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My girlfriend thinks im being obsessive...

Discussion in 'Female Health & Fitness' started by MYBAD?, Feb 2, 2004.

  1. MYBAD?

    MYBAD? Well-Known Member

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    Thought it might be nice to get a womans perspective on this one.

    I recently started a training programme and food diary.

    I live with my girlfriend who is generally very supportive about being healthy... The problem is that she currently thinks that I'm taking my food monitoring diary a tad too far. :spaz:

    I think she finds it particularly irritating when Im looking at almost every label in the supermarket. :confused:

    Perhaps she feels my new diet will restrict the meals that we have together or will make her feel guilty when she breaks her healthy eating (she likes to have a partner in crime!). She also laughs at me when I take my supplements.

    How should i handle this since I feel her support is important to the success of my mission?

    This is not a joke.

    Thanks for your replies in advance.

    Paul.
     
  2. corbint

    corbint Well-Known Member

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  3. haven97

    haven97 Well-Known Member

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    Mine said the same thing.... Also my friends started making fun of me too. I found a quote on another buliten board and this is what I say to them now. (Sorry if I mis quote someone)

    "Obsession is the lazy persons word for dedication"

    I have been cutting since Nov 21 and at this point I dont really get made fun of as much.

    I have been taking supps for 2 years so no one says anything about that.

    I dont limit the meals I have with my girl. I just try to plan with her the night before so I can log it. She likes chicken a lot so its usually not a problem. But once in awhile she wants pasta. So I log how much I can eat the night before and everything works out! I have told her sometimes I cant eat that and we will eat seperate things but we always eat together. That helps a lot.

    Its hard when sig other doesnt give you full support...good luck
     
  4. Razor

    Razor Well-Known Member

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    I wouldn't be surprised if my girlfriend thinks I'm insane, due to how I eat. When you do a cheat meal, make sure it's with her. That should satisfy her need to go out to eat every now and then.
     
  5. seeDerekNow

    seeDerekNow Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to hear that bro, but you gotta lay down the law about your own body. She has to understand that you are taking your health & fitness very seriously and if she doesnt support you, well...then that's another problem.
     
  6. xray

    xray Well-Known Member

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    Hi MYBAD. If you haven't, let your girlfriend understand why this is important fro you, and that you feel ill at ease when she is laughing at your supplement intake. For sure, she does not hurt you deliberately, and if she knew she did, she'd change that.

    May be she now feels that this becomes very important for you, and may be more important than other things, for instance the stuff you do together (your meals, etc) ,and may be more important than her... You men are weird, and so are we women. However, I don't say that that's what she's thinking, or every woman on earth, just a suggestion that would not be far from the truth for many women.

    Honesty and comunication is important in any kind of relationship. She might not understand what this nutrition change means to you, as well as her laughing and comments. No one can read the other's mind, she might see everything differently if you sit down and explain to her.

    Good luck! :tu:
     
  7. workoutgrrl

    workoutgrrl Well-Known Member

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    I'm having a problem with my girlfriend too, so I guess it's universal everywhere. ;-) She thinks I'm becoming anorexic (though I actually eat MORE now than I did before), and she says that she likes me just the way I am and I shouldn't change.

    When talking with your significant others, particularly if that person is a woman, I think it's very important to keep in mind two very huge pressures in (at least American) women's lives: eating disorders and body image. The number of women in the USA with eating disorders (either current or past) is unbelievable. And I think every woman in the U.S. -- but especially those not currently working out -- have been made to feel badly about their body due to insane media pressures and portrayals of women.

    It's more likely that she's worried what your eating habits say about HER rather than what they say about YOU. So you might want to tackle it from that direction....
     
    #7 workoutgrrl, Feb 2, 2004
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2004
  8. Kevinp

    Kevinp Well-Known Member

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    Me too! My wife has been saying that I'm obsessive. I know I have been. I think it is just my trying to get through the beginning stages. Today is day 15 for me and I need to keep this going. I'm down 8lbs to 183.5 so my obsession is working.

    At the same time she's being super supportive, going to the gym with me, eating clean, etc. She's an intricate part of my motivation.

    I think that these forums can be a good outlet for my obsessing. Rather than talking to her incessantly about working out and food I can turn to you guys for advice and support.

    Thanks,

    Kevinp
     
  9. Ashman

    Ashman Well-Known Member

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    Same problem here. My girlfriend has been acting the same way lately. And now she even has her sisters picking on me.

    When I met my current girlfriend years ago I weighed less than she did. She picked on me a lot for that back then, to the point where I became obsessed about it and even went to the doctor! So I decided to gain weight, well 4 years later and 45 lbs. heavier I was very unhappy with myself. I eventually found out that the only reason she did this was because she felt bad about her own weight. Ugh!

    Now for the past 2 months I've been cutting (20 pounds lighter!!) and eating right and things are starting to escalate between us again. Today I weighed myself and for the first time I weigh less than her again, I'm sure it's only going to cause more problems between us because she's already been bothered about my lifestyle change.

    I've come to the realization that It's my body, and it's not hurting anyone else. I have a plan for my life and I'm going to live up to it. :tucool:
     
  10. andi

    andi Well-Known Member

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    Guys, I hate to say it, but your health should come before all else- that includes relationships. In each case of ridicule and irritation, it's just because you're making them feel bad for not doing the same. But you can't let that get to you- you have to do what is best for your health.

    My husband and I were both in better shape before we met one another- we've put on weight in the 5 years we've been married. We've both attempted getting into better shape, and it has never worked if only one of us is trying it, or if we both try it and one of us gives up. You simply HAVE to have the support, particularly if you live with your significant other. Now that my husband and I have the same goals and are eating the same foods and supporting one another, we've both stayed the course longer than we ever did in the past.

    Sounds like you guys need to sit down and have a serious talk with your women and explain how important this is to you- and that they can either join you, or just shut up and offer support like a partner should.

    Best of luck to you all!!
     
  11. BlackBeauty

    BlackBeauty Well-Known Member

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    I agree with the advice that others have given above too. When I started looking after myself, eating healthily and exercising (at all) my partner was very supportive and helped me out as much as he could, even if we weren't following the same program.

    On your note of taking food monitoring too far, I think *everyone* should be taking a closer look at the nutrition information of labels of things that they buy - both from a supermarket as well as ready made food in take-away places or restauraunts (if possible). I don't think that's being excessive at all! After all, we're the ones eating the stuff, so we should be as informed as we can about what is actually in it!
     
  12. MYBAD?

    MYBAD? Well-Known Member

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    Good Advice

    Cheers all. There's some really interesting advice in here that makes a lot of sense. :nod:

    My partner is really supportive in most other ways - she comes to the gym with me (sometimes - lol) and we have always eaten healthily and watched what was on the label. It's just that eating such a specialised 20 fat- 40 carb - 40 protein is not just about eating healthily, it takes real dedication (especially when you're used to eating a pasta-rich diet together!).

    /me slaps big bowl of pasta! :eek:

    My girlfriend is fantastic in every other way but i cant help feeling that she is somewhat resentful about my dedication to the cause (she seems to constantly battle with food temptations). I'm hoping that we will both learn more about clean eating during this period. My aim is to be able to "lead by example". I'll also be sure to let her know that she's still as important to me that she has always been (thanks xray). :D

    Cheers for the support. :claplow:
     
  13. workoutgrrl

    workoutgrrl Well-Known Member

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    Also, MyBad, be sure you're not giving more attention to your food (or these forums) than your girlfriend. That could be the root of the problem too.... you may investigate your food content more than the "contents" (or emotions, etc) of your girlfriend. Ooops!
     
  14. MYBAD?

    MYBAD? Well-Known Member

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    :o
     
  15. GettinFit

    GettinFit Well-Known Member

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    I know from past and present experience, that if I am not "obsessive" with my workouts and meal planning....all the hard work goes right down the tubes. I have to have something to keep me motivated. And like most people who really have a goal that they are looking toward, they will look to something that will keep them on track so that they can remain motivated. I've had friends and family members mock the way that I plan out my life. And what I tell them is that instead of looking for motivation from them (which is non-exsistent) I would rather seek tools for my own personal motivation, be it books, tracking food counts and even writing down personal goals to reflect apon. If I didn't keep track of what I eat...it would be too easy to slip out of the goal that I have set for myself.
    My advice to you....
    Keep your tracking a little more low-key.
    When I plan my meals, I do it with noone else around, that way I don't LOOK like I obsess about my body.
    When you're in the grocery store, don't freak out in front of her about high fat, high carb items....at least not outloud. ;)
    From personal experience....the more I kept quiet....and the better I started to look and feel....it really showed everyone that what I was doing wasn't obsessing, it was making a lifesyle change to better my future... and they finally got it. :claphigh:
     
  16. Skipernicus

    Skipernicus Well-Known Member

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    Not a handsome man

    I'm not a handsome man.

    My wife married me, a non-handsome man. When I was in the planning phase of my fitness plan, i was shocked to see that she was resistant to it. We talked about it, and here's what I found:

    She was a little threatened that being in good shape would change our relationship-that I would have more opportunities to catch another womans eye... And that's valid. If you're spouse suddenly became significantly more attractive, how would you feel? Lucky maybe, and soon you might look at yourself differently.

    On the other hand, fidelity is a non-issue with me. My wife is the sun, the moon and the stars to me. Besides, I'm past that teenage ego thing of running around. And I told her so. And I tell her everyday. And i have her support in this.

    Another thing I have - her involvement. Maybe not to the level that I am pursuing it - but I'm happy to include her in my workouts, to instruct her, and even to cook for her. And our relationship does not suffer for it...!

    She knows now that I am the same guy as before - only I'm going to live a little longer.

    So, discuss it. Involve her. Offer to cook.
     
  17. daveo

    daveo Well-Known Member

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    ... even if you don't know how. It's at least mildly indearing :tucool:
     
  18. FionaMaeve

    FionaMaeve Well-Known Member

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    I've been on the other side of this, so maybe this will help. . .

    When my husband started "obsessively" tracking *everything* that he ate, I thought it was odd. I couldn't understand why he didn't just eat healthy and not "obsess" about every little gram of protein and fiber and calorie.

    He would be sitting in the living room with a legal pad and a calculator at the end of the day, and I would think he was utterly nuts. I couldn't imagine that eating could ever be so exact. It seemed obsessive compulsive.

    Well, I was wrong. Eating can be that exact. But he had to show me that. Once he explained what he was doing and why it mattered to track everything (especially at first), I got it. It didn't seem weird anymore.

    Of course, as many other posters mentioned, it could be something else that's bothering her like her own weight or worries that other women will be flocking to you. Looks like you'll have to ask her to find out what's going on. :confused:
     
  19. neckowi

    neckowi Well-Known Member

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    As Andi said...

    "...they can either join you, or just shut up and offer support like a partner should."

    Preach it! :bow:
    there are times when i've been in relationships where i really should have just said something like that... it's direct and true. :)
     
  20. Jono

    Jono Well-Known Member

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    think of it this way..

    lets say "normal" was eating really healthy. no prosessed crap, a nice split between carb/pro/fat at every meal.. everyone exercised daily and everyone was in good shape.

    what would happen if a couple that exercised regularly do, say if the guy in the relationship stopped everything. sat on their ass all day, ate lots of junk and did no exercise and started becoming a slob/porker..

    you would get the same response as you are getting.

    i honestly wouldnt worry about it. if shes got such a problem with what your doing.. shes got a problem herself
     

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