It's been a tough week... the last 24-hours in particular. My penchant for noisy cars has shot me in the foot the last couple of days... as soon as I hit the parking lot at the office, people are on me like a bum on a ham sandwich. I didn't have my briefcase on the floor before I was being paged this morning... same thing yesterday. And I come in an hour early every day! Meeting after meeting, phone calls, questions... how'm I supposed to get work done, eat my SGX meals and play 20 questions every five minutes? I seem to figure it out, to my amazement, every day. 'Nuff 'o that crap...

I rewarded myself last night... not that I did anything spectacular to deserve it... but I bought a new guitar off Ebay (http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3738333340). Well, new to me since it's a '95 S470FMTT. I've been itching for an S-series (http://www.ibanezrules.com/catalogs/us/1995/95020.jpg) to add to my babies... and since I started studying Joe Satriani, I need a guitar with a mellower tone than my RG's or my Universe. I have the first 2:14 seconds of "Always With You, Always With Me" down cold. A little over a minute left to work on.

So... the first few days of SGX are behind me. I really feel great. Three weeks of screwing off didn't hurt much, but damned if I'm not pretty sore these past few days! I've forgotten what that felt like... it was tough to roll out of bed at 5:30 this morning. I felt my body ache as I put my feet on the ground. It was a good ache; that muscle soreness that reminds you you're alive, a warm blanket of familiarity was wrapped around me, reminding me why I workout every day.

The whole SGX program isn't that different from my previous self-designed program... which makes me feel great. That twisted little bean that masquerades as my brain seems to find some sort of validation to the time I've spent researching and planning for success. And now I have this unshakable feeling that I'm getting maximal returns from my best efforts. There's something about making the financial investment in the program that's got my pilot lit again. I'm taking daily pictures and weekly measurement/statistics to track my progress.

The program doesn't require meticulous tracking, but I can't help but maintain my spreadsheet to track kcal's, etc... it's habit now and keeps me honest. No disputing what I put in the computer, no matter how badly I eat. It's like a report card of sorts. Nobody ever wanted a blemish on theirs... or at least I didn't... it keeps me on the proverbial bandwagon. I do have a website I fully plan on deploying to document my changes on this program... but I likely won't have time to get it out there until this weekend, if even then. I'll be in the office Saturday... busy, busy, busy...

Within this thread, I also plan to put some "cookie cutter" posts that I seem to regurgitate over and over again. This way... I can link to it, rather than rehash it every day. You guys know how long winded I tend to be. Can I help it if I type like a maniac?

Oh, and you're free to respond to this journal. It's called Stream of Consciousness for a reason, since my mind has a tendency to wander aimlessly at times, the title fit. And it's a kick-ass instrumental by Dream Theater (http://www.dreamtheater.net), too.

Tonight is the first full SGX leg workout and the first leg day I'll have done in over 8 weeks. Getting out of bed tomorrow morning should be hell... but I will. To the treadmill I will go...

-R

Notes:
-Dream Theater Rules
-I type like a maniac too
-SGX leg day should be renamed "The Legs are Evil and Must Be Punished!"
-That guitar is badass
-With all that stuff goin' on in the office you still manage to post at least 5 posts a day (big props to you my man!)
-Always With You, Always With Me is an amazing track, you'll have to record the outcome and share it with us...
-Good luck!!

:cool:

It never ceases to amaze me how Bluestreak's posts become more and more articulate and intelligible with each passing day.

And while it was likely unintentional, there is some motivational stuff in what he said. It's very empowering to reward yourself after putting out so much for so long. And, as a performing musician myself, I can appreciate that guitar to be a bona fide reward!

In the future, I'm sure this journal will surely give you an opportunity to reflect on feelings and memories gone by. I know my personal journal serves as motivating for me in times of despair.

So I'll be shooting to read as many updates as I can, since I value most of the ramblings you've shared here. Much of that info is gold, and I hope you continue to learn and subsequently teach along the way.

Ken (A recent Dream Theater noob)

I should have a recording that says "Send him to my voicemail", or "tell him I'm in a meeting" here. Just five minutes of peace would be nice... let's see how far I can get with this post before someone buzzes me.

Ken... you give me more credit than I deserve. In actuality... I've been twelve years old for... oh, 18 years? There is, at least for me, a great deal of truth in the saying, "The only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys." And my wife is under orders: if I ever grow up, she is to shoot me dead.

SGX leg day IS hell. Putting my feet on the floor when the alarm went off at 5:15am this morning was not easy, and that's understating the effort. The temptation to just stay there and float back into dreamland was enormous. I didn't have to move to know my abs are sore, my legs... are Jell-O, yet I was going to get on the treadmill and punish them further this morning. And so I did... for 40 minutes.

I am determined to follow my program to the letter. I will be able to post my abs for everyone to see. Which brings me to a point... this is the first week since my initial transformation that I have been at the gym, in splits, for five solid days without missing a session. What I've noticed in looking around the gym each day this week is that no one has any consistency. I don't see the same faces each day at the same time. There are some regulars... but now I know why they aren't making progress. No consistency. I don't see them carrying around a cooler full of prepped food like I do to support their efforts in the gym. I don't see them keeping focused (most would rather chat it up between sets) and moving with any intensity. Kind of strange, if you think about it... 18 months ago, I was a complete and total slob, and today... I'm on the cusp of achieving elite physical fitness.

I've been putting more intensity into the workouts, but keeping the weights lifted down considerably this first full week to try to keep the DOMS to a minimum. I'd rather be able to comfortably execute the program with minimal pain/discomfort than miss a session because I went overboard on <insert muscle group here> day. But my legs are still pretty sore, being the first beating I've given them since... oh, some time in May? My legs were very wobbly last night. Holding in the mechanical clutch on the Mustang was not pleasant driving home from the gym last night. I couldn't believe how much strength my legs had lost in a two month hiatus from leg workouts. Most of my leg exercises were in the neighborhood of 50% of the weight I was doing two months ago in order to complete the required reps. I know they'll remember and come up fast, but that doesn't make it any less disappointing, as I'd reached record strength in my legs.

The good news is, the knees held up great (glucosamine to the rescue! I love that stuff...) and the feet are not swelling or bothering me at all after this week's punishment (orthotics RULE!).

I have some other thoughts... but I'll post 'em later while the computer is churning away on my stormwater models. Oh, no phone calls in the last ten minutes. Back to work...

-R

Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick. Sometimes you just can't win. This week was one of those times. Crazy, crazy days at the office... tons of work around the house due to the wife's wrist surgery... and the following minor calamities:

Calamity No. 1. I was in an accident the beginning of this year... I hit my face and cracked off the tips of my two front teeth. The dentist "bonded" new tips on... but they keep falling off. I feel like the biggest redneck when one comes off... every time I open my yapper, it's like someone is pointing to my broken tooth with a neon sign. I'm going on Tuesday to get it fixed... again. Good thing, because I fly to Minneapolis on Wednesday for a business trip. I'd hate to stand in the board room of the corporate HQ of my biggest client only to reveal my wonderful broken tooth as I smile and address the president of one of the best-known retail companies in the US...

Ok... Calamity No. 2. Four years in this house, six times this stupid thing has been run over. It's a telephone service pull box, sticking up about 3 feet (about a meter for you metric folks) right at the end of my curved driveway. My mother ran it over backing out the other day as we were taking her and my grandparents to the airport for the family reunion in NY. She did $500 worth of damage to her bumper. Now I'm fighting with the phone company to get it moved elsewhere in the utility easement. Thankfully, I know some people in the engineering division with Sprint. It'll get moved, whether or not I have to take a 7-lb. sledge hammer to it... it'll get moved.

Calamity No. 3. I'm leaving the gym this morning when some asshole not paying attention and talking on his f@#$ing cellphone clips my rear bumper backing out. Tears the rear fascia off on one side. This is just as I'm leaving the gym after this morning's SGX cardio. Now, I'm hiding how livid I am because this guy has soiled my trusty steed. Not that she's any beauty queen right now... I call her "Frankie" because she looks like "Bride of Frankenstein" with her black body and white hood (http://www.cffb.net/_junk/P7240003.JPG). I would be more upset, but he's admitting guilt left and right. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...". Ok, you're sorry? Get your insurance agent on the phone, assbag. He decides he wants to settle it right there. "Is $200 enough for the bumper?". Hell yeah, it is, as he whips out a stack of 50's and peels off four of them for me. Little does he know I have brand new front and rear bumper covers at home in the shed awaiting the day I finally paint Frankie! I bought 'em off Ebay a while back for $200 for the pair. And the best part? The el-cheapo rivets I used to mount the bumper fascia broke - not the bumper cover itself. I duct-taped the rear bumper up (yup, I keep duct tape in the trunk, ya never know... MacGyver always kicked much ass with duct tape and a ball point pen), drove home, broke out the rivet gun, and two el-cheapo rivets later, you can't even tell the yutz hit me. And I have $200 more towards the paint job... if I ever get off my ass and get it done.

Admittedly, these are just little hiccups in the grand scheme. My never-ending quest for perfection makes little things like this gnaw on my nerves. I know, I know... I should chill, let the little stuff go. There are very few, but some personality flaws you just can't change about yourself...

All this notwithstanding, I survived the first full week at SGX. I don't think I'm going to be able to walk right for another day at least... leg day is murder. I did back yesterday, but my back feels great as yet. But... tonight's cheat meal night! Boy, did I earn it. 54 hours at the office, chores galore with the wife out of commission, and I didn't miss a single workout from my SGX plan. After I sooth my overdeveloped sense of responsibility by taking care of a few little things at the office this afternoon, we're taking the big dog out of the garage and heading to Longhorn Steakhouse, for a steak and some fries... then we're going to DQ for dessert, as I'd kill for an Oreo Blizzard right now. Oreos are my weakness, I must have them. Oh yes, I must have them.

Off I go... may this day be trouble-free from here on out...

-R

Cheat day was magnificent. I ate clean all day... about 5pm-ish we went out for a steak, fries 'n a soda. That meal has never tasted so good. Probably because it's the first cheat meal I've truly earned in a very long time. We stopped at DQ for a couple of ice cream blizzards, but they ended up getting stuck in the freezer as we got invited to a friend's house last minute that night.

So we spent until the wee hours of Saturday night with some close friends in a wonderfully temptation-free environment. I had a protein shake before we went over there to tide me over, as it had been a few hours from our cheat meal. When we got there, they offered drinks, but I wouldn't. The nicest part of the evening? They're health-nuts too, very fit people, so they totally understood why I'm doing what I'm doing. After spending all week at the office with Mayor McCheese and the Fry Guys who go off to some fatty lunch every day... it's nice to be with someone who was respectful of and genuinely interested in discussing the new program I am working with.

They just said on the radio... "It's just past 8 o'clock... some of you are just waking up!" I've been up since 5:25am. I seem to run on autopilot in the mornings now. The alarm rings at 5:25am. My feet hit the floor. On go the gym clothes. Pack cooler, take bags to the trunk of the car, guzzle water/supps, then off I go. Sometimes I feel like I don't really wake up until I've got 20 minutes on the treadmill's clock... it's so early it's feels like I sleep-walk to that point.

The wife is on a milder version of SGX now, but can only work her lower extremities and do cardio due to her wrist surgery (they took a ganglion cyst out not quite two weeks ago). Boy, was she pissed when she got her BF% tested and stepped on the scale after taking so much time off due to her hand. It has been a bit awkward of late, because I have been the one driving our little fitness crusade instead of her. When she got into the whole NPC competition thing last year, she was posessed. Seems like I'm the one with the supernatural drive this time. Once she's at 100%, we'll be able to make the final push together and because we'll both be where we want to be, we'll be able to maintain it more easily.

The new guitar should arrive today, possibly tomorrow. I am, of course, hoping today's the day! I can't wait to meet her! I have it on good authority that the S470FMTT is a rare model and this one's supposed to be in mint condition. The fact that I acquired it for half what a store would list it for is icing... mmm... icing...

More thoughts to come later today, if time permits...

-R

I'm going to start logging thoughts based on posts I read. If you see anything in here you think is bullsh!t, please feel free to call me on it.

First observation... newbies who come to JSF after diets fail, whether they be fad diets or based on good science. Dieters seem to have some misguided beliefs that, for my own edification and comprehension, need to be stated explicitly.

1.) Dieters believe that they can effect permanent changes in their body through minor, more often than not ineffectual changes in diet. Probably my favorite example is the diet soda. While less damaging than a regular cola, a diet pop is a worthwhile calorie reduction but it isn't going to enhance the nutritional value of a Big Mac and large fries. I've seen this behavior many times.

2.) Dieters of the stereotypical genre believe it's possible to make a temporary change in eating habits to attain a positive, permanent change in physical appearance. In the unlikely event that a dieter actually reaches the desired weight/body image, they return to their old habits mistakingly thinking that they've achieved a static body. The popular, unspoken belief is that it's OK to return to old habits.

3.) Most dieters don't realize that in most cases, it took years to add adipose tissue. They see little to no change in outward appearance in the shortest of time frames without realizing that since it took years to bulk up, it will take an appreciable amount of time to remove the extra tissue. As a result of (2) and the reasons stated herein, people lose motivation quickly. Body changes can't be maintained when a return to previous habits occurs, and this is usually the result of changes not occurring fast enough for said dieter's liking. Hence the stereotypical "yoyo" dieter.

4.) Lack of planning. This is self-explanatory, and I was once counted among this group. How can someone lose weight if lunch every day is what's convenient at the nearest fast food joint? Prepping food is something they seem to know about, but don't seem to fully grasp the concept of. In my case, it was laziness, pure and simple - and I'd bet that 99.44% of the rest have the same lethargy I once had.

5.) A general misunderstanding of what a healthy lifestyle is. These are some of the many misconceptions that I grew up with, and that those of use who've sustained transformations have likely blown out of the water:
- Three "square" meals per day
- Spot-training is possible
- Running/jogging is best for fat loss
- The US Government's nutritional recommendations (which are major BS)
- A poor definition of "fitness"

6.) Excuses. Oh, the excuses! I could turn this into a 400-page book, but I'll keep it short. Excuses fly out of the mouths of everyone I know when it comes to failed fitness regimes of their past. I know, I used to make them, too. Work, chores, baby, family, etc... the fact of the matter is, I don't care how much you have on your plate, if you want fitness bad enough, you'll achieve it.

7.) The "all or nothing" mentality. Too often, one Krispy Kreme will start a dieter spiralling into a depression-laden binge whereby a dump truck full of Doritos couldn't drown the sorrow of failure. Drop the "all or nothing" attitude. One donut isn't the end of the world. It's satisfying a craving - we're all human, and we all get 'em. Don't think of that donut as the end of a diet, but a treat to yourself for a job well done thus far and continue to move along with your weight loss program.

8.) Lack of vision. What good is a trip with no destination? You need to know where you're going to get there. A Sunday drive is just fine when you have no idea where you're going. But if the car is your personal health and you're driving around with no road map and no destination, well... then you're like the 65% of Americans who're considered overweight - you're lost. Sadly, most don't seem to care that they're lost.

That's all I can think of now.

-R

Good thoughts Blue.

I think the biggest change comes from realizing that if you want to look good and be healthy you have to make changes for life, not for a week, a month, or a year. You have to realize America is trying to sell you something, and it doesn't care if it is good for you. You have to break out of the easy way mentality and realize that its going to be a challenge. Then rise to it.

Also, the all or nothing thing you were talking about I see alot. All things in moderation, including moderation I always say. :tu:

Moderation in moderation. I kinda like that, JO.

So... I leave for Minneapolis tomorrow morning for a big business meeting for work. Since coming to this position in January, I have had to learn to be a politician and an engineer. I didn't sign up for this when I got out of college. Oh well. It's a good job working with good people and fun projects. I can deal with politics for the returns I'm getting.

The new guitar came in yesterday. If I think of it, I'll snap a picture and post it tonight. Due to the extreme change in climate, it's ALL out of whack. The setup, I mean. It came to Orlando from the mountains in Montana. From a dry climate -> mega-humid climate. The wood swelled like a cankle... it was unplayable. I won't have time to disassemble, clean and adjust her until this weekend. I hate having new toys I can't play with.

Anyway... I'm staying across the street from the HQ of my client in Minneapolis. So tomorrow I will get my morning cardio in early, be at the office for a bit, then I fly out at noon. I have a dinner meeting tomorrow night, then a breakfast meeting in the morning, I'll be in a presentation all morning after that, then a lunch meeting, more Q&A from the presentation, and then I fly back to FL later Thursday night.

At the HQ of a major retail giant, you know they ain't gonna be serving egg whites. I doubt baked chicken breasts will be nearby. It's not going to be easy, but I'm going to do my best to stick with the program. I'm trying to find out if the hotel has a gym, if they do, I'm taking my workout clothes so I can at least get in cardio before Thursday morning's meetings. Week No. 2 of SGX and I have to have a monkey wrench tossed in the works. Oh well, I'll roll with it and make the best of it.

Gonna be a long day today... gotta get to it.

-R

Your wife doesn't post here, does she? If she ever did post here, I'd recommend she use the name White Lightning. Sounds like you guys make a good team. :D PM me if you know of any good sites that deal with women's competitions. I don't know a thing about them, and it would be interesting to learn some more and see if it's something I'd like to pursue. I'm suffering a bit from #8, and need all the help I can get.

What bugs me? Those people that try to lose weight by eating half the calories that they've normally been eating. Are you going to go the whole remaining of your natural life eating 1200 calories? No? So why do it now?

Your wife doesn't post here, does she? If she ever did post here, I'd recommend she use the name White Lightning. Sounds like you guys make a good team. :D

She is the sun around which my galaxy revolves and to say I'd be lost without her would be an understatement. In the not too distant future, look for posts from "Chameleon". That's my girl.

PM me if you know of any good sites that deal with women's competitions. I don't know a thing about them, and it would be interesting to learn some more and see if it's something I'd like to pursue. I'm suffering a bit from #8, and need all the help I can get.

I'm liable to say something of informational value (it does happen now and again) so I'll post this here rather than PM you. If you have any specific Q's, feel free to hit me privately.

The only site I know of is the NPC's website (http://www.npcnewsonline.com/new/). My wife competes in figure division, which is, in all honesty, a glorified bikini contest.

But... I don't want to sell it short by describing it that way, though. The training and dedication required are nothing short of monumental. I have never been more proud of her than when she crossed that stage. In the span of 13 weeks, she lost over 12% of her body fat (27% -> 15% @ competition). She made the same concerted effort I'm making now on SGX, though I think she had greater motivation because her contest was the light at the end of the tunnel.

Now, the contest she competed in was a national level qualifier. I.e., if you placed at this show, you had the opportunity to go to the national show which would afford competitors the chance to earn their pro card if they won. To say the competition was "tough" is yet another understatement. I have pictures from that night hidden somewhere, when I dig them up, I'll post them.

Research after the fact turned up that the problem with figure division is that it's new, it's not well defined, and it tends to vary from one set of judges/shows to another. Many of the fitness division competitors cross over and compete in figure as well. Fitness girls are very muscular as their choreographed routines require them to be, but they tend to be less muscular than bodybuilding females. So the girls on that stage with my wife that night weren't necessarily feminine and the judging was disappointing to me in that respect as the judges leaned towards the bigger girls. We thought figure was going to be more about femininity. To call the ladies who placed in the top five "feminine" is to do the word an injustice, as I'd swear a couple of them had Adam's apples and were tucking something back, if'n you know what I mean. Monica Brant is feminine. A few of these so-called "figure" girls... might well have been able to bench press my car.

As for pursuing it - I highly recommend it. It forces you to concentrate on nutrition and training on a higher, more detailed level as well as other facets of your appearance - posture, tanning (competitors use sunless tanners - I have a GREAT blackmail photo of the wife during one of the many "coats" she had to put on) as well as a hundred other variables. It is a little time intensive, so your family will have to be a more supportive and understanding. In my opinion, you could do this without a trainer, but a trainer with competition experience is very comforting to have to assist with dietary tweaks to maintain optimal progress in your program. That means weekly visits to the trainer for advice, assessment and adjustment. The trainer we hired was invaluable at that time and had her in the best condition she's been in in over 12 years together. Did I mention how proud I was of her?

I'm probably forgetting or glossing over something as I'm half typing this and half watching my modeling software in the background. Here's the culmination of 13 weeks of work. These pictures were the morning of the contest.

Wow, thanks for the information. I don't have time to check out that site now, but I will soon.

A glorified bikini contest, huh? That's what I thought, but better to say it than to pretend you don't think it is. It sounds like somewhat of a vain thing to do. However, it's not like I think it's beneath me or anything - you make some good points.

As for pursuing it - I highly recommend it. It forces you to concentrate on nutrition and training on a higher, more detailed level as well as other facets of your appearance - posture, tanning as well as a hundred other variables.

If I wasn't here at JSF, I would have quit at where I was at in April. In April I still didn't think I was the best that I could be, and I'm glad for JSF, that I didn't stop at anything less than perfection. Still going... just not sure where anymore.

So your wife will be competing again? What would she change this time?I'd have to take a look at some winners. If I couldn't imagine myself looking like that, then I don't see any reason why I'd want to compete. I'd like to hear what it did to her self esteem to not win. Maybe she doesn't even WANT to have the defined muscled look required by the figures judges. She looks beautiful in those pictures, so why aim to meet someone else's standard of beauty instead of trying to set your own?

So your wife will be competing again?

Oh yes. She loved everything about it. I did too. Watching the show as a whole was excellent.

What would she change this time?

She would lose 1% more body fat, build more muscle initially, especially definition in the legs and back. She wants slightly smaller hips, too.

I'd have to take a look at some winners. If I couldn't imagine myself looking like that, then I don't see any reason why I'd want to compete. I'd like to hear what it did to her self esteem to not win.

No, she liked the compliments she received alot. She likes the positive attention it gets her and the satisfaction of knowing she's disciplined enough to do it. Since she's a blank slate now (she's almost back where she started last year) she'll be able to correct last year's mistakes. In all fairness, my father became very ill immediately after her contest. We both slacked off to help the family take care of my dad until his passing in January, but I was a little more conscious of my efforts than her throughout and I never gained a single pound over the holidays (her contest was the end of Sept. 03).

Maybe she doesn't even WANT to have the defined muscled look required by the figures judges. She looks beautiful in those pictures, so why aim to meet someone else's standard of beauty instead of trying to set your own?

She does want the muscle definition. Look up Monica Brant in conpetition shape and that's what she wants to achieve. More power to her! I'll be so proud, as I know she has the potential, we just need to work together to help her find it.

Here's a pic or two from the night of the big contest.

-R

Aggression. It's just intensity... with attitude.

Yeah, yeah... I should be busting my hump right now... I leave to fly to Minneapolis in ... two hours. I need a rest.

I left the office yesterday around 2:30p to go get my teeth fixed. Between 2:30p and 5:30p, Murphy's Law was in full effect. If I'd endured what I did yesterday on any day a year ago, I'd have gone home and crawled into a bag of McDonald's or something.

Know what I did? I went to the gym, just like I was supposed to. I beat the shit out of some iron for 45 minutes, and that erased just about everything from that afternoon's hiccups. My own resolved surprised me.

I was looking in the mirror at the gym this morning after my cardio. I can see more vascularity and my obliques are starting to show. The skin on my stomach is beginning to tighten, but only the barest of outlines of my abs are visible. Seems all my fat has pulled together to make its last stand on top of the one thing I'd like to see... my freaking abs.

Such is life.

I'm wondering how I'm going to handle the next 36 hours as I'm away on business. I'm just going to have to go with the flow, eat as sensibly as I can, and come back with a vengeance on Friday morning. Here's to hoping the hotel up north has a treadmill.

Oh, Guava... the girl in red to my wife's immediate right is the girl who won the figure show. Those pictures are very, very kind to her. She was extremely muscular to the point where it was nowhere near attractive.

-R

Thanks for sending me off in the right direction Bluestreak. I did some research on Monica Brant, and she has a fabulous website with lots of great information on it. It makes me sort of tired just to read it though. It sounds like she puts every second of her day into thinking about how she looks.

It will take me a while to figure out the difference between figure, fitness, and bodybuilding. The NPC site you suggested helped a bit. I used to love gymnastics when I was eight years old, but I don't think I could really get into any complicated moves at this point. But I'm even less of a dancer, so I think I'm pretty much out of luck there as well, but who knows. People change.

Your wife looks great up there on stage - happy. The girl in red does have beautiful shoulders, but the rest of her is not as feminine as your wife.

Holy cow am I exhausted. 2,750 miles in 36 hours. To think that's going to be a part of the job from now on... our due diligence report was the catalyst that kept a $10.5M deal from going south. It was a very successful trip.

Minneapolis is a beautiful city. From what I can tell, due to the harsh winters, the entire city is enclosed. I got bored Wednesday night and walked about five or six city blocks without exiting into the atmosphere. It's so nice there - this time of year. It was like Orlando in November... 77 degrees by day, mid-50's by night. We ate dinner outside and it was magnificent... no instant sweating like here. The ladies there are... impressive. A city of very beautiful women. Friendly people. If I weren't so opposed to the freezing cold (one girl said it routinely makes -20 in the winter time) I'd actually consider living there. And the client's HQ is gorgeous. Very modern, inviting, and oriented towards making the employee, despite being part of a huge retail chain, feel like they make a difference - and it shows. They all, no matter what the job they do, seem to have a strong sense of loyalty to the company. The whole city has a healthy air about it... not like Orlando where you're lucky to find someone who'd hold a door for an old lady or a checkout clerk who speaks English. I like not having to drive everywhere. The whole world was a five to ten minute walk away. Everything from your apartment to groceries to the gym (yes, I went!! The hotel had a nice gym...) was a few minutes' walk away. In another life, I might have done very well as a city dweller.

Alas, the trip had to end. I came home last night to my chores, waiting for me. Did 'em. Went to bed. Went to the gym. Here I am.

I almost had a moment of weakness this morning. I opened one eye when the alarm went off (5:25am!) and got up... went to change the alarm ahead 90 minutes so I could sleep in... I laid back down... and then my goals popped into my head. I woke up. Got up. Reset the alarm for the wife, packed the car, and off I went. Whew. Close call.

Today marks Day 12 of SGX. I need to take pictures tonight to compare. Quite literally, other than wandering around Minneapolis after 10pm the other night, I haven't had a single free minute to myself since Sunday, but I've kept true to the program, including while I was away. I took five protein shakes with me, all my supplements, and except for screwing up the meal times a little (I had no choice but to go over three hours between meals a few times) I managed to eat within the program, even at the breakfast and dinner meetings.

To be totally honest with you, I'm taken aback at my drive and determination. I didn't think I had this in me beyond last year's transformation. My desire for abs is greater than my desire for rest, relaxation and sleep. It's not really taking all that great a toll mentally and physically, but keeping up the pace is at the very least a draining effort. But I made a commitment... I will stick to my word. I've done 12 days of cardio work in a row... and while that's not that great a feat, I haven't done it since last year. I will continue to do it. I did have to miss a lifting workout due to the business trip. I didn't get home from MN until around 9pm last night and after doing chores and getting to bed, it was around 10:45pm. Leg day will just have to wait until tonight.

I haven't spent five minutes with my new guitar. I'm dying to play it, but I'm working this weekend as well as driving 100-mile round trip to go cut my mom's grass because my grandfather hurt his knee and can't do it this week. Can you believe I couldn't find a lawn service who would do a one-time job? Bastards. It'll cost me $10 in gas just to do it... so $20 for a one-time cut would have been worth the $$$. Oh well. It'll make for a nice drive with the t-tops off (provided the weather cooperates, which ... it never does).

I think I'll take tomorrow for myself and work Sunday. We have a great party to go to tomorrow night and I'd like to be well rested for it, or it's not worth going as these things tend to last until the wee hours of the morning.

'Nuff babbling. I'm off to work.

-R

I'd love to see you write for a travel magazine.

I'd love to see you write for a travel magazine.

I won numerous awards throughout my academic career for my writing. My teachers would send things in to various writing competitions without telling me (because I wouldn't let them otherwise). Wanna hear the irony? I didn't pass algebra until I got into college. My brother took AP calculus in high school. Wanna guess what my brother and I do for a living? He's a sports writer and editor for a newspaper, and I'm an engineer. Go figure.

You know... every time I say, "Nothing else could go wrong today!", something invariably goes awry. And every time I say, "I'm never going to say that nothing else could go wrong today!", I forget and say it again.

I was 30-feet in the door of the gym tonight when my cell phone rings. My wife got rear-ended just around the corner from the gym. Don't panic (I already did enough of that for us all)... no injuries. Just lots of scratched paint and the wife's S-10 will need a new back bumper. But... by the time we got done with the accident report, etc... it was 90 minutes past my workout time and I was getting major hypoglycemia. I hotfooted it home and took my pre-made dinner out, nuked it and scoffed it down like it was going out of style. So there went another workout... two resistance workouts shot to hell this week, and too much work to do this weekend to make them up. I will be doing my cardio in the morning... but I won't have time in the afternoons to do resistance work. It'll just have to wait until Monday when I can start the cycle again.

Here's my SGX pictures from this morning. Notice the stylish hair and the bug-eyes (hey, it was 5am!). And I'll follow that up with a pic I took a few minutes ago, finally enjoying the new arrival to the collection. The flex was just for you guys...

It took me two hours to clean and set her up. The neck still isn't right; the guitar came from Montana to Orlando. From dry to wet/humid as hell. The guitar swelled like a balloon and it took quite a while for me to get her close to right. The neck will need a few days to settle before I can adjust it again. There's a little fret buzz up near the 3rd~7th frets. I don't want to rake the trem too high... I don't like high action. This being a cheaper Ibanez, it has the Wizard I neck. I wasn't sure how I'd like it... but it's great! The transition from 24 to 22 frets is interesting, too. Bending on a 22-fret axe is much easier... I keep bending sharp because I'm not taking into account the lesser resistance of the longer body length. I don't know why everyone bitches about the Lo-TRS II Floyd Rose... I got it intonated, tuned and adjusted in less than 30 minutes. All in all, two thumbs up. Very, very warm sounding guitar, the mahogany has gobs of sustain. I give it a 7 out of ten so far... and it's not quite right yet, so it'll get graded better.

Back to the fitness stuff... I'm still doughy around the middle. I know it'll be the last thing to go on me... that's my genetics. But damnit, if it kills me, I'll get rid of it. And I can see reductions body-wide. SGX is working... but slowly for me. I'd post my first SGX picture to contrast this one, but I left my CD-RW on my desk at the office. I'll try to remember to grab it when I'm at in my office this weekend.

-R

I'm glad I'm not "normal". I dunno what the "normal people" were up to last night, but it can't be as much fun as what we did.

I woke up with a screaming headache (it was not due to last night's debauchery, though it may have been due to the monkey wrench it threw into my usual schedule). I went out to the hot tub with an ice pack to put on my occipital crevice. I'm feeling better now, but still groggy. After all, we wereup until around 4:00 am. I took a couple Excedrin to combat the pounding, and it seems to be working. I don't like taking painkillers anymore because I'm convinced it dulls the body's ability to respond to weight training. After all, if your body doesn't know the muscles are sore, how can it repair them? I guess I should go easy on myself; it's the first couple of aspirins I've used in a few weeks.

I'm not going to the gym today. Physically, I can't. My feet are like two little uncooked roast beefs. It's hard to believe that at 138-lbs. I could be this hard on two feet, but my toes are blistered (despite the best shoes money can buy, orthotics, etc...), my athlete's foot is back, and they just generally ache. I'm going to take my first trainer, Eric Shrieves' (http://www.finallyfit.net) advice and "listen to my body". He always used to say that... so I don't push beyond what I feel I can handle. I felt like a bag of smashed <expletive deleted> when I got up today... feet hurt, body's sore and achy, so I'm not going to push it. Tomorrow's a new day and I'd rather be 100% for tomorrow than 50% today and tomorrow.

I'm supposed to go to work today too.... but I think I'll play hookie. Too tired and I just need a break and I have enough chores to do around here today to keep me busy until bedtime.

-R

Podiatrist visit this afternoon. Gotta get these hams looked at. They are healing well, I've been rubbing Neosporin on the painful areas 2~3 times per day, treating with anti-fungal cream and putting powder in my socks to keep 'em dry. I made it through cardio this morning with zero aches or pains from my feet. Seems as though taking one day off was worth the rest without a doubt. The only thing my podiatrist was treating me for was some weird variant of athlete's foot and my arch support problems. The blistering/calloused toes are a new one I'll take up with her today. It may be something I just have to grin 'n bear it through until they get used to all this exercise.

I started re-reading a book I did last year about Brunelleschi and the Duomo in Florence (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0142000159/qid=1092051600/sr=8-1/ref=pd_ka_1/103-7206473-8235037?v=glance&s=books&n=507846). An outstanding read for an egghead like me, and I highly recommend it if you enjoy Renaissance architecture. Someday, I will get to visit Florence... and stand atop the Duomo (http://images.encarta.msn.com/xrefmedia/sharemed/targets/images/pho/t002/T002388A.jpg) (you can do that on the tours) with my wife. What a view it would be to see the world from a 20-story building constructed 600 years before modern technology was born. In the 28 years it took to complete the dome, the design of it and its support scaffolding was so advanced, only one man died to build it. Absolutely fascinating stuff.

Ok... fitness stuff.

Every morning when I get to the gym it's still pitch black outside. The tinted windows in the gym act like mirrors when it's dark outside. The treadmills are poised to face outside, so you're basically staring at yourself in the mirror when you're walking on the treadmill. There's a fitting symbolism I find in that ... I'm walking but I'm not going anywhere, asymptotically trudging my way to a perfection I will never quite reach. I did my 45 minutes, trusting that this, in conjunction with the rest of my SGX efforts, will at least lead me to the six pack we all desire... eventually. I still don't see enough change for my liking, but ... let's be honest, this is day 15 of SGX and the start of the third week. Rome wasn't built in a day...

"The body, in its infinite wisdom, knows that beneath sturdy bones and sinewy muscle, lies a magic potential. Tap into that, and glory is yours." I read this in the wife's M&F Hers. Just liked the sound of it, thought I'd share.

More thoughts to come in a bit.... gotta get busy designing.

-R

Getting out of bed is becoming automatic. Alarm rings, feet on floor, dressed, do the dishes, pack lunchbox, load car, go. I don't even wake up until... oh, right about ... now. Sometimes I wonder how I got to my desk. And it was quite the challenge to wake up this morning. I could easily have drifted back to sleep. But I didn't.

Yesterday was hell. It was crisis mode in the office due to a major snafu. In all reality, I think I may have brought it on myself... but at the pace at which I work, mistakes are bound to happen. So long as you catch them before they make it to the construction site. Everything in engineering is money-driven, so time is money. The faster you can develop a site, the faster the client can find more land to develop. I love what I do... but I hate the end result. Quite the dichotomy. I've stood on beautiful, virgin tracts of land, 99% of it undeveloped throughout the ages. And here I come... to knock down the trees for another big commercial box or housing subdivision. I actually feel guilty most of the time. Is that strange? I personally have over 1,100 acres of private development to my credit since July of 2002. I love what I do... but I hate what it does to the land. I spend a lot of time in the wilderness ATV-ing... nothing is better than pointing your bike into the brush and getting yourself nice and lost on ground that probably hasn't seen feet (or wheels) in a long time. We take only pictures and leave only... little tire tracks. I'll post a picture of yours truly covered head to toe in muck... I think I have a bunch of pics from the last ride in my inbox somewhere.

So... I did get my SGX workout in last night. No way I was missing another. I left at 5pm to go to the gym, worked out, and came back to the office to finish some work. I need to take pictures again in the next day or two. I'm taking them sporadically as time permits. I haven't been doing them at 5am because... well... it's too much effort at 5am. If I get home at a human hour tonight, I'll snap them.

I had a zillion great thoughts I wanted to chat about here... but I totally forgot every one of them throughout the day yesterday. I need a PDA to help me organize thoughts...

-R

Soooooo... here they are. Dated as such. I can't say it's been a 100% effort. Life's gotten in the way a bit. But I have only missed one day of cardio, and that's because my feet were bleeding. You can't get an excuse much better than that for skipping a workout.

I posted more of my guitar stuff here... (http://forums.johnstonefitness.com/showthread.php?t=7330)

The wife is sick as a dog and now I have a scratchy throat. I'm going to see how I feel in the morning when the alarm buzzes. Wish me luck.

-R

[edit]

I wonder if I should try some flexes instead of the dead-asleep relaxed look. Whaddya think? Ladies? ;)

It's 2:01 a.m. here in FL...

SO WTF AM I DOING UP?!?

I'm sick. Yeah. Woke up... I couldn't swallow... throat's raw, body's aching every-f*cking-where... I feel like a bag of smashed assholes. Insomnia has set in. That's a bad sign... whenever I can't sleep, it's not a good sign. I mean... I never get sick anymore.

No treadmill in a few hours... I'm considering pushing the panic button and just breaking out the antibiotics. I don't have the time to be sick - for work, or for my program. Mother effer... why me?

I'm not giving up. I'll get there if it kills me. But I can't walk at 5:30am like this. I'm a drooling mess. This... just sucks.

-R

It feels like my head is in a bowl of water.... or at least that's what it sounds like. I have no choice but to be here at work... I have to. Too much to do. No cardio this morning, obviously. Doubt highly if there'll be an evening workout, but I threw my gym bag in the trunk anyway. I called the doc to let him know I was in pretty rotten shape, so hopefully something magical will show up at Walgreen's in a little bit. Ugh.

I was just starting to see the beginnings of more definition, my arms were feeling stronger, everything was going great... now I gotta kick this cold.

Back to work with me...

-R

Sorry to hear about the cold. Hopefully it is just the one day variety and you can get back in the groove in the next day or two.

The wife ended up needing an antibiotic shot, her tonsils were so infected. I am now on them, too... I had the same thing, but caught it much earlier. I'm feeling better now than I was this morning, but still weak. Still have to go to work tomorrow, can't afford to let myself slack off right now. And no gym until at least Friday, Dr.'s orders. :mad: I'm going to bed early to get some rest... we'll repeat the whole scenario tomorrow.

I'm a little bit disappointed. In myself, mostly. This year, thus far, has by far been the rockiest of my life. I can't take much more. And it's just after the anniversary of my father's diagnosis of his cancer (he left us in January). My dad and I were never that close... adversarial a good portion of our lives, and with good reason... but his death still screws up my bean from time to time.

And I've made my best effort to date over the past three weeks, and now a cold comes along. That's just not fair. I know I've said to others... it's not the end of the world ... but it can feel like it. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on... I gotta do it. I love to use the word consistency... and now, I can't be consistent when the only thing I can swallow comfortably is hot tea or soup. Tomorrow morning I'll be off from the gym. Doc says so. I'll go to bed in a few minutes... take my melatonin, and be asleep.

The SGX program was supposed to be the last push. The light was supposed to be at the end of the tunnel by now. Well, someone forgot to pay the power bill, 'cuz the light ain't there. Since I left for Minneapolis a week ago, things have just been on a downhill slide. Work is going haywire... the wife has been down from her wrist and now a rotten cold she gave to me... that's causing this ... I dunno... manic-depressive rant. Chores. How do you people with kids and jobs do it? I'd be completely and totally insane if you threw a kid in the mix. Crazy. Most times I think I wasn't cut out for parenthood...

Eh. Rambling like an asshole. On a positive note... I am just about ready to hook up the amp to the computer and record my version of "Always". I'm sure it'll need lots of work and I'll re-revord it 12,764 times before I let you hear it... but hey, I gotta do it and do it right. Or who knows... maybe I'll just jam it on my first try and post the results. We shall see. It seems to be the only thing that really makes me happy these past few weeks. Doesn't matter how tough work gets... or what goes on... nobody can take my music away.

-R

Do you think this "final push" on the SGX program is what has caused your illness? You said you got it from your wife, which is fair enough, but if your imune system is letting the team down then anything can happen. Early mornings and late nights and a lot of stress from your job could also be factors surely? I know your a knowledgeable guy but we can all get carried away from time to time with our goals and what we need to do to reach them. Is it possible that your trying too hard and wreaking havoc with your immune system?

Hey,

Cheer up man, it aint the end of the world. It may feel like it, but put it into perspective. Its a missed week. One week aint gonna undo your hard work. Hell, if you eat right, 3 weeks wont undo your hard work. Ok, you aint making progress right now, but try to look at the situation like the glass is half full. You arent making negative progress either, you aint gonna gain more fat, its just that its gonna take a week or two longer to reach your goals.

I look forward to reading your jounal updates every day, you are one hell of a motivated person, as well as an interesting, witty, and a good writer. You say your more motivated then ever, and it really shows in the way you write and the things you write about. It reads like someones flicked a switch that has changed the way you look at things. How you were before you got ill, how you were a week or so ago, is how you'll be again soon enough. You dont loose that kind of motivation. Its instilled in you now, its a part of you, and aint a cold in the world can take that away from you. No one has turned off that switch. Now that its on, its on. So its time to cut your minimal losses, focus on the bigger picture, realise a week out of your whole life that you have ahead of you aint the end of it all, rest up, chill out, drop the cold, then pick yourself up and start kickin the preverbial body fat ass like you have been since you started this program !

Stay focussed, keep a sense of perspective and dont give up. Your there to motivate everyone here when they need it, and likewise, were all here for you mate.

I look forward to your continuing posts. :)

Is it possible that your trying too hard and wreaking havoc with your immune system?

Absolutely, positively a distinct possibility. For over two weeks, I've pushed myself to achieve peak performance at work, at home and at the gym. It's been a heavy load.

Then again, I was sleeping next to the germ factory (a.k.a., my wife). 99% of the time, if one of us brings it home, the other will get it. My tonsils are so sensitive (the first thing that always happens is a sore throat on me) that I got an early warning...

It's not going to stop me from achieving my goal; sooner or later, I'll get there. I dunno if I've said this before, but I have this uncanny ability... it's something I didn't realize until recent days but it's a habit I've always subconsciously had. It's the ability to visualize myself achieving a goal... and they just seem to happen. Every day, when I'm on the treadmill or pushing iron, I imagine what I'll look like, knowing that every rep is a step to getting where I want to go. When I was in college, I focused on graduating, knowing that a good job, a good paycheck, being able to afford our wedding, a nice house, a family maybe... and all the "things" I dreamt about as a kid... expensive toys, my dream car, etc... all these things came to pass because I didn't just want them, I believed in them, I subconsciously knew that every day I worked was a step towards them... and that attitude has brought me to the finish line with an astounding success rate every time.

But at what cost? Mentally, I'm very tough on myself and I bottle that up inside and use it as a driving force. Sometimes, I'm so stubborn and driven that the more life goes awry, the harder I'll try no matter the cost... because I'm going to win despite the circumstances. Failure isn't an option... it does happen, but it's never "failure" in the classic sense of the word with me - it's just a plateau on the way to success, and it's fuel for my fire. I force myself to live just outside my comfort zone at everything I do. Why? Because when you're living your life just a notch above "comfortablility", you're more aware of yourself. You look for and thrive on challenges; if I'm comfortable, I'm not working hard enough. In my opinion, living this way fosters positive growth. I'm a perfectionist and it's as much a fault as it is a strength. If things don't go exactly to plan, I can get discouraged, rather easily - especially when it's something I strongly desire. I can't help it; it's a part of what makes me successful and it's partly a curse.

I've got more than I even confess to in this journal weighing on my mind, as if everything else wasn't enough. It's been a serious mental effort of late to overcome.

Anyway... other than the sore throat, I'm doing much better today. Groggy, tired... but I went to bed early last night. And now... I have to worry about a hurricane coming. Oh well... the house needed a new roof anyway. I hope to feel up to returning to the gym in the next day, maybe Saturday at the latest.

-R

For what its worth, try a high dose of Vitamin C and Echinacea next time at the onset of a cold. Always works for me.

:gl:

I've been popping vitamin C's like they were M&M's.

Ted, you're absolutely right, bud. Crazy part is, I know these things... how many times a day do I reiterate it to others who come in here?

I think the next personality flaw I need to work on is this "island" mentality I have. I tend to be overly self-reliant, often ignoring the fact that I do have support out there... namely you folks, since I can't look to friends or family for support in my athletic endeavors. It's just that I see some pretty gross incompetence every day in the workplace (it scares me how some engineers get licensed). Watching others royally f*ck up on a daily basis has left me a bit jaded when it comes to trusting others or leaning on them for support. I'm sure this elevates my stress levels...

I'm feeling pretty good today, just tired. I keep yawning. One more early-to-bed evening and I think I'm going to get up tomorrow and go to the treadmill to walk. I'll take my clothes for the evening workout and if I'm not dog-tired (and I don't need to put pontoons on my car to get home) I'll stop at the gym and resume workouts tomorrow.

I'll admit, I've been eating comfort food the past 48 hours. Hot chocolate is the best on this sore throat... since I really have only come away from this cold with a little sinus infection, a severe sore throat and a whopping headache, my foods have been liquid in nature. My mom makes the world's best chicken soup, then freezes it for me. I keep it around for times of illness like this. Jewish penicillin. I put a little pasta in it and that's been lunch and dinner. I have been using protein shakes inbetween to keep the eating frequency up and the protein intake higher.

Funny thing is, putting the pasta in the diet has really inflated my muscles. I have peaks in my biceps! I think I must have been pretty glycogen-depleted from the SGX diet, despite having a cheat meal this past weekend. I was impressed by what I saw in the mirror last night.

Nope, Ted... one bad week won't hurt. I'll dust myself off and keep trudging along. Those abs are in there somewhere. I'll find 'em. Eventually.

-R

I'm beat. Gettin' to be bedtime. Returning to the gym tomorrow morning!

It's been a better evening than the day was. I got home a bit early, did my chores, got ready for the morning and came in here. Been playing all night. Got the guitar hooked up to the computer, ripped the backing tracks to "Always", and started setting up the Sonar 2 file to record my lead track. I've laid about four good tracks so far, and I'm picking and choosing parts to integrate into the final song now. Who knew re-recording somebody else's song could be so involved. I just want it to be perfect... it'll be the first recording I've released since... oh, 1990. If I have power this weekend... ya know, hurricane and all... I'll be working on it, and I want to release it before the weekend's over. Catch y'all in the morning.

-R

The gym this morning would have been pushing it. I got up at five... groggy, tired, throat still a little scratchy... sat in front of the computer for five minutes to see if I'd wake up any, and I just couldn't. Went back to be for another 90 minutes. It'll have to be tomorrow.

It's eerily quiet - almost perfectly still outside, despite a hurricane bearing down on us. Nobody was on the road this morning coming to work... it took about 10 minutes to get here from the house. Which, BTW, is prepped for what may come. Hopefully power and Internet service aren't interrupted for this little storm. My weather station should record the storm. I will develop a hydrograph for the hurricane to figure out just what storm frequency it is. Should be a fun little statistical exercise... and something to cure the boredom of being stuck in the house. And if the power doesn't take a dump, I'll finish recording "Always" for posting. It's a goal for before the weekend's out.

-R



As a postscript to this morning's entry...

SOooooooooooooooooooooooooo... they gather the company employees for a quick meeting. We're ALLOWED to leave at noon-ish today so that we're home before the worst comes.

ALLOWED?!? I'm allowed? Last time I checked, I'm a federally certified, state licensed, degree-totin' engineer. I'm a professional. I have 52 m-effin' hours in THIS WEEK ALREADY!!! BEFORE THIS MORNING STARTED!!! AND I WAS SICK MOST OF THIS WEEK WHILE I WAS BUSTING MY ASS!!

Someday, I see myself opening my own shop, working for myself once I establish my reputation a little bit longer. I can't take this f*cking corporate mentality anymore (did I mention I work directly for and answer only to the company prez?) ...

That schpiel was meant more for the hourly employees than it was me. But for some reason, it still absolutely, positively raised the hair on the back of my neck that they'd "allow" me to leave at noon. I'll leave when I god damn feel good 'n ready once I hit 40 hours for the week. Last time I checked, that's all I get paid for. The rest is professional dedication and a love for what I do - as many of the clients I work for are not only clients, they've become friends and I wouldn't let them down. Not to mention... they're also my gateway to self-employment when I hang up my own shingle.

I have no idea why that pissed me off so much. Must just be the week I've had.

Am hoping you havent posted for a while because ur powers down, not something more serious.........

I saw the pics on the news, man, florida sure got a hammering !

Hope all is well mate. :nod:

I kept a journal throughout the ordeal. More to come... but here's some of it.

-R

.
.
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I have enough battery to run the computers now and again...

It's about 10pm, Friday night. Friday the 13th. Figures.

Aug. 13, 2004 - Charley's outside now!

The wind is whipping so hard I can hear the hurricane straps in the roof doing their job. The walls are vibrating. We're working by candle light, the power's been out for about 20 minutes now. We both have "emergency bags" in case the house becomes uninhabitable. Stuff is pelting the house hard. Probably shingles and loose debris. I hope the cars survive outside in this.

Aug 14, 2004 - 7:30am

This is not a neighborhood. It's a war zone. Shingles everywhere. No power. My next door neighbor has a 24" oak tree that fell on his house. Good thing I parked the cars on the side of the house; most of my trees came down on where the cars would have been. No water leakage into the house as yet. But I'm missing about 50% of my roof. Good thing I bought visqueen and staples in anticipation of this.

The attic access door was blown out/down - right onto the nose of my Trans Am. Dented the headlight bucket cover. I hope homeowners' insurance picks that up. The truck is scratched up from shingles pelting it. The Mustang is a little scratched but she was an auto-body disaster to begin with. As long as she runs, I don't care. But the truck ain't paid for... I'd hate to leave it scratched up.

Got word on power from the radio this morning. Some areas could be without power up to a week. Estimate is 3~7 days for most areas, with no concreteness to that either. Cellular signal sucks. Can't get a call out. I've received pings on my phone that I have messages waiting, but no service to pick them up. Hope everyone fared well out there. We're still here and healthy... everything else is moot... I guess.

Aug 14, 2004 - 2:30pm

The yard is cleaned up. Trees are cut up and by the curb. The roof isn't repaired yet. We didn't have time before the next biblical deluge blew in. I had minimal leaks into the house, but it was sickening to watch it happen and be so helpless. As soon as this blows by, my neighbors and I are going up on the roof to "tag team" our houses and get them water tight.

Aug 14, 2004 - 8:30pm

Exhausted. We've done five roofs, and from the drizzle that's gone on all day long, it seems the repairs are holding. I almost fell off the neighbor's roof (don't tell the wife!!) and because of that, I seriously lost my nerve for heights, which I'm seriously afraid of as it is.

I have barebones cellular service and have gotten a few calls out to friends and family. Family is fine. Friends are doing ok, some have sustained major home damage. As soon as my slice of the world is adequately bandaged, I'll head out to help friends. From the sounds of it, I think we got off lightly. Can't wait to talk to the insurance folks...

We blocked off my culdesac and are about to engage in a big block party. I plan on getting stinking drunk.

Aug 15, 2004 - 7:30am

Mission accomplished. I was drunk as a skunk.

We got wind of a place that sells ice. We're taking my pickup down there in a bit and we'll buy every bit we can get. Yesterday afternoon the five houses in my culdesac pooled our resources and took all our meats, perishables, and any remaining ice next door where my neighbor has a freezer, this way we'll at least have hot meals. I had the foresight to get my propane tank filled, so we have at least been able to have hot meals since losing power.

Aug 15, 2004 - 1:30pm

When it rains, damnit, it really does pour. It's supposed to rain all day. The roof fixes will get tested adequately. Hope it holds... quite a bit of lightning out there to be crawling around on the roof with visqueen, nails, hammer and staple gun.

Aug 15, 2004 - 9:30pm

Still no power. Not going to work tomorrow.

The roof is leaking a tiny bit. Gonna have to get up there today and put a tarp over the garage. It's leaking right in on the nose of the Trans Am through the attic access door. A little into the spare room next to the garage. This is sickening. Heard about an area that had power, then it was taken away. Talk about PISSED.

Aug 16, 2004 - 7:15am

Can't raise my boss or the office. Not going anyway. Too much to do. More roofing. Must brave the crowds to get some roofing nails and staples. Gonna have to get on the roof myself.

Aug 16, 2004 - 9:45pm

Tomorrow, the world begins to return to normal.

We got power back at 10:10am ESDT. Been on all day, with one or two flickers that scared us. No rain, now that the roof is watertight. We did the rest of the roof fixes today. I washed the Trans Am, the damage on the nose is very minimal. She's in her room (which is now water tight again!) and tucked in safely, clean as a whistle. But that ding is going to be like a cut that won't heal to me until it's fixed. I can't understand how I can love inanimate objects as much as I love that car and my guitars. Go figure. There's something positively Freudian going on there...

My thoughts on all this...

I can't express to you the horror of finding out that the place where your memories are made... your lives are lived, your things are kept, the fortress that protects your loved ones... your little slice of the world... I can't tell you how horrible it is to NOT be in total command of it. To stand there as water pours into a bedroom. Or Gushes from an air conditioning vent! How sickening is it to find your prized car, where it should be safe, in its garage, now damaged by the very structure charged with its protection? That is a violation of life's principles; your home is your castle and it is impervious to seige. Well, not if Mother Nature has anything to say about it.

Mother Nature is a bitch of epic proportions. But she can't stop people from being people. I have seen people at their best and it has restored my faith in this planet. Or at least, faith in my neighbors. They were amazing. Some total strangers, pitching in to help someone in need. Compassion. Laughter in the face of loss. And I was in the thick of it. These were images I was used to seeing on "World News Tonight"... not in my neighborhood. But there I was, living them. No TV cameras to capture it, but then... I think that would cheapen the moment. It's embedded in my skull forever, and it's making me smile... and proud I was there to be a part of it. Don't care what I lost... I came away stronger. Midnight games of UNO while up-ending a forty of OE800 is something I never would have thought I'd be doing...

We waged a war to clean up this neighborhood Saturday. Our efforts were rewarded with a thunderstorm, much like the previous nights hurricane, blowing through. Our roofs weren't protected yet - we hadn't had time to get to it because the rain came so early - so in a mad dash, we dried our homes up inside as best we could, then like an army of ants whose mound has a new "NIKE" insignia firmly embedded in it, came outside, thunder popping, lightning crashing down, and defiantly scaled our houses to keep them from being further damaged. And together, we did it. We have the best neighbors in the world, and I never knew it. So thanks, Charley. Thanks. Yeah, it cost us something to have Chucky come on through our neck of the woods. We all lost something... but ya know what? Right now, we are all safe, calm, and once again secure - and shaking our fists saying, "C'mon, 'zat all ya got?" Well, actually... *blushing*... what I think is a little more graphic (ok, a lot more graphic...). That's the censored version. Use your imagination. :D You should hear me work on the cars...

Now we go about the task of sorting out the financial cost of gaining new roofs, fences, paint jobs, furniture, etc... but it's pretty cheap, considering the friends we've made.

Thanks, Charley. Thanks a bunch.

"I never wanted to know
Never wanted to see
I wasted my time
'Til time wasted me
Never wanted to go
Always wanted to stay
'Cause the person I am
Are the parts that I play
So I plot and I plan
I hope and I scheme
To the lure of the night
Filled with unfinished dreams
And I'm holding on tight
To a world gone astray
As Life charges for years...
... for which I can't pay..."

- "Believe" from Savatage's "Streets: A Rock Opera"

Well, I've had just about enough excitement to last a lifetime. Insurance adjustor was by yesterday. All's taken care of... just have to wait for the check.

As you can guess, I haven't seen the gym in almost a week now. That's ok, I've been scaling roofs, cutting trees, and the old machete has gotten plenty of use. I've gotten my exercise. Been eating very poorly, and I think I'll probably continue the trend until Monday. It's still a bit hard to find dairy products (because of the lack of refrigeration from the hurricane) so some of staples of my diet like eggs or egg beaters have been unavailable. Basically, if it's edible, I've been eating it.

SGX is going on the shelf for now. Considering the amount of stress I've endured, I think continuing my unfortunate cutting cycle would not be prudent. It seemed doomed after about Day 10 anyway. I have a good idea of what I want to try and I'm going to cook up a new routine to begin on Monday and stick with it for a month to see what kind of results I get. We'll go from there, maybe back to SGX... but not now. It's like every other cutting diet I've ever been on... I'm lethargic, and by the afternoon, all I want is a nap for lack of energy. I need to go back to tracking calories so I know I'm keeping my body in its sweet spot. I think if I went back to my pre-SGX program and just included cardio 7 days a week, I'd be gold.

The office just got power back. I had stopped by to pick up a few things and head back to the house to work, but I'm at the ol' desk now. It feels strangely good to be posting from my desk (with the lights and A/C on).

I came down here wearing my gym clothes since they're so light and it was 90-degrees inside the office. I have every intention of going to the gym tonight to get re-re-re-re-restarted with the trying to find those abs...

Business trips, colds, now a hurricane... they only strengthen my resolve. I'll do this just to spite the adversarial forces...

-R

P.S. "Always" is recorded. I need to finish mixing it to my liking and I'll release it to you people first. It's the best piece I've ever worked on and I'm really excited about hearing comments about it.

Hey,

Glad the dedication is still there man, youve been through a fair old wack of stuff these past few.

I was wondering why you felt SGX wasnt a success for you ? Im NOT bashing SGX at ALL !!!! I have seen it prove successful for a lot of people here, but i just wondered if you felt it was worth the dollar, worth the effort and the time. Was it just because of outside factors like the cold, or was it something in the program. Just curious. :nod:

Im looking forward to "Always", im a guitarist my self (my pride and joy is my '57 black and white fender strat.), so ill be keen to hear your work. I play in a band, we play all over liverpool, even played the cavern a few times, im sure you know the cavern. ;)

Anyways, thats another topic for another thread. Keep focussed and if you can survive a hurricane, you can get visible abs. :)

I was wondering why you felt SGX wasnt a success for you ? Im NOT bashing SGX at ALL !!!! I have seen it prove successful for a lot of people here, but i just wondered if you felt it was worth the dollar, worth the effort and the time. Was it just because of outside factors like the cold, or was it something in the program. Just curious. :nod:

It's not that the SGX program wasn't successful, it's that it never seemed to have a chance. I lost two pounds of fat in 14 days, so I can't say it didn't work. It's just ... I don't know how to do things, and do them relaxed. To perform a routine like SGX, and do it justice, it really is an "all-or-nothing" effort for me. It's time consuming to diligently follow the plan, prep food, keep up with chores, etc. Right now, I'm at the mercy of contractors for estimates on home repairs, I've got more project deadlines than I can shake a stick at, insurance people to deal with, cars to get fixed, blah, blah, blah... SGX is just one more thing I don't need piled on top. A slightly aggressive maintenance routine will be much easier on the brain right now.

Actually, I'll probably keep up with the SGX routine, eat similarly, but I'll be easier on myself. It won't be all-or-nothing, I'll allow myself a beer with the boys on Thursday nights, yadda, yadda... I've decided I'll do cardio every morning, weekends included, and change up the diet a little bit to include a few more carbs during the midday, so I'm not like the walking dead while I'm working.

Im looking forward to "Always", im a guitarist my self (my pride and joy is my '57 black and white fender strat.), so ill be keen to hear your work.

We suffered a few power bumps last night, one of them reset my computer and corrupted my music file as I was working on it. Talk about being righteously pissed. Now I have to re-record it one night this week. I'm pretty bummed, because it was perfect...

The stupid asses left a generator sitting inside the foyer at the office last night. It was leaking gas, so now the entire building smells like a freakin' gas station. It's wreaking havoc on my asthma...

And now, back to my regularly scheduled life.

I'm going to bitch today. Feel free to skip this entry if you like.

[have-some-cheese-with-that-whine]

Pardon the expression, but the last few days have been completely fucked. I am suffering from serious negative fecal cohesion (i.e., I can't get my shit together).

I've been eating awful and haven't wanted to stop myself right now. The decision to eat poorly has been 100% conscious, it's not like I've just gone off half-cocked and shoveled everything down my gullet I can put my hands on. I know what I'm doing, so I take full responsibility for the "damage" I'm doing right now. I haven't gotten up for morning cardio yet. In fact, today marks one week since I was last at the gym.

I've been waking every morning with screaming headaches and I'm just plain dog-tired. I haven't had a day to myself since a week ago Sunday. I don't feel like taking my car out of the garage, that dent in the nose makes me want to vomit (I'll post pics of the house post-hurricane later in the morning when my day settles in). I have to get her to a body shop ASAP. And I have to call the insurance company about the wife's rear-end accident a couple of weeks ago, and I have to call my insurance company to deal with more crap from the hurricane. My one port in the storm, my guitars... well, the last few days, I can't play my way out of a paper bag. I'm so sloppy it's not even worth trying and it's doing the opposite of its intended purpose... it's aggravating me instead of soothing. I haven't been able to lay a clean track since the one I lost from the power bump the other night (and I'm still mad about that one...). Work has been hell, but it should quiet down now, I made a big submittal yesterday that should make the client very happy. Today, knock on wood, should be a calm day. Now that I've said that, I'm probably screwed.

I think I just need a good night's sleep. It's Friday, and I ain't workin' this weekend (ain't no way in hell I'm working).\

[/have-some-cheese-with-that-whine]

Ok, all that having been said, I'm going to do a little meditating later tonight and attempt to get my brain back in the groove.

Today was a great day. We went muddin' today. Our campsite in Holopaw survived the hurricane with minimal damage. The trailer which is our "camping hut" will have to be straightened and put up on blocks, and that's it.

I will attach a picture from today. Me and my trusty steed, my Kawi 400. We have been seat-deep in mud and pulled through. And of course, my cockiness today put me in some deep water (literally!) and I stalled it... but damn it was fun! It was nice to smile again... and mean it. But, of course... I got home and it had rained... hard ... and was dripping into the living room. Looks like another visit to Home Depot and another tarp to climb on the roof for... this stinks.

I had pizza for dinner. I am going back to do cardio for the first time in over a week (it's been a rocky few months!) and I'll probably do a light upper body workout to loosen up the muscles which haven't seen a solid workout in 2+ weeks. Should be a fun thing waking up for work Monday morning sore!!

-R

Envious :drool:

I am pleasantly sore today. I'll be easing back into my workouts this week, lifting lighter to get the muscles back up to speed. My back is surprisingly sore today, too, and I didn't work it yesterday. This happens when I go ATV'ing in lots of water. Notice the snorkels in front of the handle bars? That's my intake and belt (transmission) breather so it can run in deep water. There were times Saturday where I was working the throttle on the bike and swimming along side it to cross some deep water (believe it or not, a 650-lb. ATV does float, in shallow water, it'll float with me on it!). It takes talent to steer and operate the throttle with one hand, and swim with the rest of my body. Add to that all the fallen trees and debris we rode over, and it works you out to keep that thing going in the direction you want it to. I'm tellin' ya, that bike takes a beating and comes back for more.

The roof is patched. Again. If I never hold a machete, work a chainsaw, or touch another roof tile again, it'll be far too soon.

*sigh*

I can't tell you how wonderful it was to be back at the gym this morning. Cardio felt great today. MP3 player kickin' loud in my ear, all the familiar faces are back at the gym... it's like, comforting. Sometimes you yearn for some excitement, but not the kind I've had of late. My boring, bland, incredibly predictable routine is just what the doctor ordered to get me feeling like my world, as usual, has righted itself.

I began a new self-designed routine today. Based in part on SGX, my original BFL-based routine, and some new information I've learned about my body over these past few months of half-assed cutting. Basically, I'll keep doing 7-days of cardio, weights at night after work (lower rep, 4~8 reps, higher weights), and I'll up the kcal's a bit to just this side of 1,900 (biggest mistake I made on SGX was not counting my calories...). The basic premise is to add a few carbs at lunch to prevent what I'm calling "zombie mode", which SGX seemed to cause me every day. Basically, from about 10am until just after my workout, I felt like lethargic. I'm still kicking myself in the ass for not listening to my body. I just blindly followed SC's plan. Yet another lesson learned. I'll apply myself to my new routine for a month, track it carefully, and we shall see where it goes. FYI, according to my trusty spreadsheet, which I started a new one and will be keeping up daily, my overall target macronutrient ratio will be 45:40:15 (p:c:f) in 1,900 calories to be spaced in six daily meals.

Oh, and I've rewarded myself again (http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&rd=1&item=5916317437&ssPageName=STRK:MEWA:IT), for surviving what was the second worst week of my life. The first being my dad's passing this past January... some of you thirty-somethings will understand. Um, if you don't... look at my username. :D

Have a peachy keen day, folks. I plan to.

-R

Bluestreak, i knew i knew that name somewhere before !!! Do u know one year my gran queued up outside a toy shop for 5 hours to buy me Optimus Prime for christmas. I was made up !!!

Your cutting diet looks exactly like mine. I was 1900 45:40:15, or there abouts. I had great results.

Listen to your body. It rarely lies. :nod:

Bluestreak, i knew i knew that name somewhere before !!! Do u know one year my gran queued up outside a toy shop for 5 hours to buy me Optimus Prime for christmas. I was made up !!!

Your cutting diet looks exactly like mine. I was 1900 45:40:15, or there abouts. I had great results.

Listen to your body. It rarely lies. :nod:

Brother, if anybody's results have inspired me of late, it's yours. Seeing that we're on a similar program is encouraging...

My parents used to go to great lengths to find those toys for us. They used to pre-order them in the summer so they'd have them for us at Xmas. We were nuts about Transformers, and well, we still are. I'll snap a photo of my Transformers shrine in the man-cave tonight. You'll get a kick out of it. Between my little brother and I, we have every single original Transformer from Series I & II [i](the ORIGINAL '84~'86 issues). These aren't ones we've collected recently, these are our childhood toys, so they're like... twice as cool. I don't care what they're worth, I'd never part with them... or the fact that they're worn from playtime when we were kids... it's a part of my childhood I'll always have with me.

I have had a screaming headache (again) all day. I'm still going to the gym tonight - I'm not missing a workout, no way, no how.

I've had good reason to renew my program. The new diet has me feeling great these past 48 hours, no lethargy, it times my energy levels perfectly with when I need to do my workout, and I just feel better. Not only do I wish to trudge on despite the events of the past month, but I have a new goal and it's about the strongest reason I could have to continue to improve my physique. Right now, even though it's been the usual crazy day at the office, and despite the headache, I want to go to the gym and lift like a madman.

Today is chest/triceps, and I know I can't just rush in to the gym and beat the crap out of them because it's been two weeks since I lifted those muscle groups. I'm pretty sore from the lighter workouts I've done these past few days, too. And chest/tri's is one of my favorite days... my chest is lagging behind a bit but it's been improving steadily and I really want it to grow. Even more reason to push harder... yet I have to restrain myself as I don't want to go over board.

I have some other thoughts I'll post later when I get home.

-R

I'm about to over-share with you people again. My only hope is that someone learns something from it.

So, the wife is uber-pissed. Oh, how the mighty have fallen, and I have, unknowingly bore the brunt of it lately.

Let's go back a bit... to early last summer 2003. A suburban wife and marketing professional decides to take on a huge fitness challenge. Go from practically sedentary, 29% body fat, and be in competition level shape in 13 weeks.

Fast forward a bit... to late Sept. '03. The wife is an ultra-hot 15% body fat, rock hard muscle and she's happier and healthier than I've ever seen her. My gorgeous Competitor No. 17 stood tall for her 5'2" frame, shoulder to shoulder with stout competition from all over the US, and I've never been more proud of her. A celebratory 2 a.m. trip to The Internationale House of Pancakes was in order. And we pigged out. And life was good.

Fast forward a week. Start of October '03. Disaster. My father is diagnosed with advanced bone, lung and brain cancer. Unbelievable spreading power, it's a death sentence. In the span of 16 weeks, I watched him go from a fully function person to a drooling mess, ultimately dispersing his energy back to the Universe on Jan. 29th, 2004. For those hellacious four months, I put over 15,000 miles on my Mustang (my family lives 50-miles away) and worked like a dog to keep them comfortable while being the professional I am. I was reviewing plans in my dad's hospital room on more than one occasion. This next sentence will sound funny. Some will understand, some will go, "what the fuck?". I didn't gain a single pound during the ordeal and I worked out consistently.

My wife, on the other hand, wasn't taking life so well. My father was more of a father to her than her own; her dad passed on when she was 13, and the dude was an asshole. So when she became the daughter he never had, he loved her. He bought her things and always thought of her when she was only my girlfriend, he was there when we were young and she needed help with money in college or things like that (her mom was not the wealthiest) and just generally treated her great... ultimately paying for our wedding outright as a gift to her. No small wedding, either. That's a whole other thread.

Well, the wife started eating. And eating. And eating. Working out went by the way side. As I was making gains and heading to low-teen body fat, she was going the other way. She wasn't taking dad's ordeal well, yet he was taking it very, very well. It was very hard on me, but I can be very emotionally detached, especially since I took over all the family responsibilities. My grandparents are in their 80's. My mom's a widow in her late 50's and never been without my dad... they were together since they were 16. My brother was close to my dad (I wasn't really) so he was useless. That left me. And I did my job, and kept taking care of myself.

And as I said, he died. And life went on.

The wife, through all this, is gaining weight again. She knows it, but is subconsciously denying it and every time I tell her, "Honey, maybe you should put down the cheesey poofs" she'd damn near bite my head off. Then she has to have the wrist surgery. More delay getting back to the gym. That head-biting thing has been getting more frequent of late, and I think I know why. She got her body composition done today.

This next paragraph could get me murdered. If any of you people tell on me, I will find you.

She weighs more than I do right now and her body composition is 28.9% body fat. She is 0.1% awat from being exactly where she started on her way to competition just about this time last year. She has been a woman possessed. Easily agitated. Not that I'm a peach to live with, but I'm not that big a dick, am I?

See, thing is, she just blindly followed her trainer's advice. What's worse? She lost all the papers her trainer gave her and didn't document or copy how she did what she did to lose 20-lbs. in 13 weeks. To say the least, I was flabberghasted. And she doesn't know anything about nutrition, either. Where I research to a gnat's ass why I'm doing what I'm doing, she's just happily skipping along, doing what she's told like Gomer fucking Pyle.

So tonight I sat her down, introduced her to my calorie counting method, my beliefs and nutritional ratios, supps, the whole nine yards. She's fascinated and excited to get started since the doctor just cleared her to weight train again. She was upset that she couldn't lift what she could before. She hasn't trained hard in nearly a year...

Just like I never saw myself getting thin, I didn't see her gaining weight. Strange. And then, bang... all of a sudden, 15%? Well, nope. Not anymore.

I think I'm going to offer to take her to a competition, no matter where it is in the US, and we'll see the sights and she'll compete. Is that cool? Y'all think that'll give her some focus? She knows nothing about goal setting except to have ONE HUGE GOAL. She's another one of you damned "all or nothing" types. I'm like an annoying preacher in here yammering about consistency and not kicking yourself for tripping now and again, and there she is, laying next to me every night, doing it herself. Is that not just totally screwed up or what?

Well... I had to get that off my chest. Call me crazy.

BTW... I'm up, 2.4% body fat post hurricane. But... as I said before, I made the conscious decision. Read back in this log. I TOLD you I was going to do it and would accept the repercussions.

Well, next time you're tempted to have a cheat meal, think of this. Every poorly chosen calorie in a cheating moment is another little piece of fat, covering the hard earned muscle you fight for. Every french fry, greasy burger, piece of cheesecake... it's a detriment to your fitness. You lose ground every time you do it. So don't just say, "oh, it's just ONE time"... because it's NOT. Stop hemmorhaging your fitness efforts by putting the time in at the gym and then sabotaging your workout with your diet. Don't do it. No matter life's circumstances, you'll pay the piper for it later. So have some intestinal fortitude, even in the face of life's worst adversity, and be strong for yourself and those around you who need you to be strong. She may have slipped a little in her failure over the last year, but I let her slip. I could have done more. I didn't. I was concerned with myself as much as I was everyone else, and I didn't look at her.

A lesson learned.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled thread.

-Roger

Well, next time you're tempted to have a cheat meal, think of this. Every poorly chosen calorie in a cheating moment is another little piece of fat, covering the hard earned muscle you fight for. Every french fry, greasy burger, piece of cheesecake... it's a detriment to your fitness. You lose ground every time you do it. So don't just say, "oh, it's just ONE time"... because it's NOT. Stop hemmorhaging your fitness efforts by putting the time in at the gym and then sabotaging your workout with your diet. Don't do it. No matter life's circumstances, you'll pay the piper for it later. So have some intestinal fortitude, even in the face of life's worst adversity, and be strong for yourself and those around you who need you to be strong. She may have slipped a little in her failure over the last year, but I let her slip. I could have done more. I didn't. I was concerned with myself as much as I was everyone else, and I didn't look at her.

A lesson learned.

-Roger

Okay now I am in two minds, I thought I had it figuered in my last entry but apparently not. If I wrote about ice being right in my last entry you wrote about fire being right. Mucho comtemplation time me thinks.

For what it's worth I've been in a situation similar to yours with my dad, it had some crazy repercussions on my mom, and just like there was absolutelty nothing I could do to help her, maybe there was nothing else you could possibly do for your wife than say "Honey, maybe you should put down the cheesey poofs". I guess its just people reacting in different ways to a given situation, and you were going through this situation aswell.

I pesonally just switched off and ended up doing what you wife did plus a whole bunch of other stupid shit.

Well, at first I wasn’t going to reply. Then I was. Then I wasn’t. Now I am.

Sometimes in life, there is nothing you can do. Some situations have no solution. As human’s, one of the biggest fears we have is of being helpless. Yet a lot of the time, like it or not, that is exactly what we are.

Sometimes in life, all you can do is be there when you’re needed. You can’t help people who don’t help themselves. All you can do is make sure people know that when they decide to help themselves, your there to help them help themselves. You can’t ring the changes without a person first having the desire to change. Sure you can encourage people, you can advise people, you can show people that they have options, but to quote from Stallone, when all the smoke is cleared, and the crowd are through chanting your name, all that’s left is you. Only you can bring about change in yourself, no one else can do that. Unless someone comes to you and asks for help, asks you to help them help themselves change, then all you can do is stand off stage with a sign that reads “I’m here if you need me, and I always will be”.

Many things in life can be consistent. You can be consistent in your diet, in your workouts, in your profession. You can consistently make people laugh, upset people, drive a car well, cook nice meals, even the times of day you take a shit can be consistent! But you know what is never, and never will be consistent? Life itself. We don’t have any control over what life is going to through at us, by its very nature life is not consistent. I agree that we can be consistent in how we deal with things, but sometimes life is so inconsistent, that many people simply can’t deal with things. Sometimes the higher being gives us a quite period, a period of normalcy and peacefulness. Other times, we are bombarded with a barrage of so many different situations, so many different emotions and so many different things to deal with, we don’t know which way to deal with them. Do we pick ourselves up and get on with it ? Do we help others in order to stop the pain hitting ourselves ? Do we swamp ourselves with work, do we get lost in our hobby, do we give up ? How can one be consistent in a situation of complete and utter inconsistency ? Life isn’t consistent, so by its very nature, OUR lives cannot always be consistent.

Your wife has seen, from what you say, a lot of disruption in her life recently. And so have you. But people move at different paces, people go to different places. Through your ordeals, you seem to help others, be there rock. That’s your way, and being that you are a strong character, you managed to pick up and move on. But perhaps your wife moves slower then you. Wrist surgery, loss of a loved one, loss of competition body, hurricanes, houses almost destroyed…. That’s a lot of inconsistencys to try and be consistent in dealing with. You dealt with them, and so will she, she just needs some more time.

Don’t give yourself a rough time mate, all you could have done is be there for when she eventually picks herself up and comes to you and says “ Enough is enough, im ready for change”. That’s all you could have done. You couldn’t have forced her to loose weight, to go to the gym, if you got your head bit off over some crisps, then inside she wasn’t quite ready to get over it all and move on. You were, she wasn’t. Not yet. When she is, she will let you know she is. Until then, just keep holding that sign that lets her know that help is always close at hand, when she feels ready to help herself again. She’s done it before. She’ll do it again.
Hope you don’t feel im stepping in on something I know nothing about. I would have PMed you, but as you went into it in your thread, I took that to mean I could reply through your thread. I don’t know you or your wife, so its purely life advice im giving, im not getting personal on your ass, just sometimes its good to see things through neutral eyes. And I’m as neutral as they come pal. So I hope ive helped.

Hey Bluestreak,

Just HAVE to say...

This is easily, a TOTY (thread of the year) candidate.

Love this stuff...

Ken

I slept in this morning. My body is wrecked. Last night, I did legs. Intensely. When I rolled over at 5am, the alarm was not a welcome noise. I put my feet on the floor and my legs were like rubber. As my old trainer said, listen to your body. It was telling me to go back to bed, and so I did. I feel great this morning from the extra 90 minutes of sleep. I'll be doing back tonight, and that should complete the task of making my entire body sore. It feels great to have that "achy-ness" all over again. I feel so alive, like I know my body is improving itself through the pain. Good stuff.

Ted, if I put it here, it's fair game for discussion and more often than not, it's here because I seek outside analysis of my undoubtedly damaged way of thinking. And your words make sense. I can read and comprehend what you've said very well; unfortunately, the source of my greatest strength, and subsequently my greatest weakness is my inability to find equilibrium. I know there isn't much I could have done in the face of the inconsistency life has dealt me except to prevent myself from compromising what I was trying to achieve - even if I fell on my face from exhaustion in the process. Believe me, I came close a couple of times.

What's driving me nuts lately, the wife's recent revelations aside, is that I never quite seem to see the changes in myself. Goals aren't necessarily goals to me; they're self-defined waystations in a never-ending quest for a perfection that I can't quantify and will likely never achieve. But if I reach for that higher pedestal, I can certainly achieve above-average results. This seemingly immovable ring of fat on my midsection is driving me crazy of late and will be receiving the lion's share of my angst for some time to come. I will defeat it at all costs. It all harks back to that whole "looking good naked" thing. I opened the shower curtain yesterday and there I was... a vastly improved body over 12~18 months ago.

http://www.firebirdgallerystore.bizhosting.com/Product_Images/Memorabilia/676.jpg

I have that dealer poster of my car on the wall at home and one in my office. I love every line, every detail, every curve that car has. And that's the perfection I aspire to for my body. I want every line to be as perfect as I can make it, yet I never quite seem to be able to make that perfection a reality. I may seem like I'm already motivated to you, the reader, but I still think there's room for improvement, and when I kick it up a notch, I'll be undoubtedly become dissatisfied with my performance again and demand more out of myself. But when does that end or reach a point of diminishing returns? Answer is, I don't know. But I know it won't end until I can see my abs and test out with sub-10% body fat.

Every time I leave for the gym, seeing as how I turned 30 this year, that poster just says something to me. *I* say it doesn't start sagging at 30. I have always said I wanted a body as high-performance as my car. That's a lofty goal considering my best 1/4-mile time is 11.68 @ 118. But I built that car with my own two hands - every wrench every turned on that car was done at home, in my garage to make it the monster it is today. I built that myself; it was a dream, a goal I focused on so intently that one day, it just came to pass. That's the vigor with which I now view my fitness quest, and I will settle for no less than the best I can achieve.

Despite the rants these past few days, I'm feeling good, stronger, like the gyroscope that governs my world is finally righting itself. Oh, good news! I have a roof contractor. I'm going to have to eat the cost of the roof myself until I can get the cash out of the insurance company, but at least the trips onto the roof will be done with. Thank goodness!!

All this is to say that my drive and determination, though they sometimes reach critical levels, are like those trick candles. You may think they've gone out, but they just need a second to breathe and they'll spark right back up. Well, I've had some breathing room of late, now it's time to fan the flame and get back to burning. Burning fat, that is. :tucool:

Here's to a quiet, uneventful weekend.

-R

And so it passes, two days of peace and quiet. My new roof is on the house - so that means it's fair game... i.e., I see that Hurricane Frances has her guns pointed right at us. The projected path doesn't look good for us. I have family on the east coast; not only will I have to find safe harbor for the wife and I, but I'm going to have to take care of them, too. And on Labor Day weekend, of all times. Sometimes I wonder what transgression life is constantly making me pay for...

I skipped cardio this morning. On my new program, I decided I would workout two days, one day of cardio only and repeat. That means some of my resistance training will fall on weekends, which is pretty good. I had my cheat meal/snack Saturday night, and did weights yesterday morning. Doing weights the morning after a cheat night is great! You can take advantage of those extra kcal's and really push some weight around. This may finally be what I've been working towards... a program I can truly live with and make it work consistently, gain muscle and lose the last of the fat. I'm excited to see where I'll be in another 3~4 weeks.

I've been getting a lot of positive PM's about this journal. I'm glad you guys are enjoying the course of things. Hey, it's my life. I do it so that others may see my motivations. What I eat and how I exercise day-to-day are moot; truth be told, for the most part, I don't care what people eat or exactly which exercises they use. I don't even care to know the structure of the program. I want to know why they do what they do. What motivates you? What's your inspiration? Where is this all going? What do you hope to achieve in the end?

That's the important information. I can find diet plans and nutritional information in the appropriate forums here. There is no forum specifically for inspiration and motivation here, so this journal, for me at least, picks up that slack at times and can remind me of trials past from which I can draw strength.

Hope that makes sense to y'all. Happy freakin' Monday morning... I'm off to meetings in a bit.

-R

I think I'm going to offer to take her to a competition, no matter where it is in the US, and we'll see the sights and she'll compete. Is that cool? Y'all think that'll give her some focus? She knows nothing about goal setting except to have ONE HUGE GOAL. She's another one of you damned "all or nothing" types. I'm like an annoying preacher in here yammering about consistency and not kicking yourself for tripping now and again, and there she is, laying next to me every night, doing it herself. Is that not just totally screwed up or what?


I think I missed something.

Why do you feel you need to take such a large role in your wife's health and/or appearance?

When I got engaged, I weighed more than my husband. Now, he's about 200 pounds and I'm 115. Go figure. But, hey, I was happy, even then, at 155 pounds. I wouldn't have wanted any of his diet and exercise advice, even if he had any to give. And once I stopped trying to give him diet advice, he started to lose weight. Did I learn something? Yep.

I don't think you can consider being at 28.9% body fat to be hazardous to your health. (Or maybe it is, what do I know?) And I don't see it as a weakness to be at that point, that she has somehow failed. So what if she doesn't look like a fitness model? I don't think it's a matter of her moving at a different pace than you, I think it's a matter of different priorities. Being at 15% body fat has not been a priority for your wife. Maybe she's put her priorities into being the most kind, or the most ambitious, or the happiest, or most relaxed she can be, or whatever. Maybe she's simply focusing on being the best wife she can be. That's okay too. A year ago, my priority was being the best Scrabble player I could be. If my husband took me to a Scrabble tournament this year, I'd be less than thrilled. :rolleyes:

Does she WANT to compete? Really and truly want to? It sounds like you are trying to choose her priorities. Find out what truly makes her feel strong, powerful, important, and encourage that, instead of guessing how to help her feel better about herself.

Why do you feel you need to take such a large role in your wife's health and/or appearance?

Because it's a part of who we are. And an important one at that.

The best "why" I can offer is simply because I love her and I won't stand by and watch her wuther away, going from the excellence she'd achieved to something she, herself, despises and I know without a doubt, she will only later regret her course of action, as will I regret that I didn't intervene.

If I were not to help her, then what am I to do? Is it right for me to stand back and endure her rants and short-tempered behavior because she's unhappy, she knows it, yet she is having trouble motivating herself to do what she needs to do to fix it? I refuse to live like that and to do so makes me a poor husband. It's not fair for me to live uneasily (and unhappily) with her, treading on eggshells.

I've said this before - you only get one shot at this spinning mudball and I REFUSE to compromise where happiness is concerned. So, when something is upsetting, I make every effort to right that. Her recent lack of fitness is not without good cause, but it is fully reparable with a little effort on her part and if I can assist her in that effort, that's my job. If that causes friction, so be it.

I think most other women are so sensitive about their appearances, they look at my attitude toward my wife's recent decline with a "how dare you" attitude. If those women feel that way, fine. I could really care less what the rest of the world thinks, so long as my wife and I are happy together and if that's the best path to finding happiness again (no matter the pain that path may cause) then that's the course we take - or we part ways, and I don't see that ever happening. Our love is too strong for that.

Perhaps this attitude brings some of my life's misery upon me, but that's my prerogative and like everything else, I always take personal responsibility for it.

All this is to say that even in times where we're not as happy as we'd like to be, we share every aspect of who we are with each other. Where one has a weakness and the other has a strenght, we symbiotically draw one each other to help overcome. I expect her to hold a mirror to my face when I need to see something that's wrong with me and vice-versa. There's never a good time to wave someone's weakness in front of them, but there is a point where it becomes necessary. That time has come and gone where I'm concerned and we're now in the action phase.

This isn't an easy approach to a long-term relationship, but it works for us and has made for a very, very strong and stable relationship because we're always honest with each other.

I wouldn't have wanted any of his diet and exercise advice, even if he had any to give. And once I stopped trying to give him diet advice, he started to lose weight. Did I learn something? Yep.

From having read your posts of days past, it's a given that you and your husband operate differently than my wife and I.

She came to me last week after having her body fat analyzed. I imparted what I've learned here on JSF to her, and she was (and still is) skeptical but interested. I swear, despite her stellar performance last year, she knew less than most newbies logging into this site for the first time, and that absolutely floored me.

Something so huge as the method with which I transformed my body has eluded her for over a year; that in and of itself implies that there's been a lack of communication on at least one front in our lives and that can't go unaddressed.

I don't think you can consider being at 28.9% body fat to be hazardous to your health. (Or maybe it is, what do I know?) And I don't see it as a weakness to be at that point, that she has somehow failed. So what if she doesn't look like a fitness model? I don't think it's a matter of her moving at a different pace than you, I think it's a matter of different priorities. Being at 15% body fat has not been a priority for your wife. Maybe she's put her priorities into being the most kind, or the most ambitious, or the happiest, or most relaxed she can be, or whatever. Maybe she's simply focusing on being the best wife she can be. That's okay too. A year ago, my priority was being the best Scrabble player I could be. If my husband took me to a Scrabble tournament this year, I'd be less than thrilled. :rolleyes:

I don't think that 29% is unhealthy either. She has always been in that realm of body fat until last year's competition. Problem is, her digression to her old habits is causing her personal anguish and subsequently friction in our relationship. Her priorities have been nowhere else except in front of the television with her laptop and the remote. Had her priorities actually been somewhere noble and had I not been sensing (and on the receiving end of) her anguish over the whole regression she's undergone, I'd have been fine with it all.

Does she WANT to compete? Really and truly want to? It sounds like you are trying to choose her priorities. Find out what truly makes her feel strong, powerful, important, and encourage that, instead of guessing how to help her feel better about herself.

Yes, she does. She has several friends who compete. I'm not trying to choose her priorities; I am trying to re-mobilize her in the direction she wants to go. I would never foist my desire for her on her. What truly makes her feel strong? Looking like she wants to look. Feeling like she wants to feel. This isn't a guess; this is the product of recent discussion and we're heading in that direction now. Already, in the past few days, she's a changed woman and that was my aim. Even if she never reaches competition shape again, a good deal of her self-esteem is tied to her appearance (typical female) and we're getting her back on track after some anguish that we've both endured.

Difference is, I dove into fitness as a life raft through it all. She dove into eating. Whatever the case, things have been discussed with great success and we're striving to get her back where she wants to be, one day at a time, and more importantly, together.

-R

If she really truly wanted to be at 15% body fat, she would find a way to make it happen. The fact that she hasn't means that it's not the most important goal for her right now.

I think back to myself when I was fifteen pounds heavier, my main sources of enjoyment were the computer and the television. The reason I didn't embrace fitness and nutrition back then was because I didn't love myself enough to make it matter. It doesn't matter how much nutritional information and weight loss tips a person could have given me, it wouldn't have helped one bit. I needed a change to come from inside.

I think you'd be wise to try to dig beneath the surface at the root of the problem instead of looking at her outward behavior and appearance. She probably has a lot of pain that she hasn't finished working through yet.

And if you can get A Woman's Book of Strength (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0399518991/104-8164951-7035107?v=glance) from the library or elsewhere, I highly recommend it.

I see your point, Guava. There's a dynamic here I'm failing to express for lack of objectivity on my part; your point of view is informative in that it's not an angle I am able to see the situation from.

We were discussing this whole situation last night (after she bit my head off again for trying to help her with my spreadsheet - at her request!! Can't a guy catch a break?). We're going to chase down her trainer from last year's competition and ask him to work with her again. We know his program works, he's a known quantity and he knows how to do the job.

I'm feeling great about my rejuvenated program. I'm excited to work out, I have energy, and I'm feeling wonderful throughout the day. I'm getting about 1900 kcal's on average and every day has been remarkably close to my 50/35/15 target macro's. I'm impressed with myself again, and that translates to increased confidence, and that snowballs into more enthusiasm, and so on and so forth... it's great.

And... now that I'm up and running again...

http://sirocco.accuweather.com/iwxpage/adc/popup/iws1.jpg

Hurricane Frances. Another f%^&ing hurricane. This one is currently touted to hit here due to a high pressure cell north of Florida, preventing the storm from turning north. They just put the new roof on my house Friday. This isn't fair. It isn't. This storm will not only demolish my home, but my little brother just bought a new condo in Melbourne, AND my family home will be taken too (the house we grew up in on Merritt Island near Cape Canaveral). My 80-year old grandparents and my mom live there. I have to get them evacuated, then we'll have to evac from my house. This is a nightmare from which a person cannot awake.

I have visions of coming back to find my home gone. Then we'll find splinters of what's left of the family home in Merritt Island. In the span of a few hours, we will literally lose everything that surrounds and supports our lives except for that which we take with us. I will be forced to leave two of my cars behind, so I'll be taking the Trans Am and the wife's truck. The Mustang and my classic Bonneville will be left behind to weather the storm with the house, which at 135-mph winds with 160-mph gusts (those winds are TODAY - it'll get stronger before it gets here), my home will likely be destroyed too. My guitars will be left behind. I may take one with me, but that's almost like choosing which child is your favorite. It is, without a doubt, disheartening to think that right now, I'm sitting here, life is back to normal from Hurricane Charley, yet another worse storm looms on the horizon and by this Sunday morning, I may have lost every single thing I own. Every single thing my family owns.

How am I to combat that mentally? How am I to stay strong for my family? For my wife? My mother? My brother? My grandparents? They're all going to look at me for strength, and sometime it feels like I have so little left to give. It's times like this I really miss my dad. He was far from the ideal father, but he always knew what to do no matter what the situation and his confidence under this kind of pressure was unshakable. It's times like this I wish I had faith to lean on. I wish I could believe he was going to be there in some way to help me. I won't my family see my internal weakness because their confidence is based on mine. They follow my example. I have no choice but to be strong. So be strong I will.

I'm going to go on about my week normally and hope with all that I am that this one misses home. I can't go through that again. I just can't. Not right now...

-R

Either that, or I'll end up in a rubber room.

Hurricane Frances. Another f%^&ing hurricane. This one is currently touted to hit here due to a high pressure cell north of Florida, preventing the storm from turning north. They just put the new roof on my house Friday. This isn't fair. It isn't. This storm will not only demolish my home, but my little brother just bought a new condo in Melbourne, AND my family home will be taken too (the house we grew up in on Merritt Island near Cape Canaveral). My 80-year old grandparents and my mom live there. I have to get them evacuated, then we'll have to evac from my house. This is a nightmare from which a person cannot awake.

Brah, I can't even sit back and imagine how stressful it is for you to be fully aware of what lies ahead in the next few days. The same goes for all Florida residents, and their subsequent geographic unfortunates.

Being in Canada, we only ever face severe cold - of which we're used to (even at -40C/-40F with windchill and colder). This form of weather doesn't have immediate consequences that cost us our homes, families and memories.

My question - are these circumstances indicitave of every passing year? Do you have to relocate/rebuild/repair every time hurricane season drops it's big-bird-with-radar cargo on you?

Florida sure is a nice place to visit...

Ken (praying for your safety)

My question - are these circumstances indicitave of every passing year? Do you have to relocate/rebuild/repair every time hurricane season drops it's big-bird-with-radar cargo on you?

The hurricanes I've been through - up until Charley - have been nothing more than severe thunderstorms with lots of wind. Charley was scary enough - and his winds were 30~50 mph less than we're expecting from Frances. Frances could make landfall about 100+ miles closer to my house than Charley did. That frightens me on levels I can't express, because I thought I was going to lose the whole roof at one point during Charley. We were sitting in the bathroom waiting for the roof to come flying off...

Ken, I can't tell you how many bullets Florida has dodged over the years. Every years we've had scares, but every year they've seemed to miss. They've come straight at us only to turn at the last second. They've brushed past us. They've turned north, south, east and west so many times that Floridians (and central Florida in particular) are almost complacent about hurricanes. Charley was a wakeup call of epic proportions. So "rebuilding", with the exception of Hurricane Andrew back in 1992, has been a non-issue. My family home was built in 1981, and has withstood three minor hurricanes without major damage. Now, it faces total destruction in the face of Frances. I was in south Florida helping clean up after Hurricane Andrew. A friend who lived in Homestead, FL (the hardest hit area during Andrew) had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING left of her home except for the concrete pad. That is likely the kind of devastation we could see should Frances visit us. Rebuilding will be moot; it'll be starting from scratch. For my entire family...

But you know what? Tonight I'm going to the gym. Tomorrow I'll be up at 5am for cardio. Frances can kiss my hairy ass. If she comes, so be it. We'll grieve our losses, pick up the pieces and move on. It's a process that, to differing degrees of severity, I'm learning to cope with every time life deals me a kick in the balls.

"When life hands you a lemon, say 'Fuck yeah!! I love lemons! What else you got?" - Henry Rollins

But you know what? Tonight I'm going to the gym. Tomorrow I'll be up at 5am for cardio. Frances can kiss my hairy ass. If she comes, so be it. We'll grieve our losses, pick up the pieces and move on. It's a process that, to differing degrees of severity, I'm learning to cope with every time life deals me a kick in the balls.


This is the kind of positive resolve I love to see, in the wake of such a grim forecast. It's so admirable that you've managed to turn your attitude around in the last few posts - you were really looking down there for a bit.

Adapt and overcome.

Any chance of a wireless update as the situation progresses? You gave several updates during Charley, and I'd be interested in seeing what unfolds. (Better yet, I'd like to see you high-tail it out of there and treat yourself to a Marriott somewhere safe.)

Ken

Bluestreak,

Man, I feel for you. I left Florida (grew up in Cocoa, Merritt Island) in the early 90's, but my brother is still in Orlando. Charley was a slap in the face for him. We'd gone through some lower Cat hurricanes in the 70-80's, but nothing like Charley. Now he calls me everyday as he watches Frances approach, and he's going to head up here (I'm in South Carolina) if it looks bad.

I'm glad you are taking it seriously. To many don't. If it looks like a direct hit, get out of there. Your stuff is precious, but more so is your life. Good luck.

Tim

Any chance of a wireless update as the situation progresses? You gave several updates during Charley, and I'd be interested in seeing what unfolds. (Better yet, I'd like to see you high-tail it out of there and treat yourself to a Marriott somewhere safe.)

I was media-dark for five days because of Charley. Frances will cripple this area in ways I can't even imagine. I doubt I'll be able to update you guys if we sustain a direct hit. As of this morning, sustained winds are about 140-mph and it's aimed for an eye-wall landing at Cape Canaveral, which is about three miles as the crow flies from my mother's house.

I've made a decision this morning. If they're saying Frances is coming, and there's no hope of missing us, I'm packing the fam' up and we're going to Georgia, probably Atlanta, until we get word that it's safe to come back. There's no point in rushing back with all the return traffic after a direct hit; there won't be anything left to salvage and/or protect from looting. We'll just be the proud owners of a few wind-blown piles of rubble.

I just hope the hotel we go to has a gym. I have all the supps I need to survive a hurricane and workout. :D

-R

No cardio this morning. I couldn't get out of bed. My strength is gone. I was up until 3am. Couldn't sleep. I had a drink... or two... or four while I was contemplating the cruelty of the universe. Just sitting there, in the dark, knowing that by Sunday morning, I may very likely be homeless. As would my entire family, my in-laws, my friends...

When the gravity of a situation over which you are powerless comes down on you like that, it really hurts. Last night I made preparations to get my family to safety from the hurricane. We'll be going to the Tampa area. If the storm chases us there, so be it. At least that means it won't pummel my home. And with my luck, the hurricane will turn south now and follow me where ever I go.

Coming over the bridge leaving my subdivision for work this morning, I had a clear view of the eastern morning sky, slightly red as the sun rose. It was beautiful. All I could think is that in a few days, that sky would bring a monster that could take my home from me. To take our world from us. And there isn't a damned thing we can do about it except to prepare for the worst now and make friends with what's coming. Just accept that we will lose everything and be done with it. If you expect and prepare for the absolute worst, at the very least, you know where rock-bottom is.

I saw Homestead after Hurricane Andrew in 1992. One of the subdivisions was flattened in a sea of debris, like a giant hand had wisked away anything taller than a foot or two above the ground. Peoples' lives were erased from the landscape. Their living rooms. Their bedrooms. Their kids' rooms. Their garages. Their lives were lived there; yet there was no evidence of their happiness left. Only these concrete slabs survived. Some pipes defiantly jutted towards the sky from these concrete slabs that once held homes... the pipes were like bones with all the meat picked clean off. The eeriness of it all was unbelievable. At the former site of our friends' house in Homestead, the only thing we found was a singing stuffed animal pig that "oinked" Christmas songs, my father had given it to them as a gift years ago. He still oinked when we found him, covered in mud.

Did you ever feel like no matter what you do, disaster seems to follow you? One crisis after another. I'm not just talking about your everyday problems... traffic, work... etc. I'm talking about life's major hiccups. And I'm tired of combatting them. My mother's favorite saying when we were kids was: "It's like shoveling shit against the tide." I'm just weary of it all. Sometimes I wonder... if I gave up on my dreams, would that be penance enough to stave off whatever demons may follow me? Was I related to Hitler in a past life? The mind boggles in the face of what we will now endure and I wonder moment by moment how I'll stay sane through it all.

The hotel we have booked has a gym. You know damn well I'll be in there, taking out my aggression on the iron. I have supplements and we've put together enough dry food to last us about a week, so I don't have to compromise my diet this time. This fucking storm will not take my fitness from me. I will not give up, as much as I'd like to right now. I will not quit. I will not let my dream go. I will fight until it kills me. As lost as I feel right now, this storm can take the whole world from me, but it can't take my body lest it kill me. I will not give up.

As I lay there in bed last night, I knew that from lack of sleep there really wasn't much chance I'd get up for cardio. And I didn't, just as I expected. It feels like the world's weight is on my shoulders right now and I don't know what to do except what I feel is right. To do what I feel is best. I can't convey to you the black hole that it feels like is sucking me in...

hey man...good luck. All of us here at JSF will be thinkin about you and the others in Florida as this bitch of a storms makes its way over the state. I grew up in houston and my parents have memories of hurricanes where they didn't get the hell out of dodge, so to speak. It is very respectable that you are taking your family to a safer destination. I hope you don't have to come home to a pile of debris, but just know that if anything happens you can work through it. You are a major motivation to me and others like me and when the goin gets tough you can either get tougher or be a pussy about it and go change your tampon. You strike me as one of the tough and a fighter that isn't gonna give up. You and the others in floriday will be in my thoughts and prayers, for what it is worth.

You strike me as one of the tough and a fighter that isn't gonna give up.

I truly know no other way to live. The harder the beating, the more I want to get up. But man, it does get tiring... it's like ... I live as positive and fruitful a life as I can, but a good deal of the time, it's like I live that way out of spite - spite for the forces that seem to plot, day in and day out, against me. I won't give up. I'll get tired. I'll bitch, moan, whine, and I'll tell it you like it is... but I won't give up. I can't.

The day I give up is the day they put me in the pine box. Or, well, fry me up... no need to waste greenspace on my dead carcass. Mix me in some gasoline, pour me into the tank of my car and take me screaming down the quarter mile one last time...

I need a favor, people. I need a phone number. Someone to post for me by proxy, since I'm not likely to have the ability at some point. Lemon, you out there? Anybody? I'll let you know whose number I'll be taking, along with one alternate just in case.

My parents/grandparents will be here tomorrow night. I leave my house, possibly for the last time, Friday morning.

I had a great workout tonight. Full body. :D I moved eight truckloads of shingles, debris, tree branches, etc. to the curb on the main street for pickup tomorrow. They want to try to minimize the debris available to that whore (or is it prick?) Frances. So my neighbors and I banded together. All of us are getting the hell out of dodge. Most to northern destinations. We need to stay close to home. We will be in west Tampa.

Of further concern... my brother is a newspaper man. He has to be at the paper to write, edit... blah, blah... put out the paper. Their facility is hurricane "proof", has emergency capabilities of all kinds... but I'm still worried about him. He'll be directly in the path of the landfall of the eye. A Cat-5 hurricane. If anything happens to my brother... I don't know what I'll do. My job would be easier if we were all together... when crises happened when we were kids, even my dad never had to deal with the family being split up... we were always together. We endured together. Now my dad's gone, and my brother's going to be in the direct path of the storm. I wonder what my blood pressure is right now...

My kingdom for the ability to crawl into a bottle of Jack and forget my name... I can't. The nightmare continues...

-R

Hey mate,

Not a lot i can say really, so i wont say much.

Ill be thinking of you during the next few days. I'd offer my phone number, but transatlantic calls can cost a fair bob or two. ;)

Keep strong, stay resolute and TRY to remember that whatever doesnt kill you can only make you stronger.

As you americans seem to say in the films a lot "Godspeed" my friend. Safe journey, where ever that journey may take you. :)

We leave at dawn tomorrow for the west coast.

These weather people need a chop to the throat. Last night on the news they were saying (at 5pm) that we could see Category 3 winds in Orlando, which is up to 130-mph with higher gusts. Then last night (on the 11pm news) they said we'd only experience winds of about 100-mph... can they make up their minds? 100-mph winds, my house would make it through and I could have stayed. Any more than that... is another story. I think it was panic control for the public and I believe the decision to leave is a smart one... but I don't like leaving my little castle to its fate. Too many people are going to stay in the path of the eye and weather it out. Brave, but stupid. Cat-3 winds cause "...more extensive curtainwall failures with some complete roof structure failures on small residences... you know what that means? Roof flies off!! In the middle of a 10+ hour raging storm, that's bad. Very bad. More babble later... got lots to do today.

If I wasn't moving my brother's crap out to st. louis this weekend I would post for you but as it is, I will be behind the wheel of a uhaul traveling cross country. You and your family/friends will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers and I hope it all works out. Remember one thing, has that bottle ever solved a problem? 1) you will be miserable after the fact 2) while drunk you will only think about the most drastic of outcomes thus pissing you off and 3) it will only push you further from where you want to be. Keep strong brother and face this adversity in the eye with a closed fist and the attitude of the bad ass that you are.

wow, this is a picture of this big beast from the space station...it covers halve the damn picture http://www.nasa.gov/images/content/64371main_iss_frances0901_full.jpg

I was in jamaica in 1988 when Hurricaine Gilbert passed over the island. That was very intense. I was only 12 at the time but I still remember the experience distinctly. A lot of destruction.

I wish you the best of luck with family and property. Nothing good ever comes from these monsters.

http://www.disasterrelief.org/Disasters/981030Gilbert/

... Remember one thing, has that bottle ever solved a problem? 1) you will be miserable after the fact 2) while drunk you will only think about the most drastic of outcomes thus pissing you off and 3) it will only push you further from where you want to be.

Agreed on point No. 1. Point No. 2? Nah. I'm a very happy drunk. No. 3? Eh. I'll take a hit in the progress department. I've taken enough already, what's one more?

Thanks for the encouragement, Rich.

Actually, I'm quite hammered right now. :D

PUI, baby!!! Posting Under the Influence, for you acronym-challenged folks.

So, we cancelled the plans to evac to Tampa. No point with the storm's new course and strength estimates.

So I decided it was time to relax. With about a half-dozen 7&7's. I feel capital right about now.

I recorded a great, one-take live-play version of my rendition of Joe Satriani's "Always With You, Always With Me". I should drink more often when I want to play and lay a track. Either that or I'm too drunk to know the difference right now. One problem: my computer keeps crashing when I try to output it to MP3. Otherwise I'd post it and share with you guys! It came out great.

I've been going to the gym, eating right, and being a generally good boy despite the hurricane, crazy family members acting like trapped rats in my house, and the general stresses that come with both of those circumstances. My grandma doesn't like my diet much... but she'll just have to get over it. She made a bunch of fattening, home-made Italian dishes tonight... I had a small piece of breaded chicken and some noodles for dinner. That went over like a fart in church... home made baked ziti, meat sauce and from-scratch Italian bread. Know what? It smelled great... but I had ABSOLUTELY NO DESIRE to have any.

The wife isn't being a very good girl on her diet. As Guava suggested, I'm gonna sit back and let her find her own way. Not that I have any room to talk, breaking a cardinal rule - no booze - which screws with metabolic and liver functioning. Fuckitall. For one night, if I'm trapped here with a bunch of crazy, displaced family members, I'm drinking. I deserve a little relaxation, and man... being 138-lbs. with the metabolism of a great white shark really makes me tipsy fast!!

I was sitting in the hot tub a little while ago... staring at the sky, clouds zooming past overhead... thinking how beautiful the sky was. I just wish life was normal right now... I'm so tired.

You know what my wish is? Thirty days of normal, uninterruped life. Just 30 days. Thirty days of normal work-weeks, relaxing weekends and quiet times. Is that too much to ask for a weary soul?

-R

You know what my wish is? Thirty days of normal, uninterruped life. Just 30 days. Thirty days of normal work-weeks, relaxing weekends and quiet times. Is that too much to ask for a weary soul?-R

without times like these you wouldnt appreciate those 30 days so much. you will get them. glad to see the storm wasnt as bad as it could have been.

Boys 'n girls... I'm so tired it's not funny.

My 80-year old grandparents were bickering like a couple of 8-year olds today and I put them accordingly in their place. We all have cabin fever, but I'm sorry, their age affords them no more respect in the regard that we're all trapped and they're in my house - I won't put up with their childish bickering since I'm trapped with them. They don't like it, but that's the bottom line. It may be days before the barrier island inhabitants (my family included) will have access to their homes again.

According to my weather station, anchored under a couple of bags of rocks on the back patio, Frances dumped about 5" of rain at my house and had maximum winds of 96-mph. Charley was a more impressive hurricane. Of course, we now have Ivan on deck. I couldn't take another one of these things, really.

I have no way to work out right now, but I'm watching my diet except for the 2~3 7&7's I've been drinking every night since the family set up shop here Thursday. Sometimes I wonder if my father didn't have a good reason for drinking as much as he did...

I'm about to snap if they can't go home soon. Tomorrow we'll venture out when they say it's safe and see how the rest of the world fared. We never even lost power, cable, Internet, etc... I consider us very lucky right now sans the wacky bunch of people who're trapped inside this house. But who cares... my BAC is such that I don't really give a shit right now.

I can't wait for my boring, regimented life to come back to normal. I can't wait to go back to the gym, to work... and to the life I used to crave change in.

-R

Im sorry that Im laughing right now, but every time family members of mine are gathered, someone starts drinking or chain smoking. Still we choose to celebrate christmas together. When we are trapped together for over a week (let's hope it won't be that long for you!), everybody is so close to losing it, that the only thing to do is to a) sleep outside b) get drunk.

We have big storms maybe once a decade, and here you have had 2 and 1 more coming. I hope on your behalf that things will return to normal soon!

Im sorry that Im laughing right now...

All you can really do in this situation is laugh.

The police just opened the causeways back to Merritt Island. I'm going to help them pack the truck like a madman and wave happily as I watch them go back home. Which, BTW... the family home suffered one damaged fence section and a few palm fronds fell from the treeds in the front yard. The house was totally unaffected. One of their neighbors was crazy enough to stay behind and ride the storm out there.

I can't wait to have my house back. Tonight, I'm ordering the biggest, greasiest, nastiest pizza I can find, a bag of Oreos, some COLD milk, and I'm pigging out. Why? 'Cause tomorrow, life returns to normal. At 5am, I will get up and go to the gym... be at work by 7am... and be back to my normal, extremely boring fucking life and be so happy for that warm blanket of boring normalcy, it ain't funny.

Wow... a normal day. How wonderful that was... all I want to do is go to sleep, wake up, and do it again.

Now they keep saying the name "Ivan" on the news. They say if it gets to central Florida for the first known hurricane "three-peat" in history, we'll be in deep doggie-doo. Think I can stay sane through one more of 'em? Jimmy the Greek might not put good odds on my sanity's survival after a third...

I can't wait to start feeling sore... and to start moaning and groaning about 5am cardio... woo hoo! Finally back on the road to success... I hate it when I get lost... maybe I should ask for directions more often.

-R

Pile on every four letter word you know of a less-than-wholesome nature. That's how I felt at 5 a.m.

I have been rewarded with my efforts throughout the hurricane with yet another head cold. Oh, how I long for the drought-stricken days we went through five years ago... so I gulped some Thera-Flu (that stuff tastes awful, but I'll be damned if it doesn't work miracles...) and went back to bed for an hour. Here I sit, at my desk... absolutely livid that I couldn't muster the strength for cardio. I'll evaluate how I feel later in the day (I'm feeling pretty weak right now) and decide if weight training is a bright idea. I doubt I'll make it... I seem to be operating through a thick fog created by the cold, and I don't think I could really perform a good workout. Tomorrow's another day.

And of course, the four-letter word for the day is "Ivan". Ivan's path (http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/ftp/graphics/AT09/refresh/AL0904W5+GIF/080318W5.gif) is disturbingly similar to Charley and another hurricane, David, from 1979. Either way, could be that we're in the cross hairs again.

My workouts are my way of connecting to my body. Most people just live in their bodies; they don't really ever get to know it well or ask it to perform above and beyond day-to-day requirements of lifting pens and making copies. Isn't that obvious with the state of human health today? What percentage of the people you know are truly "healthy"? If the world around you is anything like mine, that percentage is very low. And most of the people who make the effort are people I see at the gym. I can't think of a single person I see on a daily basis outside the gym, other than my wife, who truly makes an effort to be fit. How sad... which inflames me further that I couldn't get myself out of bed to get to the treadmill, yet I know that pushing myself right now only does damage. What a strange and viscious cycle my warped little thought process can be...

-R

When I read your journal, I always think to myself "Now THERE'S a strong person."

It's tough for your mind, body, and spirit to be strong all at once. You are getting fitter while you suffer through this cold. You are recharging your energy. When your cold is through, you'll be renewed and ready to face your new challenges.

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

... many wise things ...

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

And thank you for the quote. It was a very welcome read this morning. As usual, your clarity of thought and ability to help me see where I might not otherwise is greatly appreciated. A rose to the lady.

I have to share this with you people. I only wish I'd had the guitar hooked up to the computer so I could have captured it. But then, perhaps, it never would have been! I just played the most wonderful version, the most perfect, flawless version - of my remaking of Joe Satriani's "Always With You, Always With me". It was played on my newest (and actually, cheapest!!) guitar I own - the new Ibanez S540FMTT (http://forums.johnstonefitness.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=2770&stc=1). That guitar has been a pleasure since I first took it out of the box. I mean... I have never connected to my instrument like that. My hands were possessed. The whole time it was like I was sitting on some stereotypical black stage with a shining white light beaming down on me. And when I played the last note, I was just thinking how cool what I'd just played felt. And I was way out of breath! Like, 45-minutes cardio type of tired for a few minutes.

I have no idea what it was, but that was effing awesome. Here's to duplicating that effort on record soon.

On the bad side of the news, three of my neighbor's homes were declared uninhabitable. I can't tell you how happy I am I fronted the cash to put the new roof on before Frances. BTW... I didn't lose power or a single shingle off my new roof. If I were religious, I'd call it divine intervention considering the warzone nearby, although, two other homes on my street were reroofed before Frances, and guess what? Zero damage to their homes, too. Now, I hope I don't bounce any checks before payday and the insurance check clears!!

The "head cold" fog is clearing and I'm ready to go back tomorrow morning. Off to bed soon, back to the road to success. I just have to start taking three steps forward to prepare for the inevitable two steps back...

Wish me luck, boys 'n girls.

-R

I am in disbelief.

http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/ftp/graphics/AT09/refresh/AL0904W5+GIF/090853W5.gif

I am flabberghasted. You know, when I said "three-peat", it was more of a joke... I was at Lowes last night, getting some flat white paint and some Kilz so I could start repainting the water-stained ceilings inside my house. Just for shits 'n grins, I went to the wood isle to see if there was some plywood available. Not a scrap of wood. No 2x4's, no 2x10's, no sheets of wood, nothing but some lonesome sticks of corner molding.

Sooooo... this one is coming across the mountains of Jamaica and Cuba, then will travel right up Florida to Orlando. Again. Charley-like in its path, and currently sustained winds of 155-mph+. Category five, baby. It won't be that strong when it gets here... but how strong will it be?

So now, we have five days to comtemplate the next shot in the ass. Five more days of waiting. Watching. Worrying. More gas shortages. Don't these fucking storms realize I own V8 cars? I need in-flight refueling tankers, not gas shortages.

Oh, did I mention I slept about... three hours last night? So yeah, you guessed it... no cardio this AM. I'll be doing my resistance workout tonight, if for not other reason than to slam some shit around. I have no more strength for these things. I have work to do. Goals to achieve. A body to do some work on. Deadlines to meet. A home to rebuild... that I haven't had the chance in over a month to start rebuilding. Why? Well, gosh... I wonder... :rolleyes:

Truly a test of sanity. I know more than one person who's vowed to pack it in and move out of state when this is all over. I can't blame them. I'm too stubborn. They won't beat me. They'll blow my house away, but it can't get rid of me. Ugh. Five more days of half-assed concentration... I thought it might have been over with. I would say "gosh, it's just a prediction" but ... last night on the news, they were saying how accurate recent models have been. The models have had an error of less than 100-miles. I.e.... if the above picture holds true, we get another hurricane suppository.

Some cosmic force out there doesn't think I should see my abs. Guess what? Means I have to work ten times as hard. And I will. Until I'm freakin' dead, damnit... I will win. I need a five minute break to get the damned ball rolling again... but at some point, the frustration will build to the point that I'll just do it. I'll just do it despite the world around me.

-R

Blue, not to derail your thread, but my curiousity has got the best of me, and finally made me cry out....or shall I say "plead" out. I MUST hear one of your recordings....NOW! It's been long enough. I also dabble in the art (and I use the word "art" very strongly) of guitar, and we seem to enjoy the EXACT same music. I'm 37, lived my whole life in Ft. Lauderdale (another Florida boy), play an acoustic/electric Taylor as my main axe, but have several others and really would like to hear some of your work. So if you would be so kind as to post one of your masterpieces, I would be most appreciative. Good luck with Ivan....and I'll take some too :nod:

Jay

Blue, not to derail your thread, but my curiousity has got the best of me, and finally made me cry out....or shall I say "plead" out. I MUST hear one of your recordings....NOW! It's been long enough.

There's no derailing a stream 'o consciousness...

In late 1992 a friend asked me to lay some guitar parts he'd written. That was the last time anything I wrote or worked on was committed to media before I sold my entire rig except my guitars for college.

I have been dabbling with Sonar 2XL and direct inputting the guitar to the computer, but the sound is atrocious. I can get it mixed down decently, but to release such a poorly recorded track would be very disappointing. I'm no virtuoso, but what I put out... I want it to be as professional as an amateur can pull off without hiring a pro, anyway. What I really want is a Shure SM-81 and a nice cable, then I could record the way I want to. But until the hurricane damages are done, no play money. The SM-81 is around $250 on a really good deal. Maybe cheaper on Ebay. Guess I'll have to look.

Besides, after what I played last night? I have no belief in anything mystical but that was as close to magic as will ever come from my hands. I played more tonight and achieved that feeling again... not quite as intensely as last night, but it's there and I can reach for it every time. When I catch that on the hard drive... that's what I'll give you.

The rest of the stuff I've ever worked on is on cassette tape. I have no way of getting it into the computer, and I don't know if I'd share that stuff! It's way cheesey garage band shit. Very high quality g-band stuff... I was looking at John's post today about his younger days. It had major flashbacks for me. To the days when worn jeans were mandatory. With the button cut off, so it didn't scratch my guitar!! Yeah, I really did that. :o But I love 'em, what can I say? I remember that no shirt was buttoned up, or a bright color for that matter, if a shirt was even worn. I was rail thin and had long hair... that was very short lived. I dropped it all in '93 to go to school. For almost six years, I worked full time and went to school part time to get my BA in civil engineering... rarely touching the guitars from 1993 to 2000.

A friend tapped me on the shoulder and asked to do some parts for him in a song, because he couldn't really play leads. It was a song for a local radio station contest. The "studio" if you can call it that, was this guy's house, totally professionally set up inside - half of the house was remodeled into a studio in this suburban house. I played the song, having practiced it for almost a month solid... and nailed my part, second take, hardcore. That goofy song did get played on the radio...

And I started playing again. Bought an Ibanez UV777 in November '02. LOVE that guitar. 7-strings is a challenge. I still play it like I have no idea what I'm doing... but I'm playing it.

I'm feeling pretty good tonight. I think I'll officially kick of the re-re-re-re-restart of my program with cardio this weekend... going to a clean diet Sunday, starting full force with am cardio/pm weights again. But this time, I'll be doing my first trainer's regime, training body parts twice per week. The diet will be from the old trainer as well. This is what got my transformation kicked of in 2003. This is what will put the cherry on the fat-free, sugar-free cake.

I'm babbling now. A extremidade... para agora...

Looks up at previous post and smacks forehead... the "reply" button should be clouded over after a few pints of 7&7. It seems like a mile long post, but in reality, I type so fast... it just happens.

Yes, I've had a drink or two lately. And yeah, I know... booze effs with metabolism, blah, blah, blah. I'm breakin' all the rules for 48 more hours. Come Sunday morning, I'll be back on the wagon, back to normal. Until that four letter word (I-V-A-N) rolls through next week. Can't catch a break, can we? Right now I'm going on roughly three weeks without a day to myself that hasn't been filled with hurricane problems to solve for my house and my mom's... or work driving me up a wall, not that my overdeveloped sense of vocational responsibility isn't half the cause as well.

And to further the frustration, I'm so tired all the time, but I can't sleep. Even my melatonin pills aren't helping. Nothing is. Toss. Turn. Toss. Turn. Sleep an hour here or there. More toss, more turn. Who needs sleep anyway? I'll sleep when I'm dead. Here's a thought: maybe I'm not sleeping well because I haven't been exercising for... more than seven days now. For more than 15 months, I never went more than two days without a workout. Now, since vacation in July, I've hardly been able to get back into the groove of my workouts for any appreciable length of time thanks to extremely hectic work schedules and Mother Nature's been on the rag for a month... I'm ready to smash my work cell phone and turn my personal one off...

So, I figure from now until Sunday morning, I'll do what I want. Tomorrow's my quiet day. No chores. No clean up. No work. No nothing. Just cardio in the AM tomorrow, then to a friend's place for a pool party. If it's sunny in the so-called "Sunshine State".

I'm sure I'll have more bitching to do later. Got a helluva day ahead today... submittal day on a big project. Lots of stuff to pull together and get the clock started on the review process.

You know, I'm not done. Seems many people are actually packing it in, putting up for sale signs and leaving FLA for good over a few hurricanes. Fine. Leave. Pussies. It scares me, though. My industry is based on land development, and if no one's coming to live here, I'm in trouble. No reason to keep building if no one's coming to buy. I have this love-hate relationship with what I do... I love the challenge, the work, the rewards, and the cash... the satisfaction of watching my designs go from paper to reality. I hate what it does to the landscape. But there are 1,100 homes in the city of Clermont, Florida that can be attributed to my hands. It's really, really cool. There's something very satisfying about that. 1,100 families live in communities I designed, permitted, and in all but a few cases, saw through construction. Now that I do commercial development, it's easier but a little less gratifying. Who really needs another shopping center? Another big box jutting up out of the landscape polluting the night sky with parking lot lights and generating more traffic nightmares. Eh... for now, I'll just be content to collect my paycheck... let the people leave. Less traffic for me to deal with. Just hope it doesn't impact home values...

All I can say today is this: Never, ever, ever ask this question:

What else could go wrong?

They say it's always darkest before the dawn... but right now I feel as though it's pitch-black... and the clock reads somewhere around midnight.

-R

I thought last week's body fat analysis was a little low considering what I was seeing in the mirror.

14.5% this morning. Ugh. Considering that not quite five weeks ago I was 11%. What a step back to take. I did it, I knew I was doing it and it was not without cause. You live through two hurricanes (one of which spoils all your healthy eats) and go without power for a grand total of about seven days. That'll make even the greasiest potato chips taste like chicken breast 'n broccoli to you... ok, so I broke another cardinal rule, too... I had a little drinky poo here and there too. Sue me. You'd drink too, trust me.

Soooooo... I'm back on "the wagon". As of this weekend, AM cardio was restarted. The diet kicks back in full-force today. I'm targeting about 1,900 kcal's daily. The usual standby, 45 minutes of morning fasted-state cardio, then tonight I'll begin my evening resistance training after work. I'm trying a new diet... lots of whole foods rather than shakes. It'll be a pain with work and all, I'm going to eat about eight zillion pounds of chicken, turkey, lean beef, broccoli, apples, oranges, and the like... but I think it'll help in the long run to get the food in from natty sources as opposed to drinking a shake from a bottle. I'm hoping this whole-food approach will satiate hunger more and increase energy levels. I want to be able to back the calories down some to lower my "hunger fog" ceiling, which on my old diet was anywhere below about 1,850 kcals. The larger the caloric deficit, the faster I make 11% (again) and beyond.

I am considering adding a HIIT session about an hour after my evening workout to further burn off calories... just an idea, and perhaps overkill, but I was thinking of adding that 2~3 times per week for the next month to see what happens...

"And here I go again on my own..."

The larger the caloric deficit, the faster I make 11% (again) and beyond.

Unless your basing this on knowing how your body reacts and responds, i would say this is wrong. Of course you know your body, but with myself and a lot of other people, a large caloric deficit leads to slow fat loss and rapid muscle loss. I would keep it about 1900. But like i say, u know how your body works.

With regards the HIIT, ive read numerous times that doing it anywhere near a weights session is bad news. why not mix up your morning cardio with some HIIT sessions ? Do half the morning sessions normal and half HIIT ? Just a thought.

At last the smoke is cleared then, and you can get back to what you want to do, rather then what you HAVE to do.

Welcome back. :)

Unless your basing this on knowing how your body reacts and responds, i would say this is wrong. Of course you know your body, but with myself and a lot of other people, a large caloric deficit leads to slow fat loss and rapid muscle loss. I would keep it about 1900. But like i say, u know how your body works.

It is based on my body's response, now well-known to me. It's always been a calorie game with me, pure and simple. I've tried to get away from watching calories a few times, and each time the effort was derailed. I've gone as high as 700 or so calorie deficits daily, and that has hasn't impacted strength gains other than to slow them, but not halt it. I tried HIIT many moons ago and lost strength over a disturbingly short period of time (and haven't used HIIT since). But that was a long time and I didn't know then what I do now.

With regards the HIIT, ive read numerous times that doing it anywhere near a weights session is bad news. why not mix up your morning cardio with some HIIT sessions ? Do half the morning sessions normal and half HIIT ? Just a thought.

Agreed. I'm in one of my more enthusiastic modes right now, just looking for ways to minimize distance to the goal (which, BTW, is 9% BF). It's more likely that as long as I do my morning cardio religiously (in whatever incarnation I choose, HIIT or otherwise) and concentrate on every rep in the evening, I'll get back there. It was just a thought... still attractive to me for some reason, but just a thought nonetheless.

Welcome back. :)

Thanks, you have no idea how comforting it is to finally be back!

Yesterday... was a good day.

I'd forgotten what it felt like to be sore. I'm using my old workout scheme from my initial transformation to bring the whole body up to speed a little faster this time. No more screwing around. This routine works all major muscle groups twice per week. Combined with the best nutritional plan I've utilized to date, it should make for the final success.

But I forgot something else... how tough it was to do. 45 minutes of cardio in the morning is nothing. 45 minutes of fast-paced lifting in the evening is another animal. You don't focus on one or two body parts like more traditional once-a-week type workouts. You blast the daylights out of three body parts (four if you count abs) one day, three body parts the next day, and rest the third day. Fourth day, start again. I'll also include a cardio-and-arms-only day on the weekends, because I don't think this program puts enough emphasis on bi/tri's and I want bigger arms.

The best part? Other than being a little shaky, I haven't really lost strength or muscle. I lied... actually, my legs are woefully lagging. I took them out of the workout about four months ago because of my foot problems. When that healed, it was time for vacation. And this journal pretty much chronicles the follies since I got back from Jamaica in July. Losing muscle is my biggest fear with the inconsistency with which I've worked out over the past two months... I didn't want to lose what little I'd gained. When I got home and saw myself in that cursed mirror, I was pleasantly surprised. My muscles were feeling wonderfully tight from working out (I could feel my legs getting sore already) and they were pumped. I flexed my arms and there they were... still nicely defined. I dunno... they just felt like they've been "shrinking" on me from neglect. Crazy, I know... but I couldn't help but feel like I was losing muscle.

Some other things I'll be doing different this time... I'm going to add isometric exercises for muscle groups I want to harden and tone. Instead of adhering to a strict 60-second rest interval while weight training (90-seconds when resting larger muscle groups on compound moves), I'll be taking a little extra time to do isometrics between dynamic sets. I've been reading up on this technique and it's designed to help increase mass (and we all know I need that... just go back a few pages and look) and help tone the muscles. When I lean out, I want to be able to see striations in my chest. Only way to do that is to take training to the next level and sacrifice more time in the gym.

I've also decided to start using creatine again on a three weeks on, one week off cycling. You know what that means... more water. Probably around 2-gallons per day. I will need an office closer to the bathroom...

It felt so good to start a new week on a revitalized program. My house is just about back in order post-Charley/Frances, I'm eating properly again, motivation has returned, I'm beginning to sleep comfortably again, and I'm hoping that a return to my lifestyle and the stress-release of working out will help quell the headaches I've been having the past two months.

Finally, after a great deal of struggle and frustration, my world begins to right itself again. I just feel... good again.

-R

I seem to but in to your journal a lot but...

I dunno... they just felt like they've been "shrinking" on me from neglect. Crazy, I know... but I couldn't help but feel like I was losing muscle.

http://forums.johnstonefitness.com/showthread.php?t=2628

It happens to us all i guess. Thought Jeremys answers might help, they helped me.

Also, while im here, do you have any info on these between set isometric's you'll be doing. What are they, what is iscometric etc etc ??

Also, while im here, do you have any info on these between set isometric's you'll be doing. What are they, what is iscometric etc etc ??

Butt in all you want. That's what I want. Audience participation in my twisted little mind.

Isometrics are static exercises such as flexing. The most common example is pushing against a brick wall.

From what I can tell, one of the benefits of this type of exercise is increased blood flow to muscles during workout. I don't know if it was all in my mind, or my enthusiasm at being back in the gym, but in performing isometrics on my chest and triceps yesterday while working out, I felt a significant tightness - the stereotypical "pump" in those areas. The increased blood flow seems to have a dramatic effect on muscular recharge between dynamic sets. Isometric exercises cause a very dramatic increase in blood pressure (not good for those of you with heart conditions or hypertension, so don't do this without researching it!!!) during the time you perform the exercise. I was performing higher reps with the same weight I left off with before the hurricane(s) yesterday - I was astonished at how strong I was. Again, could be all psychological... but then again, I don't think I'm so strong-willed as to be able to just pick up where I left off after weeks of sporadic to non-existent weight training. I'm just not that good, or that strong.

Unfortunately, all the articles I've read on isometrics have been on paper. They're from old Muscle & Fitness and other various sources I've had laying around the house. I bumped into the articles on accident while the power was out during the last hurricane. I don't have time to Google it right now... so I don't know what's floating about in cyberspace on isometrics.

For chest, I kept a small, light dumbbell nearby. After each set I did for chest, I'd wait 30-seconds then pick up the dumbbell. I'd put my hands on each end of the dumbbell and squeeze like I was trying to crush it, holding my elbows up and out. For triceps, I'd just put the weight stack on the cable machine on its highest setting (like 220-lbs... I'd never be able to lift that!!) then try to do a tricep pushdown, but I'd keep my tri's contracted against the unmovable force of the weight stack.

Also of importance when doing isometrics... vary the angle in your joints from which you perform the isometric. For example, on chest, hold the dumbbell up high one time, lower the next time, then down by your groin the next time. According to what I read, isometrics can promote strength gains - but it only does it in the specific joint angle for which you perform the exercise. By performing it in multiple angles, you increase the chance that you can gain strength from isometrics as well as toning and further defining the muscles.

I'm sure I'm forgetting something because this is all off the top of my head... hope it helps.

What a day yesterday was. Work was a bear. Working out was... eh. I'm a bit too sore from Monday, so last night's workout can best be described as "eh". But I got it in.

So there I was last night, kind of in a rotten mood from a long day and a mildly disappointing workout, and I go into the man-cave and sit down at the computer. Open my email.

BAM. My day just got infinitely better.

A local musician and frontman/songwriter for a very popular local band emailed me. When I saw the name and the title, I figured it was just spam from another web board on which we both participate. I open the email, out of curiosity.

Apparently, he's a bit worn out playing the Godsmack-type rock he's been playing with the current band and he's interested in a side project with a more progressive rock type guitarist. He was interested in someone a little different than most of the players out there on the scene right now. Well, does it get any more "different" than a skinny, short-haired, white-collar guitarist who's been playing in his backroom all alone for four years? I think not.

So... it just so happens he's friends with my brother-in-law (who's the bass player for another local band) and another buddy we have in common. They dropped my name and vouched for my abilities. So he figured he'd take a chance, email me, see what my schedule looks like and see if I'd like to get together with him to see where things go in the very near future, as he's itching to get this project off the ground. I mean, this guy's been frontman for some of this area's best known bands, he co-writes and produces songs for a very popular local radio show group/band, and his songs get plenty of radio play in this town, usually on the weekends, but they still get played... and he wants to work with me?

I was not expecting this little gem after the day I had. What a great surprise. I tell ya what... I'm going to be looking both ways carefully before crossing the street, 'cause somehow I feel like I've spent my good luck for a long time to come on this one... and if I'm not careful, there's a bus out there and my name is on the grille.

-R

P.S. Alright, alright... I admit it. I slept in today. No cardio this morning. The DOMS in my legs is simply killer and I always hark back to Eric Shrieves' advice to me... to "listen to my body", and it was telling me not to punish my legs any more. I need to go look into getting some glutamine added to the supps I currently take.

Hey Bluestreak. Congratulations on your potential new project.

Hey Bluestreak. Congratulations on your potential new project.

Oh my goodness. Wow. Holy cow. Son of a... whoa... really? Me? You wha? For what? Are you shitting me? No...

I am still in shock at what I'm going to get to do if things go well. This... will redefine "motivation". I can't tell you what it is yet, but let me say... this could be one of the coolest things to EVER happen to me in my life.

Hint: Motivation? There's no way I can go on stage unless I'm effing totally shredded. :cool:

Playing on stage is fun..fun..fun.. and if the crowds into it gets even better!.. I've been playing on stage for more then 10 years and wouldn't trade any of those experiences :tucool:

Playing on stage is fun..fun..fun.. and if the crowds into it gets even better!.. I've been playing on stage for more then 10 years and wouldn't trade any of those experiences :tucool:

I know what you mean. I played in bands from '89 to late '92. Been a long time, but I remember that feeling and can't wait to get back to it.

I am in awe at this opportunity. The idea as it was explained to me last night goes like this...

There's a very popular radio show here in town that's also a band. There's a very well known Trent Reznor like gentleman who writes and produces songs for them. Currently, he's actually operating like Nine Inch Nails, where he's writing, playing and producing the songs. The radio personalities are laying the vocal tracks. What this guy wants to do is get away from that. He wants a collection of talented musicians from the radio show's fan base (I've been listening to this radio show since they were on AM radio back in 1993, you could call me a bit of a fan) to come together as a "musical think tank" to write songs for the radio show. He's hoping we click well enough that we can form into a band and there's even talk of us being a regular opening act for the radio show band when they play live gigs.

Last year, the radio show sold out Hard Rock Live at Universal Studios. Almost 12,000 people.

I'm not counting on it yet. The only musician selected among this group who I know personally is my brother-in-law, the bass player, and currently the bassist for Ring of Scars (http://www.ringofscars.com/). So... we could all mix like oil and water and it'll be over before it started. I'm just not this lucky, so I'm trying to keep the enthusiasm in check right now. I'll know more as the days go on.

It's hard to believe!!! It really is... there are certain things I've wanted to do, and playing out again is one of them. Playing out with this situation, where I walk in and all of a sudden have an elite group of songwriters and musicians to work, play, record, and play live with? And have access to a professional studio? This is a dream come true. I'm going into this with a team player attitude because I want it to work out so badly I can taste it. I can visualize us opening for them at the next Hard Rock Live gig, in front of thousands of people! What a triumphant return to the live music scene...

Cardio has renewed importance now. If we click as a group, the pace will be fast and we'll be expected to begin writing and recording songs almost immediately. We may even be slated as an opening act much sooner than I thought we could be. They're even planning a five song EP already. I shit you not, this is all for real but damnit, it still feels like a dream... floating on a cloud.

My goal now is to be ripped when I make it on stage. Cardio, cardio and more cardio... reduce the kcal's a bit... zero cheating unless it's cheat day, and even then... I'll be keeping the cheating within reason. I want to be able to go up on stage without a shirt... I prefer playing that way... that's how I jam in the man-cave at night... and I want to look fabulous when I do it.

Woo hoo!! And I have the wife's permission to go on a shopping spree on Ebay for gear I'm going to need... a wireless system, new rackmount case, and I'm going to be starting work with my luthier friend on that Ibanez custom I've been talking about for ages. I'd like to have that guitar in hand for that first gig... excitement!! Motivation... by Thursday I'm usually dragging my ass around. Today, I feel as though nothing could slow me down. I have to figure out how to keep this feeling around... it's great.

-R

Hint: Motivation? There's no way I can go on stage unless I'm effing totally shredded. :cool:

That's terrfiic!

You'll get a new energy once you've got bookings and are playing a regular circuit. You'll even find some way of juggling it all (practices, booking, and gigs) with your full time job, relationship (and kids for some of us).

I've been playing live since I was a teenager, and in the past few years have been doing 9-12 shows a month. It's GREAT extra income, free food, a few beers (of which I politely refuse these days), doing what you want to do...

But it really boosts your self esteem, confidence, etc.

Word of advice - MAKE SURE YOU'RE TIGHT WHEN YOU GIG!!!!!!!

Ken

Man it' sounds like a once in a lifetime deal..something you can tell your grandkids about :D I envy you :gl:

Keep the feet on the ground pal. Take each day as it comes.

Do u ever get the impression the hurricanes were a test to see how you coped, and now this could be your reward for passing the test ? Funny how life is like that.

I sure hope this comes off for you. You deserve it. :gl:

Do u ever get the impression the hurricanes were a test to see how you coped, and now this could be your reward for passing the test ? Funny how life is like that.

Funny, I was experiencing the exact same sentiment.

BS deserves a break.

Ken

Thanks for the kind words. Y'all rawk!! http://www.cffb.net/_forum/icon_smilie_headbang.gif

And the hurricanes aren't over... looks like Jeanne is coming to visit with winds between 90 and 110 mph. Bitch. Bring it. In the immortal words of Suicidal Tendencies, you can't bring me down... we're getting to be pros around these parts at the whole hurricane game. That'd be a good song to cover...

Well, it's in motion. We're trying to get "the band" (yeah, we were calling ourselves a "band" on the phone last night) together this weekend for a meet and greet and some jamming at Jerry's house/studio. Jerry is the guy who dreamt this all up. We have been getting along famously in a couple of phone conversations we've had. Last night I was asked to assist him by co-spearheading the effort to get us organized, introduced, and off the ground.

This is the most professional situation I've ever been in musically and I'm the rustiest one of the crew. All of the others involved are currently in other bands who are well known throughout the local music scene, so I really need to step it up a notch, practice more, and come out of the gates like gangbusters, especially since I'm supposed to play lots of leads with these guys. Jerry wants us to get back to old-school songwriting from the late 80's, where songs actually have guitar solos. I haven't written a guitar solo in over a decade.

But these guys are great. Sight unseen, these guys are ready to work together, some not knowing each other except through a web board, and start towards a very lofty goal for next year.

And my fitness quest really has helped me here.

You know what the first thing I suggested on the phone was? Goal setting. We all know how important that is, don't we? So I suggested we set a goal and run for it at top speed. We've decided we're going to set ourselves up to compete for a very presitigious award given out by the radio show that brought us all together in the first place. Jerry's had bands in the running (in the top three, no less) for this prize out of dozens of bands that submit entries every year.

So from now until the end of the year, we're quietly going to work together under the radar of the local music community and put together a solid group. If anyone knows a keyboard player who's itching to work on some progressive rock tunes, have 'em email me. That's all we need now to complete the group. We also have a pool of supplemental musicians (fiddle players, a three-part horn section, etc) that we have access to if we feel froggy and write some things that are a little outside the box. We're keeping all options open here...

And later on, there will likely be the other opportunities we have kicked around... like opening for the radio show band. We're sure to catch hell for being their opening act and competing for their band of the year prize(s)... but we don't care. We're going to be different to make ourselves stand out in a crowd. This is going to be so cool.

Before, fitness was my relaxed, self-paced but steady quest to improve my body. Now it has renewed significance. I have to be in shape to play shows! Not only do I want to look the part on stage, but I remember playing live way back when and after 60 minutes of high-energy music, you're spent and if I'm not in the condition to put on a good show I know I'll disappoint myself. Time to start working even harder on my body, nutrition and mind.

So much work to do, so little time. But it's going to be one fun ride!

I didn't do cardio this morning, as I was up late on the phone with Jerry. Today will be our cheat day as we're going out of town tonight to meet some friends for dinner. Then tomorrow I will do my chores and spend the rest of the day practicing and writing guitar parts for what I hope will be our first official band meeting on Sunday morning!

Woohoo!! Excitement galore!! Now I have to work for eight hours? How am I supposed to work with all this fun stuff on my mind? In a perfect world, I'd be independently wealthy.

-R

Holy crap you guys... so much to tell, so little time...

I had my BF% done this weekend. 12.5%. Those BF%'s are beginning to mean nothing to me, they yo-yo up and down even when the same people do them. I don't think I'm going to worry about them anymore. Once I can see abs, I know I'm where I want to be. No more screwing around... I have a new goal to prep for!!

Well... my new band is officially in motion. In the near future, I'll give you guys the URL to the website. The name? We are Saltwater.

Saltwater is the brainchild of my new friend and co-bandmate, Jerry. Jerry, myself and our drummer, Eric, met yesterday morning and just talked. I played for them for about 20 minutes and received more compliments than I will ever deserve. They had so many good things to say about my playing, and I was so nervous - like hands-trembling nervous, but I ripped out my riffs as best I could. I didn't tell them, but it wasn't my best by far - I was nervous, scared, and feeling rusty despite playing so much by myself in my man-cave. Playing by myself in my backroom is not the same as playing in front of two seasoned professional musicians. Jerry made it easy on me. He said something to this effect: it was impressive in and of itself that I walked in and met face-to-face with two complete strangers, then ripped out some pretty cool riffs without missing a beat. That was very cool of him and I think it was the start of a very good musical relationship. He is the yin to my yang musically, we will complement each other in many ways and we share the same ruthless pursuit of musical perfection that makes for a great live band.

I am listening to the radio show as I type this. Jerry has written and produced several songs for the radio show and they get played as intr/re-intro songs all the time. He burned me a CD of some of his new ideas to toy with as well as several of the songs I need to learn. Every time they come back from commercial, they play a local band's song for a bit as they come back into the show. Jerry's Saltwater songs have been played three times in the past two hours!!! I can't explain to you how weird (in a good way - extremely freaking cool) it is to hear music you are now affiliated with on the radio. They played one of the most popular Saltwater songs, and I was working on learning that song last night. I'm going to play that song live in the very near future. And they're playing it for 2.5 million people on the radio. 2.5 million people just heard a song by my band. That is so mind-blowingly cool to me. And Jerry wants to showcase my lead abilities. He wants me to step up and play my heart out live. He compared me to a very famous guitar player (who lives in this area) who was with a very famous hairspray band. That was flattering to say the least. But I'm no guitar hero. I don't see myself ever being one, but these guys think I have it in me. Do you know how scary that is to me?

Expectations always push me. Being in over my head (like I feel I am now!) is how I grow. Sink or swim. That's the way I grow and learn and adapt. I'm doing it again, right now. Words can't express how I feel right now. Butterflies. Nervousness on multiple levels. I keep thinking towards that first time I step on stage - it could very well be in front of thousands of people who already know the music I'm going to play for them. They hear it on the radio five days a week. They'll be looking at me. Listening to me.

I often wonder how I can go from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs. This is the opportunity of a lifetime and I plan to grab it and run as fast as I can.

I didn't work out this weekend, but I did eat clean. I'm hitting the weights very hard for the next few weeks. Here's why: not only is our music well known and on the radio already, one of our songs is in for a "Battle of the Bands" that will happen on October 9. If we are in the top two bands (which is a distinct possibility) we will be expected to compete for the title on Oct. 9. 19 days!! I have so much working out to do. I have so much music to learn. So much practicing to do!! And I have to concentrate on work? How the hell do you do that? Man, I feel so overwhelmed, but so alive right now...

-R

I envy you :) I mean as much as I've been playing on stage for 10+ years I'm not a lead player.. Never will be.. It just doesn't fit me, I find it alot more entertaining(for me) to play rhythm and sing.. As a rhythm player I can set the feel of the song, I can change rhythms each diiferent time play that song.. I would love being lead player for a night when every thing clicks.. It's such a great feeling as rhythm but as lead..mmmmm It would be fantastic! Knowing I set the stage for how the song will go..
Good luck in your new challenge!

Good luck in your new challenge!

Jumpin' Jesus on a rusty bicycle... I need it. Thanks.

Ok, fuck it. Shameless plug to follow.

Go to THIS URL (http://www.monsters.fm/monsters_botb04.html) and listen to the sound clips. Register and vote for your favorite sound clip. Some other Saltwater songs are at the bottom of that same page. No, I did NOT play on any of those sound clips, but these are the songs that we will be playing live. Let me know what you cool cats think of the music, as that is my adopted band.

-R

I can't sleep and my headaches are back. Something's out of balance and I don't know what it is yet. I woke up with a screaming headache this morning, downed two painkillers (which I hate doing anymore) and went back to bed. No cardio. :d_mad:

I started working on learning the songs last night. He detuned the low E to a C. Do you know how hard it is, after 15 years at standard tuning, to try and play with a different tuning, even if it is only one string? It's awful. I got so frustrated. I'm going to learn all the songs on my 7-string instead. Besides, no one local (that I know of) plays a 7 on stage... they all detune. I'll be the first...

We have, for the time being, asked the radio show to keep us out of the top five (we were in the top three in voting) because a.) we don't have a bass player and b.) we barely have enough time to rehearse and prepare. If by some miracle things come together in the next week, we'll magically reappear in the top five. A little disheartening, but Jerry and I are "preparation freaks" and without the time to do it right, we'd rather wait until next year and make a full-force run at the Battle of the Bands.

I hate not doing my cardio, but I still feel awful. I'm hoping this fog will shake off today... today's leg day and I can't do that with this cloud hanging over me.

-R

A little disheartening, but Jerry and I are "preparation freaks" and without the time to do it right, we'd rather wait until next year and make a full-force run at the Battle of the Bands.
-R

Did you hear about the French metal group that entered the Battle of the Bands?

They surrendered.

Ken (groaning)

Did you hear about the French metal group that entered the Battle of the Bands?

They surrendered.

Ken (groaning)

I'm waiting for a wobbly cane to enter the screen and yank your avatar off my monitor a la Monty Python.

They announced the top five bands in the running for the two slots at the Battle of the Bands on the radio again this morning. No Saltwater. In all fairness, we haven't been soliciting votes and while we'll be disappointed, I think we'll be equally as relieved we don't have to perform only having been a "band" for three weeks. I'd rather do it right and win next year than do it half-assed and lose this year.

I didn't work out yesterday. I never shook that headache all day and felt awful all day. And I had too much on my mind. I did get up for cardio this morning and I will be at the gym tonight. Feeling much better today... went to bed early and woke up at 5am ready to go.

Too much to do today... gotta run. Got meetings all morning.

-R

I'm exhausted again. I was up late last night working on learning songs until the wee hours of the morning and I was at my desk by 7am. As you might have guessed, no cardio this AM. I won't be lifting tonight either, I have to be at a meeting after work, then home to do more work on the songs. We will be meeting at a studio out in Clermont this Saturday to buy a permanent practice room and we're auditioning bass players this weekend. Four songs in five days, including new solos. Lots of work left to do too...

And Jeanne appears to be stopping by yet again. That bitch.

My shoulders are sore today... had a great workout last night. My biceps are up 1/2" (I finally broke down and got a Myotape off Ebay cheap) and I'm so happy about that... I want big arms when I hit the stage that first time!!!

I'm upping the calories a bit now. I'm going to go with about 2,000 to 2,200. I really need my strength right now with all I've got going on and I'm willing to stay at my current BF% to do it. It'll let me lift heavier for the time being, since I seem to respond better to heavy weights. Big arms are important to me... the heavier I can lift, the faster they'll develop.

-R

Jeanne's coming to visit. Damnit. I better not lose power this time.

Up late again working on songs... no cardio this AM. Except for the first band practice tomorrow, I really needed this weekend to be quiet and relaxing... and what do I get? Another hurricane. Well... there's no bringing me down at this point. I'm actually starting to see abs again, despite my lackluster enthusiasm for cardio this week. Proves that it's all in the diet... 'cause I'm going on three weeks of clean eating with one cheat day per week. I think I've done cardio a minimum of five times a week until this week. I did my usual morning measurements and stepped on the scale and when I looked in the mirror in the bathroom, lo-and-behold, there was definition to my stomach. After all this time, all these tries... damnit, I'm almost there. Hurricane No. 3 can't slow how good I feel today. I have my health and I have my new band to keep me focused on the positive. It's amazing what a project you're truly enthusiastic for will do for you.

BTW... looks like we're S.O.L. for the Battle of the Bands. They will tally and release the votes today. We haven't been in the top five all week long. No probs... we needed more than two weekends to get ready, especially since this weekend is about to be washed out... again.

I'm tired. I have to be at the studio (an hour away) first thing in the morning for practice. I would really like to sleep in...

People are in a state of total disbelief. Most are acting like nothing's wrong. The first time it was a pain, if even a novelty, since nothing like it had happened in a long time. Second storm? Lots of deep sighs, but we begrudgingly waded through it. This time, people are standing their ground, looking this bitch in the eye and basically saying "Bring it mo' fugger!". Kinda crazy...

-R

So... another weekend lost to a hurricane. This drives me nuts. All I looked forward to all week long was finally getting together with the new band and working on songs. That's all. Not a lot to ask, is it? Well... such is life.

As you can plainly see, I'm one of the lucky ones who still has power. Last estimate on the news that I saw was 1.2 million without power in the regions affected by the tropical storm force (ore better) winds. I've been just sitting in here playing guitar and listening to the radio all day. All in all, I must say... as hurricanes go, this one was relaxing. No refugees. No portions of my house flying off. No mess to clean up... just a yard badly in need of a mow.

I've been eating every few hours but it's been mostly carbs. Lots of sandwiches and pizza, honestly. Eh. No big deal. I'll pick up where I left off tomorrow. A quiet weekend of having a few drinks, eating pizza and playing guitar isn't all that bad. Though I could have done without the background "music" of the walls creaking and roof groaning from more 90 MPH winds.

I just hope the gym has power. I'd really like to go to the gym tomorrow...

-R

Holy cow, people.

My stomach is doing sommersaults right now. Tied in knots. Butterflies. I'm literally trembling. This combination of excitement and sheer terror is bittersweet. I got a phone call from the lead singer of my band... I thought it was odd that he'd call me so early on a Tuesday morning - I was driving to work after morning cardio today.

Apparently, our music spoke for itself and people liked our studio efforts enough to vote us in... the radio show isn't releasing the official vote tallies for Battle of the Bands, but ... um ... word has it, there's an excellent change we're voted in.

October 9th. That is less than two weeks away!

We lost this weekend to the hurricane. Guess what that means? We only have next weekend - Friday, Saturday, and Sunday - to practice the songs and prepare as a band for Miss Monster 2004. Thousands of people will be downtown to watch us play. Oh, did I mention we don't have a bass player yet? My lead singer is of the opinion we can do this. I'm wishy-washy. With all the strikes against us, how can we possibly be ready with only a few days of practice as a band?

The pressure is on.

Cardio, cardio and more cardio. I'll shave off what fat I can between now and Oct. 9. I want to be as lean as possible by then. I'm already in the 12% range again... this gives me time to drop maybe another 1~2 lbs. of body fat before taking the stage.

Deep breaths. I have to concentrate on work now...

Man, am I sore today. I started blasting my chest and arms over the last week. I've lifted heavier on chest than I ever did before yesterday. My gym has a new Nautilus-style bench press machine. After flat dumbbell presses, flyes (machine and dumbbell) and close-grip bench presses, I tried that new machine out. Wow... it hit my chest at a slightly different angle. I'm sore.

My shoulder isn't holding up so well. It hurts. My shoulder is clicking during certain motions. I was cleaning the car the other day, and when I was leaning over to wash the lower panels, the action of pressing against the car with the towel was causing this painful clicking in my shoulder. I'm having trouble raising my right arm higher than my head. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow with one of the same doctors who tends to the Orlando Tragic ... err ... Magic. I'm hoping this means he knows what he's doing, because I want this fixed ASAP so I can keep training hard. Another setback, not exactly minor, but I can work through it.

What really got me worried about my shoulder is my guitar playing. I know I yap alot about this band, but it's really exciting for me. I didn't want to return, or in reality, ever play live again unless a quality situation presented itself. Well, here it is and off I go...

Anyway, back to my shoulder and playing guitar. I love screaming highs and artificial harmonics. In Vai-like fashion, when I'm hamming it up with my guitar, I like to use the whammy bar and make those harmonics sing. Well, as I'm preparing more and more flashy stage antics... I'm using the whammy more. The other night, I went to press down on the whammy and felt this acute pain in my right shoulder. I couldn't do a dive with the bar; it hurt too much! Granted, I have my Floyd Rose sprung a little harder than most because I play more aggressively, thus sometimes causing pitch fluctuations from the bridge shifting under heavy bends or right-hand muting. By springing the tremolo more stiffly, I avoid this problem. But an extra spring in my guitar shouldn't hurt my shoulder!!

So I finally threw in the towel and called for a doctor. Damnit man. I know I'm likely to get run through the paces, cortisone shots, maybe physical therapy, but if there's a hint of a necessity for surgery, I'm just going to push for that and get this done and over with. I put off another type of surgery and lived in agony for two years until last November. I fought against the surgery for a long time, but once I had it, four weeks later, the problem was gone. I'm not one to shy away from the knife anymore... if it can be the quickest solution, it's what I want.

Off to meetings for a bit...

-R

Rotator cuff impingement.

Saw the doc today. I have aggrevated RCI. It had gotten so painful that last night, I couldn't sleep on my right side and I could barely play my guitars.

So... to make me feel better, the doc puts me through several quite painful range of motion tests. Ok. That I can handle. Then he says the magic word: injection. Needles. Oh crap.

The color drains from my face. A cold sweat begins.

Well, there were slower alternatives available to me... pills, etc. But the injection works fastest in these cases and often is the only treatment needed, provided I follow Dr.'s orders.

And the doc's orders? No gym for a week except cardio. No shoulder-stabilized weightlifting for one month thereafter. God damnit. Just when my shoulders, arms and chest were starting to look like I had a decent set of shoulders, arms and pecs. Damnit it all to hell...

Precautionarily, I suggest they lay me down for the injection. The original chicken of the sea. I can manage multi-million dollar projects, see feats of engineering go from an idea to a reality... but I can barely remain conscious when you stick a needle in my ass. Go figure.

Sigh.

More frustration. Another temporary setback. At least I can still do cardio. And hopefully, if I'm a good boy, this will fix my shoulder. I hate this...

-R

Did they really stick the needle in your ass? Wouldn't it be better if the injected it closer to the affected area?

Did they really stick the needle in your ass? Wouldn't it be better if the injected it closer to the affected area?

Figure of speech. I got it right next to the spot that was most sore in my shoulder. Believe me, I can feel every bit of it... right now. I don't take injections well, but that one hurt. Felt like there was pressure as I was getting it. Which there was, because they were pumping all this stuff in there.

-R

Figure of speech. I got it right next to the spot that was most sore in my shoulder. Believe me, I can feel every bit of it... right now. I don't take injections well, but that one hurt. Felt like there was pressure as I was getting it. Which there was, because they were pumping all this stuff in there.

-R
I should have figured as much :o

Anyway, getting injections anywhere sucks. I have a few of my own horror stories, but I won't hijack your journal with them. I wish you the best of luck in your recovery and take it easy! :tucool:

Why is my shoulder still sore? In my sleep, I rolled onto my sore shoulder about a half-dozen times. Every time I did, I woke up to a dull but unpleasant pain. You can imagine how well I slept...

I have to be at the studio to work on some guitar parts tomorrow morning. I'm hoping this pain subsides by then... last night, it was unpleasant to have the guitar strap on my shoulder and I still wasn't able to play as well as I'd like.

At least it's Friday.

It's been a good couple of days. The diet hasn't been perfect, lots of eating out for birthdays and celebrating the in-law's new business venture.

Had our first band practice today. I'm sad we declined to do the Battle next week. We did great in practice, but to rush it would be to jeopardize a good thing. There was lots of professionalism and talent in that room today. Nowhere to go but up given time and dedication.

I hate not being able to go to the gym. I feel lost without it. I can't wait for next week to be here. My shoulder is better but not perfect. I was able to play guitar all day with less shoulder pain. Not gone, but more tolerable. The wife just gave the shoulder a rub-down. It feels better but it's still weak and the joint is clicking during small daily movements. Man, I hope this goes away.

-R

Well, I decided to continue cardio 5~7 times per week, so I went this morning. I can still do legs, lower back and abs... no shoulder stress involved in that. In a week, I may try some bi/tri exercises to keep my arms in the loop... I also need to do forearm exercises now. My left forearm is literally sore from playing guitar so much this weekend. Probably 8-hours a day times two days.

We had two practices this weekend, both lasted about four hours. Jerry (vocals) wanted to keep them shorter... he didn't want to push things. Personally? I'd have driven us like slaves until we completed the two tunes we worked out this weekend. They're together, but they're not tight yet. We need to be tight and in the practice room, I'm ruthless about that. The biggest difference between a local band and a national act isn't image - they have consultants who fix that - it isn't maketability - they have firms dedicated to that - and it isn't even musical quality - have you listened to some of the shit the record companies pump out now? Crap... What is it then? It's being a cohesive, smooth unit. Being tight. The first thing fans notice is when a band isn't playing well together. People aren't generally musical geniuses, but anyone can pick up on a band that isn't in time together.

My arm was cramping after a four hour practice. I remember doing Steve Vai's 10-hour workout when I was a kid... I'd get home from school and play it until I went to bed. Now I can barely manage four hours.

Is there aerobic value to standing with a 12-lb. guitar on your shoulder, playing in a hot room for four hours? I was a good boy. I brought my cooler, with a protein shake, a lowfat yogurt and some cottage cheese so I didn't have to eat poorly.

I read a post on here about eight-by-eights as outlined by Vince Gironda. I think, if my shoulder heals fairly soon, I'm going to try it out. In fact, I've thought about using it for legs and bi/tri's when I feel it's safe to put the shoulder under a little stress. It looks intriguing and I could use a change.

-R

Can u link to the 8*8 thread ?

Thanks

Can u link to the 8*8 thread?

I couldn't find it again. But... here's a link to the workout itself.

Vince Gironda & the 8-by-8 Workout (http://www.fitren.com/res3art.cfm?compid=18&artid=90)

I feel like a bag of smashed assholes today.

I have some serious lifestyle changes to effect in the coming weeks. My world was perfect as-is until the Saltwater project came my way. Now I'm spending every waking moment working on guitar technique and the rest of the world is going to shit as a result. Throw on top of this my new shoulder injury, the wife's nagging about family issues, the family issues themselves, and working 50+ hours a week and I'm beat. I've got a deeply personal demon to fight now, too. And I can't just go to the gym and bang around weight to at least release the stress of it all... until the doctor told me that I couldn't lift weights for the next month or so, I didn't realize how ingrained in my world weightlifting and fitness had become. Normally, I leave work around 5pm and go to the gym. Yesterday, I felt empty. I couldn't go. I just... went home. The extra time was welcome with my guitar, but I couldn't really focus because I felt like something was missing. And something is missing.

I've decided to keep the diet as clean as possible and do cardio three times per week, Mon-Weds-Fri. This Sunday, I think I will attempt a light arms-only workout if my shoulder's feeling better, and it already is. I'll make it deliberately easy on myself...

This is going to be a very long week.

-R

I would do cardio... as much as possible ..Watch your cal. and carb intake because your not going to need as much not lifting.. and you should be fine and stay in shape..
Let that shoulder heal or your going to be out of action and that means in the gym and on the stage.... You made a commitiment with Saltwater and you need to take care of yourself so you can fullfill it.

Let that shoulder heal or your going to be out of action and that means in the gym and on the stage.... You made a commitiment with Saltwater and you need to take care of yourself so you can fullfill it.

Point taken. It's feeling better but there's still some pain when making certain otherwise innocuous motions throughout my day. I'm worried about doing too much cardio with no weight lifting to encourage lean mass retention. I've lowered my daily calories to 1,800+ [i](down from about 1,900 to 2,000 a day) to keep things in check since last Thursday. I actually weigh about a pound less than I did last week. But I think that's probably water because I quit using creatine when I was told to stop lifting.

We're going to work on engineering our sound at the studio this weekend. We're going to start recording in a week or two. I should have some MP3's to share with you guys soon. Exciting stuff is on the way!!

-R

Ravings of a lunatic mind...

You know, it's been a long time since I remember being at peace in my head. In fact, I don't remember what that was like. The last few days have been tough and times promise to get tougher. Time will be at a premium... squeezing 10 gallons into a 5 gallon bag is the norm. That's my life. More into less. Sometimes it sacrifices quality for quantity and I hate doing that, but it seems to be par for the course of late.

This whole shoulder issue is bugging the hell out of me, but it's part of the game and I know this. Injuries happen. This can barely be called an injury; it's an annoyance. A pissed-off rotator cuff... I still can't sleep on my right side (I'm reminded several times through out the night as I roll on it and am abruptly brought to consciousness by sharp pain). Knowing it was all but unavoidable doesn't lessen the frustration. I mean... yeah, I lost 37-lbs. in 14 weeks last year. I then proceeded to live 9 months at 148-lbs/18% BF. Why didn't the status quo bother me then? Maybe it's because I didn't know then what I know now... so there was no urgency to lose further weight. To reach for the elite. When I hit April '04 through June I dropped 4% BF, even making it as low as 12% in recent days. Now I seem stuck where I am due to injury and the world around me. I'm not sure why the stagnance bothers me now... I'm sure I'll get some fecal cohesion in the future and finally put the exclamation point on my transformation. I'm patient, and then again, I'm not.

Sometimes I get tired of chasing dreams, but I can't imagine not going after them... when my current projects are played out, there will be something else to focus on. Never ending. Sometimes I wish I were just... dumb and happy like the rest of the world seems to be. Maybe my perception is off? I think I just need to get back to the gym where I can bang out my frustrations... man, how I miss it.

"Who cares"
Extreme III - Three Sides to Every Story

Tell me, Jesus,
are you angry?
One more sheep has,
just gone astray
A hardening of hearts,
turning to stone
Wandering off,
so far from home
So many children,
losing time
Walk in darkness,
looking for a sign
Chasing their rainbows,
the future looks so bright
Slowly we're losing,
Sight of the light

Who cares?
Who cares?
Who cares?
Tell me Who cares?
Who cares?

All alone,
out in the cold
Can't look back,
am I growing old
I chose a path,
is this my fate
Am I finding out,
the truth too late

Here I am,
a naked man
Nothing to hide
with empty hands
Remember me,
I am the one
Who lost his way,
your Prodigal Son

Who cares?
Who cares?
Who cares?
Tell me Who cares?
Who cares?

Am I Ever Gonna Change?
Will I always stay the same?
I say one thing
Then I do the other
Same old song
Goes on forever
Rise and shine
A new day is coming...

What a weekend.

It involved a big concert downtown, band practice, beer, weed, pizza, loaded-up hot dogs, and a trip to the music store. I won't try to elaborate on them in any great detail... but shall I say... I drank beer in excess for the first time in 18 months.

Some observations... first, I propose the following postulate:

140-lbs. + high metabolism + 3 beers in a short period of time = I have no shame

Not that I had any to begin with. Further observations... dehydration from large quantities of alcohol makes you look more cut. Try not to get to close to people smoking weed. Contact highs really are possible ("Hey, why are my hands tingling?"). I can play guitar for appreciable amounts of time if I want to. Street-vendor hot dogs are not good for the digestive tract. And my wife, who took me toy shopping at Guitar Center yesterday, is the queen of my world. Without her, I'd be nobody.

My diet went to hell from 2pm Saturday until this morning. Like I care. The proverbial "wagon" was waiting to pick me up this morning at 5am. I was on the treadmill like a good boy this morning and had my meals waiting to be packed up to take to work today. All is right in the universe, I had a great weekend, saw a great concert, had a blast with friends I haven't seen for far too long, mildly abused substances, ate like a hog, had a great band practice, and got new toys.

Life is good. Except now I have to go to the Monday morning meetings. :d_cool: