My workouts and diet are having the opposite affect from my Girlfriend then what I would have expected.
She has become very negative towards the whole thing. Calling me a "Fat Pig" every chance she gets.
We have been dating for about 4 years, she stays pretty fit herself by running on her treadmill 3 or 4 days a week.
She wants no part of anything to do with me working out, always telling me that she sees no change and that I'm wasting my time. She found my grocery list from yesterday and told me "all that food is going to go to waste, you'll never eat that healthy stuff."
I'm not sure what to do. I just started my 8th week of workouts and have no plans to give up now.
If she was reacting this way in my 1st or 2nd week, I might have given up. But now I have to seriously consider parting ways with her.
Is Anyone else's workouts causing negative reactions from people you are close to???

~Todd
St Paul, MN

Why would anyone that you have been with for so long say such hurtful things? I ask my fiance to let me know if I look like I am putting on weight, etc... but she never says, "hey fatass, your blowing up again". If anyone I cared about treated me like that or said such hurtful things, I would consider the reasons why I stay together! Now.. she may fear that you are going to get buff and fit and find someone else; however that is no excuse. She should treat you for the person on the inside, not the person on the outside.

Im sure you care for her deeply, but I would tell her to either support you and your effort to improve yourself or to get out of the way and keep her mouth shut. :tu:

Good luck and don't take any shit. Stay strong and stay focused on you. Surround yourself with support, not negativity.

Pug

you give her a ring yet?? IF NOT put her in her place and say either show some god damn respect or you're out!

sounds like she might be an attention hog...you said she stays pretty fit herself...maybe it intimidates her that the attention may shift towards you as you start to lose the fat.

I can't imagine why anyone you've been with for so long would say such things...but if my g/f EVER said ANYTHING like that you wouldn't believe how fast i'd kick her to the curb.

You need to seriously sit her down and tell her what's up. If she says she's gonna walk. she obviously didnt love the real you to begin with.

be strong bro, keep your eyes on the prize!!

Talk to her rationally. Believe me, I've learned a lifetime's worth of lessons in communication in the last few days. Talk to her. Be as serious as a heart attack to try to stave off any defense mechanisms (such as using humor to try to not take you seriously).

If that doesn't work, dump the (insert derogatory term here).

I can't imagine any good woman tearing down her guy for any reason, let alone being an attention hog. Sounds like there's more to this story we don't know or she's got the maturity level of a 7-year old.

Good luck.

It sounds like she could be jealous -- maybe she's afraid you're slimming down for another woman, or you'll go out and pick up a new one one you're ripped. If it's bugging you that much, it's probably time to have a straightforward, serious talk.

The pictures look good! You're making excellent progress. Don't get discouraged.

To me, it sounds like your girlfriend may feel threatened by the idea of a fit and attractive you. Maybe she's worried that she'll lose you, or that the power is going to shift in the relationship. She might not even realize how it's causing her to react.

Normally I like to opine on such matters, pretending like my psychology degree was worth a damn.

In this case I would say have a stern talking to her and let her know that this absolutely won't stand.

Frankly I have little idea why she'd act that way. I've heard about spouses/SOs getting threatened when their partner starts taking an interest in fitness, but for an already fit individual to condemn their partner doing the same really is rather interesting. I suppose the same psychology could be at work, but it's still surprising. Eitherway, it's totally unacceptable.you give her a ring yet?? IF NOT put her in her place and say either show some god damn respect or you're out!
Sound advice.

To me, it sounds like your girlfriend may feel threatened by the idea of a fit and attractive you. Maybe she's worried that she'll lose you, or that the power is going to shift in the relationship. She might not even realize how it's causing her to react.
Bingo.
And don't become the wussy in the relationship. Be strong and self confident don't hand her your heart and profess your undying love for her. Girls hate that crap, just tell her you are doing what you do for yourself and no one else. :tu:

Agreed with everybody else, you need to talk about this. She should be happy you're trying to improve your health, not trying to tear you down.

Oh, and she's wrong about you not making any progress. There is visible progress between weeks 4-6. I'm sure the results from weeks 1-6 were even more obvious.

Tell her that if she's gonna call you fat, you're gonna work your arse off until she can't call you fat.

If she does persist with it, then realize her fears and dump her for a nicer girl.

I've gone / going through similar things with my missus. We've been married 3 years now (been together 4).

I started working out about 4/5 months ago after having roughly a 6 years of no fitness / excersise of any sort. When I first started I was doing a quick circuit (pushups, situps etc etc) it used to take me roughly 20-30 mins every other day. Then I got a set of dumbells and slowely built it up from there. (now own BB, DB, bench and cardio equip)
I now workout everyday doing cardio first thing in a morning, abs every other day and a 3 day split with weights.

I went through the similar thing as you when we got into a argument bout 3/4 months ago, she said "look at you with you femnine body" blah blah (addmitadly at that time I had fat round my chest and a stomach what stuck out like i was pregnant!). It bothered me a lot and after that one time every argument or every other argument we went through she would say something along those lines, just to kick me when I was down.

I could of let it get me way way down and even given up, after all I wasn't seeing a drastic change at that time so why not carrying on smoking weed and start eating crap again ? Nope, it made me even more determined. I started writing everything down and taking my fitness a step further (to my current workout's) so now I'm doing it everyday.

About 2-3 days after the first insult was thrown my way, I took a picture of myself, just like John did in his first days.

I'm now 12 weeks gone past my first picture I took which i'm very glad I did... wait ..... it get's better :lol:

My body now has changed quite a lot, my traps seem to be the best muscle in my body to develop, about 2 weeks ago I was walking round the house with my shirt off after a workout and the comment my wife gave me was "Whats that lump sticking out of you back" ..... my reply was "It's called muscle i think"... then a week ago after another workout I was walking through the kitchen where the light is quite bright and how it's angles it cast's a shadow downwards, my wife saw me there and said "Have u got a 6 pack ?".... my reply was "not just yet, maybe underneath the fat" (I can see the outlines of my abs in certain lights and even see the top 2 very clear when i cheat and pull down my fat)

I'm still way off having a physique I'm proud of, but thanks to my wife making the nasty comments I'm on track to get there. I reccomend u do the same as me, use the comments to drive u to your final rep, think about what she said when your doing you cardio and give that extra 10-15 mins you didn't think u could do. Mosy importantly take a picture of how you look now, everytime I need some motivation to get on with my workouts I take a good look of my first pic and think 'yup she was right, I did have a girly body... i DID (emphasis on the past tense) look that bad, however I can see a change happening and this time next year i WON'T look anything like I did on that first pic'

Most of the arguments I have now with the missus is "You spend hours excersising all the time blah blah blah blah", when its actually only 23mins in the morning (HIIT) and 30-45mins at night (weight's or abs)... I know why she's prolly saying those things now, I can sum it up in a classic example.
If you give up smoking a lot of people around you, who smoke, will probably not take to it too well and maybe try forcing u to 'just have another 1' because '1 won't hurt'... though that 1 could lead to 1 pack and then your back smoking again... I know this from experince too as I gave up early in 04 for 3 months then I started again (I'm gonna kick the habit when I start bulking so I won't mind eating more which I did first time around)

Basically I think she's seeing the change and realising it CAN be done (before she had the same attitude as your grilfriend which was that you can't change, maybe hoping you won't change... i dunno) and when they see it can be done it gives them the insecurity they deserve for being so mean in the first place.

I hope things pan out the same way as it has for me. Use it to your advantadge and DON'T give up!!!
:gl:

HC

P.S. Havnt had a nasty comment about my body for a few weeks now, either which way it wouldn't bother me in fact I don't mind her way of 'constructive' (if u can call it that) criticism cause it'll tell me what to focus on :nod:

The whole point to a relationship is supporting one another, being there to help one another throughout lifes many challenges.

If your not getting this, what are you getting ?

Talk to her, tell her, then if she aint moving, dump her. End of. :nod:

I wish u luck, and might i say ur progress is anything but un-noticable. Sterling work. :tu:

forgot to add to my post - If your looking for support to changing your body... Youve already found the best place to come.

Post yer pics on here of your progress and I'm sure you'll get honest / friendly and constructive answers.

HC
(p.s. Reno_1ted, thanks for your help last week :tu: )

Who the hell is you girlfriend? Really go on a tear and loose like 15 lbs. in two months or something, really stick the results back in her face (pun), kind of weird she discourages you when working out while she is somewhat fit. Maybe she doesn't like to see other people succeed and take life by the horns, is she like this about everythihng?

Its "Tough love" shes trying to motivate you.
She has realised that you respond with even more determination when she puts you down.
wait .......... Maybe not
I am agianst the tit for tat approach as usualy it gets out of hand. You have to make it clear that she is upseting you by making these remarks. If she continues after that good riddance!
Widers

My workouts and diet are having the opposite affect from my Girlfriend then what I would have expected.
She has become very negative towards the whole thing. Calling me a "Fat Pig" every chance she gets.
We have been dating for about 4 years, she stays pretty fit herself by running on her treadmill 3 or 4 days a week.
She wants no part of anything to do with me working out, always telling me that she sees no change and that I'm wasting my time. She found my grocery list from yesterday and told me "all that food is going to go to waste, you'll never eat that healthy stuff."
I'm not sure what to do. I just started my 8th week of workouts and have no plans to give up now.
If she was reacting this way in my 1st or 2nd week, I might have given up. But now I have to seriously consider parting ways with her.
Is Anyone else's workouts causing negative reactions from people you are close to???

~Todd
St Paul, MN
women ..u can never please them because nothing will make them happy so don't bother trying......this is probably not the first time shes acted this way i'm sure...kick her to the curb u don't need ANYONE who doesn't try and help u better urself....if u ever marry this girl u'll end up miserable.....focus on u and lose the dead weight (pun intended)

Taxi dude...would you want a wife that verbally abuses you like that and doesnt support something you are trying hard to accomplish?

If not, why continue with this girlfriend? Tell her to quit the crap or else.

women ..u can never please them because nothing will make them happy so don't bother trying......

Funny... a little communication here and there and I'm almost 13 years into my relationship. :rolleyes:

Romeo's advice notwithstanding, it's been a day... did ya try talking to her yet? Don't let it fester, man. Trust me...

Funny... a little communication here and there and I'm almost 13 years into my relationship. :rolleyes:

Romeo's advice notwithstanding, it's been a day... did ya try talking to her yet? Don't let it fester, man. Trust me...
glad ur happy after 13 yrs but thats a very rare thing most relationships only last that long if a guy is whipped and does whatever his wife says

glad ur happy after 13 yrs but thats a very rare thing most relationships only last that long if a guy is whipped and does whatever his wife says

If I did everything my wife said and was "whipped" my marriage wouldn't last, because my wife doesn't want a wimp.

glad ur happy after 13 yrs but thats a very rare thing most relationships only last that long if a guy is whipped and does whatever his wife saysBeen with my SO for almost 10 years, 3 married (two practice marriage!), and I'm happy and not whipped, unless she's whipped me and I don't know it, which is possible I suppose ;)

She's obviously very insecure and has some of her own issues as people only make those negative comments like that for one reason, and that's to make themselves feel better.

As for calling you a fat pig every chance she gets....well, just the fact that she's called you this more than once and along with all the other negativity shows me that this is part your fault. Whatever your reaction is to her when she does this, is telling her it's ok to keep doing it. I.E. - You need a stronger reaction.

Stand up for yourself if you truly don't want to be treated that way by her. We should be reading a post by you that says "My girlfriend called me a fat pig once.........ONCE!"

As usual, I opened the door to thread-derailment. :whistle:

There are exceptions to the rule, but I found the statement that "women are impossible to please" to be a poorly stated, unfounded and immature ideology conducive to and synonymous with future failures. Those who wish to live their lives with an "I can't" attitude are free to do so, but it's a defeatist attitude like that which will raise my hackles every time, especially when stated as a poor generalization.

-R

most relationships only last that long if a guy is whipped and does whatever his wife says
Oh, grow up!

As usual, I opened the door to thread-derailment. :whistle:

There are exceptions to the rule, but I found the statement that "women are impossible to please" to be a poorly stated, unfounded and immature ideology conducive to and synonymous with future failures. Those who wish to live their lives with an "I can't" attitude are free to do so, but it's a defeatist attitude like that which will raise my hackles every time, especially when stated as a poor generalization.

-R
i have no problem with ur or anyone else's happiness more power to you and good for u, however women are known to be very insecure and irrational for the most part(exceptions to every rule but rare) and most can't ever make up their mind about simple things nevr mind big decisions........back to the thread ...why would this guy put up with his gf calling him fat and berating his efforts, like i stated i'm sure she has done this in the past and he shouldn't deal with it . the only reason to be with someone is if they mkae ur life better in my humble sometimes warped opinion

Oh, grow up!
all the married guys are attacking.....lol... i'll take the heat

women are known to be very insecure and irrational for the most part(exceptions to every rule but rare) and most can't ever make up their mind about simple things nevr mind big decisions




I have been with my girlfriend over a year, and she never bosses me around or speaks down to me, and visa versa, i never belittle or put her down. We dont want to restrict each other and stop each other doing the things we want to do. We'd rather accept each other and encourage each other to follow our dreams and pursue our ambitions. Im with her where ever she goes, and she is there with me. We like each other to be free to do what we want, so long as what we do respects the fact that we are in a relationship. Thats why im with her, i wouldnt be with someone who restricted me and didnt offer me support when i needed it.

I find it sad that you feel women are never happy, my girlfriend is very happy, as am i... maybe thats just in your experiances that significant others arent happy and satisfied ...

most relationships only last that long if a guy is whipped and does whatever his wife says

Maybe its because u did whatever you were told that meant your relatinship didnt work...

I have been with my girlfriend over a year, and she never bosses me around or speaks down to me, and visa versa, i never belittle or put her down. We dont want to restrict each other and stop each other doing the things we want to do. We'd rather accept each other and encourage each other to follow our dreams and pursue our ambitions. Im with her where ever she goes, and she is there with me. We like each other to be free to do what we want, so long as what we do respects the fact that we are in a relationship. Thats why im with her, i wouldnt be with someone who restricted me and didnt offer me support when i needed it.

I find it sad that you feel women are never happy, my girlfriend is very happy, as am i... maybe thats just in your experiances that significant others arent happy and satisfied ...



Maybe its because u did whatever you were told that meant your relatinship didnt work...
maybe its just the fact that i'm in ny but thats the way women here are........not just for me its 99% of the people i know i'm 35 never married never engaged ...experience has shown me women want money and power ( i have a decent amount of both ) and thats all they want no matter what they say about caring and sensitivity...for a good read on the subject "the ladder theory" on intellectualwhores.com its worth reading just for laughs

maybe its just the fact that i'm in ny but thats the way women here are........not just for me its 99% of the people i know i'm 35 never married never engaged ...experience has shown me women want money and power ( i have a decent amount of both ) and thats all they want no matter what they say about caring and sensitivity...for a good read on the subject "the ladder theory" on intellectualwhores.com its worth reading just for laughsThere are those who continually have the same kinds of relationships, and thus experience the same results. You are probably going out with the same kinds of ladies each time. You are not picking them properly, or the ones who are not compatible with you are picking you for some reason. Most of the women I know do not want power; they want security. My wife cares less about money than I do (and for me it's not that high up on the scale). There are those who want to whore around and live the fun life, and those who want to settle down and have kids. There are plenty in either group. If you want one from the latter, stop spending time with the bar hopping ones :)

There are those who continually have the same kinds of relationships, and thus experience the same results. You are probably going out with the same kinds of ladies each time. You are not picking them properly, or the ones who are not compatible with you are picking you for some reason. Most of the women I know do not want power; they want security. My wife cares less about money than I do (and for me it's not that high up on the scale). There are those who want to whore around and live the fun life, and those who want to settle down and have kids. There are plenty in either group. If you want one from the latter, stop spending time with the bar hopping ones :)
i'm not complaning i don't want to get married i don't think it really works these days....if i wanted that much pain i'd stab myself in the eye with a fork lol..with all the divorces and people in marriage therapy and all the married people secretly cheating why do people bother

I won't make any generalizations about Mr. Crank, his dating habits or the women of New York.

I will say that anyone who puts stock in a website like intellectualwhores.com is someone who will likely never know a solid, lasting relationship, and that's fine with me. How can anyone lend credence to such childish overanalysis of bitterness? If you do, just stop dating. Really. You'll only make some divorce lawyer's Mercedes payment a few years down the road.

It's sad to see intelligence and motivation wasted on negativity. At the very least, the author and mindless minions of that nonsense will have a considerably reduced chance of reproducing and that in and of itself is welcome chlorination for the gene pool. I have to say, as sad as his position is, that site was as entertaining in its misguided theories as it was funny.

I won't make any generalizations about Mr. Crank, his dating habits or the women of New York.

I will say that anyone who puts stock in a website like intellectualwhores.com is someone who will likely never know a solid, lasting relationship, and that's fine with me. How can anyone lend credence to such childish overanalysis of bitterness? If you do, just stop dating. Really. You'll only make some divorce lawyer's Mercedes payment a few years down the road.

It's sad to see intelligence and motivation wasted on negativity. At the very least, the author and mindless minions of that nonsense will have a considerably reduced chance of reproducing and that in and of itself is welcome chlorination for the gene pool. I have to say, as sad as his position is, that site was as entertaining in its misguided theories as it was funny.
in other words ur whipped....just kidding really, like i said the web site was worth reading for a laugh even if u don't agree but u have to admit the ladder theory makes some sense

<looks around the thread and notices that none of the other women on the boards have replied (unless I missed a comment)> Curious....

First of all, to make sweeping generalizations about the behaviours and attitudes of women is unfair. Not all chicks are evil, controlling, bitchy and single-minded.

I've been married for almost 7 years now and my husband is in no way "whipped". We have a solid relationship with lots of compromise. We have our own interests and each one of us respects the other's need for time to take part in these things. He's an avid golfer and is out on the course at least 5 days/evenings a week. I run, do weights, bike and take karate. We make time in each other's schedules so that we each have time to do what we want to do. And then we have mutual interests so that we spend time together.

It's all about respect, and honestly, the original poster's (TaxiTodd) girlfriend is not giving him the respect he deserves. She sounds like she may have some insecurity issues and perhaps jealous to see the results that you have gotten. First of all, you need to confront her on this, and not in an offensive way. Just ask her why she's so negative concerning this aspect of your life. It may take her a bit to come up with an honest answer (because it's embarrassing to have to reveal the truth sometimes), but if she cares for you, she will let you in on her reasons.

Now, if she doesn't and continues to do it after you've asked her about it, then I say "Ditch The Bitch". You don't need negativity undermining your progress.

MD (from the female perspective)

Seems like she knows you....

all the married guys are attacking.....lol... i'll take the heat

Hey, I'm not married and I can tell you that your view of women is a stereotype and essentially worthless. It takes a mature man and a mature woman to have a good relationship.

And, as far as my opinion with relationships and marriage, I actually take the OPPOSITE view. A healthy relationship (whether marriage or not) is comprised of two people who work to benefit the other person first, not themselves. If the whole motivation for the relationship is what you get out of it, then it becomes very self-serving and ultimately doomed to failure. The best relationships are where each person works to make the life of their partner better, in turn making their life better.

glad ur happy after 13 yrs but thats a very rare thing most relationships only last that long if a guy is whipped and does whatever his wife says

No it's not but maybe it seems that way when you're 16 and you've not had much luck with the girls yet.

Ask yourself this:

"Would you want your future kids to be like her?" All the same personality traits, everything.

If the answer is "yes" then this relationship is worth persuing and you should talk about the way she communicates. If you answered "no" then you should probably end the relationship.

I once broke up with a girlfriend of 2 and 1/2 years because of this question. And it is one of the best decissions I've ever made.

TaxiTodd, what a crappy situation. One that I am too familiar with.

As I began to get serious about improving my body (and life), I quickly realized that I had to basically drop a few so called "friends" I had. The ones who said the same types of things your girlfriend said to you. Believe me, it was worth it. I just made a decision to not surround myself with such negativity.

Constructive criticism is one thing, but flat out making fun of you is another.

I remember going to see Porter Freeman speak at a seminar here in Orlando once (Porter was one of the first Body for Life competition winners). During the question and answer part, someone asked Porter about this negativity, someone in a similar boat as you. Porter then told the crowd a story about when he first started exercising, and how his girlfriend constantly picked on him in the same way and did not support him at all. So, he dropped her, plain and simple. He mentioned trying to sit down and talk to her about it, but it was obvious that he was looking better and better and she was flat out jealous! She kept making fun, so he left her.

And after he won the competition she started calling him a lot. :)

Sounds to me like some fuel for your workouts! I DO recommend that you first talk to her if you really do love this girl. Tell her about your goals, about what you want to do and how you want her help and support. If she cannot provide it, bye bye. And use that in the gym. When you think you cannot get another rep on those curls, think about her making fun of you, think about her with her new boyfriend climbing on top of her, see if you don't get that last rep!!!

I think jealousy is a huge issue here. People sometimes want to put others down when they see them progressing and moving foward and bettering themselves. You don't deserve that! If she cannot understand and support you, I believe it's time to move on.

Good luck and let us know how things work out!

Chris

I won't make any generalizations about Mr. Crank, his dating habits or the women of New York.

I, on the other hand, will gladly make generalizations about the women of New York.

They all do yoga.

They love purses.

That is all.

. someone made my point better than i had already.

Wow, lots of information here...
Thanks for all the replies...
I plan on talking to her tonight. After 4 years things don't change a whole lot in relationships and you get comfortable or tolerant with the way things are going. Besides dancers, bartenders and hookers, it's hard to find women that can deal with my strange work hours.
I spent 3 hours over at her apt today putting together her new tv stand and re-hooking up all her elecronic stuff. When I realized I was almost 2 hours late getting to Ballys. I told her I had to get going to Ballys before 4:00pm or it would be too crowded. I also had to go home and drink my mid-morning snack (I drive taxi cabs overninght so my hours are all screwed up) I got a call on my phone 10min later, it was her scolding me for running out so fast.
After four years I guess I wouldn't be too upset if she found someone else and just moved on.

~Todd

TaxiTodd: You're not treating yourself with respect, so it shouldn't be too suprising that she isn't treating you with respect either. A trite but largely true proverb is that if you act like a floor mat expect to get stepped on. An equally inappropriate response would be to fight back. It is still treating yourself with disrespect when you allow other people's failings to become your own.

To take this to another and far more important level, if you cared about her at all you wouldn't submit to this kind of treatment. You are enabling her to behave in a way that can only negatively impact her.

My humble opinion is that you would be best to completely cut the relationship immediately (like ripping off a bandage); let yourself heal and hope and pray she makes a turn for the better.

And if your job is truly holding you back from having normal relationships with normal people (a convenient excuse, but I understand your point), then go to school and get a different job. You live in American man. Millions of people would love to trade places with you right now, and would do something with the opportunity you have. Don't waste it!