I don't know if there's anything constructive anyone can tell me, but I hope so because I don't want this to just be a rant.

My husband has asked me to help him lose some weight. His main goal is fat loss. I reluctantly agreed to help him, and you'll see why shortly.

I meticulously found his maintaining weight, BMI, BF %, carefully chose a menu for him, as well as a weight and cardio regimen. I have been making healthy lunches and snacks for him, the works. I have been supportive and encouraging, with lots of positive reinforcement.

He is driving me nuts. :bang: When I cheerfully push him to do the exercise he doesn't want to do, or try and impart some knowledge he's not in the mood to hear, or encourage him to keep a food journal or exercise journal, basically do any of the things he asked me to help him with he gets angry, and sometimes rather nasty with me. It's like a split personality. He wants me to push him and yet when I do he lashes out.

I really want to help him but I am beginning to lose my patients, and I'm so tired of him fighting me every step of the way. I feel like I'm the one doing the brunt of the work here, and its not being appreciated (no thanks for any of this has been uttered). Do I just need more patients? Should I put up with this for the sake of his health? Are there any less "in your face" ways I could motivate him that won't make him angry? If there are any fitness trainers among you, how do you deal with a client like this?

Any help would be appreciated.

He lacks the desire. You can only lead by example. If he wanted it bad enough he would grab hold of the horns and take the initiative to get the results he claims he wants. Which, obviously, is not something he's willing to work for.

He lacks the desire. You can only lead by example. If he wanted it bad enough he would grab hold of the horns and take the initiative to get the results he claims he wants. Which, obviously, is not something he's willing to work for.

This has been my experience as well. People have to truly want it. If they don't, it's next to impossible to simply say stuff to them that will get them motivated. Talk is cheap, unfortunately. What I have personally seen have the biggest effect, is when someone sees a friend or family member or someone they associate with and trust, get results. They see that person after several months to a year and see what kind of a change they've made and it sometimes flips a switch in the person to where they say "hey, they did it. This stuff is legit. I want to try too."

If seeing real world results from a trusted source still doesn't get them motivated, then there's little that probably will, short of a poor-health-induced near death experience (the results of which may not even be permanent).

Your husband needs to be involved in the decissions you're making for him in the way of diet and exercise, even if he originally asked you to do all the work. If he shows no interest in participating in this process, then it's obvious he's really not that committed or interested in changing his ways.

It sounds like you might be guilty of trying to force too many changes into his lifestyle all at once. He might have said this is what he wanted, but his actions indicate otherwise.

Aim for progressive and realistic improvements implemented over time. These will add up quickly if he's consistent and really on board with making a change.

Thanks for the responses everyone!

I get mixed messages for sure. For example, he'll walk into the kitchen at 10:00 and tell me he's going to eat the leftovers from dinner, as if he wants me to say, hey, no you shouldn't do that.

Goonie, I was thinking about that last night as I was typing up this post, that it may feel like I'm ordering him around, which no one would like.

I think you're all right too. After all I got in shape without anyone's pushing me to do it because I really and truly wanted to so badly. I guess all I can do is wait until he's ready.

That being said, there's no harm in at least encouraging him either. Keep the healthy stuff coming if he is willing to eat it, ask his opinion on what he likes and doesn't like and why. If he goes for seconds, but still wants his dessert for now, just let it be. The results may come slower.. but eventually they still come.

Same with the exercise. Keep the opportunities available for him to join you, if he comes, he comes if he doesn't, just let him be. If he fires off the excuses, explain nicely how to work around them.. but if he still refuses.. just let it drop.

I had to take the same approach with my husband.. and while he is still no where near ready to fully commit, he has slowly made enough changes to lose 10lbs (took almost 6 months) and is now off his blood pressure meds. When one change starts to have a good effect, he seems ready to take another little step.

Thanks FB Chick. :)

He got off his meds, that IS wonderful! When it really comes down to it that's what it is really all about. Skinny is nice, but not nessesarily healthy.

I've got good news though. Tonight he told me he's lost several pounds this week. 2 lbs in a week is very good progress, espeically since I think in the weeks before he'd already lost that water weight, so this may be actual fat loss! He also let me know he appreciated my help and wants me to keep helping him.

I feel much better now, because I know he's been eating well even when I'm not looking, even if I have to nudge him to excerize. I just feel more relaxed and trusting about this all now. And not taken for granted. :D