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How do I look?......

Discussion in 'Female Health & Fitness' started by xray, Mar 21, 2004.

  1. xray

    xray Well-Known Member

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    I have a problem that probably might not seem like anything to most of you, but for me it's quite a big deal.

    With my kilos/lbs overweight, i feel like a chubby person. But then i hear from others that "You don't have anything to loose, you're looking perfect, where should you loose weight.." etc. The thing is that I probalby am pretty good at dressing. Not wearing the tight tops I want, or trousers that are a tiny tiddely bit low in the waist line, always having a large jacket or sweather hanging over my big butt and trousers that holds in my tummy. (Letting the big-boned theory rule doesn't work for the eternity..)

    I do have trouble believing my well meaning friends, and I see myself as a blubby "thing". This gives me not the best self esteem that I actually could use, and I have trouble when I meet a guy that I like :o . (Therefore they have a problem "approaching" me, I guess. I'm hopeless, hehe!)

    In other things I have a great self esteem, and dare to say what I want, and stand up for what I believe in.

    My question is; how am I able to see myself as I really am, with the kilos that I need too loose, but not with those I add, and not without the kilos my friends "take away"??

    Silly thing to question, but it has become a big issue to me. Thanks for any adwise and answer :d_redface
     
  2. guava

    guava Elite Member
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    I'm not sure I've quite got you, but let me try:

    You're a great dresser, and always manage to look pulled together and fit. But you don't believe you are fit, so you feel bad about yourself.

    Think of it this way: you are on your way to losing weight, and each week you look better and feel healthier than you did the previous week. That's something to be proud of, isn't it?
     
  3. xray

    xray Well-Known Member

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    Sorry, I'm not very good at formulating what I want to say... What I tried to ask, is if there is a way to see myself the way I actually am? You know, certain shops have this slimming mirrors, so you believe you are slimmer in the clothes they want you to buy. Inside my head I guess I look somewhat bigger than what the truth is, and my friends tells me opposite (do they?). So how can I get a realistic look of myself, and describe myself to myself an others the way I really am?.. (I want to say chubby, but that I know is not the truth, but that is what I see.)

    Sorry, still hard to explain, it all has got to do with shyness and self-esteem, I guess........ :o
     
  4. guava

    guava Elite Member
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    This is pretty darned philosophical.Why do you need to describe yourself to others?

    The way you see yourself is the way you actually are. How other people see you is not important. However, you can CHOOSE to see yourself differently, and all you need to do is to DECIDE to see yourself differently.

    I don't know if this link will help you or not, but it is immensely helpful in reminding me that I create my own world.

    A Philosophy to Live By

    Try looking under the acceptance, awareness, and body categories.
     
  5. xray

    xray Well-Known Member

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    Thanks, it was an interesting link.

    It's not that i hva to describe myself to other people, just that I would have liked to know what they actually see/think when they see me, how do I appear (in body size I mean, of course). Is it as I see myself, or how my friends tell me they see me?? Yes, a bit philosophical... :d_smile:

    May be I could have gotten my self esteem up some notches, it might be the truth is closer to my friends view, rather than my own, and I could stay more relaxed about my appearance.

    Thanks for your link!
     
  6. akm3

    akm3 Well-Known Member

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    Post a pic of your self to anonymous objective 3rd party viewers. Believe what they tell you.

    (Yes, that can be very hard !! But, why would they lie?)

    -Allen

    P.S. I have no idea what you actually look like so you may or may not like the results you are told.

    But what REALLY matters isn't where you are now but if you are improving. If you are getting leaner/increasing lean body mass consistently as well as becoming more cardiovascularly fit / stronger then you should feel great about that regardless of how you look 'now'.

    I hope that was helpful.
     
  7. bloggins02

    bloggins02 Well-Known Member

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    Well, I'm not a female, but I still think I have some relevant advice:

    You could take pictures of yourself in a sports bra and workout shorts. Don't wear any shoes. Don't do your hair or put on makeup. Resist the temptation to suck in your stomach. Take a photo from the front, the back, and in profile.

    The result will be pretty darn close to what you 'really' look like without the benefit of clothes that flatter the figure and hide the fat. The only way to get any closer would be to take these pictures naked, but you probably want to show them to others, so the sports bra/shorts approach seems to be the best way to show other people your natural state.

    Hope this helps, and I hope this is what you meant by trying to find a way of showing/describing to others what you "really" look like.
     
  8. fatandred

    fatandred Well-Known Member

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    I know what your saying

    I also dress so that I look thin, doesn't it tick you off when you see a fat person looking fat. Your friends are lying, you are fat or at least chubby. I doen't matter if they don't think so. If you think so than you are, and your probably are. Here's why, people with nice bottoms don't cover them they show them off, people who are't fat don't tuck in their tummy behind some pants. Not to be negative but, your fat. That doesn't mean much seeing as how most poeple especcialy in the USA are fat. You don't seem to be obese so there are probably few health implications. I'm not your friend so I don't have to worry about hurting your feelings. If you're unhappy with the way you look then do something about it. This board and pages are full of tips on ways to do it. It won't happen by itself. You can prove your friends are lying, by losing weight and getting in great shape. They will then tell you how great you look and in doing so imply that you didn't used to look so great. Just to be clear YOUR FAT, but its up to you what you do now, just remember that being fat or thin does not make you a good or bad person.
     
  9. Lisa Stone

    Lisa Stone Senior Member
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    It's funny (or maybe not), but when I was 20-22, I weighed 96 lbs. and I thought I looked fat. I am 5'6" , so you know... I was skinny, very skinny, but I could not see it. Everyone said I was crazy, I should look at myself in the mirror, but I just couldn't see what they saw. I never starved myself - I ate, but not enough. Eventually, I gained weight, but even now I sometimes think I look too heavy.

    The thing is, sometimes it can be in your head....I don't know the situation here, but I know that just because you believe something, It doesn't always mean it's true.
     
  10. Destiny

    Destiny Well-Known Member

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    I agree with Lisa that some people see distorted images of themselves when they look in the mirror. There are people on both ends of the spectrum.

    There is a girl I work with that CLEARLY should not be wearing the tight shirts she manages to squeeze herself into. Then on top of it she continuously says "This shirt is sooooo big on me. I should have bought a smaller size". Meanwhile, her love handles are spilling out the sides, her buttons are popping open and the shirt is creeping up her stomach because there is just not enough fabric there to cover her! I am just like wow, somebody needs to get rid of the magic mirror.!! :rolleyes:

    Maybe you could take a picture of yourself and cover your face, then try to analyze your body as if you were looking at someone else. I think when people see the familiarity of their own face they automatically pass certain judgements that they associate with their bodies.

    I often wonder how people see me as opposed to how I see myself too. But honestly, you will never know for sure because you can't see through someone elses eyes. I think deep down you know if you are truly "chubby" or not. You just need to be honest with yourself. And if you honestly believe that you have some sort of disorder that causes you to see a severly distorted image of yourself when you look in the mirror, then you may want to consider speaking to your doctor about it.
     
  11. guava

    guava Elite Member
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    I think you will fail in your quest of trying to get a realistic evaluation of how "other people" see you. Everybody will see you differently. You can't take everyone's opinion and just average it. Fatandred will see you as fat. I have a friend that would see you as not fat. I myself don't care whether you're fat or not. I don't believe it would factor into the way we interact. (What would factor in would be the way in which you choose to currently look after your health and body.)

    If you think you're fat, accept it, and work to change it. You can change your belief of being fat either by becoming a "non-fat" weight, or by changing your standards of what's fat and what's not fat.
     
  12. xray

    xray Well-Known Member

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    Thanks all!

    Thanks for your replies. Lisa, you just got me.... I used to have a eating disorder several years ago due to family issues, and I remember then that I didn't se what the others saw, that my ribs and hips were sticking out making me look disgustingly skinny. That might be the rason why I can't see myself as I really am now... Skin on bones are of course not what I'm aiming at now. My life made a dramatic turn after a couple of years, and I plan on keeping it as it is: Happy and wonderful - AND healthy and slim when that comes in hopefully some months. So I guess it's very much in my head, Lisa.

    Fatandred, you're right about the thing that slim people wouldn't hide in large clothes. However, I'm not actually fat, neither am I slim, I'm just hoping that the people I meet do not think of the body size as the first thing about me, neither the thing they remember when I have left the room. (Probably they don't, sinze I'm not obese or fat. I am able to dress in size 14, British size. So it's still in mye head.)

    Anyway, all the responses I have received have gotten me to think in a different direction - to try to be happy with the body I do have (appart from the body-thing, I'm a very happy and outgoing person, and my friends of course wouldn't dream of me having any problems. And I do not "hide" this problem, and suffer all the time I'm alone. Just that I don't speak very much of it.) And I am heading in the right direction towards looking like the one I feel I am inside and the one I want to be, with healthy eating and soon exercising as well. So why should I bother about this minor thing that it actually is??

    Thanks guys, this forum is wonderful, and helps me in SO many different ways, as well as it is interesting and fun reading. I have had my laughs. :D I plan on getting my private journal here when I'm able to start exercising, reading them are a great inspiration and probably even greater inspiration when writing my own. :tu:

    Sorry for rambling on - have a nice day all! You've made mine a happy one!! :)
     
    #12 xray, Mar 23, 2004
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2004
  13. Duckman

    Duckman Well-Known Member

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    Heisann! Kjekkt å se flere nordmenn på forumet!

    For min del, i motsetning til visse andre, høres det ikke ut som om du er feit, men kanskje har litt å gå på, for å si det slik.

    Trening og et sunt kosthold vil både få deg til å føle deg mye bedre, og du vil selvsagt også få en mye finere figur.

    Jeg har gått ned ca 20kg på de siste 8 månedene, og jeg mener selv jeg bør gå ned 5-7 kilo til. Spesielt "gamla" mener jeg "er fin som jeg er", og det er jeg jo forsåvidt, men jeg er ikke hundre prosent fornøyd enda. Og det er etter min mening det som teller.

    Jeg var svært aktiv for inntil 7 år siden, og målet mitt er å komme tilbake til det nivået. Enkelt og greit.
     
  14. xray

    xray Well-Known Member

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    Hi Duckman, and thanks for the Norwegian support. Congrat's on being an official sponsor to John!! Wonderful that you John can get some "help" from overseas!

    Skal lese dine threads nøye, D.! ;)
     
  15. Haarball

    Haarball Well-Known Member

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    Norwegians unite!
     
  16. tantan

    tantan Well-Known Member

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    Way to Go, Xray !! I am sure when you officially start your transformation with your exercising, you will start to see yourself differently. I am neither fat or slim. I am very tall, so I was quite skinny when I was a teenager. Am 5 ft 8 in, weight 53kg then. But as I reach mid 20s, I started gaining weight due to low metalbolism rate and also more junk food eating. Some of my family members started commenting that I am fat, but some of my family members and friends thinks I am still skinny, or just right for my height. I am 5 ft 8 in, and used to weight 60kg (before my transformation)

    Now I managed to go down to 57.5kg, after eating clean and exercising. Though so far non of my family members commented anything, but I felt different. I feel happier and started to see life differently. I also started to realise that you can really control to be what you want to be. You know... if you want to get fit or let yourself go and continue to be fat...

    So dont worry too much about what others think of you. You will learn to appreciate yourself more gradually and soon enough you will love your own body than anyone else !!

    Good Luck !

    :D
     
  17. Chopaholic

    Chopaholic Well-Known Member

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    you guys are everywhere!

    help! it's an invasion of very.polite.people.

    :D
     
  18. piel2000

    piel2000 Well-Known Member

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    i hear about this type of stuff a lot, for example i had a friend on the overweight side she lost it all down to 105 from 160lbs. at 5 feet tall every day she looked in the mirror she wanted to cry even though her clothes got smaller, from all the years she seen her self overweight, that was how it seemed in the mirror it is a mental thing it is like making your self believe you are thin and fit. this is a very commn thing for weight lose pesonels.
    also when i lost all my weight (190-145) after my first child i was not satisfied then but when i look at pictures of then i could only wish i was there now.
    i think our minds are just never really happy there is always need for improvement. :confused:
     

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