Riding into the darkness

I rode into the trees, the darkness, just off the main road. This is Japan, where there are lights everywhere. How could I never have come this way?

This was the place I was at when she picked me up in her car. I just finished band practice, my band mates telling me she's trouble. All of us smelling of Asahi Super Dry. I got in the car & waved goodbye. That was over a month ago & I'm back. Sober, stronger, lonelier.

I pedaled quickly. My legs weren't so sore because I rode mostly down hill, & I don't live far away. I pedaled into the darkness of the street, a few cars parked on the side. A Japanese lover's lane. I glimpsed a man's silhouette look up while I sped by at 25k/hr.

I came to the end of the street & had to choose between the street that curved around into more forest or the one to my left where all the cars were going. I looked up & saw a hill. This is why this place is called Higashiyama. East Mountain. I wasn't sure how high up or where it went, but I went left anyway.

Earlier I had been sitting in my house.

Why am I so lonely here? What is there to do?

I had nothing to do. I'll get on my bike.

But you just got on your bike last night, & cycled all over, past her house, where she was probably sipping sangria next to her French boyfriend. You cycled toward that Jr High you taught at three years ago, the one where the music teacher loved you & wrote notes to you in Japanese every day that you couldn't read.

I cycled twice, in 7km circles, past the ex's place, down one narrow street with heavy traffic, praying to God I didn't die.

In Japan, people don't really watch out for bikes on the road.

I went down a hill, & at the bottom decided to ride back up. I could only take it in gear three, riding on a back street. I looked at the veins in my right thigh bulging out. Jesus, I was meant to cycle.

After 15 minutes I reached the top of the hill & decided to turn right towards a lot of brightly-lit mansions (tall apartment buildings). I cycled to the end of the street & realized that I had been here before. The place I taught English to a family. I'd take an hour train ride here, having to change trains, & walk 15 minutes. I realized that now I'd bike it. It takes a little over 15 minutes more to travel by bike 18 km compared to the subway.

I flew down the hill toward home, watching out for cars turning in front of me. The one time I nearly died on a bike in Japan was when two cars were making right-hand turns in front of me (people drive on the left). The first one missed me by an inch, & unbelievably, the second car nearly killed me, as well. It was broad daylight. I stopped in the middle of the street, turned around, & just stared into the driver's eyes. For some reason he also stopped in the middle of the street. He thought he hit me. I turned back around & went home.

Tonight it was dark, lights on, & I made my way back home. I walked in the door exhausted. It was good to be home.