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My time to do this (the right way)

Discussion in 'Fitness Journals' started by fitforever10, Nov 29, 2010.

  1. fitforever10

    fitforever10 Active Member

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    Not too much to add except to say another solid day with the diet/exercise routine. Feel really good today about myself, so I'm going to try to keep posting here day by day to maybe see if I can catch if I slip up again.
     
  2. fitforever10

    fitforever10 Active Member

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    Had a rough day today and goofed up (again). The only person to blame is myself. I was experiencing that urge to eat again (even though I was full). I had nuts in my home (walnuts) so I began to eat those, which essentially set me off. I then had a protein shake with an egg (protein "brownie") and...of course I went to the store and bought food (a whole block of chocolate and three hagaan daaz bars). So I probably have netted the day at an astonishing 5,000 calories (or a little more).

    I'm going to try extremely hard to just let this go. I do know why I am binging. It is a combination of the following three - 1.) Me being unhappy with myself 2.) Disliking the way I look, and 3.) Being single. I know binging is not going to help any of those, but eating provides relief so I don't have to deal/face/worry about those issues. The problem is binging provides temporary relief for a few days until I have to deal with them again, in which I essentially relapse. It's like a cycle. Then, once the guilt sets in, I eat more to calm myself for about 10 minutes, and then I start all over. I am absolutely, 100% positive those are the reasons I binge. Before, I would experience EXTREME cravings to eat. Once I realized what it was I was craving (a good body and a relationship), the cravings stopped. Now I just experience a "push" to eat. It is much better now than before, but it's still happening. I'm at the point now where I just need that willpower to push myself. The thing is, I can't find it within myself. If I had one of the three things above, I would probably not be binging at all.

    For a while I had this under control and was doing good. Then I started to diet again and really focus on myself and my life, and what do you know..old habits die hard, and it's striking back again. :( Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can combat those three triggers? Unfortunately they are tough. Getting a good body, a relationship, etc. does not happen immediately. These things can take months if not years. The worst part is me binging is just going to detour these issues so I feel like I can be stuck in a loop forever. As I type this, I can slowly but surely feel that cloud of guilt start to hover over me. I'm trying to push it off though and just tell myself "IT'S OK".

    If you asked me "What are you gonna do about it", right now I'm trying to work on my diet to combat the problems. The issue with that is, my diet has nothing to do with any of the above. So I know that much. Know how I said I couldn't eat carbs, etc? Carbs just make me overeat and feel good, which essentially causes me to forget about the above temporarily. There are no such things as trigger foods, there are just things which are easily accessible (in home or at store) that taste good and make me feel good about myself (nuts, cheese, pb, chocolates). I am worried someone will suggest psychiatric help, but I have already been down that road without much luck.
     
    #42 fitforever10, Dec 8, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2010
  3. fitforever10

    fitforever10 Active Member

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    It's been a few days since I've posted, but I wanted to update. I have been keeping up with the workouts, and THANKFULLY I've gotten my diet under control. For a little bit there, I was nervous with the binging. But I figured out the reason I was doing it (I won't go into detail - but an emotional issue I was dealing with), so I caught myself. :D

    I weighed in today at 172. I've been doing my low carb routine and I feel so much better overall. Mainly have a diet around 2,220 calories. Eggs, bacon, and cheese in the morning. Ceasar salad for lunch. Whey shake after workout, and then a whole bag of brocolli (about five cups) with beef, cheese, bacon for dinner.

    Still trying to learn my workouts though so I'm probably not going intense as I should be. I'm trying to focus on proper forum and just talking myself through it (thoughts such as "you're doing good" etc).

    :claphigh:
     
  4. sevenatenine

    sevenatenine Active Member

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    Glad to hear you figured out your trigger and got yourself back on track. I was kind of worried because usually when I don't update my journal for a while its because something bad happened that I don't want to talk about lol.

    Your workouts don't have to be perfect right off the bat, as long as your getting used to the gym and lifting weights in general I wouldn't be to concerned about your intensity not being there. Maybe once your more comfortable with the whole thing you can put some effort into ramping up the intensity. In my experience if your not making funny faces while your lifting then you probably need more intensity, but you have to first be comfortable making funny faces while lifting weights lol.
    Look at the funny faces Arnold is making, looks like intensity to me! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7JMOKFrgmU&feature=related
     
  5. ianmez

    ianmez Well-Known Member

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    Great news. Keep putting the effort in with your eating, keep getting comfortable with the weights, and before long you'll be ready to really step up and challenge yourself and results will follow. Have a great week sticking to your plan.
     
  6. fitforever10

    fitforever10 Active Member

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    The mind is a powerful thing...

    As the title says above "The mind is a powerful thing..."

    I was at the gym today working my biceps with the barbell weight (40 lbs). I looked in the mirror and for once...saw a person who looked good in the mirror. I stopped after my first rep because I thought someone was looking at me but that was not the case. I then resumed and realized the person I saw in the mirror was me..not someone else. It is amazing what the mind can do. I looked back at myself for once and saw me. I actually for once told myself "You look good and are doing great". That was incredible for me and made me feel good about myself.

    I know that sounds weird and all, but for someone who suffers from "former fatboy syndrome" I feel like new emotions have grown in me today. Well, another day down. I'm going to get through this week then post some pictures. I feel a difference mentally and see a difference physically in some areas.

    EDIT: I just re-read this and noticed the many "once" I put in here. All I can say is I promise myself that "one" time I encountered today will not be the last.
     
  7. sevenatenine

    sevenatenine Active Member

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    Thats fantastic, nothing like some bicep curls to help curb the FFBS!:flex:
     
  8. sauron256

    sauron256 Active Member

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    Just gotta say: I reckon it's not just your mind playing tricks. I think you actually have made some damn good progress, and for the first time today you really saw it. Well done.

    Just be careful of those days when you feel bloated, fat etc. We all have them. Use them as motivation to drive yourself ever harder.
     
  9. fitforever10

    fitforever10 Active Member

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    Well, today was another good day. :tucool:

    Since this is my journal, I'll be a little personal as well. Just so I can kind of get it out.

    I know this is going to sound kind of sad, but for once, at 23 years old, I finally feel like I am developing a connection with myself. Something I basically haven't had in my entire life. Lately, I have been looking in the mirror and acknowledging there is work to be done. However, I have also been looking and acknowledging that work has been done - meaning I can see the progress. Physically, there is progress. But mentally I am growing at a rapid rate - in a good way.

    I know I have a ways to go, but I am starting to feel that surge of self-pride, confidence, and many other things that I have been lacking in my life begin to develop. I tend to look back at my life (not to say I'm old - I'm not) but there are many things I have missed out on or screwed up due to a lack of being connected with myself (confidence, self-worth, overall feelings about myself). I also know I have posted about being single (and how I "dislike" it) but finally I am beginning to slowly but surely develop a relationship with myself. I feel like I must do this first before I try developing one with someone else.

    So I'm going to keep up with my plan - for myself. The end of the year is approaching and I feel like I'm climbing up a hill into 2011 instead of slipping down. :tu:

    And I think the most important thing to realize is I have pretty much been fat my entire life. Seems obvious, but I tend to focus too much on now instead of how I used to be. The only way for me to build confidence, feel good about myself, and begin living my life the way it should be is to be proud of what I've accomplished, keep looking at myself in the mirror at the gym/home, and realize that I am 170 lbs. and not around 300 anymore.
     
    #49 fitforever10, Dec 14, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2010
  10. sauron256

    sauron256 Active Member

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    Sounds like you're making awesome progress... great work! :tucool:

    How are your workouts progressing?
     
  11. fitforever10

    fitforever10 Active Member

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    I'm doing okay with my workouts. It's still a learning progress and at times I do talk myself through it. I am so used to the rapid heart rate and sweat that I got during cardio that I forget this is a different "path" I'm working on. In other words, I feel like I get more of a workout doing cardio versus weights at times.

    I have not attempted to increase weights yet though. I can complete all my sets but some I have to push myself, but I guess that's good. Soreness is beginning to phase off. I'm going to put pictures up Saturday to show progress. I'm not sure if I've gained any muscle but I feel "leaned" out, specifically in that love handles/stomach area I was complaining about. Yesterday was another EXCELLENT day..I feel like I'm on a streak and I feel like momentum and I are running hand in hand. I'm really starting to feel better and more confident about myself. I'm doing weights M/W/F and I do 10 min cardio warmup each of those days, then I do a 45 minute run tuesday and thursday.

    I've been sticking to my low carb diet because I love it and it works for me. I am never tired. I have steady energy all day long, if that makes sense. I've been eating lots of eggs (six per day), cheese, beef, chicken, walnuts, LOTS and LOTS of brocolli and spinach, and some "cheat" foods like bacon and full fat dressings (ceasar and bleu cheese) to keep my sanity.

    I think starting at the new year I might increase some weights and see how I feel. Then I don't know - increase every three weeks?? Not sure how to do that.
     
    #51 fitforever10, Dec 16, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2010
  12. sevenatenine

    sevenatenine Active Member

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    When lifting for muscle gain you should have to push yourself HARD to finish your reps ;) If your still unsure of your form in a lift you may want to lift a weight on the lighter side of things, but it should still be fairly difficult. The last workout where I didn't have to push myself to finish reps was when I took a "week off" and reduced all lifting weights by 50% for the week to give my body a chance to recover from 2 months of bone crushing lifting where I increased every weight every week for 2 months straight.

    With cardio it just get easier as you do it, with weights if it gets easier than your not lifting heavy enough. I find the best way to find my working weight in a lift that I don't usually do (all of them in your case) is to increase the weight every week until I find my failure point and reduce accordingly. For exercises such as bench press make sure you have a spotter or safety cage setup before trying this method. Failure can be scary, but I find I learn more in life in general through failures then playing it safe.

    Another method for increasing weight is to do as many reps as you can on your last set, and if you make it "x" reps past the number you were shooting for then increase the weight the next workout. So say your doing the bench press with 135lbs for 3x10. Do 10 reps on your first two sets, then on the third just do as many as you can. If you can hit 15 or more reps on the last set then increase the weight next week.

    Keep on lifting man, it takes a little practice but you will get the hang of pushing yourself and lifting hard. Once you get the hang of pushing yourself you will get more of a feeling of a good workout that your used to from cardio. Its not the exact same feeling as cardio, but when your muscles feel like beaten up jello and you have a tough time walking out of the gym after leg day, or turning the steering wheel after arm day, you will feel like you had a good workout.:flex:
     
  13. imelda

    imelda Well-Known Member

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    I've really enjoyed reading through your journal and seeing how much more confident you are becoming. You seem to be hitting a good groove.
    I like your low carb diet: it works for me, too, when I stay on it. I
    understand how certain carbs can make you binge, because it is the same for me. They seem to work like alcohol or something. I find if I avoid grain foods and refined sugars I have abundant energy and am never over-hungry.
    You're getting lots of great advice here. Hope to keep reading your posts!:tu:
     
  14. fitforever10

    fitforever10 Active Member

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    Thank you to you both! Yeah, I really feel like I am finally making progress. When I look back at my life I have never been happy with myself. I have had an awful relationship with me. Always insulting myself, thinking I'm a failure, thinking "enough" is never enough, never seeing my true self in the mirror.

    I am FINALLY starting to look in the mirror and see what's really there. There is work to be done, yeah, but I feel like a better person. I suppose you can say I give myself some credit. I'm just going to keep doing this. I've been at in for a few weeks but haven't noticed too much muscle gain but that's okay. I'm working on it. I could easily say "screw this" but I know that time is my best friend, and nothing will happen over night.

    I haven't followed my diet to a T (though as of late I've been doing amazing - yesterday was another good day:tu:) but still, it's the long haul that counts..not the one or two days you fall off. The low carb deal is great. I enjoy eggs, bacon, cheese, ceasar salads, beef, broccoli. I am always satisifed and never hungry, though I can approach my meal when it's time and eat.
     
  15. fitforever10

    fitforever10 Active Member

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    Ahh hey guys had a somewhat rough night. Finished off at probably 2,500 cals or so. I know that probably doesn't seem like much but I am disappointed either way. I got out of a relationship over a year ago and I'm single right now still and it depresses the hell out of me. I went out tonight and all my friends were with their girlfriends and I was by myself. I got really depressed and upset about it. In case you can't tell I have a tough time coping with being single. :blank: I tried to conquer the depression but I couldn't find anything to make myself feel better so I came home and ate two eggs with whey protein (protein brownies), four slices of cheese, and about 10 mini cubes of cheddar cheese. :( I feel better now but I bet I will feel awful in the morning that I used food to heal my state of mind.
     
  16. Kevbo79

    Kevbo79 Active Member

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    ha! always helps me
     
  17. Kevbo79

    Kevbo79 Active Member

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    Dude... I'm extremely happy for you. Keep it up and just know that the most important thing in this world is that you're happy, not what other people think. I'm happy you're working out and lifting some iron. People that don't lift weights and workout don't realize how much it can do for you, but you did it regardless of your doubts and you're starting to feel the results.

    Again, I'm really happy for you.
     
  18. Kevbo79

    Kevbo79 Active Member

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    Hey man... if you overeat or binge, go lift serious heavy weights after. Either that night if you can, or the next day as soon as you can. Or if you have a feeling like you might binge eat, go to the gym and lift some really heavy weights until you can't lift anymore, before you eat.

    It will make much more of a difference than running on a treadmill for a long time trying to burn the calories. Your body will use the excess calories to repair muscle tissue while you're not at the gym. If you keep your body constantly trying to repair muscle tissue, your metabolism will be much higher at all times. Plus the higher the muscle mass in your body, the higher your metabolism will be as well, meaning you'll be burning calories when you're not at the gym.

    The ultimate goal is to control your urges to binge, but that can take time and learning. Do what you can now to help counteract when you do binge and slowly the binges will get less and also you will binge on healthier foods until you get to a point where you don't binge and you just treat yourself sometimes.

    Oh, and about the girlfriend thing, use that as your motivation. Girls will like you for more than just how you look, but when you look good you feel better, attract more girls and your options open up. It's a good motivating tool. Don't let it be your only motivation to exercise, but it definitely helps. I can also bet that your friends like you for who you are and aren't concerned whether you have a girlfriend or not. Don't be self conscious or worry about it, it will come in time.
     
  19. fitforever10

    fitforever10 Active Member

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    My binges are solely based on one reason, and it's emotional. I don't know why but for some reason I really hate being single. And I have to deal with the stress of seeing others with their girlfriends, holding hands, etc..that's something I don't have in my life now. I did but not anymore and it's getting depressing as time flies by.

    Unfortunately I did it again today with two pints of ice cream and a whole box of cookies. I was totally aware of what I was doing, and I could have stopped myself but I didn't. So it was not out of control or uncontrolled binging. Eating ice cream and stuff just helps calm me down so I don't have to deal with the stress. I know it's not helping my goals but I have no other way to deal with the single life. Food is the only thing I can find that helps mellow me out. I wish I could find something else to help mellow me out besides food or alcohol. :blank:

    It's about 6pm and I just woke up. Basically passed out from my "carb binge". All I know is it was 3pm, I could barley function..next thing I knew I fell into bed and now here I am. I guess I probably "passed out" from the huge sugar binge. Looked in the mirror and was disgusted with what I saw. I now I feel like I have to diet off this weight I've gained. But now I have Christmas coming up too so it's going to be difficult. ****. :(
     
    #59 fitforever10, Dec 19, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2010
  20. Kevbo79

    Kevbo79 Active Member

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    Hey, yeah I hear what you're saying about the binging, my advice is based on experience. All binging is emotional usually. It can be different things that make people want to binge but it typically comes from being unhappy about one thing or another.

    When you start to workout hard though, eventually you want to make sure you don't ruin any of your gains from the gym. Whether it's from cardio or lifting weights, you're going to eventually care more about your physical fitness than your binges, so eventually with knowledge of yourself and your habits your urges to do that should subside.

    I highly recommend taking your frustrations out at the gym or some other form of exercise, but specifically if you lift weights before you eat junk food like that, the junk food will affect you physically a lot less. If you've read up about the cyclical keto diet then you will understand a bit about how our bodies use the sugars in foods to store energy for the next times that you work out. Also, as I mentioned your metabolism will just naturally go up from lifting weights more. I do mean heavy weights, you need to be constantly challenging yourself at the gym.

    You are going to want to figure out the emotional stuff, but that doesn't happen over night. Sometimes those things can take years to figure out. Desperately needing or wanting a girlfriend comes from low self esteem. Low self esteem can take a long time to heal. You are on your way from what it sounds like, but it's not going to happen overnight. My suggestions are to help you deal with counteracting the effects of the binging so that you don't gain weight and fat, then feel worse about yourself and get into a cycle of it. It should eventually help you to reduce your binging while at the same time figuring out the emotional stuff.

    Either way, good luck and what you're doing can be a battle back and forth from feeling great to feeling not so great at times, but you will notice that the good times start to be more than the bad times and eventually the bad times are very minimal. A huge motivation for me at the gym is the feeling I have after I work out. If I work out in the mornings, my whole day goes well and I'm happy. When you work out hard your body produces chemicals that make you happy. Things that seemed like a big deal before, don't seem so stressful after you've had a good workout. You can deal with issues and stresses of life a lot better after serious exercising.

    So yeah, good luck on everything and keep up the good work.
     

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