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Exercising for male attention?

Discussion in 'Female Health & Fitness' started by Cocomartinez, Jan 30, 2009.

  1. JVib

    JVib Active Member

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    I would love to say I work out for health, and honestly that is part of the reason, but in reality it has more to do with appearance.

    We are all human animals and as animals we are driven by two primal forces: Pain & Pleasure. The pursuit of fitness has both. It is “painful” to workout and stay fit (by pain I mean time and effort). It is painful to eat all healthy food when there is so much delicious high fat food and high sugar food readily available to give me pleasure. My animal side tells me to be lazy as possible (watch TV, play video games, take a nap, etc) and to eat the food that gives me the most taste pleasure (Chocolate, candy, cookies, pizza, burgers, etc).

    So many people fall into this category. I have a close friend who was over 300 lbs back in 2001 because he loves playing video games and he LOVES eating junk food. That year he and I both ended up divorced and I moved into his duplex. I brought my gym with me and we set it up in his garage. He decided he wanted to get into good shape and said he wanted to “improve his health” and get in shape. He dropped almost 100lbs over the course of the next year. He also dated around 8-10 different women during that time. Then he met/fell in love with a woman who he married about 1 year later. Within 18 months after his wedding he was at 320lbs, and has since had a stint put into one of the major arteries of his heart due to a 97% blockage. The Dr. told him he must live a healthier lifestyle (exercise and develop a better diet). He has done nothing to improve his health. I talked to him about it. I asked him why he isn’t doing anything. He said, “I only got in shape before so I could get laid. I’m married now so I don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

    He is in dire need of getting health and yet it is not a strong enough incentive. Yet, being attractive to women (other than his wife who he feels “has” to love him no matter how he looks) drove him to do cardio 5 days per week, weight train 3-4 days per week, and eat a clean healthy diet.

    Back to my point: In order for people to change they need incentive. Either there is pain that we want to move away from or pleasure we want to move toward. Which one drives you personally? For me the pleasure of being attractive appeals strongly to my emotions and greatly out weighs the pain of living a healthy lifestyle (while I will also admit some of it make me feel good). It makes me feel successful, sexy, and powerful. I love when people ask me, “How did you get in such great shape.” (I’m an expert). I love when women do a double take on me at the mall (I’m attractive). I love when my wife comments on my body (I’m sexy). I love when men act envious (I look better than you, so I won!). The list can go on.

    Ultimately if I didn’t get this emotional pleasure from looking good I would probably not pursue a healthy lifestyle (better heath is just a bonus). I would resort back to living “comfortably”; eating food that makes me “feel” good and pursuing activities that make me “feel” good.

    For my buddy, he doesn’t get enough emotional satisfaction from looking good unless he is “getting laid” by a new woman every month or so….(I’m sure this makes his wife feel like crap.)
     
  2. kateykate

    kateykate Well-Known Member

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    Yes, I absolutely agree.
    The social determinants of health have a major impact not just on our access to things such as Whole Foods shops and gym memberships, but also on attitudes towards these factors and the accessability and acceptance of other things that have a positive or detrimental effect on health. What I mean is that, here in Adelaide you'll find a greater number of 'good' food shops, gyms, exercise classes, and a lower number of fast food outlets and acceptance of smoking in higher income areas.
    In low income areas, junk food outlets proliferate, there's less gyms and the like, and the acceptance of public exercise is generally lower (however, things like public smoking and drinking are accepted as the norm). That is not to say that there isn't a great deal of cross over between the two, but just that our environment very much determines our attitudes towards things, including health influencing behaviours.

    As for the evolution thing.. I agree, to a point, but I disagree, as well. Yes, there are biological advantages to looking 'healthier' but there's also a massive amount of social conditioning that determines what is considered desirable or attractive-- that's why the image of an attractive woman or man changes.


    At any rate, yeah. What other people think does tend to have an impact, IMO. As Guava said, there's lots of power associated with appearing desirable. I think that, in our society, it conveys something about commitment, determination, or self control. Not that I necessarily agree with these judgements, mind you, but it's certainly interesting to talk about. :)
     
  3. Skoorb

    Skoorb Well-Known Member

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    More than anything, over the years, appearance is the reason I workout, too. I am just being honest. That is, it's the most substantial motivator, but there are others, that sometimes are greater, but in terms of its share of the pie, it is the greatest. I suppose this may be shifting slightly as I get older and realize that I do want a life of health and also have gotten into some endurance racing.
     
  4. Reno_1ted

    Reno_1ted Well-Known Member

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    I also lift mainly because of how it affects my appearance. Its not the only factor, but probably the main one.

    I lift because i love to get stronger, i love the personal battle, i love the feeling of lifting and the feeling you get afterwards, i love the alone time, the stress relief and the time spent with friends working out and getting together.

    But, if working out didnt make me look better, would i still do it with as much vigour and dedication? Being honest, probably not.

    I dont see anything wrong with image being your motivation, so long as you remain healthy with it. Having someone comment on your body in a positive way is a nice feeling, and that always motivates me. Vain? Who cares!
     
  5. theMasters

    theMasters Active Member

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    +1
    Hence my signature
     
  6. Falhurk

    Falhurk Well-Known Member

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    I'd have to agree. Even though I'm not where I want to be, a primary motivational factor is the "sexyness".

    When I dropped the initial weight, confidence went up and I felt great. I've put on a little bit since then and am feeling the opposite effect. For me, I love feeling capeable, like I can do anything phyiscally. Though, ultimately the girls play a significant role in this whole transformation business.
     
  7. guava

    guava Elite Member
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    I was thinking more about this after a comment J_W made in her journal.
    In the last couple of years, I've been on eight job interviews. Four of them had a either a lone woman or a team of women. In none of those was I offerred the job, or given any feedback on how the interview went. One of the interviews was done by a woman and a man, and in that case, they didn't offer me the job, but told me that I was the second choice applicant. Three of the interviews were conducted by a man, and in all three cases I was offerred the job.

    That seems to be overwhelming evidence of something; either the way that people of different sexes perceive me, or the way that I present myself to them. I hadn't put this all together until J_W expressed this in her journal. I'm almost a little bit troubled about the whole thing.
    I'd have to agree with this now after what I reported up above. I find it difficult to get a connection with women in the age range of late twenties to late thirties. But I have good relationships with women who are younger than this and with women who are older than this.
     
  8. HevyMetal

    HevyMetal Well-Known Member

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    Well.....there IS the face-value effect...I mean if you walk into a party with 25 women present, which one is going is going to magnetically attract you?

    The one that looks like Pamela Anderson or the one that looks like a Sumo wrestler?

    Yes I know it's also about personality and getting to know the person....but if they are both as equally as pleasant and brainy, I'd err on the side of the Pamela clone by default.


    If let's say there was a national fund where you could get money free for any plastic surgery or make-over you desired, how many here would take it in a heartbeat.?


    Since the advent of cinema and large circulation magazines plus a growing propensity for leisure time ( say from the early 1900's to now), looks have become more and more important.

    But from the beginning of history, sexy goodlooking people have always commanded more attention and desire. it's in our genes.

    It's also present in the animal world where the fittest,strongest most powerful animals get their choice of females (who willingly accept them) along with ruling the herd.

    These days money-wealth equates to strength and power more than just muscle but genetically we still find people with awesome physical attributes of beauty and strength to be very sexually desirable.

    This politically correct stuff is all b.s....whatever stripe a person is or whether they are a.c. or d.c., they will be attracted to those who are symetrically, genetically and cosmetically well-proportioned at first take....whether they know the person or not.

    If you walk into a gym which is male-female and pretend you are not sexually interested in anyone there from a superficial standpoint you are full of shit. (Unless there is some mitigating factor involved...like...depression,mental problems,low libido or it just so happens that on that day there is nothing in there but woof-woofs).

    I think it may be the case that women in general are more concerned about their looks than men.

    An obese woman with lots of money is less sought after than an obese man with money generally. (Con-artists excluded).

    Every American woman on the planet has probably been on a diet at least once....but the same can't be said for men.

    Sexual attraction is hard-wired into all of us....and the better looking and more sexy you look the more attention you will command.

    Since women don't bulk up muscularly anywhere near the ratio of a man after a prolonged program, you have to ask yourself why they are in there in the first place since it isn't about 17" guns or a 300lb. bench.


    It's either about fat-loss....or "toning" for many. If you lose fat and "tone" you will most likely look sexier than when you started.

    Which translates into:- better self esteem ( Because you look and feel sexier....which a man will not say. How many men do you know that say they feel much sexier and beautiful after working out for a month?.
    All they're ever concerned about is if they can see their abs and whether or not they've gained more muscle which makes them look more macho).

    Since "power" for a woman equates with "sexiness" ( you can't compete against men with muscle size and strength so the power has to come from sex appeall), the sexier you look thanks to your gym-work the more perceived "power" you will have.

    I don't know that a woman feeling good about herself and loving the 'health" aspect is a major factor since if being a 500lb. woman was the eptitome of attractiveness then no woman would be in the gym ( and you see this all the time in the southern USA where black men seem to like their women super-duper heavy and obese for some reason). The same could be said for men, where if looking like Buddha was considered the pinnacle we'd all be walking around in size 58 pants.

    But I doubt that would go on for long....the hard-wired "sexy-power" factor is just too strong.
     
  9. Zilla

    Zilla Well-Known Member

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    LMAO! I didn't mean to reduce your post to one sentence, but I almost choked on my own spit when I read this. Just because guys don't say it, doesn't mean they don't think it. :p :lol:

    Personally I like the strong silent type, but hey, if a guy wants to announce the the world he has a sexy thing going on after a month of working hard, I think he's entitled to braggin' rights.

    *leaves thread singing "I'm too sexy..."* I really hate that song...
     
  10. Falhurk

    Falhurk Well-Known Member

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    :lol:
     
  11. guava

    guava Elite Member
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    Well that's just silly. I don't know your defininition of "sexually interested" but I don't recall ever walking into a gym and wanting to take any of the guys home with me. More likely that would happen at the bank or a business meeting.

    ;)

    Seriously, you have a lot of wild generalizations in your post. Just trying to play along. :whistle:

    What?

    So, because women have less testosterone, that automatically means they must be in the gym in order to look sexier, and not, perhaps, to increase their deadlift, to break a personal record in reps for pushups, or to train for a marathon? That doesn't make any sense at all.

    I workout so that I can grow. Not so that I can shrink.

    That's ONE way to do it. Or, you could persue advanced education, a unique skill, or work on developing particular character aspects. These will also give you more power. Some potential mates (but certainly potential employers) will recognize and appreciate these things more than physical attractiveness. Striving for physical attractiveness could actually for some people be a way to camoflague or make up for personal weaknesses in those very areas.
     
  12. dejavued

    dejavued Senior Member

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    seriously.
     
    #32 dejavued, Feb 22, 2009
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2009
  13. J_W

    J_W Well-Known Member

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    I was going to post a lengthy reply to this but then I decided I have better things to do with my time. I'll just say that your post was not only full of generalizations but I found it pretty offensive to the JSF women who take lifting seriously for its own sake and don't just view it as a means to achieve a "sexy" body.
     
  14. njprime

    njprime Active Member

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    Not forming any opinion really on what he said, but I would point out that I think most people here of both genders have a very different approach to diet and fitness than most people in the gym do.

    People here seem to take the thing a lot more seriously. Most guys in most gyms that I go to seem to eat crap. They get bigger muscles, but they don't look that great, IMHO. These same guys also generally only work the "beach group" muscles -- Biceps, (maybe) Triceps, Chest, and Abs -- even though in many cases they have enough body fat that they will never be able to see their abs without getting their diet in order. Most guys in most gyms that I've been to, even the "big guys" spend zero time working on their back or leg muscles. They also certainly never do any compound multi-joint exercises.

    Most women in most gyms that I go to are riding an exercise bike or walking on a treadmill/elliptical at a minimal effort, while flipping through a magazine or watching TV, getting their 1 hour in.

    Of the few women that lift weights at the gyms I go to, most have horrible form (not that the guys usually have great form either, but the women are usually worse), and are in many cases are actually doing exercises so incorrectly that they are actually accomplishing absolutely nothing.

    There are some guys who actually take the whole thing seriously and eat well and have a good lifting program, and there are some women who take take things seriously too. Of the women that take things seriously, most still seem to only be interested in cardio and the "classes" (which in my opinion are mostly a waste of time). Of the already smaller percentage of women who take things seriously, I see an even smaller percentage that take lifting seriously and have a good program.

    That being said, I'm always very impressed when I see women who take things seriously and have a good overall program incorporating cardio and lifting as well as some other exercise.

    I'd consider most people here to be well into the category of knowing what they're doing and taking things seriously, men, and women.

    All of that said, I wouldn't take comments aimed towards the average gym-bunny as a criticism on yourself, and that goes for both men and women.

    My girlfriend, has better form and a better routine than most guys and most girls at my gym.
     
    #34 njprime, Feb 23, 2009
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2009
  15. buffedstuff

    buffedstuff Active Member

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    I pump the iron for one reason......to avoid medical attention as I get ready for the golden years and yes If I have any say about it I am going to live those years as if they are truly golden.

    I really do love my husband, but even if I were single I wouldn't train this hard for any man to notice me. Heck I am of great value whether I am flabby and out of shape or lean and sleek. The outer package might change but inwardly it is all about the love. I am not saying society at large doesn't judge by outward appearance...sad but true. However if current trends in America continue...living large will far out"weigh" being healthy and fit. so will becoming overweight so a man can notice you become popular??? only time will tell.:eek:
     
  16. zenpharaohs

    zenpharaohs Elite Member
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    :tucool:
     
  17. dkmahkee

    dkmahkee Well-Known Member

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    even i was offended
     
  18. JoeSchmo

    JoeSchmo Well-Known Member

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    Well, perhaps this is because your gym (as Hevy explains) is full of "woof-woofs"? :lol:

    Both men and women lift for all sorts of reasons -- If it were all about being "sexy", there would be no reason to pursue the big numbers...and yet, we have women on this very site putting up some very impressive numbers. If memory serves, Deja is deadlifting 315+ at a BW of ~130. Those would be impressive numbers for a GUY. :nod:
     
  19. zenpharaohs

    zenpharaohs Elite Member
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    She's pulling 345# off the rack too.

    Now at my current gym there is one guy who straps up to do 65# curls in the squat rack. While I'm waiting to use the squat rack. If there was a woman pulling 345# off that rack, I would point it out to him and say "See? The rack is for stuff like THAT."

    At my previous gym, there was a woman who is volleyball player/coach who did immaculate leg workouts. It was not unusual for someone to ask me about leg workouts and if I knew she was doing legs I would just turn around and point at what she was doing and say "do some of those ... like that". Every freaking set that woman did was textbook, and every set made sense. I suppose if you're going to be a serious volleyball player at 5'4" you better figure out leg training.

    Say what you want about the way women work out or what motivates them. I have met a guy who could bench more (275#) than he could deadlift (he couldn't get 225# off the floor). I've never seen that particular, uh, preversion, achieved by any woman.
     
  20. dejavued

    dejavued Senior Member

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    i deadlift only for male attention. and its working!!! :nod:

    ur memories making me look weaksauce sucker. i got 325 once. :spaz: :lol:

    oh and i just can't believe that last pic u posted in ur journal!!! :eek::eek: :tucool:
     

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