I fell off the wagon today.

Scratch that.

I took a running start, did a double half-twisting belly flop off the wagon and landed with a sickening THUD.

For the first time in 10 months, I put my lifestyle on hold. I didn't workout for the last 3 days, and I've eaten nothing but processed, refined, starchy, salty, culinaries the likes of which would turn the stomach of Homer Simpson. I've drank NO water, skipped breakfasts, and gorged on everything in sight whenever I was hungry. I even ate when I WASN'T hungry. 4 slices of pizza last night was about the HEALTHIEST I've eaten in the last 72 hours.

Simply, I've had a complete mental breakdown. I don't know what could have caused this, but I've got an idea.

I was not chosen for a job I was interviewed for last week. This normally is a routine setback for me, since I apply for job competitions often at my work. Occassionaly I'll hit the jackpot, but I've been unlucky in the last few years.

My preferred area is IT, doing computer and network support or even simple web maintenance. However, I've been out of the IT side since finishing an assigned position a while back and have been stuck doing data entry for the past year and a half. During this time, my skills have become outdated and obsolete.

I was really counting on this position, since the department contacted ME to be interviewed - having interviewed me in the past, they raved about my personality and how I would be a perfect fit. But my technical inadequacies were my Achilles heel, and I always fall short after winning over their hearts in the behaviour competencies.

Yet, I did something somewhat positive. I could have whined about how they overlooked my poor technical test scores and flew me thousands of miles away to be interviewed regardless. I could have whined about how the interview and practical tests were biased and unfair, and how they should have eliminated me from the competition due to my limited experience. I even have a strong case for greiving the competition, and stronger chance of winning. But I didn't.

Instead, I wrote a letter of sincere gratitude. I was thankful for them to have made time and arrangements for me to go across the country (and risk leaving my family for better employment opportunities permanently), and be given the chance at proving myself.

In letting me know that I was not chosen from the competition, they offerred to help steer me in the direction I needed to go and steps I needed to take in order to re-educate myself in the field. I graciously accepted and welcomed any assistance they could provide in getting me trained properly for future positions.

That still leaves me getting fat and out of shape, but I'm going to do some soul-searching this weekend and resolve to bounce back to my diet and training routine. It's just damn hard when you feel crushed about something you wanted so bad...

Ken (chasing after that wagon)

I've got two words for you, bud. Shit happens.

You know as well as I do that 50% of the game is mindset. the other half is diet and exercise. If your grey matter isn't into it, the rest is moot.

I know exactly where you're coming from. Since vacation, just over two months ago, I've been huffing and puffing after that wagon and the bastards keep speeding up when I get close to catching 'em. Last couple of weeks... well, the wagon has since disappeared out of sight. Two hurricanes and all the associated joys, a slew of personal problems, a family leaning on me, work pressures, two fender benders (not our fault!!)...

Life can pile the crap high and yeah, you can have setbacks. Accept yourself as human and therefore flawed... that you're going to screw up, make friends with it, learn from it 'n move on. I've made my mistakes, most which, in all honesty, I'd do over again. The path of least resistance is the smartest (maybe not the best) in difficult times of life. It's a more natural way for each person to deal with stresses. If a few days of dietary faux pas helps at a tough time, so be it. It's only calories. I try to think of it as a fuel tank for further transformation. I'm just fueling up... :rolleyes:

I plan to start crawling out of this fog by Sunday. And I do so knowing that another hurricane is coming to try to pee in my Wheaties yet again. Looks like you put the appropriate positive spin on your sitch and you're moving forward as such. The rest of life will fall in line. Give it time. It may be more time than you want to give it, but hey... you can't do it 100% if you're not 100% into it.

I know it's taken me time to get the steam back up to move along... and it's more time than I'd have liked, but healing takes what healing takes. No getting around it. Healing the mind is no different than healing the body.

Self-awareness is much further than most people ever get with regard to their behavior. You obviously have it. That puts you ahead of the game no matter what. You eat right and exercise, chalk another mark in the positive column. You know you are in a funk. Now you also have to realize that you don't plan on letting yourself stay there.
A few days out of the gym and some pizza and chili-cheese-fries does not negate the strides you have made over the last year. Not unless you let it - and there is no need to do that.
You're response regarding the employment position is extremely mature - and undoubtedly will reap benefits for you in the long run, just like it has in the past. Keep the faith.

Instead, I wrote a letter of sincere gratitude. I was thankful for them to have made time and arrangements for me to go across the country (and risk leaving my family for better employment opportunities permanently), and be given the chance at proving myself.
I'm in IT myself (programming). One thing I've learned is that you never know who is going to be able to help you in the future. I've worked with a$$holes that have later come back to give me a major career boost. Even if it's just a recommendation, you never want to burn bridges. It always seems so much easier to just go off than swallowing your pride and maintaining a working relationship with someone. Excellent choice on your letter.

As far as the diet, no biggie. Stress is a major cause of a lot of my breakdowns. But you get over it and back on the horse, so to speak. Just realize it was a glitch and don't dwell on it.

yah bro, 248lbs down to 188lbs? 60lbs!! thats my entire loss goal...NOTHING to sneeze at.

the other dudes got it pegged man, its all mindset.

My BIGGEST problem not too long ago was every time i would have a personal setback, life just sucked i ATTACKED every food I could find...only the shit food made me feel any better, Chinese, Mcdonalds...ESPECIALLY MCDONALDS!! My other vice was i'd spend a shit ton of money buying stuff i really didnt need but it made me feel better to keep writing checks.

2 things happened then....i gained 100 lbs...i lost countless $$ in bounced check charges :o

Now i realize the phyical part I got locked, lifting and cardio are no biggie...the only problem i had was letting go of the thought destroying myself would make me feel better in times of turmoil. I have an entire BINDER of rejection letters....each one a reason to self destruct for me. Especially for someone at the end of their rope trying to break into a field that is near IMPOSSIBLE to break into.

Think of it this way....a lot of other people have it way worse than you and are dealing with it A LOT better. Channel your frustration, i save all my aggression up thru out the day and take it out on those poor wittle defenseless dumbbells in the gym :spaz:

i'm tellin ya man...dont let yourself get away with this. its gonna start you on a path you DO NOT want to follow.

just like your taking positive steps after your job disappointment, do the same with your food intake for the past three days. it really just breaks down to a few cheat days. :) if you rationalize, you could treat those days as part of your routine to jumpstart your metabolism and break through a metabolic plateau. you've done ten months of eating clean and excercising dilligently. a few days won't undo all your work, but a few weeks might. on that note, go back to your diet, make modifications as necessary and start a new lifting/excercise plan. Treat it as a workout vacation and not a failure. :) :gl:

Thanks, everyone.

Again, the support here has carried me through another trying time.

I won't even wait for Monday. I'm going to hit my chest and triceps hard tonight. :db:

I want to IMPROVE on the pictures I posted here:

http://forums.johnstonefitness.com/showthread.php?t=7789

I don't want do pull a U-turn and end up back where I started, all over a piddly missed job opportunity.

So I'm going to re-pocket the $1 I would have used for the vending machine, and pull my can of tuna out of the garbage can. I'm also going to drink a ton of water and mentally psych myself up for some solid weights when the kids are in bed.

Gotta get back on the straight and narrow...

Ken

Anytime I fail at something that was meaningful and I put time into I get immediately pissed off, but the older I get the quicker that turns into determination to ensure that it doesn't happen again. You've had your time to seeth, now you can get better :)

In regards to 10 months of eating properly and then 3 days of eating badly, hell that's impressive will power. I recently came off a TEN DAY bender of silliness. I blame it on my inlaws visiting and supplying me with a ready supply of junk and booze. I could have done better, but I didn't entirely want to, and I knew that I could recover, so they left on Sunday and then after a party at friends' house on Monday I was back on the horse on Tuesday. I had a false start a couple of times before I got going again but by the beginning of wednesday after doing things properly on tuesday I felt like a new man agani and now I'm solidly back on track. 3 days is nothing. One good day and you'll be right back on scedule, not looking back.

I felt only slightly guilty when the inlaws were here, but on Monday it was day 10, with only one clean day out of the previous 10, and I finally entered into the motivational zone of disgust, so I knew that Tuesday was truly this time going to be a new start. I remember around day 6 at the beach looking at myself in the mirror and thinking that I still looked decent, but on day 10 I was feeling like a pudgy man. Disgust at myself has always motivated myself the most :tu:

Hey, I feel your pain. School has started up, and my last minute rush to finish my summer assignments has really thrown me off track. I haven't done any exercise in a week in a half. Now, I haven't gained any weight, but it really scares me how quickly I could switch modes like that. Just get back into it.

Disgust at myself has always motivated myself the most :tu:

I share your pain...

i think i have fallen off the wagon, just a little bit this last week, although its kinda weird...

i decided that i wasnt going to count calories and just eat when i wanted, always healthy foods, just when i felt like it.... one thing i didnt count on is my huge appitite, especially when im working out!!

i havent touched anything crap, the worst thing i've eaten has been white rice in sushi (i love sushi now :p) but DAMN have i eaten alot of good nutritious food :p
i have been lifting and doing cardio as usual, but just eating alot of healthy food! alot of good carbs (bread, fruit, wholemeal pasta in particular, also i make an effort to eat vegies everyday)
its only been going on for 6 days, last week i took a week off from training and ate when i felt like it, i lost like 1.5kg(about 3.3lbs) i'll weigh myself tomorrow to get a good 1 week figure of how i have been going, i've probly gained a ton of water! which is probly what you have gained too! just water, that can be shed easily

Hey Ken,

Sorry to hear you were not chosen for the position. You however handled the situation great and much better than most people would. I think it's great that the company is offering to help you as well; they sound pretty fantastic.

Sorry about your recent turn towards junky foods, but I don't think a few days is going to knock you out by any means. As a matter of fact, after 10 months you really should take some time off from the gym anyway, at least 7 days if not 10 in my opinion. I always think a good week off should be taken after a few months of hard training. I don't necessarily think one should veer too far from healthy eating during this time, but I think it's okay to cheat a little more than normal. Actually it might help you get more intensity when you come back to the gym next week (or whenever).

Good luck to you my friend!
Chris

PS - add another programmer to the list here (there seems to be a lot of IT and web guys on this forum).

Ken...dude, you'll have lots more "down" days ahead of you. Get yourself an exit plan and a re-entry plan (just like training body builders). You'll be fine. Keep your chin up! That guilt is normal but remember to shed it (with that fat).

You've done well man - that goes for everyone!

:tu:

I bet this crash did nothing to you weight wise :p Don't worry. You can easily turn this thread and your 3 days experience into a motivator real easily.

dude..just be glad u have a job...i had been looking for a long time with no luck..nothing half way decent...it was so bad that whenever i worked i started feeling guilty that i should be out looking for work and not working out...job market has been terrible..thats how i fell off the wagon..it kinda sucks cuz i took a month off..now that i am getting back in routine its like starting from square one...i found a job..a lame one...but work is work...u know what i learned from it...you have to keep doing your best no matter what and leave the rest in Gods hands...but i think u handled the situation well and there is no reason for you to be feeling guilty.. :tu: