For the past eight years, I've been slowly coming to the realization that, for a multitude of reasons, I never want children.

When I was young, the thought of either having or not having kids never really entered my mind. However, in the past three years, I've found myself thinking about it constantly. Right now, I have an amazing sales job that I absolutely love - it affords me freedom and an excellent living. I don't want this to change...

Money and time issues aside, responsible parenting seems to require a great deal of patience - when my buddy's son wants to throw a ball around, that can be kinda fun. Yet, when he starts crying, I just want to go home. The idea of being a 24/7 guardian is, for lack of a better word, terrifying.

Does anyone in the JSF community feel the same? I'm curious...

For the past eight years, I've been slowly coming to the realization that, for a multitude of reasons, I never want children.

When I was young, the thought of either having or not having kids never really entered my mind. However, in the past three years, I've found myself thinking about it constantly. Right now, I have an amazing sales job that I absolutely love - it affords me freedom and an excellent living. I don't want this to change...

Money and time issues aside, responsible parenting seems to require a great deal of patience - when my buddy's son wants to throw a ball around, that can be kinda fun. Yet, when he starts crying, I just want to go home. The idea of being a 24/7 guardian is, for lack of a better word, terrifying.

Does anyone in the JSF community feel the same? I'm curious...

It's OK to feel that way. It's OK to not feel that way. The tricky thing about being male is that a lot of men that feel the way that you do now, change their mind somewhere in their thirties. It's not as well documented as the "biological clock" for women, but it is something to be aware of.

to (roughly) quote bill maher, i'll have children when other people have children i'd want my kids to play with. :blank:

i hear you on the terror. i guess my most frequent thought process is to look at where i'd like to be in 18 years, add a child to the vision, and whoo. :nono:

now, on the flip side, my tolerance for the concept has grown over the years el husbando and i have cohabitated. i guess this makes sense, given that human children take so long to be self-sufficient, that something deep and evolutionary in my psyche is saying "it's cool now. now would be an okay time."

The benefit of children is legacy.

For the past eight years, I've been slowly coming to the realization that, for a multitude of reasons, I never want children.



Yeah, I don't like kids. Actually, to be honest, I can't stand 'em. I know that makes me sound like some horrible ogre, but it is honest. I've always felt that way, and I am approaching my late 30's now, and I still feel that way. It must run in the family because my sister feels the same way. Many people find that kids enrich their lives .... but you shouldn't feel like there is something wrong with you if you don't share that view.

This is something coming from a 19 year old who is long way from having kids but this is something I heard personally from one of my pastors long time ago. He told me this around the time he had his first kid. He told me that before he had his son, he really really really didn't want a kid. I don't know the reasons but he really didn't want children. But he told me the first moment he saw his son, something came over him and completely changed his attitude about having kids. Perhaps it's one of those "parents love for children more than anything" things. I don't know. All I know is that now, he wants more kids.

I personally don't want kids either. I don't like kids. I think they are the most annoying beings on Earth. But maybe that'll change when I grow older.

I agree with Zen, its ok to feel how you are feeling. Better to have children only if you want them, otherwise they are not getting the love they deserve. I personally want children. The reason? As I get older, I realize how wonderful it is coming home to someone (I am engaged) and when I think about coming home after a long, hard day to more than one person who loves me, I get even more excited! Life gets too lonely going it alone, in my opinion. There was a time when I was younger that I thought I didn't want any of it: the kids, the marriage, but time and the right person in your life changes all that, and it may change it for alot of you too. Whatever you do, do what feels best. Of course, you will have to have a partner that feels the same way and thats the tricky part at times.

You absolutely must have the *RIGHT* person...
I was scared to death of having kids due to loss of freedom, much like yourself.
My wife and I took the plunge about two years ago... I now have a 14 month old daughter running around and say "Hi daddy" when I get home... It's really cool.

That being said, you need to find the right person to take the plunge with. Someone to share the responsibility... My job affords my wife the ability to be a stay-at-home mom. She carrys the majority of the baby related duties while I carry the bread winning duties. We still send her to school three times a week for my wifes sanity and to give her some quality time to exercise, socialize, etc... It was a discussion we had long before we actually decided to have children.

A good plan and a good partner are key to success and happiness when it comes to the baby thing.... and I echo the comment of doubleo' It is about the legacy as well.

Just my $0.02

For the past eight years, I've been slowly coming to the realization that, for a multitude of reasons, I never want children.
Perfectly fine, there's no impetus on you to have kids. Better that you are clear in your head that this is the decision for you. Make sure you are very clear on that position with your significant other so that there's no mis-communication.

I think it's honorable that someone has a clear position in that area rather than a lifetime of regrets. Kids are definitely not for everyone.

The benefit of children is legacy.

shouldn't the decision to have children be a little less laced with ego?

I'm one of those that does want kids. However, it's a mental debate in today's day because the world does not need more people. It needs less. WAAAAY less.

The benefit of children is legacy.
Creating a life to perpetuate one's name seems a bit shallow, don't you think?

Make sure you are very clear on that position with your significant other so that there's no mis-communication.

I agree 100%, Gordo - unfortunately, when you're in your mid 20's and dating, broaching the subject of not wanting children has been the proverbial kiss of death to most of my potential relationships. Sometimes, I think it might be easier to explain having leprosy or some other contagious disease!

shouldn't the decision to have children be a little less laced with ego?

Creating a life to perpetuate one's name seems a bit shallow, don't you think?
Leaving a legacy isn't ego-driven or shallow. It refers to something that you've created, or worked with or nutured that will make a positive difference to the future of the world.

Well, in April of 2008 my wife and I are expecting our first child together. Also, that "39" you see to the left in my profile will soon be 40 (ugh) so times they are-a-changin'. I've always wanted children but Ive also always wanted to live life as I see fit. I'd take off to Vegas on a whim, go see midnite showing of "R" rated movies. Workout early in the morning, do kung fu late at night, have a bottle of cabernet whenever I feel like it, etc. But, with a little girl who will be here in March, all will change. I am both excited and terrified. My wife who is a professional dancer (think of a prettier Karina Smirnoff) is excited but worried about her "fitness" level and look after a baby.

When you get older, you'll probably meet and fall in love with a woman and you'll want children. You'll still long for the life you have now, but you wouldnt change a thing once you look into the eyes of your own child.

Creating a life, loving that child unconditionally, having that child love you back, sharing in each other's lives, being a family ...

IS THE GREATEST THING IN THE WORLD.

That's the dilly.

:rolleyes:

So it's so shallow to dedicate 18 years of your life to creating another...

:rolleyes:

So it's so shallow to dedicate 18 years of your life to creating another...

nope. no one said that.

what i said is that i think having a kid to propagate your idea of yourself is ego-driven.

having a child because you think it's a wonderful experience you're willing to undertake is not.

discussion, peeps.

:rolleyes:

So it's so shallow to dedicate 18 years of your life to creating another...

doesn't it usually take a few minutes?

you might want to contact guiness... :D

For the past eight years, I've been slowly coming to the realization that, for a multitude of reasons, I never want children.

When I was young, the thought of either having or not having kids never really entered my mind. However, in the past three years, I've found myself thinking about it constantly. Right now, I have an amazing sales job that I absolutely love - it affords me freedom and an excellent living. I don't want this to change...

Money and time issues aside, responsible parenting seems to require a great deal of patience - when my buddy's son wants to throw a ball around, that can be kinda fun. Yet, when he starts crying, I just want to go home. The idea of being a 24/7 guardian is, for lack of a better word, terrifying.

Does anyone in the JSF community feel the same? I'm curious...

100% agree. I just don't get it either. I think my dog is pretty cool, but kids? Not so much.

I'm at the same crossroads as many posters here it seems. Getting a bit older and moving from never wanting kids to seriously considering it.

It's terrifying.

:rolleyes:

So it's so shallow to dedicate 18 years of your life to creating another...

For the purposes of discussion, I think it would behoove us to draw a distinction between creating and rearing a child - the two processes are vastly different. My kudos to those who have children and subsequently make the necessary efforts to raise their kids in a healthy, nurturing manner. Conversely, it's hard to resepct those who have children and neglect the aformentioned parenting role. It's because I revere the role of a good parent that I fear the job the most...

I'm at the same crossroads as many posters here it seems. Getting a bit older and moving from never wanting kids to seriously considering it.

It's terrifying.

If you don't mind me asking, lostmind, what is going through your mind when you weigh the pros and cons?

I don't get it either. Overpopulation is a serious problem. In fact, it may be the biggest problem we face as a species. That said, it would be disingenuous to say this is the primary reason I don't want kids. My mother has owned her own day care business since I was young. I've seen hundreds of families come and go, and I've had the opportunity to get to know a number of them personally throughout my life. Young parents, old parents, rich and not so rich. To be blunt, this real world experience clarified any inclinations I had. I do not want kids.

They're cute, the Kodak moments are great, but it's not worth it. The day to day SUCKS. Futher, I don't believe bringing new life into this world is a very nice or moral thing to do.

But, maybe I'm just a cynical young bastard.

You know, back in 2003 I was living by myself after a horrible divorce (2000) and I was quite content being by myself...I actually found myself. I came and went as pleased, did whatever I wanted...

I met my current wife and a year later I was blessed with a beautiful girl.

I'm telling you...there is nothing more special than being blessed with a child..and I can't imagine life without the both of them...all at 44:tu:

Also...over the years I have witnessed people who are so self centered with "me this" my time" etc...

If people aren't willing to spend the rest of their lives "growing" that child, then by all means I wouldn't recommend it.

I love kids and will definitely have a few. I've been accumulating baby names for years now. :o (I'm 20. :bang:) However, there's no way in hell it will happen for at least another decade. I don't see myself being remotely capable of being able to finance the litter critters until then and it's very unlikely I'm going to be mature enough to handle the responsibility in the short term.

shouldn't the decision to have children be a little less laced with ego?

Creating a life to perpetuate one's name seems a bit shallow, don't you think?
Sounds fine to me.

What's going through my mind? hmmm good questions.

This is all random, off the top of my head stuff...

My wife and I both love our families. But we are the youngest generation. If we don't have kids, in time there will be no more family dinners, no big xmas get togethers, etc. Sure, we could do it with friends and maybe bribe our nurses when we're older to pretend they are our family but it's probably not the same (then again, with dementia and alzheimers, maybe it would be?!).

Personally, I'm the oldest in my family. I've always said I'd had enough of babysitting and changing diapers. However, our friends have all started having kids. And somehow, I'm really enjoying being around them - kids are/can be pretty amazing. And somehow, they don't seem to cry as much as I remember.

But then I think - can I afford a kid? I grew up poor, it sucked in a big way. I'm currently self employed, there is no job safety for me. Is it fair to subject a kid to what I went through growing up?

Can I handle being a parent when I'm sick, tired, grumpy, working, driving, on the phone, etc? After you pop a kid out (making the kid is pretty much the easy part) you are a parent full time forever - no excuses. Or at least that's how it should be imo. That's going to require some pretty strong commitment.

What happens if your kid turns out bad? I've met some kids that are just straight up evil. What if your kid hits 12 and hates you? What if they are born with a deformity or disease or require special care?

Will I be bored out of my mind chasing a kid around all the time? Will I get annoyed with them for being the reason I don't get to travel, play sports, buy shiny new gadgets, relax/etc/whatever and end up taking out my frustration on them?

Am I/can I be a positive role model?

And that's beyond all the other questions like overpopulation, oil crisis, terrorists, school shootings, food poisonings, etc. The world isn't a really pretty place at times...

I'm also the product of divorce (several times actually), a loving mother with sometimes questionable parenting skills, a missing, alchoholic father, abusive step father and so on. I'd really hate to find myself as one of them one day.

Blah blah blah blah blah.

Anyways, time for bed :)

Good thread!

At the present time, i dont want kids, and cant really see a time when i will. But I am 26, and i do believe that things will change. I would miss the freedom, the extra money, the lack of responsibility (in relative terms of course), the boys toys etc.

I often think maybe I'm too selfish with my own time and possesions to be a parent? I dont know if there is any truth in that. I dont consider myself a selfish person, i will help others out, and share what i have, but giving up my time, full time, is just too much it seems.

Or maybe it stems back to the other argument of people having parents when they are not prepared to give 100%. Maybe i just feel that its 100% or nothing, and i aint prepared to give 100%, at least, not at this time.

I agree with a lot of the thoughts that lostmind wrote above. Except i dont really consider terrorism, overpopulation etc as reasons to not have a child.

I think about when we get together for xmas and my grandparents are there, and we are all their family around them. If i dont ever have kids, i wont ever have that family below me to spend such times with, and thats sad. Wheres the fun in a HD plasma and a motorbike when your 70. The pleasure is probably in having a family.

Qudos to the original poster. Nice thread. :)

(directed to no one specifically) I think the notion that you don't want to have kids because you've seen others be bad parents is silly.

That's like saying that you're going to forego squatting because you've seen so many bad squatters in your gym. :doh:

On the contrary, if you have witnessed a plethora of bad parenting, don't you kind of "owe it" to society to give it as shot, the "right" way, and provide the world with a positive future instead of just giving up? Just sayin'.......

On the contrary, if you have witnessed a plethora of bad parenting, don't you kind of "owe it" to society to give it as shot, the "right" way, and provide the world with a positive future instead of just giving up? Just sayin'.......

Generally speaking, I think that people "owe it" to society to act in a responsible manner...

Bringing children into the world and raising them properly is responsible.

If a person realizes that the role of being a good parent requires more time/energy/effort/money than he is willing to sacrifice, and thus, he chooses not to be a parent; I submit that this decision is equally responsible.

I've always wanted children but Ive also always wanted to live life as I see fit. I'd take off to Vegas on a whim, go see midnite showing of "R" rated movies. Workout early in the morning, do kung fu late at night, have a bottle of cabernet whenever I feel like it, etc. But, with a little girl who will be here in March, all will change.

Why will it change? I still take off to travel and do things all the time. I still go to the midnight movies. I workout at 5am sometimes, and workout at 11pm sometimes. I gave up serious drinking a while ago, but that was my choice and had nothing to do with my kids (who are now 6 and 8). As long as your partner is willing to share at least half of the parenting responsibilities, then there is no need to radically change your lifestyle... unless you WANT to.

As long as your partner is willing to share at least half of the parenting responsibilities, then there is no need to radically change your lifestyle... unless you WANT to.You obviously have a gem of a wife. :nod:

I had to turn down a "most expenses paid" trip to Mexico because no one would have been available to tend to the children.

I choose not to go out every Friday night (and my husband comes home much earlier than he would normally choose to) because we feel that it's better for the kids to spend most of their weekend with us instead of in the care of someone else, or looking after themselves.

I'd love to run away for a romantic weekend with my husband much more often than we do, but unless my mom is around to spend quality time with our kids, I just don't feel it's a reasonable option. So we get to do it once a year or once every couple of years. We take weekends out with the kids a few times a year, but it's a completely different kind of thing.

So, I'm not really sure if we're making "sacrifices" for the sake of our children, but our outlook about what's important has changed dramatically, and our leisure time is spent vastly differently than it would be if we'd been childless.

Generally speaking, I think that people "owe it" to society to act in a responsible manner...

Bringing children into the world and raising them properly is responsible.

If a person realizes that the role of being a good parent requires more time/energy/effort/money than he is willing to sacrifice, and thus, he chooses not to be a parent; I submit that this decision is equally responsible.

I think that not wanting kids because you don't want kids is actually quite splendid.

But not having them because you've witnessed other "bad" parents - not so much.

You obviously have a gem of a wife. :nod:

I do. :nod: Then again, it's a little easier for us because we're both home every night... I can certainly understand that a situation where the spouse travels extensively would be more of a challenge.

I think that not wanting kids because you don't want kids is actually quite splendid.

But not having them because you've witnessed other "bad" parents - not so much.

1. It's a joke. From a comedy sketch. :blank:

2. Why not? Being a parent is an exceedingly difficult thing to do.

I often compare other people's attempts to encourage you to have kids to getting a dog. If someone said to you "nah... I don't think I really have the time/interest in having a dog" would you bend over backwards to convince her/him otherwise? It takes so much time, money, and love to have a dog; it's only for people who are ready, willing, and able to make that commitment. So if someone willingly self-selects out of the potential dog-owner pool, good for them for recognizing they don't have what it take to make that sort of commitment.

I am middle aged now, and I am very, very happy that I never had children.

I've been slowly coming to the realization that, for a multitude of reasons, I never want children. . . . Does anyone in the JSF community feel the same?

I agree with pretty much everyone that the not wanting to have children is a perfectly fine choice, but I have to admit, I got a good laugh reading through this thread and remembering how I felt before my children were born.

I honestly wanted nothing to do with them. I had all the same feelings those on here expressed, money, time, responsibility, etc. I even have to admit, the pregnancies came accidently while on birth control. I even remeber having a major panic attack and calling my mother at 2am in the morning, telling her she had to be out here before the baby was born cause I had no idea what the heck to with the thing and would probably kill it before the first week was out (I lived in Hawaii at the time and my mother lived in Va). She actually booked a flight to be out a week before the due date and stay the whole month.

Funny thing was, my son was born 3 weeks early (two weeks before my mom was to arrive). By the time she made it out, my son was not only still alive, but a very healthy, happy, thriving baby boy and I hadn't gone mad.

I admit, I was never fond of the baby years with both my kids, but from about the time they turn 2 onward, each year just seems to get better then the last and right now I'm trying to figure out how to stop my kids from growing up anymore, cause we just have way too much fun with them! Even thought there are things on my "want to do list" that I haven't done yet, I'm very glad I had them when I did.

But like Phillydude, we haven't let the kids really stop us from doing the things we want. I play Football, he plays baseball. There's the rec softball team we play on all the time. We get out together usually a couple of times a month and other times we just take turns getting out with friends. We still do our fair share of traveling and we still have plenty of toys :D. I think the only real change is we plan for these things now, instead of the impulse whims that would happen before kids. What I've found is that more often then not, just taking the kids with us when there are things we want to do is ultimately the better solution then just staying home.

Not to say that someday you'll change your mind, or even that you should. I agree with everyone that having kids should be a personal choice.

I've been waging this battle in my mind for a couple years now. My wife doesn't really want kids and has said she would only consider having one because she knows I want one.

Lots to think about - postpartum depression for my wife (she has a history with depression), we both work FT so no one stays at home, etc.

1. It's a joke. From a comedy sketch. :blank:

2. Why not? Being a parent is an exceedingly difficult thing to do.

I often compare other people's attempts to encourage you to have kids to getting a dog. If someone said to you "nah... I don't think I really have the time/interest in having a dog" would you bend over backwards to convince her/him otherwise? It takes so much time, money, and love to have a dog; it's only for people who are ready, willing, and able to make that commitment. So if someone willingly self-selects out of the potential dog-owner pool, good for them for recognizing they don't have what it take to make that sort of commitment.

I agree completely. I would never encourage someone to have kids when they don't want to have them. That's not an issue.

However, there is a HUGE difference between saying "gee, parenting looks really hard", and "there are so many bad parents out there". The first statement is an acknowledgement that it's a tough, challenging role, the second statement implies that you can do better and that the parents are merely slacking off.

So to say "I dont want kids because it looks hard and I dont think I'm up to the challenge" is commendable.

Saying "I dont want kids because there are other people who are bad at it" doesn't make sense to me.

Also...over the years I have witnessed people who are so self centered with "me this" my time" etc...

If people aren't willing to spend the rest of their lives "growing" that child, then by all means I wouldn't recommend it.

I wouldn't really say people who feel that way are entirely self-centered (perhaps some are, I run in to self-centered people everyday). I enjoy my time and freedom. I have many things I must do in the short time we have on this rock and children would only interfere. But thats my situation. I value my friends and family, just no desire for kids. If I every worry about a legacy I guess I'll have to figure out some other way to leave one. :D

Saying "I dont want kids because there are other people who are bad at it" doesn't make sense to me.
Not that I necessarily disagree, but I suppose people's reason are their own reasons. Sometime you have to accept the logic, no matter how it seems. I guess it appears rational to them.
Maybe watching other people screw-up royally (and what parent doesn't?) re-enforces their own self-doubt but they mask that by using other folks as the excuse.

Call me weird, but I am on the opposite end of the spectrum. I can't wait to have kids (the sooner the better, as far as I'm concerned). I'm 25, and not even remotely close to being married, so children are still many years off. But there's nothing I want more than a family. I can't even imagine the future without having kids. My biggest fear in life is of not getting married and not having kids. Sure, I like my free time and doing what I want. But I don't really want to be middle-aged and alone and doing the same thing I am now.

Also, kids are funny and charming and innocent. Sure, the first year sounds brutal (I do love my sleep), and they cost money and throw tantrums (not to mention eventually turn into a talk-back teenager). But I think they're a good investment. For all their annoying habits, I think kids are the cutest thing in the world.

All my life I've wanted to have two children, and now I'm thinking I'd like three. And for all the people complaining about overpopulation, I'd be worried about the developing world. In much of the developed world, the birth rate is actually below 2 per couple. Europe's population in many areas is actually going to start declining - same with Japan. So, I won't feel bad adding to the 6 billion :tu:

The day to day SUCKS. Futher, I don't believe bringing new life into this world is a very nice or moral thing to do.


The day to day is wonderful. And as to the other part of your statement, you do realize that without it, the human race would be gone in about 100 years.

For those without kids consider this:

Once you have kids you are NEVER allowed to admit that it was a mistake.

If you never have kids you are allowed to admit that you'd have liked to have kids.

Some of you will get to a point where you will have to choose between keeping your wife and having kids or getting a divorce.

Some may well get to the opposite situation, where you either stay married and don't have kids, or get a divorce and look for someone else.

Either way, think about it carefully and more importantly recognize that situation if you ever get into it. Making the wrong decision for you in either case is going to be unpleasant.

Interesting that with all the people on this board, by far the majority of posters in this thread do not have kids. The majority of posters are also male......just making an observation.

They're cute, the Kodak moments are great, but it's not worth it. The day to day SUCKS. Futher, I don't believe bringing new life into this world is a very nice or moral thing to do.



Wow, Guano... Would have sucked for you if your mother rationalized things in the same manner as you.

Why is it immoral for me to bring two wonderful, beautiful children into this world? I don't care about carrying on my name or my legacy, I wasn't looking for something that was a step up from an AKC English Bulldog. It was instinct and a manifestation of the love I have for my wife. Thirteen years ago I found a woman that I love and I will love for the rest of my life. To share and create life together seemed only natural.

For you to insinuate that bearing offspring is immoral, is in my opinion, repugnant, ignorant and sad. As the saying goes, I may not agree with what you say, but I will fight to the death for your right to say it.

Jay.

For those without kids consider this:

Once you have kids you are NEVER allowed to admit that it was a mistake.



Powerful sentence!!!!

I used to say that I don't want to have any kids because I can't seem to bond with them and find them uninteresting. now I say, who knows what will come, I might hear the clock ticking when I'm 35, how can I know that now? (I still can't bond with them though.)

but what is really important for me is that it's a deliberate choice. I don't like the concept of wanting to have kids because "that's the way it's supposed to be". when I have kids I want it to be after serious reflection about why I want to have them and after having made sure that I will be able to take care of them financially and time-wise. having kids is not something to be taken lightly and I think that many people procreate without being prepared for it.

btw, I hate people who tell me "ah you'll want to have kids in a few years, just wait and see"! it makes me furious :mad: and I also don't like it when some people say that you're being selfish when you don't want to have kids (for reasons of money or time or whatever) - having kids because you can't stand the idea of being alone when you're old is just as selfish.

"ah you'll want to have kids in a few years, just wait and see"! :D

Powerful sentence!!!!

I used to say that I don't want to have any kids because I can't seem to bond with them and find them uninteresting. now I say, who knows what will come, I might hear the clock ticking when I'm 35, how can I know that now? (I still can't bond with them though.)

but what is really important for me is that it's a deliberate choice. I don't like the concept of wanting to have kids because "that's the way it's supposed to be". when I have kids I want it to be after serious reflection about why I want to have them and after having made sure that I will be able to take care of them financially and time-wise. having kids is not something to be taken lightly and I think that many people procreate without being prepared for it.

btw, I hate people who tell me "ah you'll want to have kids in a few years, just wait and see"! it makes me furious :mad: and I also don't like it when some people say that you're being selfish when you don't want to have kids (for reasons of money or time or whatever) - having kids because you can't stand the idea of being alone when you're old is just as selfish.

note: You will likely never bond with someone else's child the way you will with your own, so that's not necessarily an accurate yardstick of your parenting potential.

note: You will likely never bond with someone else's child the way you will with your own, so that's not necessarily an accurate yardstick of your parenting potential.

Great statement....and oh so true!
In general, I can't stand other people's kids... But I love my little girl!!!

note: You will likely never bond with someone else's child the way you will with your own, so that's not necessarily an accurate yardstick of your parenting potential.


x2

I don't think anything is a good yardstick for your own parenting potential and I don't think anything can really 'prepare' you for having kids.

Plus while I do believe parents can have a huge impact on kids early habits (like sleeping and eating) all kids (like people) are different. At the end of the day you don't know what your kids personality is going to be until you see it develop. It may or may not clash with your own.

So how can you possibly be prepared?

You can read all the books etc.., but stuff will happen you don't expect. And you know what, by far the majority of us will figure out a way of handling it and do just fine. Being afraid of not being a good parent, or not having enough money or time or parenting skills etc.. are, IMO NOT valid reasons for not having kids. Believe me, you'll figure it out. And you never have enough time or money for your kids (whether you have one or 5).