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Does your husband/BF/SO exercise and eat right?

Discussion in 'Female Health & Fitness' started by causticmuse, Oct 11, 2007.

  1. causticmuse

    causticmuse Well-Known Member

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    Does your husband/BF/SO exercise and eat right?

    We've been having a pretty good discussion about this over at Pink Dumbbells, and I'd love to hear what the JSF women have to say about their experiences here.

     
  2. guava

    guava Elite Member
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    My husband doesn't get in the way of me doing what I do. What he wants to eat and what I want to eat are different things. He can have chips, ice cream, beer, pizza, fried chicken, sausages, steak, whatever; it doesn't tempt me.

    I don't think there's anything he could do that would impact my fitness goals in either way, because we have different priorities, and I can appreciate that they're not aligned. There are three major issues I have with his fitness/nutrition:
    a) it's impossible to set good a example for the children when he doesn't have particularly healthy habits. If he's eating chips while watching tv, they want some. If he doesn't have to eat vegetables, they don't either. If he eats pizza for lunch, they do too.
    b) He's gained 40 to 50 pounds since we've gotten married and doesn't look like the same person to me anymore.
    c) I'm absolutely convinced and positively terrified that he will be diagnosed with diabetes within the decade, and will suffer miserably for the rest of his life. There is a strong family history, and he's not at all conscious of his food choices or exercise. He will only go to the doctor when I make the appointment for him.
     
  3. bfl_redhead

    bfl_redhead Well-Known Member

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    My SO is the exact opposite of me both fitness and nutrition-wise...

    I workout and eat well all the time...

    He skips meals and eats like crap when he does eat...

    ....but we just let each other do our own thing!!:D

    Years ago, I was married to other guys and they never did what I was doing either.

    I've always had different priorities...but I can live with that!:)
     
  4. FBChick

    FBChick Active Member

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    I have the same issues with my husband as well, though he already has the high blood pressure issue and with his families history, it really puts me on edge sometimes.

    Though for me, I struggle when he brings the crap in the house. He has the tendency to buy some junk food and it sits in the house for weeks, I find I end up caving after a few days of it staring me in the face! I always have better success when he limits the junk food.

    On the exercise front, while he is not one to want to go to the gym. He does love the active activities, so even when I miss the gym, we usually end up doing something active in the evenings to partial make up for it.
     
  5. causticmuse

    causticmuse Well-Known Member

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    My husband is not too bad overall. He doesn't try to sabotage my efforts, thinks my OCD about food and fitness is odd but cute, and is all right with whatever I cook at home except for some veggies.

    He only recently started to work out regularly again (he's on week 7 of P90X classic) outside of his martial arts classes. He attends MA on average only once a week for two hours, though, and from what he's let on, the lessons he gets now aren't that physically strenuous compared to what he was doing 10 years ago. I guess the higher up you go in his style, the more they focus on "internal development" through breathing exercises and meditation. Nothing wrong with that, of course, but it did make his previous claim that his MA was providing him with exercise sort of BS.

    He was a lean swimmer in high school and college when he first started MA, so he had hours of swim practice every day to supplement his MA classes, not to mention the raging metabolism of a teenaged male to keep him lean.

    Nowadays he still has WAY better cardiovascular endurance than I do, revoltingly low cholesterol readings no matter what he eats, and generally great health, but the lack of regular cardio and resistance training, lots of take out meals on the road and when he was living with 3 other guys before we moved in together, and some pretty sedentary, geeky hobbies (playing Magic the Gathering, D&D, World of Warcraft, etc.) have shifted his body composition a bit. At 5'8", his weight never shifts more than 4-5 pounds up or down from his baseline of 150 lbs, but his body fat went up to 15%, and all of that was around his middle. He has decent muscle mass in his legs and glutes from MA, but since his style puts zero emphasis on upper body strength, MY arm, back, and chest muscles are in better shape than his.

    Anyway, about 7 weeks ago when I announced that I was feeling overly fluffy and planned on going hardcore into either P90X or Kim Oddo's program again, DH ruefully patted his gut and admitted that he needed to start some sort of workout regimen, too, and would like to give P90X a try since it could be done at home with my equipment. He's been at it ever since with about 90% workout compliance.

    He eats whatever I make at home, so his breakfast and dinner meals are healthy, but he still dines out for 2-3 lunches a week. He's been making better choices there as well, but he isn't quite up to bodybuilding nutrition yet. I started buying sandwich ingredients so he can hook up his own lunch sandwiches, which should save him money and be a bit healthier than dining out. He tends to eat crap a lot more when he is hanging out with his guy friends, all of whom are sporting the beer bellies of all 30-something males who persist in pretending that they still have the metabolisms of their 20s.

    Junkie stuff he isn't ready to give up: ice cream, tortilla chips, boxed cereals (though I try to get the healthier types), fruit juice (again, I try to get reduced sugar or diet versions), the occasional beer, Mexican food (I'm working on trying out some WW recipes for Mexican favorites).

    Only the ice cream and cereals trip me up. I could care less about the other stuff.

    In terms of motivation/mood, I've noticed in the past when he wasn't doing P90X that I would go through occasional periods of resentment when I was getting up at 6:30 AM to workout 5-6 days/week while he snoozed until 8 AM EVERY DAY. Sort of an "I am working my ass off to be healthy and look good, and you are just lying there incubating your incipient beer belly. GRRRRR." Sometimes this would fire me up to workout even harder, but sometimes it would sap my motivation and make me more likely to sleep in myself or miss workouts. After all, I still looked better than DH, eh?

    I'm a lot more motivated to stay on track now that he is at least exercising visibly again. I'm competitive, so seeing him get up and putting his little foil star up on the exercise calendar really fires me up, especially since I really can't let him get buffer than me.

    Oh, and single vs. in a relationship: I think it was easier to stay on top of the food and exercise when I lived by myself, but since DH is pretty flexible about food and supportive of my efforts, it hasn't been too hard to keep up my workouts and nutrition in a shared household.
     
  6. 1FastGTX

    1FastGTX Elite Member
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    Is this thread for women only? :)

    My girlfriend and I have similar goals, and we have similar interests. So that really helps a lot.

    We both want to look and be athletic and healthy. We diet fairly similar (though my portion sizes are obviously bigger than hers), and our workouts are very similar (though I use heavier weights, and she tends to kick my butt on unilateral, abdominal, and cardio exercises :)).

    But, if one of us feels like cheating when the other one doesn't, and if we're not being super strict at the time (getting ready for some event), neither of us gets in the way of the other person. Sometimes we'll go to Outback, and I'll get ribs and french fries but my girlfriend will get grilled chicken and steamed broccoli.

    But if we're both trying hard to be strict and get lean, and one of us is attempting to slack off, the other one usually ends up getting supportive. For example, the other night someone gave me a present, a foot-tall jar of giant bubble gum balls. Well Becky knows I'd end up eating the whole thing in one day, so she hid the jar from me somewhere in the house.

    (I've been looking for it all day. :p)
     
  7. Bluestreak

    Bluestreak Well-Known Member

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    Not anymore, bud! I'm in 'da house...

    I was expecting my wife to come in here and toss me under the bus (do we have a smilie for that, John?) so I'll just beat her to it.

    Am I supportive? Yes. In fact, I'm her walking, talking, policing conscience.

    Am I the best example for her? I would say "no". She would say hell no! Now, before I step out in front of the Greyhound myself, I'll toot my horn a bit.

    I spent years tracking my diet/exercise to the nth degree. I don't think you could be more anal than I was. I have massive amounts of data which have taught me more than any trainer ever could about how my body works and what it responds to. Through that methodology, I developed a lifestyle that keeps me hovering around 10% body fat all year and lets me build a bit of muscle. Hey - I'm ecto... Ahnuld I'll never be, but I ain't no slouch anymore, either. I'm happy, I'm healthy, I'm prescription-free, and I haven't had a major cold in... four years? I must be doing something right.

    So... that said...

    My wife, for those of you living in a hole around this forum, is better known here as Chameleon. She spent a long time trying things her way. And she floundered. And got frustrated. And got snippy with me, downright rude at times. So weight loss/exercise was taken off the table as a topic. I didn't talk about it. I let her be.

    After several years of doing things her way and finding nothing but frustration, she's now doing it my way, and she's down 9-lbs. in six weeks. It was a pace I was hoping she could achieve given a little support and a couple of tools she never employed before (including the infamous spreadsheet, baby! That sucker just works...).

    ...

    Where diet is concerned, she has no choice but to be vigilant. Her body type requires it; her body holds onto fat as fast as mine gets rid of it. If she deviates at all, even if she cheats once a week, it sets her back.

    Now me, on the other hand, where diet is concerned? I can screw around all day long and as long I meet certain macros for certain meals, overall macros for the day, and a certain range of calories, my body doesn't care where calories or nutrients come from. I will say that certain foods work better than others, and when I'm truly trying to lean out, thin my skin, tan my hide, shave the wookie-hair, and look like I know what I'm doing, it only takes 2-3 weeks of knuckling down to get where I want to go. She can't do that.

    Case in point, when I broke my foot a couple of months ago, I had kept my body so lean for so long, I was starting to get joint problems, aches, pains, I had problems with tennis elbow, and all sorts of things just began to give me problems... so maybe I wasn't doing it quite right, and perhaps bulking has its place for more than simply putting muscle on - perhaps it's a mechanism to repair the body while building more muscle. I dunno. I still haven't really tackled it, but that's a discussion for a different time.

    With a broken foot, I was confined to a couch for roughly 6 weeks. During that time? If it wasn't nailed down, I ate it. Shoveled.It.In. Ice cream. Soda. Pasta (I'm an Italian boy... gotta have pasta sometimes!)... and at the end of it all? I had not even gained three total pounds, and I was a teeny, tiny bit mushy in the mid-section. That's it. Nothing more. The overage in calories did help to repair my joints (other than my always dodgy rotator cuffs, nothing hurts anymore!).

    But it drove her nuts.

    And when I say "... if it wasn't nailed down, I ate it...", that doesn't mean I was eating a half-gallon of ice cream at a time. I wasn't elbow deep in two bags of Doritos. I had a little here, a little there... I indulged, but I never deviated far from my normal lifestyle, which is based on a certain trainer's program (*cough* Swolecat *cough*).

    So am I the best example? No. I'm 100% pure ecto, man. I can shovel down the calories, eat the junk, and as long as I train legs hard and hit upper body once a week, do a little cardio... I maintain as-is. That's part of the reason I stopped blogging here. I don't think it's very cool to say, "...I ate like a saint all day, did legs 'til I wanted to puke, and had a bowl of ice cream while I watched Chuck before bed." Kinda hypocritical, and likely wouldn't be helpful to many who do need to hold fast to a stricter diet to learn how their bodies respond.

    Anyway, that's my $0.10 (inflation).

    -R
     
  8. causticmuse

    causticmuse Well-Known Member

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    Nah...I just figured that this topic was already covered ad nauseam from the male point of view in one of the other forum threads. :neener:
     
  9. HevyMetal

    HevyMetal Well-Known Member

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    My wife says I'm a shredded Homer Simpson...
     
  10. Dr.Jen

    Dr.Jen Active Member

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    I never expect that I can control or understand another person's habits, priorities or choices.

    But- I have been known to ask my SO or family members for their pertinent information when I see them making horrendous health choices... so I can buy life insurance on them.

    They know it's my loving, honest way of giving them a hard time about the fact that I fear that they will die from heart disease and leave me here without them.

    Dramatic, I know, but they often get it...
    They will never exercise as much as I do, but I get them to think about it.

    Dr. Jen
     
  11. Becca81

    Becca81 Active Member

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    I've only been on the fitness bandwagon about 10 weeks, and before that......we were both about as lazy/unfit as could be, and our eating habits were abominable. Not tremendously overweight, mind you, but I decided I'd be a whole lot happier if I traded 20 pounds of fat for 10 pounds of muscle. Progress was slow going at first, but now I've lost at least one dress size and can see lots of progress as far as muscle tone. So hubby is starting to sit up and take notice of my efforts.

    He's become a little more motivated to get back into shape. Per his request, I bought him a home weight set & bench for his birthday last month. (I do circuit training using free weights.) He's been lifting 3-4 times a week, but he spends his 'rests' between sets at the computer, and isn't exactly working up a sweat. Not extremely effective, in my opinion. But he's working his way into it. Now we've bought a stationary bike so that he can get his cardio in, and he joined the men's softball team at our church. Baby steps, but whatever works! He's even started asking my advice about eating well. He used to skip breakfast, have crap for lunch, and then load up at dinner when he gets home from work at night. Ugh.) Now he's following my example of eating 5-6 small meals a day, focusing on lean proteins and healthy grains, and snacking on fruits rather than potato chips.

    There's a lot more he could do to improve his habits, but I think with him it's an over all lifestyle change that will require some gradual adjustment. When he starts to see & feel results, I know he'll step things up. :flex:
     
  12. Bluestreak

    Bluestreak Well-Known Member

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    I tried - and failed - for almost four years employing the usual, overzealous "all-or-nothing" approach.

    One lesson I wish I would have understood at the outset was to ease into it gradually - not to dive in with both feet. I'd suffer an overload from too many drastic lifestyle changes, and eventually, I'd fizzle out. I will always be amazed with the John Stones of this world, but I do not possess the tenacious gene that allows me to instantaneously change my life and my habits forever.

    I have come to prefer a much more gradual approach. I take stock of where I am at Point A, I assess what's necessary to arrive at Point B, and then I dissect the path between the two. In terms of fitness, this forum generally advocates a "big three" approach, combining cardio, nutrition, and weight lifting. To achieve my goals, I usually take those three things and work at them individually. I'll take cardio, for instance, and increase the intensity and/or frequency for a week or two. When that becomes habit, I'll change my diet. Adjust calories, macros, frequency, whatever - and eventually, I adjust weight lifting. Since that tends to be the most painful change for me, I usually procrastinate and leave messing with my weight routines for last.

    It's my way of turning a lack of ability to accept change into the very way I can accept change.

    What you're doing is smart - make small, palatable changes, a little at a time. After a few months of continuously making small changes, you won't believe how far you can go with minimal pain.

    -R
     
  13. kateykate

    kateykate Well-Known Member

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    :lol: That's hilarious!



    My partner capitulates between cold-hearted counter production, and very supportive- just as obvious in small gestures as it is overall.

    Today he dropped me at the gym after soccer training, and dutifully cooked dinner and bathed the girls, then came to pick me up. Awesome, right? But then we went to the supermarket, where he tried to convince me that it was a good idea to buy apple pie and icecream.

    On a grander scale, he's a natural athlete, good at every sport he attempts. He'll offer me lots of positive encouragement for the most minor improvements on my football game, and then run the length of the field and score a try. It's only really difficuly in the sense that he can never truly understand the frustration I feel with my own body lack of speed and agility, but also heartening, because sometimes I need every bit of praise that I can get- and I'd like to think that he recognises this.

    As far as fitness goes, he's pretty lazy. For someone who is so naturally talented, it is difficult to witness his lack of motivation and determination to do *anything* (other than a weekly game of touch football, and even then, we're in between seasons).
    I know from experience that my motivating him is somewhat pointless, he lacks the personal commitment and wont stick to a routine. I also know that he *is* capable of self discipline and has successfully implemented his own weights and cardio routines... he's just become complacent lately.
     
  14. brie

    brie Active Member

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    Well, my ex was very much the opposite of me. I've always eaten pretty healthy and been active and he had always eaten whatever he wanted and enjoyed being tied to his computer.

    When we met we were in high school and he was buff from a weight training class he took. He's kind of competitive so he really ended up hurting himself more than anything but either way, after that class ended he didn't continue working out really and so his eating habits caught up to him. He'd complain about his extra weight but he was never really motivated to do anything about it.

    After a while I just started making my meals and he would make his own and while he didn't complain about it I know it bugged him. And he also didn't really say anything about me leaving at odd times to go work out but he was never supportive of it either.

    I broke up with him about two months ago, after I realized how different we were and that it wasn't going to work.

    Since then I've been doing a lot more but I find that it's easier to eat healthy and I don't have to feel bad leaving him to go work out.

    Overall, it'd be nice to have someone doing this with me but doing it alone works better than doing it with someone constantly making it difficult.
     

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