i went to the gym today full of motivation and really looking forward to my workout, but it didn't take long for me to start feeling pretty terrible about my body. with a gym full of attractive, fit women and mirrors everywhere, i started getting really discouraged and just wanted to give up. i'd say 75% of the women there were in great shape. i then start thinking that i'll never be able to look that good or get in shape, because after so many failed attempts at losing weight, i dont' have much confidence that i'll be able to stick to it.

i'm on the heavier side of average, at 5ft 7, 155 lbs and 25% bodyfat, and i almost felt like an intruder there. my dissatisfaction with my appearence is really taking a toll on my social life because whenever i'm about to go out, i panic at how unattractive and fat i look, and fairly often end up not going at all. (not being in shape is a fairly new thing for me so it's extra hard). so of course, i know that in order to get in shape, i need to frequent the gym (and follow a clean diet), but i just need to find a way to completely ignore every negative thought and focus on my workouts, how good it feels, and how much stronger i'm getting. on a positive note, i have exercised four days in a row now, and have managed to force myself to not worry about it too much. i'm afraid though, that once the novelty wears off, this will become even more of an issue.

if anyone has had similar problems when starting out, i'd certainly appreciate some advice on how to get over it to get on with it.

thanks in advance :)

Hey Windygirl----

I know all too well about re-starts and not sticking to plan. I've been struggling for 4 years, with my primary stumbling blocks being resisting anything in junk food carb form ( my favorites are any kind of bread, pizza, pasta, sugared cereal, pastries, icecream, and Coca Cola.) This time is different however, and I can feel it in my bones. There are tons of articles about motivation and steps you can take, things you can try, so I wont rehash all of that. I'll tell you what has worked for me.

For one, I think I was just in the right frame of mind. I had a real sense of urgency. I realized that I had to preserve my health now, and save my future health, and there were so many wonderful things I wanted to do with my life, so many places I wanted to go see and people to meet and accomplishments to bring to fruition. But my lack of health, fitness and poor physique were all holding me back from my dreams. I had no confidence and felt so unempowered. Also, I knew this was going to be a lifelong thing, and the garbage stuff I was subsisting on was no longer going to be a part of my life, they were not who I was. Granted, I knew that I could have a treat every once in a while, but they would not make up the bulk of my diet and no longer be the focus of my day.

Secondly, and I know this is controversial-- I have lost weight quickly, but it is bloat weight, so I think that makes a difference. Simply dropping my calories and getting rid of all that processed crap was enough to do this. I lost the puffiness and saw someone whom I hadnt seen in a long time---this was very motivating.

Thirdly, when it comes to exercise, I stopped thinking about it. You know that little voice inside you're head that comes up with all the reasons why you dont feel like hitting the weights or the treadmill at that moment? I just told it to shut the hell up. If I turn off my negative thinking, and just get going, I am on my way and before I know it--I'm basking in the satisfaction of a job well done. Also, I can kinda relate to seeing yourself in the mirror while working out and getting seriously discouraged. I get really thirsty when I work out, and so end up drinking about 21 oz of water during, this totally ballons up my stomach and hips:) I just try to ignore it and think about the fact that I am losing fat right at that very moment because I'm being active, and the next day I will feel even thinner. I think about how much stronger I am getting and how much tighter my muscles are becoming... basically I try to picture myself in the moment and not look at the magnitude and length of my goals. So live in the moment! :)

I am riding a high right now, and I know I'll hit some slumps, but you have to persevere-- because the prize is worth so much more than what you've got right now.

Best of luck to you :claphigh:

Well I'm not a female, but being fat since childhood
pretty much qualifies me as any female when it comes
to body image issues. ;)

I rather workout at home myself, but if you prefer/need to workout at the gym. You have to remind yourself that the logic of feeling uneasy is counter productive to reaching your goals.

As far as suggestions go :
A. Build a home gym.
B. Workout at the less busy hours.
C. Create your own private world with a pair of sound
blocking headphones and loud music.


I'd say the bigger problem is :
because after so many failed attempts at losing weight, i dont' have much confidence that i'll be able to stick to it.


I can give better input regarding this.
I'm not sure exectly at which point this happened along my fat loss journy, but dispite my fatloss slowing down lately, which is causing me tons of fustration. I do not doubt for one second that I will reach my goals, even if I am afraid it will take another 6 months. :(

Stick to your guns, make it an habit, prove to yourself you can do it. And I'm not talking about fatloss speseficly here. make your own personal challange
to not miss one workout in the gym this month.
It does not matter if you will or will not see your desired fat loss results. HIT THE GYM. solve this problem by action and by making it into an habbit.

I am sure that if anybody actually will get out of
their private world in the gym long enough to notice
you working out every week they will respect your
consistincy rather then judge you for not looking
like a fitness model. (Yet :) )

Shahar.

i know how you feel. i used to do that all the time, now i look at those people with great bodies and use them as motivation... just think, if you stick at it soon people will be going to the gym and will look at you and think "gee i am so fat compared to all the people here, look how hot she is"...

Good luck with it!

I totally understand that. I've always felt very insecure about the way I look. All my life, or at least since puberty, I've been slightly overweight. Not dramatically (my BMI is/was around 25), but so much so that I just didn't like the way I looked and was always worried about how others perceived me.

Four years ago I lost a lot of weight and I did it the wrong way, by eating way too little and not lifting. In the end, I just looked like a smaller me. I didn't really mind, though, I liked that I could buy clothes that looked nice and my cardiovascular fitness had improved dramatically because I'd taken up running.

Well. My last year of high school rolled around and I wound up binge eating. I'd been struggling with depression all through high school and the last year it just became dramatically worse. Suicide crossed my mind frequently, but I didn't make any attempts to go through with it. In any event, I ended up gaining back all the weight I'd lost and then some.

In January of this year I decided I'd had it. I needed to get my life back together, and I needed to start with the way I felt about myself. I needed to build self confidence and start liking myself again. Part of that was working on my body, which had always been a main source of my insecurity. I knew exercise helps with depression, so that was also part of my decision to start doing something. Once I started, I realized that if I don't exercise regularly and eat properly, my depression is much worse and I feel like s**t. This, to me, is motivation enough to go out and do something, be it going for a brisk walk or hitting the weights. I need to do this in order to avoid all those bad feelings that are the root of a lot of problems in my life. And while I still often catch myself wondering how others see me, I work hard not to do that anymore. I realize this is easier said than done, and I still struggle with it. It's a choice that I make every day, not to let my wellbeing--be it emotional or physical wellbeing--be determined by how I think others perceive me.

Since I started doing this, the quality of my life has improved. There's still a lot I need to work on, but I figure I've already made gains, both emotionally, mentally and physically, and I'll keep doing that in the future. I refuse to go back to where I was six or seven months ago. That is no longer an option to me.

Sorry. This turned into a ramble, but my point is this: take a look at your life the way it used to be and the way it is when you exercise, when you push yourself, when you go after what you want. Are you happier now? Or were you happier then? Ultimately, that's what should determine whether you go to the gym or for a run, not whether other people at the gym look good or not. Focus on yourself, be selfish in this regard, don't think about other people, because in the end it's you who has to like you, and then the people around you will follow.

Don't give up.

I too have started and stopped many projects in my lifetime. But I have now learned to make a very simple, yet important decision when I start a new project.

I decide to NOT GIVE UP.

When it's time to do cardio, and that little voice in my head is going, "I'm too tired", "Skipping one won't hurt", "What's the point it's not making any difference" I just go right ahead and put my shoes on, grab my water bottle, fire up the treadmill and start moving. I don't fight the thoughts at all, I just watch them as I go through the motions of my workout. Hasn't failed me yet.

The point is I decided that I wasn't going to stop until I hit my goal so no matter what my mind says, I just keep moving forward.

k

I'm not a woman, but this isn't a gender issue. Essentially, your disgust at yourself is being wielded incorrectly. If you go to the gym and feel ashamed of yourself and sticking out like a sore thumb (which in reality is not the case; I highly doubt your gym is all fitness models, and you are not very heavy), the correct response is to fix the problem, not hide from it.

You need to use your shame as motivation. Every time you feel like skipping a workout, use the internal anger to make you get in the car. Every time you feel like a chocolate bar and you know you shouldn't have it, see that chocolate bar as sabotaging your progress. If you have the confidence to know you can change (and all of us can) you need to use dissatisfaction to motivate the correct action.

My main methods of remaining motivated even when I feel like slacking off or that I will never meet my goals are:

1. Compare yourself to your past self, not the current state of others. Essentially this means take the first big step of taking pictures every 2-4 weeks. Keep a daily fitness journal, even if its just how you feel, what your workout was and a basic idea of your nutrition for the day...that might take 5 minutes. These practices, whether done on JSF or on your own will help you measure your results and realize the progress that you are or are not making and help you know when to make changes. This fitness game is a marathon, not a sprint and it is about how you feel about YOU compared to the 1 day ago, 1 week ago, 1 month ago, 1 year ago YOU. Dont get into the comarison game with others. The one thing you CAN get from others is advice on how they got to where they are so that you can implement some of the same methods.

2. Meet with a trainer once every 4-6 weeks. This is a good way to get an objective viewpoint on your progress and also good input on what routine/nutrition changes you should make along the way as your body transforms and has different needs at different times. Spend some $ on yourself in this aspect, if you get a good, honest and encouraging trainer it is WELL worth it!

3. Music...music helps me endure my workouts and even gives me motivation to go longer or faster. Find music that inspires you and that in some cases is tied into the exercise process somehow. For example (not usually a big fan of Eminem) Eminem's Till I Collapse has been my workout theme song for the last month and has helped me push through the last grueling reps of a 12-15 rep set or crush 10 extra minutes of intervals on the Stairmaster.

Best of wishes to you and please keep posting at JSF and keep us informed of your progress or how we can help!

Hey windygirl,
you are not alone in feeling that. I have been there, skipped workouts and felt much worse afterwords. After feeling low about myself, I went into a self-questioning zone. I found that when I worked alone, I never felt that. Only when someone well-built came, I would have these feelings. For eg., I would be struggling with 25 lbs DBs on chest press and someone would pick 80 lb DBs and get a great pump. It left me in awe of them and depressed with myself.

Somehow, after spending ime on JSF, I realized that even that dream body took time to build. Everything takes time to build. No matter how obvious the answer was, I took time accepting in my head. Now I appreciate that someone picking 80 lb DBs AND my effort in getting there. Someday, I will...

The people whose physiques you admire didn't start there (with the very rare genetic exception). They worked their way there, and are either maintaining or fine tuning. It's good to admire their bodies, but I'm sure that they would not want their results or status to prevent you from being there, or make you less comfortable. (Unless they are someone who is pathologically insecure, in which case you shouldn't care at all).

Everybody starts at a different time and place. The fact that someone who has been at it for a while is in a different spot than you should be expected. Respect the effort that it took them to get there, but don't let the fact that they are ahead of you deter you from your journey.

3. Music...music helps me endure my workouts and even gives me motivation to go longer or faster. Find music that inspires you and that in some cases is tied into the exercise process somehow.

I agree with this wholeheartedly. I never leave to go workout without my iPod!

Respect the effort that it took them to get there, but don't let the fact that they are ahead of you deter you from your journey.

I agree completely, and would put it on a different slant.

Someone who is completely buff may be ahead of you in the time they have invested. But there is no need for you to concede to them an advantage in the quality of effort.

When you put in your best attempt every time - who can do better?

So don't just respect their effort. Respect your own.

I have a simple solution that truly works for me. When the going gets tough, I come back here and look at John's photo albums - the monthly ones. Because I am into the 2nd month committing to exercising, I cannot expect myself to look like at the end of 4 months. John's 2nd month picture helps me grounded when I got a bit impatient when I was only in the 3rd week of the 1st month.

So far, it's working. I'm not ideal but I've lost fat and colleagues have been congratulating me.

:) I think BigDog and Zenpharaoh have made especially insightful observations. I wonder however if you had thought of engaging any of those ‘buff’ women in ‘brief’ conversation. I must say that it has been my experience that most women at the gym are cordial and in many cases enjoy being helpful and are, or can be, very supportive actually enjoying the camaraderie once you become acquainted with them. Having your fitness knowledge I know that it isn’t necessary to even mention that lengthy dialogues are inappropriate in the gym :nono: . Of course many people prefer to work quickly and quietly alone and their wishes must always be respected :nod: but a few brief well chosen words can usually determine if this is the case. Having a few acquaintances and/or a few friendly, familiar faces at my gym has provided me with a wealth of motivation. Perhaps it might help you. Just a thought! :)

i really appreciate all the great advice and support! rather than feeling down because other people have been on their fitness journeys longer and have achieved their goals, i will look upon it as proof that hard work and perseverance really brings great results for anyone committed enough. i'm sure that most fit people haven't been in great shape their whole lives, some of the women whose physique i admire may have even been obese once!

and i know that i can do it, because when i was athlete i never secondguessed my willpower or ability to succeed. training became so automatic that i never even thought twice about it or made excuses. i'm sure it will be difficult in the beginning, but i'm ready to make this commitment to fitness my number one priority. being fit and healthy and happy with my appearence would make such an incredible difference in my life that i have no choice but to tell all self-doubts and negative thoughts to fuck off and "just do it". i'll be sure to frequent these forums for inspiration :)

again, thank you so much for taking the time to share your wisdom with me.

Windygirl, what needs to be said has already been said multiple times in this thread. Simply just keep at it. I actually use my body looks and how I feel as a motivator in itself, at times it almost feels unhealthy but everytime I look at myself in the mirror it's with the absolute disgust. I hate myself on every level and have low confidence. Might sound like a bad thing, blah blah blah, but the fact that I hate the way I look is the reason why I bite the bullet and get done what needs to be done. Everytime I feel like I don't belong in a gym or I'm afraid of what people thinks I tell myself to be more worried about what I think about myself instead of what others think, everytime I see a piece of non-healthy food I tell myself that I'm that much more pathedic than I thought if I give in and remind myself just how much I want that A+ body. I'm still miles away from most of the guys on these forums so I'm in no position to give you much advice except to just keep doing what you're doing right now...excercise and eat right and hope that you'll eventually make it!! As they say, don't treat it like a sprint, treat it like a marathon.

Clear and concise goals work best for me.

I will generally try and set my sights on someone who's pushing for similar goals and then strive to equal or best them. I love the thrill of competition.

Only when the other person's either consenting and accepting of this, or completely unaware, of course. :D