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Happy Monster's Holistic path of Healing

Discussion in 'Fitness Journals' started by Happy Monster, Aug 7, 2007.

  1. dejavued

    dejavued Senior Member

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    :wave: heya happy!!
     
  2. Happy Monster

    Happy Monster Well-Known Member

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    Hello Darling! :cool:
     
  3. Happy Monster

    Happy Monster Well-Known Member

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    I had another date this afternoon.

    She was much nicer (as a person) than the other woman I met, and I enjoyed talking with her. But there wasn't quite that connection that we had when chatting online and at times it was a struggle with a few awkward silences. I didn't feel like there was a spark there from her end, and that was something she confirmed when I asked her online later.

    Hopefully she will be a friend, but probably not a close one..

    I guess the more of these dates you go on (in close proximity) the less significant each one becomes in a way? Because you don't really expect anything, or put too much hope on one date? That might be for the best, but not sure how many more women I will meet up with. There are not that many local people..

    I'm going out with one of my friends to a local bar to listen to a local band later on. I think I could do with that.. :)
     
  4. guava

    guava Elite Member
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    I probably shouldn't say anything, but... :bang:

    It sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on your dates. Silences are only awkward when it feels like you should be doing something different instead of just enjoying the moment.

    Your body sends out signals all the time, and when you're involved in something that you enjoy doing, and have no expectations, your body language will be a lot less tense, and you'll put people more at ease. If you don't consider yourself an extrovert, I would venture to guess that the more active your dates are, the more fun you'll have. (eg. visit a museum instead of go for dinner; play a game of tennis instead of watch a movie) I wonder if putting something like that in your profile might be helpful. Wanted: yoga partner.

    Relax and enjoy yourself at the bar. :)
     
  5. Happy Monster

    Happy Monster Well-Known Member

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    I disagree with that. When your date is repeatedly looking down at the floor or table for 10-15 seconds then it's an awkward silence.

    How can you not hope for a good outcome from a date? It's impossible.
     
  6. guava

    guava Elite Member
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    You should hope to experience some new things, and learn about yourself and somebody else. It's hard not to hope for a spark, but sometimes looking for the spark makes the spark harder to see.

    I hope there is less awkwardness in your future.
     
  7. Happy Monster

    Happy Monster Well-Known Member

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    I don't think I tried to force anything, except to fill the silences by talking about different things. There clearly wasn't chemistry there from the first moment she came into the room unfortunately.

    I know what you are saying Guava, but I don't see how I can stop any body language signals (which are unconscious). Perhaps after a lot of dates I will not be looking for very much and then that will help. I don't know how else to do it as consciously I have not tried to pressure anyone or do more than have a friendly chat.
     
  8. Happy Monster

    Happy Monster Well-Known Member

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    Guava I am sorry, I think you hit a few sensitive spots with your post. :o
     
  9. gazareth

    gazareth Senior Member

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    My online dating tips...

    1) Get on mysinglefriend.com. I dunno which site you're on, but that one is by far the best in the UK. match/dating direct have a lower "quality" of people on there and a lot of people who aren't subscribers, so they won't even be able to read your emails. MSF is pretty great - it's the one I had success with.

    2) Numbers numbers numbers. Send as many emails as you can. As you've probably worked out, the response rate can be quite low. It is absolutely a buyer's market for the women! I must have emailed something like 30-40 women in total, and had responses from less than 10. I met 3 of them. 1 of them is now my girlfriend. Work the numbers!

    3) Keep your initial email short. I found that ones that said something like "Hi, I saw your profile and thought I should say hello." were very effective. Alternatively pick one thing from their profile and say something interesting or witty about it.

    4) On the date itself, go into it with zero expectations. Honestly, I went into the dates with the first 2 with really high expectations, and as a result I was nervous, awkward, and gave a bad account of the real me. When I met my girlfriend, for whatever reason I just went along hoping to have a nice evening, and nothing else. I had a drink before I went out so I was a bit more relaxed, and then spent most of the date just being myself. I deliberately didn't moderate what I said, and guess what - it worked!

    That's all I can think of right now. The first 2 points are the most important, for sure. 3 and 4 are probably negotiable from my point of view. It took me about 4-5 months before I got anywhere, so be patient.
     
  10. Happy Monster

    Happy Monster Well-Known Member

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    Gareth thank you for posting all that wise advice. I agree with all of it. :nod:
     
  11. Butterflyer

    Butterflyer Well-Known Member

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    This latest date sounded better than the first one, at any rate. It's good that you were able to follow up later online like that-- that's straightforward and honest of you. My one friend has taken a while to find someone she really likes online. So far, your experiences sound better than hers, so that's a good thing.:nod:
     
  12. xingcat

    xingcat Well-Known Member

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    Just to chime in with the dating advice (why not? All the cool kids are doing it!): An activity-type date leads to very little pressure, and you don't have to think of anything to talk about, save what you're doing (like bowling or tennis or whatever). That way, if there's a lull in the conversation, you don't have to try to make any, and you're still having fun, even if there isn't that immediate spark. :D
     
  13. kateykate

    kateykate Well-Known Member

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    Agree with xingcat particularly. ANd ultimately, HM, you're an awesome guy, so with patience and perseverence at these opportunities you're going to find someone who really understands that. But initially, an activity reduces the pressure to 'talk' and gives you two something to talk about, and something to do to avoid those potentially awkward silences, or eye contact.
    I don't know if this is a dumb idea, but can you rehearse conversation in your head? Like, think of interesting topics and what you would say about it and stuff like that? Might reduce the "so how about those local current events" moments... maybe?

    But, still, you're a great person. You'll be right. :)
     
  14. guava

    guava Elite Member
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    I probably didn't phrase it as well as I could have.

    I don't think it's a good idea to give up, or to have low expectations. It's difficult not to give the impression that you're auditioning her as a girlfriend, or that you're trying out for the role of boyfriend. Those are the places where it can get awkward.

    Each date is going more and more smoothly for you, and that's really good news. :)

     
  15. Happy Monster

    Happy Monster Well-Known Member

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    :o:o:o

    Thanks!

    I've been chatting online with a few more women and perhaps it's easier just not to rush into meeting someone. I think that's what I'm coming around too.

    I've spoken to one of the women yesterday and today for about an hour on the phone each time. We've got a lot in common, but she is a bit more 'silly' and I'm more 'serious'. We've talked about this and it might be an issue, but at the moment I'm just chatting with her. At this point in time, I don't expect anything will happen if we meet up.

    Yesterday I did Yoga for the first time in a few weeks (it was a Bank Holiday last monday). And Isobel announced that we would do Headstands!! :eek: I've not done them before and I don't think I am ready to do them because you need a lot of shoulder strength to protect your neck and my shoulders have always been extreemly weak..

    So, I got up there but after less than a minute myself and another girl came down.. :(

    We did Shoulderstands as well which I am better at, but still have some issues with. Overall yesterday's class was hard, probably a bit rusty as well! :)

    Thanks for the support everyone! :cool:
     
    #795 Happy Monster, Jun 3, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2008
  16. Happy Monster

    Happy Monster Well-Known Member

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    It's been sunny here the last few days which is really good as the day before it was raining hard ALL day.. :p

    The humidity is making me feel a bit tired, plus I've not been out all done anything all week. I've been working on my hypnotherapy assignment and chatting with people from the dating site. Not sure whether anything will happen, but at least I'm not rushing!

    :sleepy:
     
  17. Happy Monster

    Happy Monster Well-Known Member

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    I've just come off the phone to one of the women I've met on the dating site. This is the third time I've chatted with her on the phone and it was easier than before. Suprisingly it went quickly but according to my phone we chatted for 1 hour and 28 minutes. We've agreed just to carry on talking and see what happens, but both of us know that there may well be no spark as such when we meet in real life.

    We've just taking things slowly now though and I'll see what happens.
     
  18. Naturegirl

    Naturegirl Well-Known Member

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    Talking on the phone can probably be the most difficult :nod: Online it's easier typing and then in real life it's easier to play off facial expression, body language, and personality traits. So you never know, when you meet any one of these girls in person there could be a little connection so long as there was a slight one online or on the phone.

    That's a good idea to get to know them better before meeting in person.
     
  19. Happy Monster

    Happy Monster Well-Known Member

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    I'm taking Guava's advice after she gave me a spanking! ;)

    Why oh why do I pig out on a Friday night and eat crap junk food.. :cry:
     
  20. Happy Monster

    Happy Monster Well-Known Member

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    Friday night was quite good (despite the pigging out)..

    Yesterday I just woke up today and didn't feel ready for the course, and by the time it got to 3pm I had to leave as I just couldn't focus on any of it any more. This was the last course module and only one day instead of two as we have a practical exam next week. Embarassing that I had to leave early but I was just wiped out and it was marketing all day and no practical breaks.

    I have a 48 page booklet though so it's not like I will miss anything too important.

    Had the option of going out yesterday night, but was pretty tired so stayed in with a few drinks and watched the opening matches of Euro 2008. :spaz:

    Today it looks lovely 23/24 degrees! I'm going to go into town to do some shopping and then hopefully meet a couple of friends for a drink or coffee.

    I'm still chatting to a couple of people from the dating site and the slow approach still seems to be going ok. Of course if I end up becoming involved with one of the women then I would tell everyone else I'm chatting to that I can only be friends. And one of the women I have talked to said the same.

    I'm not going to see much about the details because it's not fair to post too much on a public forum.
     

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