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Justitia's Recovery thread...if a 58 year old woman can do it... so can you!

Discussion in 'Fitness Journals' started by Justitia, Jul 5, 2006.

  1. Banditfist

    Banditfist Well-Known Member

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    I live close if you need.
     
  2. Happy Monster

    Happy Monster Well-Known Member

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    And you can always PM me if you need to talk to someone. :nod:
     
  3. Seltzer

    Seltzer Elite Member

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    Sorry to read about the difficult time with PGC.

    On a positive note, I think you look great in the last pic you posted.
     
  4. Justitia

    Justitia Elite Member
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    Thank you everyone re: your kind support....

    PGC is coming up this weekend. As per usual, I feel so overwhelmed by my work, in this case, and he is being so helpful and supportive it is hard to resist. But I also feel more fond oif him when we have had a break from each other.

    So the see-saw continues. :rolleyes:
     
  5. Justitia

    Justitia Elite Member
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    Grading is done, tooth is gone.. slight infection easily treated with antibiotics.

    You can hardly notice the tooth is missing. It is much further back than I realized. My dentist prefers that I not use a spacer while it is healing because it heals better without it. In 4 month, is will be checked out to see if I need a sinus lift and bone graft. If so, then that will take 6 months to heal before the implant. If not, the implant will be done directly and that takes 6 months to heal. Then the new tooth will be installed.

    The other 2 teeth which were started a year ago are close to being finished. Probably the end of may.

    The rest of my mouth is done... :claphigh:

    SO I don't need to go back to my dentist every week as I had been this past year. We are just waiting for each stage of the implants, which will be months apart. My bottom arch of teeth look beautiful and I know there are no hidden problems under old crowns as they have all been removed.

    I am very happy overall with everything. I am so glad the medical stress and grind of weekly visits and surgery after surgery is over.

    I have a long delayed foot surgery on the horizon but I think I am going to spend 3 months getting myself back in shape first, maybe more. I may wait until next fall.

    So now I have to just catch up on all the backlog that was created over the last couple of years. But it seems a doable though long task.
     
  6. Justitia

    Justitia Elite Member
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    Hmmm... PGC.... I go back and forth about him. I woke up while he was here crying because I knew it couldn't last. But in the next day or so I changed my mind. But I think it is because i have grown so dependent on him. And he really tries. and he is really sweet. I've talked to him about not being so sure about a romantic relationship. He's been very kind about it. We are seeing it as that we have such differences in our way of coping with the world that it is not compatible for us to live together. But we will see.

    He had his own medical problems.

    He had a biopsy for prostate cancer at the Mayo clinic and that came back negative. This is after 10 years of elevated PSA levels that he has been keeping close watch on on all the research. Most of the recent evidence is that elevated PSA levels have less than 20% chance of being related to cancer and they expect that number to go down. When he started, the view was that elevated PSA levels were most likely to be cancer related.

    He resisted the biopsies for these ten years because the techniques 10 years ago had a high chance of causing permanent impotency. His gamble paid off. And I think he made wise decision throughout that history and it is great that his best educated guess was right and his local doctors were wrong.

    He tore his shoulder rotator cuff (I believe when slipping in my bathroom) and has been suffering in major pain for 3 months. He has finally gotten a good physical therapist down near him (I had brought him to mine up here, who started him on the path of healing) and he seems to be improving.

    He has developed tremors over the time I have known him (we sleep in separate beds when we are together because of his tossing and turning) and he seems now to have a first rate neurologist from the Mayo Clinic who is a foremost specialist in restless leg syndrome and is convinced that it is something along those lines and not Parkinson's and is starting to do thorough testing and treating that. The guy also seems to be in love with my PGC (not in a sexual way) because PGC is this well-known philosopher and the doctor has had this long love affair with philosophic issues and analysis. My PGC gets a lot of attention and respect because he is a philosopher. It is much more admiration than I ever get being a lawyer and a law professor, though I get my fair share of that. But I am surprised to learn this... but very happy for him. It is much better to get medical care from a doctor who feel she is treating someone special.

    He has already seen an audiologist about his hearing and knows he needs to get a hearing aid (and getting old sucky... :p ) There have been so many mishaps because he does not hear about 20% I say and when we need to move quickly or efficiently, he screws that up. I gave him a time frame that he has to have that finally addressed within 3 months.

    He needs new glasses and has an appointment with his eye doctor soon.

    He too has had one hell of a medical year... but most of it was accumulative because he was not attending to things and it was because I pushed him since I knew him to get thing addressed and to move on from the sucky doctors he had to get to good doctors that I found for him.

    The last part is mental and psychological. Getting him to a good shrink is a little tough. His first one was so in awe of his stature as a philosopher and at the university, that the shrink spent most of his time trying to impress my PGC than addressing my PGC's issues. Oh well, that is the next battle front. I can't be his therapist forever... :nope:

    Whatever, I think we are developing a good bond of real affection that will survive any decision not to pursue a romantic a relationships.
     
  7. Justitia

    Justitia Elite Member
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    SO I plan now to start re-building my healthy lifestyle. I will give myself 2 weeks to get back into a rhythm and then on the first of February, I will take measurements and weight and start form there. See how I do for 3 months.

    I will start a new thread when I do that.

    It will be nice to get back to a more regular JSF routine and posting in other peoples threads more regularly... :nod:
     
  8. Happy Monster

    Happy Monster Well-Known Member

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    I was going to reply to your posts, but I think I lack the life experience to offer any useful advice. So I'll just give you a hug and say Good Luck! :)
     
  9. Justitia

    Justitia Elite Member
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    I probably bore everyone silly with my ruminations about PGC and how I go back and forth.

    I don't even tell anyone in my real life because I think people would go glassy-eyed very quickly.

    The bottom line is that I feel he is too old for me... not chronologically but in a health state way. He acts like an old man, he dodders, has out-of-date views on everything because he has been out-of-touch with the real world and how it has evolved for over 15 years. He just a week ago acknowledged that he has been realizing, in retrospect, that he has been living in a cocoon for a long time. Several weeks ago, when I finally dragged him to the gap to get some clothes that fit and weren't 15 years old -- we shopped for about 3 hours while I pulled out pants, tops and jackets for him to try on to see what fit and looked good on him. We must have gone through at least 50 items or more, and he probably bought about 12 in the end. That evening he told me with an intense hug of great import.. that he felt more alive that afternoon than he ever had in his life.

    It felt so sad. That shopping at the Gap was most invigorating experience he has ever had, this man who was one of the first to go to the Peace Corps, when it was new, innovative and unknown, who has traipsed across desserts in Northern Africa, who started and entire new field in discipline of philosophy which is now viewed as the way of the future, who was one of the few people in Philosophy to get millions of dollars in grants and used that money to draw and financially support women grad students in philosophy, a field that was so barren of women that it is still way over-occupied by men, who started a journal that now, 25 years later, is internationally recognized and draws authors from many disciplines -- that all these things, which I would have been thrilled in my life to do -- that he slept-walk through so much of it that shopping at the Gap with me was what made him feel most alive.

    He is so shut down in his personal life, it is like constantly trying to pry open a steel trunk of a nearly impenetrable car. it is such a full time job. I know this can't last. I understand now why he is single and has had two disastrous marriages. On paper he looks like such a great "catch." He is so sought after by attractive and wealthy women and has been his whole life. I am clueless as to why he chooses to seek after me, he has never sought after a woman before. Even with the characteristics I complain about, there have got to be a lot of women out there who would be happy to be with him. But he has chosen most of his life to be alone or very lonely in a lonely relationship.

    I sometimes wonder if he sees himself at the end stage of his life and hopes to "secure" someone who will take care of him in a way that will be more stimulating than on his own.

    I apologize for going on and on about this... I am so puzzled. I am realizing I am becoming afraid to take the leap and "leave". He has become so much a part of my life these last 9 months at a very vulnerable time for me. But I think this spring semester is the time for me to bite the bullet and just move forward with my own life. I have changed so much in the last 3 years since the end of my former long term relationship. So many of my friends have moved on to other places and other lives. Others no longer seem appropriate for me to hang with. So I am quite alone right now. The question is, when will I get the courage to move on. :confused:

    it seems like the first step should be to get myself back into the routine of physical fitness, now that almost all of my medical/dental stuff is done.

    I have been eating quite clean the last few days, though under-eating. The body bloat is already starting to dissipate. I have done cardio 2 days in a row, though not weights yet.. that will be soon. It feels good... :nod:
     
  10. Naturegirl

    Naturegirl Well-Known Member

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    I'm experiencing anguish in my current relationship and it saddens me to no end as well. After 5 and a half years we're more like roommates than anything else. It was always more of a comfort thing anyway, in general we're just extremely mismatched and the only dynamic that's present are the fights about who's gonna vacuum. I was 17 when we got together (he's 4 years older than me) and it feels like I've been married my whole life. He's happy to settle down, but I'm not, and he's always known that. I dont understand why he wants to settle, especially in light of the fact that he's always mad at me about something and I'm not fulfilling all of his needs.

    I know that for me, getting physically fit and healthy is empowering and it's helping me strive to achieve and realize those dreams and desires I've always wanted, or the courage to try new things. That doesnt make it any less upsetting knowing that it will hurt him. It tears me apart, just cause you dont feel that way about someone anymore doesnt mean they're not still your friend or you dont care about them. Not that he doesnt know or hasnt known for a long time. I was making preparations to leave a while back after he said some particularly nasty things to me and annoyingly kept shoving me. He'd done this many times before but this was the last straw. I thought it was anyway. When I saw how sad he was, I just couldnt leave.

    I see the time we spent together as a part of our lives that we shared with someone we loved, he sees it as a 'waste of his best years.' I guess he thinks it was all for not. Even so, he's willing to keep wasting his best years with me, because he doesnt want me to leave.


    I just keep telling myself I'll know when I know. So maybe that'll be the case with you too.

    Relationships are hairy, heck and I've only ever been in one to know that.
     
    #310 Naturegirl, Jan 18, 2007
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2007
  11. Happy Monster

    Happy Monster Well-Known Member

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    It may be that he has put all his energy into Intellectual, Organisational and Business areas because he has problems in his emotional life. Or he sacrificied everything for those other areas..

    Personally I couldn't imagine living another 30 years without my main focus being on relationships and the emotional side of life. I think too much, but I feel that this part of life is for me the most important.

    No need to apologise, we all like to help and listen here. :)

    I think you know he is not right for you long-term because he can't change to meet your expectations. I hope you manage to sort things out in your mind once your health and mental strength are back to normal. :nod:

    Remember, you are quite the catch yourself! :spaz:
     
  12. Justitia

    Justitia Elite Member
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    :o

    So today I did cardio for 3rd day in a row.

    I woke up headachy, thinking I had the flu but realized it was that allergy stuff again. We are having a cold spell sp the windows haven't been open and the hot air heat is coming trhough the building's flue. I believe the black mold is coming from there and the combo of closed windows and hot air makes me sick.

    So I opened the windows, ahit down the heat, took the allergy meds (which I haven't in over a month).

    SO my slepp is not quite right yet and my food is off, though clean. So I have not had the energy yet to get back to weights... but soon... :nod:

    Right now, my next goal is getting to sleep before midnight. Which is in about 20 minutes. Then perhaps I can have a full productive day tomorrow, with energy left for weights.

    I am giving myself to Feb 1 to get my life back in order... :nod:
     
  13. Seltzer

    Seltzer Elite Member

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    You're not boring anyone and there's no need to apologize. You're dealing with very large issues and your decisions will have a large impact. Additionally, many of the issues, especially the ones relating to your PGC, are emotional and, consequently, there are no clear cut black and white answers.

    So, type away and don't be shy about it. You know that you have many supporters here and remember that although some of us (okay, me) don't post very often it doesn't mean that we're not reading and thinking about your situation.
     
  14. Happy Monster

    Happy Monster Well-Known Member

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    Well said! :)
     
  15. Justitia

    Justitia Elite Member
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    Thank ye, thank ye both.

    Well, I am cycling so fast on my feelings towards PGC -- it oscillates daily. I wonder why he hangs on.

    So today I woke up at 10 after a pretty good night's sleep. I woke up at 4:00AM and could not get back to sleep until 5:30.

    I am reviewing my grades. I usually do this before I turn them in but the soon-to-be departed dean decided this semester to push the deadline up a month. So I had to turn them in before I could do an overall overview.

    I am doing it now, and about 1/3 of the grades have to be adjusted. (I am only about 1/2 of the way through.) They will have to be done by hand, each one, on forms in triplicate that go through a myriad of people. I will tell them if they are pissed to blame it on our exalted dean.

    It is taking hours. I spent 5 hours today and as I said, I am 1/3 of the way through. I hope to finish tomorrow. The remainder shouldn't take as long to do.
     
  16. Justitia

    Justitia Elite Member
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    So now on to physical fitness!

    SO this Am I did cardio, I ate clean and.... I went to the gym this evening and did weights... I think for the first time in 2 months.

    I started from scratch: Waterbury's TBT week 1: # sets, 5 reps, 60 sec rest in between sets.

    Assisted dips
    Bentover-rows
    Dumbbell press
    Front squats
    Conventional Deadlifts

    I got there to late to do my last exercise, triceps extensions... but that is OK, at least I got all the compound exercises in.

    I started at the weight level I last left off at nearly 2 months ago. It was a little tough on some of them, particularly the assisted dips. But I could do them.

    My purse was stolen a couple of weeks ago and with it my PDA. I had all my exercise stuff stored on there but also backed up on my PC. I printed out the routine to take with me to the gym, but I couldn't remember the foot positioning for front squats. I don't think I got it right. But whatever, I got below the parallel with 55 lbs on the BB. That may not seem a lot to you guys, but for me it felt great.

    I normally have 6 meals but I could not eat the last one -- I was too stuffed after my PWO.

    I also looked at myself in the mirror there... my midriff got so thick since I basically stopped with regular workouts last October. :( But I have to remember that I will get back and back quickly. I always do.

    I refuse to weigh myself until Feb 1. I want a little of this bloat gone and a little of the muscle tone back.

    But I am on my way. And I have no more surgeries on the horizon for a while. Nothing more can go wrong with my teeth. Everything has been fixed except the last 3 which are in different stages of implants. The first of those won't be until the end of May. Gives me a good 3 months to get back into shape. I also have a (minor) foot surgery ahead of me to remove a bone spur on my big toe on my right foot (the result of my early youth as a ballet dancer.) I have decided to put that off until next fall. I plan to have fun this summer. This past year has been hell and I have had NO fun... And I am going to Morocco for 2-3 weeks in May and to Israel for 5 weeks over the summer. Woot!!

    Edit: My terrific typing skills had me going to Morocco for 203 weeks instead of 2-3 weeks :lol: I wish... :D
     
    #316 Justitia, Jan 19, 2007
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2007
  17. Justitia

    Justitia Elite Member
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    So now I am also working on getting my water drinking back up. I am up to 6 glasses a day + 2 8oz protein shakes and 12 oz of green tea. My goal is 10 glasses of pure water a day. I can't seem ever to drink more than that. I start to get a little queasy.

    But I have definitely started peeing all the time... :lol: That's a good sign.... :nod:
     
  18. Seltzer

    Seltzer Elite Member

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    Good for you! It seems as if you're really taking control of the parts of your life that impact your health and are making proactive and positive decsions. I know you still have some large impact decisons to make about other aspects of your life, but it's nice to read that your health issues are becoming more of a thing of the past and that you're doing things that make you feel better about yourself.

    I don't think anyone can deny that you've had a rough year. Sounds like a great trip; it's one of the many areas of the world that I haven't been to, but eventually plan to visit. I won't be going for almost four years though, probably more along the lines of four weeks. Sorry, couldn't resist a late night attempt at humor.

    Have a great evening, it's past midnight in my part of the world.
     
  19. Justitia

    Justitia Elite Member
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    So I slept until noon today. I had a hard time getting to sleep and staying asleep last night. I think it was in part because I worked out weights so late in the evening (I finished after 10:00 PM.) But I also think it is the black mold stuff again. It is cold, the heat is on and I woke up feeling really not well. I am back on the allergy meds.

    I did not eat for a few hours and then went and did cardio. My food was not clean. I ate a piece of cake. For dinner, I ate ricotta cheese with AT Vanilla Protein powder (I know that sounds weird but it is delicious to me :nod:) and some cranberry focaccio and a lot of cut up fruit I purchased at the store. I will treat this as my cheat day.

    I decided to turn off all the heat in my apartment. It seems a good possibility that that is where the black mold is coming from. I have a little space heater in my bedroom and I am using that for heat. At least it is not extremely cold here, just running between 34-40 degrees F and I like a cold place anyway.

    I am in bed now just before midnight, so I have only been up 12 hours. I probably need the sleep. The month of grading was grueling.

    I am glad I got my cardio in. DOMS have already started to set in from weights yesterday. As of now I plan to do them tomorrow as well.
     
  20. Happy Monster

    Happy Monster Well-Known Member

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    Sleep tight!
     

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