t-2

at least 8 MILES BIKING
FOOD GOOD (a bit higher than usual, approx 1300... and including a little bit of sugar today)

Back at the office for the essay slog. I feel a little silly recording these little 4 mile bike rides... not exactly a heavy cardio workout. But hell, cardio is cardio.

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It's 10:05 and I've got about 3300 of 5000 words on the essay down. I've effectively fucked my body clock now, so I might just stay until I actually get tired. We'll see. If I can finish the section of the argument I'm on now and get the last part of the essay started, I'll feel ok about where I sit tomorrow. I have the persistent suspicion that this essay isn't even close to theoretical enough for the department standards, but at this point -- it is what it is. I'd be surprised if it's less than a Merit, and that will just have to do; I think I descripted and overtalked my way out of a Distinction at this point.

My god, it so doesn't matter. I am acutely aware that IT SO DOESN'T MATTER. Note that this is a nice change from my earlier life tendencies to throw panic attacks when faced with a graded writing task, and a good cue that the crippling perfectionism that characterized my earlier academic life is out the window. Writing this approx 20 page essay over a five day period is more of a "Do I really have to?" then a "OH GOD THE WORLD IS ENDING."

Which is, you know, nice.

But for fuck's sake, do I really have to?

I recognize no one cares about this essay writing process but me, and that the members of this site (myself included) are strange enough that they'd rather come over and see a description of my day's bulking efforts than this academic drivel. But, hell, it helps me -- and that what JSF is about, right? Keeping people focused?

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I'm fairly sure John Stone is going to sweep down into my journal and declare me off topic.

To John Stone: Yes, You're right. Er... sorry.
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Yeah, looking this over... so not enough theory. Oh well. What do you want from me. I'm now injecting footnotes of theory like little marking pick-me-ups. Looook, I mentioned Lacan again! And Butler! And Freud!

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12:53
Ah, fuck. I'm going to be way over the word limit. Wish me luck - I have a HUGE section to finish tomorrow, plus a lot of pruning to do... oh oh oh. I'm going home.