Please bear with me on this one, ladies, sorry it is so long.

So this summer, after watching me work myself into the best shape of my life, my mother started approaching me with a lot of questions about working out and eating. She is 52 years old, but not in terrible shape. She has some decent aerobic capacity from years of going for morning walks and Curves-type workouts, but she has never played any sports. Her diet choice is pretty clean, lots of fruits and vegetables and anything else the magazines tell her is good. Biggest problem is that she doesn't eat enough, especially early in the day, and doesn't eat enough protein. She is 4'11", somewhere around 110 lbs, but has what I believe is a rather high 30% bodyfat (done with a handheld electronic device at Curves) because she just has very little lean body mass on her. Besides trying to help her look her best, I also realize that altering her body composition and getting her to build more lean mass is tremendously important for her long term health.

So first thing I had her do was start eating four 300-350 calorie meals/day, including protein with each one. I would like her to spread it over 5 or 6 meals, but I'm trying to make this realistic for her. I also got her started with some interval-type work, running 8x200 m along with her morning walks and her Curves workouts. She hates the running and is still learning to get used to it, so she isn't going very fast, maybe about an 8:00/mile pace with walking between each 200. Finally, and most importantly, I have her doing a full-body strength training workout 3 days/week. She does 3x10 with pushups, crunches, one-arm rows, lunges, and deadlifts, using some dumbbells for extra weight when she can.

Now, we have been at this for 4 weeks or so, and we are starting to run into problems.

First, I'm trying to get her to use a training log where she would include the most basic information about her workouts and her calories each day. Since I had tried to introduce this concept, she seems very frustrated, I believe because she doesn't understand it. She doesn't keep track of her calories very well throughout the day so I know her estimates at the end of the day are probably inaccurate. She also just writes whatever for her workouts, such as for yesterday she just put 3x10x15 for all her exercises (including pushups, and I KNOW she isn't doing weighted pushups).

Second, let's say she did do 3x10x15 for all her exercises. If that's the case, it means she never changed the weights on the dumbbells, whether she was doing deadlifts or rows. That's obviously a problem. How do I get her to start pushing herself to use more weight? As I said, she has never played sports and never trained for athletic performance, so this is not in her nature. I don't think she can push herself beyond her comfort level. I'm waiting for the day when I come home and she tells me that she needs more weight to lift, because the deadlifts are getting too easy, but it's not happening.:blank:

Then, what the HELL is the deal with women and weight? Everytime I try to get her to have a hamburger or something or eat a little more (because I think she has been undereating for a long time), she just reluctantly says something like "Ok... but I just don't want to gain weight". And then the last time I had her check herself on the scale, she said it was 110. Another scale had her at 106. I told her that my experience was that the first scale she used was usually inaccurately high. She was absolutely elated about that. Doesn't she realize that she looks exactly the same no matter what the scale reads? :rolleyes: It can only be used as a measure of change, like bodyfat %. It means nothing in itself. How on earth do I get her to understand this? If she's constantly worried about it, I'm never going to get her to eat enough and start pushing herself with the weights, because the reality is that she isn't fat, she is skinny-fat, so she is only going to gain weight as we replace fat with muscle.

The underlying problem, I think, is that she really believes that if she sweats a little bit in these workouts and eats the magical foods, she will "see progress" (whatever that means in her mind, probably losing weight according to the scale). I can't figure out how to convey to her how nutrient timing, macronutrient breakdown, calorie intake, the aerobic work, and the strength training all work together to bring change.

I blame the damn mainstream women's magazines.

But please help me out before I start to get too frustrated with this. If I find it's getting in the way of our relationship, then I'm just going to end it and point her in another direction because it's not worth it.

Tim

It's good news that not only is she trying to make a change, but also that she's willing to listen to you and respect your knowledge.

I don't have specific answers to your questions, but here are some general thoughts:

-She does not need to count calories, and I would totally abandon this concept. Instead, help her learn about portions, which are MUCH easier for most "non-fitness folks" to understand. I would actually go as far as to buy the Body-for-LIFE book and read it and then try to convey it's principles to her (maybe have her read it too, if you'd like and think she'd be willing). For now, you could modify it, and have her eat four portion rule meals per day. A portion of protein and a portion of carbs in each meal, make sure one of those portions is fruit, and add an additional portion of veggies to one meal. That's a great way to get started I think.

-I don't think she requires as much heavy, compound lifts that you and I enjoy. Yes, deadlifts are wonderful but it may frustrate her if you start her out with these. A simple upper/lower split (or full body), with just a handfull of exercises, would be a good route for her to get started with.

-Explaining the scale issue IS difficult, I know. You may want to talk about some of our female friends here who have lost very little scale weight but have recomped their physiques so they look (and feel!) so much better (Chameleon comes to mind). You could also dig through some of the bodybuilding.com transformations, and some of the before/after pics on bodyforlife.com. Here's an example of someone who lost little scale weight but looks so much better: http://www.finallyfit.net/lynnoglesby.html.

-I don't know much about the needs of a female at that age, but researching a good multivitamin that specifically addresses these needs would be good. I would look for posts by SavyArt and Justitia, as both of them have had good insight here. If you are at all confused, I also recommend enlisting a professional trainer / nutritionist for a consultation.

:gl:

I think it would be a big help to hire a personal trainer to work with her. It's not that you don't know what you're doing, it's that the seriousness of the issue doesn't translate so well because you are family. Family members take each other for granted. It's amazing how much people (especially mothers of that generation. Mine is 55) will listen to and follow the advice of complete strangers (which is how they were brainwashed by women's magazines, Oprah's unresearched guest-of-the-week, Dr. Phil, etc, anyway).

It's important to find a trainer who doesn't compromise the importance of muscle to appease their client's desire to emaciate themselves. I mean, they shouldn't try turning your mother into a bodybuilder, but a true professional will steer things in a healthy direction through positive influence (so don't hire, say, Nicole Ritchie's personal trainer).

I recommend finding her a good-looking male trainer to encourage some muscle mass:D If there's one thing I know from experience with my own mother, it's that if a handsome man tells her that muscle is going to look good on her, she will most definitely follow that program:lol:

On a similar note, I like to use this method for explaining body composition to women who think that muscle mass is optional to their existence:

Aside from water, without which we'd be dead in 3 days, and which even the most hardcore, misinformed dieters recognizes the necessity of, and our organs, which no one is terribly interested in losing, we are basically composed of the following:

Skin, Fat, Muscle, Bones.

Between our skin and bones, there is only one thing that stays firm, and that's muscle. Nothing else can be sculpted into a tight butt or a flat tummy. Let's take it out and see what's left:

Skin, Fat, Bones.

Now, fat is that loose and jiggly tissue that causes so many women, even at a healthy weight, to diet and exercise even further to get rid of it. Until fat is significantly reduced, one will never achieve a firm body. Of course, with muscle out of the equation, and fat gone, we are left with:

Skin, Bones...

...And an eating disorder, as well as other potentially fatal complications.

Thanks for the advice, guys.

I'm leaning more and more toward getting her some professional help with the nutrition. I feel like I have a good grasp on it for myself (I have read everything from Berardi), but I'm not sure how to get her to implement it all. When I started learning, it was really like a full-time job. I might look into the FemGenix program to see if that would be a good fit for her. I'll take a look at the Body for Life book. Any other reccomendations?

I would love to get her into a real gym and hook her up with a good trainer, but my experience is that good trainers are EXTREMELY hard to come by. Most trainers I see at the YMCA working with women have them doing a lot of tricep kickbacks with 10 pounds weights and crunches on top of a swiss ball. I've never seen a trainer show someone a quality, full body strength training program. In addition, I think she is still quite nervous about joining a gym like that and going on her own. That would be a big step.

I'm curious, of the women out there, how many of you do the big compound exercises like deadlifts or squats or cleans? I really felt that deadlifts, especially, would be very beneficial for her over the long term (avoiding back injuries, giving her more practical strength).

Tim

I'm curious, of the women out there, how many of you do the big compound exercises like deadlifts or squats or cleans? I really felt that deadlifts, especially, would be very beneficial for her over the long term (avoiding back injuries, giving her more practical strength).

Deadlifts and squats are a big part of my routines now, but I never started with them. If she's not keen on them, then she's not keen on them.

When I first started, I mostly used machines. For someone starting out, I think that's fine. I still made considerable gains, and it was easier for watching my form.

-I don't think she requires as much heavy, compound lifts that you and I enjoy. Yes, deadlifts are wonderful but it may frustrate her if you start her out with these. A simple upper/lower split (or full body), with just a handfull of exercises, would be a good route for her to get started with.

I agree to a point. My wife is 54 and working out now after years of inactivity. I was really surprised what her trainers have her doing - lots of step ups and core work which was no surprise, but they have her squatting and doing single leg deadlifts. At the weight that is appropriate for her it's still dumbells, but it's heavy enough. She also does pushups from knees with resistance bands (which I don't really get the concept of) and does two minute planche holds. The rowing and shoulder pressing is all resistance band - so that is not a surprise.

So women that age apparently do some big compounds.

I agree to a point. My wife is 54 and working out now after years of inactivity. I was really surprised what her trainers have her doing - lots of step ups and core work which was no surprise, but they have her squatting and doing single leg deadlifts. At the weight that is appropriate for her it's still dumbells, but it's heavy enough. She also does pushups from knees with resistance bands (which I don't really get the concept of) and does two minute planche holds. The rowing and shoulder pressing is all resistance band - so that is not a surprise.

So women that age apparently do some big compounds.
I never said women that age don't do compounds. I'm only trying to avoid her getting frustrated and scrapping the entire routine. I think deads/squats should be in there eventually, but there's nothing wrong with starting out with easier ("less scary") exercises.

I never said women that age don't do compounds. I'm only trying to avoid her getting frustrated and scrapping the entire routine. I think deads/squats should be in there eventually, but there's nothing wrong with starting out with easier ("less scary") exercises.

I thought the same way myself until my wife came back from her first workout having done most of that stuff. I sort of asked "you mean REAL squats?" and she showed me, and yeah, squats, etc. So I think it comes down to the situation in which the woman is going to do the exercises. I had previously explained how squats were a big part of my program to my wife but that didn't get her doing them. As soon as she got a trainer, she did whatever they suggest without thinking much about it because after all, she's paying for it. I was mildly surprised.

One can't generalize what a woman "that age" (harrumph) will take to, right off the bat.

If she is resistant to the idea of a trainer, perhaps showing her the "women over 42" thread (http://forums.johnstonefitness.com/showthread.php?t=10747) might inspire her. You can point out those women who just look great from those who look like body builders. Everyone's routine is pretty much listed on their post.

You can point out how all the women there workout heavy but the ones who look like BB's do extra special things to look like that, just for the purpose of a contest and she doesn't have to do those things to look great.. but she will want to get to doing some weights.

I would give up on the log thing... Not everyone is into that... One has to become a little more obsessive to start wanting to write down everything. She might get there some day, but she obviously isn't into it now. Don't tack on stuff she doesn't like. That will make her more resistant altogether.


Take photos of her.. maybe she looks like a before on the women over 42 thread... then she can see what she would look like afterwords.

Eating in the morning.. I have struggled with that for years. When things are going fine, I can make myself eat breakfast... I will even want it. But as soon as a little chaos comes into my life... breakfast is the first thin to fall apart.

Finally, this may sound a little weird. But see if you can find her Body Pump classes. They are lifting weights... and they are perfect for women who have not lifted before. They are high reps and low weight classes, but everyone who has been in there a while looks pretty toned. And the atmosphere of all that female testosterone really gets a woman hooked on exerting their strength. That's what got me hooked. It is officially co-ed but it is really well designed for women who have never lifted. It is energizing, fun,,, they play great music and everyone has a ball yet are very intense at the same time.

Later on she can graduate into heavier weights. The goal right now is to get her hooked. I don't think the way you're going about it... as well-intentioned as you are... is going to get her hooked.


Human CLay... your description is very clever, persuasive and funny. :lol: