Hey! Our daughter is now 10 months old, and does NOT sleep through the night. She is in the habit of waking up as often as 7/8 times a night. We now have her in the bad habit of feeding her bottle everytime she wakes up. She has no incentive not to continue doing what she is doing, of course we are dying from sleep deprivation.

The Ferber method involves letting the baby cry for X time, comforting them but not picking them up, then waiting 2X time, comforting but not picking up, 3X time, etc.

We have considered trying this method HOWEVER: It just seems wrong...Feels wrong... I am big that emotions and natural tendancies are 'that way for a reason', and if my (and especially my wife) have a natural tendancy to want to pickup my angry, screaming child then that must be 'right', however many of the experts/books say otherwise. Obviously, it is good for US in the longterm for her to sleep through the night, but that doesn't mean it is good for HER.

There are lots of examples of science/soceity/religion/etc swooping in with a 'logical right answer' that later turns out to be harmful. I'm not saying Ferber is this method - but we have a tremendously difficult time following it. It seems to go against every fiber of our beings (all three of us!). If we decide to go with that method, my wife has told me she absolutely cannot stomach it and will need to be gone the days while we 'break her spirit' - or I'll not only be contending with following the method with my daughter but fighting my wife to keep her from going to her and forcing us to start over. (You can tell from my language we are biased against this method)

Does anyone have any alternative methods, or advice, or success or failure stories with Ferber method, or just some thoughts?

Thanks! This is tough stuff!

-Allen

When my sister was a baby my parents had a similar problem with her and juice during the night. Her teeth were spoiling from all the sugar so they had to stop giving her juice but she was not enthused, of course. I know that they ended up using this method (staying with her but letting her scream - and she pretty much screamed for six hours straight) and it worked, but it was hard on them and on her.

I have a 15 month old daughter.

When she was 5 months old, our pediatrician asked us if she was sleeping through the night... to which I replied, I wish!
The tips we followed:
- Reduce what you feed her during the night until you can eliminate it. She needs to learn that food is not a part of the nighttime routine. We were at feeding her 3 times a night. A few days at two, several days at one, and less and less...and you'll get there.
- Don't fly out of bed at every noise. Sometimes they roll over or get restless or something and fall back asleep within 30 seconds or so.
- If you have a baby monitor, don't use it at night. (Unless you have a considerable distance to the crib) Again, don't go running at every little noise.

Within two weeks she was either sleeping through the night or maybe getting up once looking for her pacifier. When she did wake, it was insert pacifier and rub her back for 10 seconds...OUT. We made a standard goodnight routine of making the bottle, filling the humidifier (droning sound helps sleep too), turning on the nightlight, turning down the other lights, putting her in her crib, giving her a blanket, giving her a bedtime bottle, and as she finishes up her bottle, insert pacifier with a little back rub and she is GONE...:sleep:

As always, every baby is different, maybe we were lucky. She sleeps 10-11 hours a night now. It's AWESOME!

I have plenty of failure stories. :p

We tried the Ferber method sort of kind of. As you mention, it's almost impossible to do, especially if one partner has a different view than the other. With us, it was my husband who kept insisting I should "do" something about her crying, while I realized that there was nothing I could do that would help. :( Well, it was way over a week that we sort of kind of tried it, and it didn't solve our problems. Luckilly, I was not working, so I just decided to adapt to her erratic schedule, instead of her adapting to mine. That meant I wouldd get my sleep whenever she slept, instead of through the night which I would have preferred. It also meant that I slept in bed with her for about a year, instead of in my own bed with my husband. :(

On a positive note, here's a website where you will find hundreds of people going through the same thing as you:
Night Waking - The Baby Whisperer (http://www.babywhisperer.com/smf/index.php?PHPSESSID=ebb7e81714de26f8f823c40b4e02fd 77&board=33.0)

It's been a while since I've read her book, but I think the gist of it is saying that your baby wants to be on a schedule, and the more consistent you can keep her routine, the more consistent her behavior will be.

One thing I learned about putting my daughter to sleep was that I was doing it too late at night. :doh: I tended to miss the earlier cues she'd given me about sleepiness, and waited until she was overtired before setting her down. That might be key to the hole sleeplessness issue; that babies need to be set down to rest before they realize that they're tired, and from this relaxed state, they'll learn their own soothing methods. I guess full-tired state must be more uncomfortable for them than a half-tired drowsy stupor.

If you're not already doing these things, you could try them, if they make sense to you:
1) keep bedtime to the exact same time each night, with the exact same events leading up to them (eg. bath, quiet play)
2) wake her in the morning when it's time to start the day, and, if she naps, limit those to a set schedule as well
3) if you need to go in in the middle of the night, keep the stimulation as low-key as possible - no lights, no loud sounds, etc.

I'll be keeping a close watch on this thread. The wife is due to give birth on or around March 18th. I am sure there will be some helpful tips here.

Ferber or no ferber, you're not going to have much sucess without weaning off those nighttime feedings, doesn't mean you have to leave them alone and let them cry it out, but they won't figure out the days and nights without a little help.

But I agree with what guava said.. schedule, schedule, schedule. Something that will do your kids good from now until they graduate highschool and will make your life as a parent so much saner!

Another tip. Can't believe I forgot to mention this....
Start gearing her toward one nap per day....If she is sleeping two or three times a day during the day, you will never get there...

When we first got our daughter to sleep through the night, we limited her to two roughly 1 hour naps during the day. One around 10:30 and the other around 3:00. When she hit the 10-11 month mark, we started gearing her toward a single nap after she eats lunch. It usually takes place around 12:30 and can last between 1.5-2 hours.

You need to work together. Just keep her stimulated by playing learning games, reading, exploring, etc... then encourage nap time when it is appropriate...

As I and others have mentioned. Schedule, schedule, schedule...:gl: