, I think that's a little weird. My children are 7, 5, and 2, and while we are not always great at closing the bathroom door when just taking a quick pee, I would never just walk around nude in front of them. The children never close the door not matter what they are doing. But, I would hate for them to be unable to unlock the bathroom door.

    It's a little different with my 7 year old son because sometimes we will be in a locker room together at a pool or something, but I personally wouldn't be nude in front of my two daughters. There were a few times when we gave our children their first baths in the regular tub that I climbed in with them, but I wore a bathing suit. Some may say that's prudish, but whatever. It was also only once or twice and for safety reasons as we weren't sure how they would do in the tub for the first time. I can't imagine being nude in a tub with my 5 year old daughter for an hour each night. Just seems not right. Also, kids talk and if she happens to mention this to friends offhandedly, then she may become known as the girl taking nude baths with her dad. Kids can be mean and they could be all over her for this.

    But yeah, I'm with you on this one. The bath taking and free nudity doesn't seem right.
     
    #5 KT Monahan, Apr 5, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2010
  6. Llirik

    Llirik Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2004
    Messages:
    285
    Likes Received:
    0
    While most of us would find it uncomfortable to even discuss the topic of family baths, and in-home nudity, let's consider if this is behavior that is potentially harmful.

    Personally, in my absolutely unqualified, couch-phsychologist point of view, I do not see what harm this could bring. Assuming that these habits stretch no further than endorsing the freedom of the body and some sort of family bond, they may raise a child who is comfortable with herself, isn't sheltered from nudity, and grows up to be a completely and perfectly balanced human being.

    I have heard of all-gender baths and saunas, where families go. Nothing lewd happens there. They are not swingers, just people who don't see shame in being naked around others.
     
  7. Chadster

    Chadster Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Messages:
    1,054
    Likes Received:
    0
    Emma,

    I'm not a parent either but I can't imagine that situation being good at any age over maybe 3 or 4. I'm with Guava- even if nothing bad is going on, this girl has to be confused and uncomfortable. And even if she is too young and naive to know better right now, imagine the thoughts she will have when she looks back on this someday. :eek:
     
  8. akm3

    akm3 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2004
    Messages:
    1,458
    Likes Received:
    2
    Step Dad? Iffy...Blood parents is fine by me.

    But more importantly HEY WOEISEMMA! Welcome back! I remember you from the early early days of the JSF!

    Hope life has been treating you well.
     
  9. adamh707

    adamh707 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2005
    Messages:
    383
    Likes Received:
    0
    Over reaction.

    The man is taking a bath with his daughter. If there is ample room in the bathtub, and Dad isn't doing anything innapropriate then it's a non-issue.

    If mum, dad and daughter want to walk around the house naked, go to the bathroom and leave the door open then there is no harm being done. If the daughter understands social norms, that if she goes to a friends house, that she isn't to bath naked with their father/mother then there is nothing wrong at all...
     
  10. kurent

    kurent Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2009
    Messages:
    117
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think 6 years is getting a little too old for this, especially with a stepfather. I would be freaking out a little.

    And alot of these "I'm just open minded and not ashamed of my natural body" is equal to "I'm a perv and like to accidentally bump into little girls at nude beaches and if a chance comes along that nobody will find out I will take it".
     
  11. adamh707

    adamh707 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2005
    Messages:
    383
    Likes Received:
    0
    It's her dad! Not a step father.
     
  12. woeisemma

    woeisemma Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2004
    Messages:
    535
    Likes Received:
    0
    ? Duh. What's your point?
     
  13. woeisemma

    woeisemma Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2004
    Messages:
    535
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi!! I remember your icon.
     
  14. M@

    M@ Monster Maker 2017

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2006
    Messages:
    14,823
    Media:
    1
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    80
    Nope: It goes past odd and lands squarely in the middle of 30 miles worth of fucked-up. What in the hell happened to your mother that made her do a 180 in her parenting? Is she very passive and acquiescent to the whims of her partner? (i.e. Was she strict 'cause your dad was strict and is now 'open' 'cause of stepdad's influence?)

    Swinging/polyamorous relationships are strategies to avoid intimacy. I'm worried about your mom's current marriage. If she were just exploring some stuff that she needed to get straightened out on her own then so be it, but actively bringing this around a six year old is a failure of responsibility. Your sister should be learning to separate herself and get a sense of her own boundaries at this age, not sharing intimate physical contact with her parents.

    You need to contact child protective services in whatever state your mom & stepdad are in. They should have an abuse/neglect hotline. Just bring up this behavior with a counselor without going into specifics and see what their guidelines are for endagerment. They may give you some behaviors to watch for. I really doubt they'd initiate any kind of intervention if it's as innocent as you describe, but knowing signs to look for would be helpful for you.

    Sounds like you've got your sister's best interests at heart. Good for you. Keep an eye on her in the years to come and be prepared to make a case to your mom for counseling if she starts having problems in school. Kid's damn sure gonna need therapy to get through her teens without all kinds of acting-out. :doh:
     
  15. woeisemma

    woeisemma Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2004
    Messages:
    535
    Likes Received:
    0
    lol I know --- will be interesting to see what she's like in 10 years. Besides all this weird sexual openness, they are raising her to be a spoiled trust fund brat.
    My mother is a sociopath, and I think she did a 180 because her new husband is wealthy and she does what he says without question. My dad was absent so she ruled the house.
     

Share This Page