...and I'm not gonna take it anymore.

For an almost unbroken streak of thirteen years I've smoked a pack of cigarettes a day. I've run sub-20:00 5k's and lit up within minutes of crossing the finish line. I've coughed up chunks of brown-black phlegm onto a first-date. I've had interviews where my potential boss is obviously eager to get the hell away from the smell. I've been glared at by mothers, given health advice by strangers, chastised by doctors, lectured by parents, and pleaded with by girlfriends.

The habit I picked up to be cool and at-ease has now made me a paraiah. More vile than that, I consider my dependence on the substance to be utterly inexcusable weakness.

So today, Monday, March 20, 2006 at 7:30pm I had the last cigarette of my life.

What makes me certain I'm through is the death of fear. Until now, I have always had terror in my gut at the prospect of living life without this crutch. This is not going to be easy, but it is going to be far from impossible. I can do it. This journal is here to keep me exposed and honest.

1. Smoking is weakness. It makes me weak.
2. I am not weak.
3. I will never smoke again.

M@

cold turkey, best way to do it. congrats and good luck

Many thanks! The support and encouragement on this board is another weapon in my arsenal. I really appreciate it.

M@

Cold turkey CAN be done. My wife had smoked since she was 13, and just one day quit smoking all together. That lasted for about 4 months. Then she realized that she was REALLY craving them when we would go out on the weekend, and she'd be drinking. (Maybe twice/month). So, for about the last year, she has smoked maybe a grand total of 15-20 cigs a month. I think that's a pretty good trade off. Obviously, not smoking at all would be ideal. But in comparison to smoking nearly a pack a day, I think a pack a month is pretty good.

This is awesome news to hear man, you can do it. You have to do it!

You will feel fucking great, you'll be in the best shape of your life! Big time respect to you for overcoming this! Good luck I'll be watching this thread! Make us, and yourself proud! :tu::gl:

You ran a sub 20:00 5K? :D

Good on ya man. A few of the other more "reputable" members here on JSF have quit this year... we're here to help. You can do this.

I have a friend who quit smoking cold turkey a few years ago, and didn't gain an ounce in doing it.

His strategy was simple: Every day he did some sprints- not just a few, but until his lungs burned. By doing so, he increased the sensitivity of his lungs, making smoking seem painful. He did this for a few weeks, and had retrained himself not to start smoking again.

Good luck-

Well done.

I reached the same conclusion as you on the 31st October 1998 and haven't smoked since.

It's a vile habit - learn to hate it.

Good luck - you won't regret it.

You ran a sub 20:00 5K?

Many times, if you count all the sessions with a former drill instructor in the midway at the track, chewing me out for a sissy 6:30 mile time. :rolleyes: He'd throw oranges at my car when he'd see me in there, lighting up after a workout. :lol:

His strategy was simple: Every day he did some sprints- not just a few, but until his lungs burned.

Last time I quit I'd throw down a set of push ups, a set of pull ups, and a set of sit ups, each to failure, whenever I got a strong craving. It was a great positive reinforcement and, more importantly, gave me the ability to focus mentally and concentrate that I'd usually used nicotene for. I intend to do that again and am geeked that my office is right next to our building's mini-gym.

This is awesome news to hear man, you can do it. You have to do it!

Sweet! I can't tell you how awesome it is to wake up to this positivity and encouragement. Thanks to all of you for your support. I can do this. I will.

I also want to mention that I'm not doing this without pharmacological help. I'll be using the 7mg NicodermCQ patch for the next four weeks. I'll also have some nicotene gum around for the next two weeks. I've gone scorched-earth on all paraphenalia around the house, at work, and in my car. I've trained myself to eliminate the tendency to look on smoking in any kind of a positive light and have informed everyone I interact with about my decision.

And that's it for the rah-rah for now. I get the impression that the hard part's about to begin. :lol:

M@

Let's see,
I kicked an opiate addiction. That was tough.
I kicked an addiction to alcohol. Not too tough.
I quit smoking on Jan. 1st. It's the hardest thing i've EVER done.

It CAN be done though. I REFUSE to smoke again.

...and I'm not gonna take it anymore.

For an almost unbroken streak of thirteen years I've smoked a pack of cigarettes a day.
1. Smoking is weakness. It makes me weak.
2. I am not weak.
3. I will never smoke again.

M@

That's great M@. Besides the obvious health benefits how about this:

$4.25X365= $1,551.25

Treat yourself to something really nice, you'll deserve it!

It CAN be done though. I REFUSE to smoke again.

You and me both DD.

That's great M@. Besides the obvious health benefits how about this...

Oh I'm dialed into that too gborn! Since I'm in a tobacco state my cost per pack has been $3 or $30/carton. Since starting my workout program in January I've taken the $3/day I used to spend on cokes from the vending machine and every 10 days I buy a $30 6-month CD at ING Direct (http://www.ingdirect.com/). Now I'll be going for $60 every 10 and it'll put me at over $2200 this time next year.

So maybe head down to FL for the JSF cheat meal and then on to tropical points south for a vacation? Couldn't be bad! There's also the idea of replacing my motorcycle. Decisions, decisions! :D :spaz:

M@

This is great! I'm so happy for you. You're right. The hard part is coming up. But I'm sure you can do it. We're all behind you, in your corner -- just go the distance with this thing and you'll be feeling great!

We're all behind you...!

No doubt about that! Damn. It feels f'ing great! :D :D :D

M@

Congratz and good luck! I smoked a pack a day from the time I was 15 until 21. I quit cold turkey 8 years ago. Its hard but you can do it! Just remember, if others can do it why cant you? You're not weaker than them are you?

Just remember, if others can do it why cant you? You're not weaker than them are you?

Hell no! Though this does bring up a curious point: This past summer I was diagnosed with ADD. I've been dealing with it since adolescence but it was missed at the onset and I developed coping strategies to mask it and get along normally.

My psychiatrist told me that I've probably had so much trouble quitting in the past because I was using Nicotene as a stimulant. I could handle the withdrawl and the cravings but not my mind shutting down when I needed to concentrate.

Now I've got fantastic medication that takes away any need I had for the clarity that came with smoking. Yet another reason I know I'm gonna do it.

M@

Just to add my support to ya M@, i Stopped last September 2nd and have had a few wobbles over the first couple of months but it gets easier as time goes by, in a few days i will have stopped smoking for 6 months and will never smoke again.
I had been smoking for 30 years(yikes) at the end i was at 40 a day, £4.80 per pack = £67 a week.
I bought myself a years membership to a gym, and have never felt better.

Oh did i mention that the Ciggies nearly killed me and that was the decideing factor of me Stopping, So well done for Stopping now.

Thanks for the support, Rhez. Sorry you had to go through that to get off 'em but I'm not surprised. Never encountered anything more insidious. Great job quitting! Can't wait 'til I can post here that I've hit the six-month mark. :nod:

M@

Thanks for the support, Rhez. Sorry you had to go through that to get off 'em but I'm not surprised. Never encountered anything more insidious. Great job quitting! Can't wait 'til I can post here that I've hit the six-month mark. :nod:

M@

M@ do not be sorry my friend, i am now glad it happened to me, i wanted to quit many times but never found the courage so for me it was the beginning of a new me.
The six month mark will come around quick enough believe me, you end up setting yourself targets to reach, birthdays, holidays etc.
As you probably already know you do NOT give up smoking as that makes it sound like you had something to give up, it is best to go with the "Stopped smoking" frame of mind.

Way to go!!! I quit just before Thanksgiving and have not felt better!!!!

Good ideas with the CD's as well!!!! Making money, money, money!!!

Jumpin' catfish. EVERYBODY's quittin'! Sweeeet. Lots of folks who'll know what I'm bitchin' about. :lol:

M@

24 hours. Nice job. I will never smoke again. :tucool:

M@

Awesome man. I wish you the best and believe that you'll be one of those who successfully quits.

Good luck!

So maybe head down to FL for the JSF cheat meal and then on to tropical points south for a vacation? Couldn't be bad! There's also the idea of replacing my motorcycle. Decisions, decisions!

M@

Perhaps buy a new motorcycle AND drive it to the next JSF cheat meal? Maybe it would be too cold that time of year though. Anyway, it sounds like you're doing great. You don't need me to tell you this, but you're probably adding years (maybe decades) to your life. I'm not sure if you've seen this, but the website: www.whyquit.com is very sobering. Good Luck!

Can you say irritable? :mad:

Good lord. Slept poorly last night with freaked-out dreams. Woke up 3 times between 4 and 5 a.m. The morning workout went great, actually, and I absolutely destroyed my legs, but I started getting a little pissy by the time I got home and was screwing around with the blender for my PWO shake. I must have rattled off a 5-minute continuous stream of obscenities in the shower. My dog has wisely decided to take up residence in areas of the house I'm not occupying.

The irritability is deceptive in that it seems like I'm legitimately angry about something. Taking a step back, I realize that I didn't need to get vein-popping angry about the little hook in my shower that holds the razor, but sometimes lets it fall. Wheee! Withdrawl is fun.

Slapped a patch on and folded fresh-washed gym clothes. Entered my info in FitDay and headed out to work. Feeling much more level-headed now. My office has a health-faire going on in the big conference room. I'm anxious to get my blood pressure tested again. Couldn't have picked a better time to get a baseline health screening.

In other good news, my tax refund showed up yesterday evening and I deposited it on the way back from the gym. Buh-bye visa debt! Woohoo! :claplow:

Thanks for the encouragement Mason, I'll prove you right.

Great idea, Yinzer! That may be just the way to do it! Thanks for that site too, gonna check it out in a minute.

M@

...ten minutes of browsing on WhyQuit.com (http://www.whyquit.com/) and I'm sick to my stomach. This is the most brutally honest and raw depiction of the consequences of tobacco use and the horrors of the cancer those products cause I have ever seen.

Thank you, very much, for the link to the site.

M@

:mad: RASSIFRACKIN!!! :mad:

Okay, that site totally annihilated my morning. It also changed my mind about nicotene supplementation for quitting. The argument about nicotene withdrawl and patches/gums/whatever just dragging it out makes too much sense to me. Just wish I'd seen it before spending $100 on the garbage. :lol:

*sigh*

Okay, patch is off. Better do this while my resolve is at its peak.

Official start time without nicotene 1:30pm EST, March 22, 2006.

Withdrawl climax in 72 hours, 1:30pm EST, March 25, 2006. Whee.

*grumblegrumble*

Edit: Just pitched all the nicotene replacement stuff. It was incredibly hard to bring myself to do it. The thought process:

1. I just blew $100 on this stuff yesterday, I've used less than 1% of it, and now I'm gonna throw it out?

2. I should at least keep it around. I could give it to someone else who was trying to quit.

3. Why, so that they could suffer prolonged withdrawl too? Who do I hate that much?

4. Well...okay, but she knows better than to take anything consumable from me.

5. You're really just holding onto this so you don't have to give up nicotene, aren't you!?

6. NO! The money...

7. ...is gone, it ain't coming back. You're hesitating 'cause you're still dependent on the drug and are afraid of what's coming. Aren't you?

8. Yes.

9. You can beat it.

10. I can.

11. Nice job getting rid of excuses.

12. Thanks.

13. You're ridiculously handsome, you know.

14. Thanks for saying.

15. I want a cigarette.

16. FU!

17. Just testing.

18. Go to hell.


M@

I sure appreciate the honesty, M@. It is hard, but not impossible. Keep up the good work. You can do it. Keep posting your thought here, and we'll keep providing encouragement.

Thanks a lot, Will.

Honestly, I like the idea of going about this without the NRT's a lot more. I'm just pissed to have discovered I was sandbagging myself before even really starting!

Then again, so far today I've been pissed about:


The personal trainers at my gym being just about the most useless sacks of crap on the face of the planet.
The person in front of me slowing down for a handicapped person in the crosswalk.
The wind almost blowing my tax refund out my car window.
The razor hook on my shower mirror.
Stupid ice on my windshield pretending to look like water.
Jeep Grand Cherokee merging right into the space I was gonna merge left into.
A stain not coming out of my shirt in the laundry.
Too many work-related things to count.
Not being able to get bloodwork done at the health faire because I'd already eaten today.


So I probably shouldn't be using my temper as a barometer for how things are going. :p

M@

So I'm over 48 hrs quit but just under 9 hrs nicotene free. The withdrawl is very tangible, but not actually bad.

I remember how this goes now. I remember how it feels from moment-to-moment but when you get through it, it seems like it was easy. I don't know whether it is easy or if that's just a trick your mind plays on you to go back to the habit. Since the latter's never an option for me again, I choose to believe the former.

Nothin' but a peanut. G'night.

M@

Had a very good night's sleep and woke up, naturally, about five minutes before my alarm. Cardio was fantastic this morning. I set personal records in distance, resistance, and reported calories burned all while nailing my aerobic max HR for the entire 40 minutes.

My weight has bounced between 208 and 211 for the past week, but I can see the fat stripped away more every morning. In the shower this morning I was thinking "Damn...I got a good pump on my upper-body workout." then remembered that I worked upper-body on Monday. Seems like the real transformation's beginning. Smoking cessation's only going to make that progress better.

My irritability is minimal this morning. I'm slightly foggy and distant from the withdrawl but overall I feel fantastic. Check that, if my hands weren't sweating I'd feel fantastic, but that's just annoying.

It's hard for me to describe the level of conviction I have about this goal. There is no force on earth right now that would be able to persuade me to put nicotene in my body again. If I found out I had three weeks to live and there was no hope of survival I still wouldn't touch a cigarette. Just so that, with my dying breath, I could spit in the eye of anybody who thought I was too weak to do it.

M@

It's hard for me to describe the level of conviction I have about this goal. There is no force on earth right now that would be able to persuade me to put nicotene in my body again. If I found out I had three weeks to live and there was no hope of survival I still wouldn't touch a cigarette. Just so that, with my dying breath, I could spit in the eye of anybody who thought I was too weak to do it.

M@

I'm not sure of your fitness program, but are you running still/yet? I know that after a week or two, I was coughing up the most God awful sh*t I have ever seen, and am still (4 months later). Everytime that happens, it deters me from smoking even more.

I know you used to smoke AND run, but b'lee me, running and NOT smoking is so much more fun!!!!!!

I know you used to smoke AND run, but b'lee me, running and NOT smoking is so much more fun!

I'm very much looking forward to it. Last time I ran and was a nonsmoker I was still in high-school.

1:30pm came and went without notice. I'm officially nicotene free for 24 hours. :cool:

This is going very well. :D

M@

Had to shut myself off from human contact last night as my frustration level had just gotten way too high. Watched a movie in a dark room and went to sleep.

Got up before the alarm, again, and had a great upper-body workout. I'm feeling pumped and much better withdrawl-wise than yesterday. I did have my first intense craving on the way out of the gym but it couldn't have lasted more than two minutes.

I'm pretty damn excited about the prospect of 1:30pm rollin' around today.

M@

Congratulations on your decision to stop smoking. I am a former smoker who has not had one for about 25 years and I can tell you it was the best health decision I ever made. I'm rooting for you!

M@,

Good job man! I did it about 5-6 years ago. I quit cold turkey after about 8 or 9 years. I just realized I was having trouble breathing at 25 and I didn't wanna go out like that.

Now my goal is to beat this horrible disease of being over weight.

Good Luck! I know you can do it!

-- Jeremy

Jeremy, Seltzer, thank you both very much for your support and encouragement. Also, nice job on quitting as well. It's always great to hear from the folks who've made it to the other side.

It's 1:30pm marking 48 Hours Nicotene free. :tucool:

Only 24 more hours to get through before I'm using a body that's 100% free of nicotene. Also, reportedly, that's when withdrawl hits its absolute peak. Considering I'm going to be asleep for 8-10 of those 24 hours, and dozing on the couch with a beautiful woman for another 3-6, I'm going to be able to do this standing on my head.

From 1:30pm tomorrow onward everything gets easier. That's mind-boggling considering that, so far, it hasn't really been hard.

The one thing that's helped tremendously is the spacing of meals (which I'm already doing anyway). The difficulty is that it doesn't seem to be enough food. Having constant fuel makes a big difference but I'm getting hungrier faster. I'm just gonna suck up the hunger for now. I'm not compromising anything for this ridiculous drug. :nono:

M@

Gah! The DREAMS!

Had an excellent evening last night, though I did go a little too hard on the Girl Scout Cookies. I left 'em at my friends' house so they're out of my hair. Got home a bit after midnight, surfed the forums and had a shake, then crashed.

The first dream was hanging out with a ton of friends in the village at Whistler, B.C. We were partying like crazy and a couple of buddies were smoking and haranguing me to have one. I was loaded and said, "screw it.", bumming one and later buying a whole pack. As we were driving back to the lodge, what I'd done hit me and I was absolutely wracked with guilt. I felt like complete and utter crap. Then I realized I was dreaming. I didn't quite wake up all the way, but enough to know that it'd just been a dream and I was incredibly relieved.

The next dream was the "next day" on the mountain. We'd be riding all morning and the sun had turned the symphony bowl into 40 acres of cool-whip. I was on the lip of the large northern drop, drinking it all in, and I pulled out a cigarette and lit up to savor the moment. The guilt hit instantly, but just as fast I remembered that I was dreaming now. Then, just as fast, I thought, "Yeah, I'm dreaming now, but last night when we were partying I smoked a whole pack and that wasn't a dream...was it?!"

That pretty much went on all night. I was relieved when my alarm went off. Got to the gym and worked all the frustrations out on the stationary bike.

Hour and a half 'til I'm nicotene-free. Here's to that and a good night's sleep this evening.

M@

My brain is officially bathing in 100% nicotene free blood serum. I made it! :D :D :D :claplow: :jumping:

The last three times I've tried to quit I've used nicotene replacement therapies, usually the patch. I can easily say that I'm experiencing less withdrawl and less obnoxious symptoms after 72 hours cold turkey that I used to after 2 weeks of NRT's. Unreal.

Thanks to everyone here, once again, for the support and encouragement. It all gets easier from this point forward.

:spaz:

M@

Good job, and throwing out the Nicorette was a good move. My dad is going on a year and half right now without the supplements and said it was a good decision to not use them. I think a lot of support will come from your close family and friends who are truly proud of what you've accomplished.

My dad says good luck as well and to watch the stuff that you hack outta your lungs...you'll be amazed (disgusted, too!)!

Absolutaly brilliant M@ welldone, just wait for your taste buds to kick in, food tastes so much better without the tainting of nicotene.

Truly welldone, and keep it up.

M@, you're the man for quitting. Good move on dropping the nicotene replacements. The last 5 times I tried to quit I used chewing tobacco and dip as my nicotene replacement. I stayed addicted and was smoking again after my lip wore out.

This time I went straight up cold turkey and haven't smoked a cigarette in 6 months and 2 days. You can do this. :tu:

Winehold - My parents are both celebrating the 16-year anniversary of their kicking the habit. They are as proud of me as you've imagined, but are both somewhat shaken by the fact that I'll be celebrating my 16-year anniversary in 2022. :lol: I'm not gonna go into what I've been hacking up the past three days. :blank:

Rhez - I'm so baffled by the whole smell & taste thing. It's been almost a decade and a half since I had normalized senses. Everything's going to be new to me. I'm half excited, half in dread.

Travis - Dude, that nicotene gum scared me. I got a better buzz off of that than any cigarette I've ever had. You don't spit. Your breath is minty fresh. I could have that wad parked in the corner of my mouth during a board meeting and felt like I was back in high-school baseball practice with a dip in...and nobody would care!

I'm grateful to Yinzer for posting the link to WhyQuit.com (http://www.whyquit.com). The explanations there for why NRT's don't work really popped me right between the eyes. I'm grateful to be on the trailing edge of withdrawl now, while my resolve's still rock-solid and I'm excited about succeeding, rather than four weeks down the road when I'm as hooked on the gum and patch as I ever was on the smokes.

Also gotta stop typing. Thanks and g'night.

M@

M@,

Congrats man!!! I have been free and clear of Nicotine for 5-6 years (I forget when I quit.. atleast 5 years ago) and I still have the occational smoking dream and the occational craving. The brain never forgets the sweet nicotine! :D

Keep up the great work!

-- Jeremy

Hard for me to believe I haven't smoked a cigarette in a week. Harder still to imagine that I haven't put any nicotene in my body for five days. I don't miss it and am rather in awe of my commitment.

I spent about three hours in a bar with a friend having some heavy, heavy discussion. She needed to smoke and I, despite having several beers in me, wasn't even tempted. The stress of the conversation alone would've had me lighting one off the end of the previous one last week.

Did Vinyasa yoga yesterday. First time I've ever tried any kind of yoga. It was a 90-minute session and it absolutely kicked my ass. I loved it. I always feel better after a good workout but I can't describe how great I felt after this class. The breathing exercises an meditation at the end really solidified the workout. It felt awesome to use my lungs like that and to have them be free of smoke for the effort. Yoga is going to be a regular thing from now on. :nod:

M@

Good on ya M@ welldone. It sure is a great feeling not smoking and doing workouts, for me the Wow factor was when i got on the rowing machine and did 1500 metres, when i had finished i relized that i was not puffing and gasping for breath, i had done 2 years earlier.

keep on going.

Did Vinyasa yoga yesterday. First time I've ever tried any kind of yoga. It was a 90-minute session and it absolutely kicked my ass. I loved it. I always feel better after a good workout but I can't describe how great I felt after this class. The breathing exercises an meditation at the end really solidified the workout. It felt awesome to use my lungs like that and to have them be free of smoke for the effort. Yoga is going to be a regular thing from now on. :nod:

M@

I started doing yoga about 2 months ago. It is amazing how 'revved up' I feel after doing an hour session. Almost like I could crush rocks with my bare hands. Once a week, I feel has really helped my flexibility and IS helping prevent injury, for me anyway.

Great job too on the no smoking!

Rhez - I'm still waiting for that wow moment. I never felt like smoking seriously impacted my health since I could still run fast and far. I do enjoy the extra time in the morning since I'm not sitting in my car outside the gym puffing away after a workout.

Coachese - Yeah, that revved-up feeling was incredible! I went into the session feeling like complete and utter garbage. My head just wasn't in a good place. Within fifteen minutes the only thing my mind was concerned with was the fire erupting in my shoulders. After the session I was ultra-pumped, energized, and eager to face the day. Amazing.

M@

Yoga is excellent. Especially if you are lifting. It seems that when I do it, I always feel so much better "aligned". I also feel about 2 inches taller after doing yoga.

Nice work M@. Keep on keeping off the death sticks.

Rhez - I'm still waiting for that wow moment. I never felt like smoking seriously impacted my health since I could still run fast and far.

Half the people who smoke, die from it. Those are the numbers when you take the whole lifetime into account.

The good thing is you can repair a big piece of the dent smoking put in your health by quitting.

And only by quitting.

Maybe it won't feel as good as it is to quit, but it is that good.

Interesting workout this morning. I made a leap on the elliptical well beyond any improvement I've made since the first two weeks or so back at the gym. It's been several cardio sessions since I've been on the ET and several more since I've been on that specific machine, but I'm very suspicious regarding the improvement and its relation to healthier lungs.

At over seven days without a cigarette I'm starting to get into the area where my lungs are improving their efficiency. The coughing is beginning to abate and its...productivity...is diminishing as the last of the tar gets expelled. I'm very interested to see if there's further improvement on Thursday and am going to strive to get the same ET that morning.

It could've also been the blonde on the trainer in front of me. :eek: :drool:

BigDog - Thanks for the encouragement man! I'm a complete fan of yoga now and am very much looking forward to its core strengthening effects. Since I've been taking reference photos I've noticed an anomaly with my posture. Even when I'm standing up rigidly straight (in my mind) I still have a left-side short contraposto thing going on. Looking from the back there doesn't appear to be any curvature of the spine so I'm thinking it's a core strength thing and am hoping that improving that strength, along with weight loss, will sort it out.

Zenpharaohs - And the other half live forever? I guess I just don't have a handle on how awful smoking is for one's health. Even now, while I'm very excited about the health benefits of smoking cessation, those benefits were a secondary reason for quitting at best. I am grateful that I was able to break the grip before getting a wake-up call like lung cancer, but that's probably what it would've taken to make me truly appreciate how bad smoking is for me.

Who knows, maybe seeing how much better life is health-wise without them will be my wake-up call. :nod:

M@

Half the people who smoke, die from it. Those are the numbers when you take the whole lifetime into account.

And 100% of people that are born die.

Marriage is the No. 1 cause of divorce?

Any others?

I kid :lol:

// end hijack

Damn. This has easily been the hardest day so far from a craving standpoint. I think it's stress at work but I've been getting hammered hard by withdrawl-like symptoms. Maybe...I don't feel super-irritable or frustrated, I just really, really, really want the feel of smoke in my lungs and the buzz of nicotene.

Too bad about that, 'cause I'm never getting it again. Still...what a PITA of a day.

M@

Damn. This has easily been the hardest day so far from a craving standpoint. I think it's stress at work but I've been getting hammered hard by withdrawl-like symptoms. Maybe...I don't feel super-irritable or frustrated, I just really, really, really want the feel of smoke in my lungs and the buzz of nicotene.

Too bad about that, 'cause I'm never getting it again. Still...what a PITA of a day.

M@

That's the fighting attitude! :claphigh: I know it's tough, but you've made it past the most difficult period. You have the support of many around here.

Seltzer - Thanks for the boost, I really appreciate it.

Killer upper-body workout this morning. My shoulders are absolutely dead. Feels like I'm swinging a couple of tentacles around instead of actually moving my arms.

Had nightmares about smoking again and had cravings when I left the gym. It was obnoxious. My teeth itched. :blank:

Not quite sure what today will have in store for me from a physiological or psychological standpoint. It's going to be very busy and stressful. I'm ready for it. Got today already marked off on my calendar as another successful day. I did it because I know I'm never gonna cave. HUA! :flex:

M@

Seltzer - Thanks for the boost, I really appreciate it.

I'm glad to help out in any small manner that I can. Keep up the good work.

Busy day indeed. I didn't even notice 1:30pm come and go. I've officially been nicotene-free for one week. Damn. Feels good. :flex:

M@

Busy day indeed. I didn't even notice 1:30pm come and go. I've officially been nicotene-free for one week. Damn. Feels good. :flex:

M@

:claphigh: Remember how great you felt when you passed this milestone and use it to help maintain your new lifestyle next time you get the urge.

Good news on my "weigh-in" day. I've lost an inch off my waist from last week and my numbers are dead-solid consistent with the past three week's results. My original goal was to get to 200lbs scale-weight in 12 weeks (April 12th's the last day). I initially revised that to 20 lbs of fat lost by that date. Now I'm on the verge of breaking that barrier in week 11 and it looks like I'll finish close to the scale-weight I was initially looking for.

I know my bodyfat percentage can't be accurate 'cause I don't look like somebody with 15.35% bodyfat...more like 18% or 19%. I take three sets of measurements with tape, average them, and use Health Central's calculator. Then I take three caliper measurements and average those. Finally I average the caliper and tape together for my final result (caliper always seems low, tape always seems high). It's kind of a messed-up system but it works.

See, I'm steadily losing 1.9 lbs of fat per week while adding .5 lbs of muscle. I've been within .1 lb of that progression for the past seven weeks. I've been dead on it for the past four.

At this rate, on April 12 I will have lost 22.8 lbs of fat and gained 6 lbs of muscle for a final scale-weight of 203.2 lbs.

I can get down with results like that. I could also do better! My progress has only been linear in the numbers. I'd hang at 212 for five days then drop to 209 one day and 207 the next. If I can get a precipitous drop in the next two weeks I may be able to beat the numbers above. I'm going to be extra-strict with myself from here on out and get those photos to show as much progress as possible.

I can see the finish line! Woohoo!. :spaz:

M@

That's some great progress you have going on there. Keep it up. Regarding the different bf measurements, I feel exactly the same that my calipers are too low and the tape is too high. I've rarely used the tape, but I do track my caliper readings and am most interested in the relative change. Up = bad, down = good. Still, it would be nice to have an accurate absolute reading.

Seltzer - Yeah, I wish there was something you could just put your finger on and it'd tell you exactly where you stand. The one best indicator of BF% I've found is a photograph. Those are showing phenomenal improvement from the start but I've still got a ways to go between me and my goal. Hopefully I'll be ripped by mid-June. :tucool:

My sense of smell and taste are definetly coming back. I make tilapia fillets regularly. Just fry 'em up in a skillet wiped with soy oil and shake some garlic powder and lemon-pepper on 'em as they cook. For the last two nights I've tasted way too much garlic and have been annoyed at how it's stuck to my breath. The thought that I'd been walking around with stenches like that, or worse, hanging off of me and never noticed is a real embarassment.

Another drawback to the restored senses in the gym in the morning. I've started to smell other people a little bit better. :blank: This morning a woman got onto the elliptical trainer beside me for 30 minutes of my workout and bathed me in day-old-coffee-and-sweat aroma. Breathing's enough of a chore at my aerobic max HR without dealing with that sort of thing.

I'm looking forward to Daylight Saving's Time. I love the light skies at 8pm and I seem to be waking up with the dawn so I'm getting up earlier and earlier and earlier. Need that hour bump to get back on schedule.

M@

Keep up the good work! Yoga is great! Once I lose some more weight I plan on getting back in to it.

-- Jeremy

Jeremy - It really is! I'm completely geeked about my next class on Sunday and my initial 12-week program is coming to an end soon. During the week off of weights between programs I'm gonna take the weekday yoga classes at my gym. I was actually dreading that weights-free week and now I'm really looking forward to it!

Had brutal nightmares last night. In addition to the anxiety of the nightmares themselves, I was coping with the stress in the dreams by smoking. Woke up with the dawn, again, and actually had to remind myself that it was all just a dream. I quickly forgot the nightmares but even to this very moment I'm having to fight off guilt over "breaking my vow" and smoking in the dreams. Ugh. Didn't see any point in trying to rest 'til my alarm went off so I took my resting heart rate (new PR!) and headed out to hit Leg Day early.

This may have been my best leg day since I've been back to the gym. Mind-muscle connection was there for 80% of the reps on all exercises, only being disrupted by the absolute exhaustion of the last couple reps in each series. I also applied a bunch of the techniques Jeremy Likness detailed in his Abs article (http://www.naturalphysiques.com/cms/index.php?itemid=103) for my core work and WOW did that make a difference. I feel the pump deeper in my body. It feels like it goes all the way through my trunk.

Damn. Apparently my roommates were at their gym this morning too. Just heard 'em come back. Better get showered while there's still hot water.

M@

*** WARNING - DISGUSTING, YOU MAY NOT WANT TO READ ***









Okay...so I sign off the forums and go to get in the shower. Just before I get in, a short, sharp cough comes out of nowhere. I shoot a marble-sized ball of...something...out onto the sink. This thing was NASTY! I'm used to coughing up smoker's phlegm. It's either brown or grey and stringy. This thing was a solid, unbroken wad of blackness. It was coal black. Looked like a licorice gumdrop that somebody'd been sucking on for ten minutes or so, then stuck to the sink.

I'm assuming this is my body getting the real tar out of my lungs. I hope so 'cause if it's anything else then there is something scary happening inside me.

M@

:eek:

I think it's those black things that fly out of peoples' mouths after the big black guy "takes it back" in the movie The Green Mile.

That's gotta feel good getting that crap out of your body. That's probably the shit that would've turned into cancer.

That's probably the shit that would've turned into cancer.

That's exactly what crossed my mind. F'ing scary stuff. :eek:

M@

First of all: DAMN there are some hot women at my gym. :drool: I try to go there and just focus on my business but on the weekends, when I'm in there at more populous hours, the eye-candy is almost too distracting. It might be the HISS too. It just feels like I'm on those machines forever. Think I'll definetly switch to HIIT for the next program.

Second, I just got through a stagnant Friday night without a single craving. My non-smoker friends were occupied or out of town. My smoker friends were all getting together to burn heaters and drink or go out to the clubs, which I still don't think I'm ready for. I don't feel like pursuing anything further with the girl I've been dating so I didn't call her. Nothing to do but kick back and watch "Casino", a netflix movie that'd been sitting around for three weeks (and which appears to have been about 4 freaking hours long). Nursed a couple of Guinness through it all and didn't feel the need to light up once.

The last thing on earth I wanted to do this morning was cardio. I woke up trying to make deals with myself to get out of it. It wasn't the effort that bothered me, but the boredom. I should've gone for a bike ride instead but those have the tendency to eat my entire day and I've got stuff I want to get done.

Got my company's black-tie party tonight. Just about everybody I like to hang out with at the office isn't going. Fortunately, I'm bringing Ashley who will look stunning and will, no doubt, keep me highly entertained. She's a champ like that. There's also the Final 4 going on and George Mason fever is all over Northern VA so there should be a good, fun crowd in whatever event-room that's being shown.

My cheat meal is definetly going to be tonight. I've heard the stories of this event for the past two years and apparently it's an epicurean delight. The centerpiece is a table of jumbo cocktail shrimp piled four feet high. That doesn't sound particularly sanitary to me but it's what everyone raves about the week after the party so we'll see just how good it is. :eat:

M@

I shoot a marble-sized ball of...something...out onto the sink. This thing was NASTY! I'm used to coughing up smoker's phlegm. It's either brown or grey and stringy. This thing was a solid, unbroken wad of blackness.M@


I'm not a tobacco user, but you've just convinced me to NEVER ever touch tobacco again. I've heard differing statistics and opinions about how many tobacco users actually get cancer or emphysema, but I think it's safe to say that 100% of regular tobacco users suffer significantly poorer health and quality of life. Keep up the great progress:tu:
-Yinzer

I'm not a tobacco user, but you've just convinced me to NEVER ever touch tobacco again.

Fantastic! You've had the good sense to stay the hell away so far and, thank god, the entire practice of smoking has shifted from being cool to being repulsive.

Pittsburgh's a tough place to get away from smoking, too. Even though I'm in Virginia most of the folks in the area don't smoke. Three weeks ago my cousin and I went to a bar and were there for five hours on a Saturday night. I was the only one smoking the entire time. When I'm back in PA it seems like everybody's smoking. Hell, the last time I was there I stopped by a McDonalds in the north hills that still has a cigarette machine inside.

When I was a kid I went camping once and snuck away from the rest of the group for an afternoon of solo exploration. I climbed a huge wooded hill and slipped under some farmer's barbed-wire to go to an even bigger hill beyond. When I got to the top of that hill I climbed a tree and could see to the horizon in every direction. There was nothing but green, leafy trees rolling off to the ends of the earth.

As I was leaving to make my way back to the campsite I looked down and saw a snubbed-out cigarette butt on the ground. I literally felt ill seeing it there. Over the course of my trip back I counted fourteen butts. I couldn't believe that this pristine, secret place I'd found had had people walking through and dropping garbage like that. I told myself that someday I would go somewhere where I could search for an hour and not find a cigarette butt.

Can't believe that kid grew up to be a pack-a-day smoker. Hell. I was probably 11 at the time of that story. I've smoked for two more years than I was alive at that time. Tough to believe. :blank:

Dunno where that weird trip down memory-lane came from. Gotta get ready for my dinner. Thanks for the encouragement!

M@

Just got back from Yoga. This week was a much easier routine but I had a much harder time performing it. My shoulders were just dead for no good reason and, having done legs on Friday, my quads were simply too fried to be able to tolerate the standing/lunging poses for long. Still loved it. Still feel fantastic.

The party last night was a blast. The best part happened before the party even began.

I don't have to wear a suit very often. If I'm meeting with clients at my job I'll throw on a sportcoat and tie and if I'm going to a client site I'll break out the whole shebang. Three years ago I decided I needed a couple of good quality suits that actually fit my lanky ass so I got a charcoal 3-button and a black 3-button tailored. The black 3-button's more stodgy and is cut a little larger than the charcoal. The charcoal's slim lined and sharp as a tack.

Well, in August I tried fitting into the black suit for my cousin's wedding and couldn't button the trousers or the jacket. I wound up going in khakis and an oversized shirt and felt like a complete tool. Since my company party's a black tie affair I debated renting a tux but chafed too badly at the needless expense. I felt like I'd lost enough weight that I could get into the black suit. Of course, I put everything off 'til the zero-hour and was practically holding my breath as I put the thing on.

...and it fit. With room to spare!

So with the black suit fitting me loosely, I thought "What the hell? I'll try the charcoal."

Bang. Fit like a champ.

My drop has decreased by four or five inches since I had the suits made so they fit looser in the chest and shoulders than they should and tighter in the waist, but just being able to get them on is a huge accomplishment. I'll keep reducing the waist and will get the size back in my upper-body to accomodate the cut.

Took some pictures since my progress-photo setup is right there in my room.

http://www.foolserrand.com/JSF/Suit_s1.jpg
It fits, and I'm very happy. Now, what's it gonna take to get you to drive out of here today in this car?

http://www.foolserrand.com/JSF/Suit_s2.jpg
My husky, Orion, sensing a photo opportunity as well as a chance to get fur all over black clothing.

http://www.foolserrand.com/JSF/Suit_s3.jpg
What the hell, I'm in a good mood. Belly scratches for all!

:D

Oh yeah. Ton of smokers. Huge smoking lounge. Martini in hand. No desire to ever smoke again. Booyah.

M@

Nothing special to report from yesterday. Just looking forward to tonight's two-week anniversary from cigarettes. The time seems to have passed very quickly. :tucool:

M@

My husky, Orion, sensing a photo opportunity as well as a chance to get fur all over black clothing.


Yep. I have a yellow lab. Seems like he feels especially affectionate when I put on black pants.

nice work. Hopefully your endpoint will allow you to get them tailored, as opposed to having to ditch them for new suits. From personal experience, I can tell you that gets expensive.

And yet I still can't bring myself to get rid of some of them. I think it's a way to protect my cash if I get fat again, but I also am very confident that I won't let that happen.

For me, my drop has remained the same, but seemingly harder to do anything other than buy separates (Brooks Brothers does this, as does Jos. A. Banks) - (48L/38 before, 44L/34 now). It's odd getting to a 44 after years at 46, then 48 - literally 20 years.

Keep up the good work on being death-stick free.

bd

OMG, I'm so glad I don't have to wear suits much anymore, because finding them has ALWAYS been a problem for me. I'm a 42/32. Even "Athletic Cut" doesn't approach a 10 inch drop, and you can almost forget taking up the waist that much without making the pants look weird and the pockets be in the wrong place.

Since I don't have to have as many suits anymore (used to wear them daily for work, now only once ever quarter at most), I was going to buy a nice off the rack suit, nicer than I normally spend for a suit. Figured quality over quantity :) I was looking at some Hugo Boss and similar priced brand suits in 42 long, but there was just NO way I could see ever getting the pants to work. I've thought about Brooks Brothers, but their stuff is a bit more stodgy. Oh well. Still haven't done anything, and my existing suits fit with varying degrees at this point.

I'd love to do a custom tailored suit, but haven't ever done it and don't know where to go for a reasonably priced but good quality one. Since I don't wear them much, I just can't see doing it now.

. . .I've thought about Brooks Brothers, but their stuff is a bit more stodgy. Oh well. Still haven't done anything, and my existing suits fit with varying degrees at this point.

I'd love to do a custom tailored suit, but haven't ever done it and don't know where to go for a reasonably priced but good quality one. Since I don't wear them much, I just can't see doing it now.

Yep. BB is a bit stodgy. Not as much as they used to be, but still stodgy. My only solution to that is go with a cool shirt and/or tie, to sort of take the stiffness away. Of course, I don't wear suits a lot either, so it's OK. Right now it's a blue suit, a grey/brown suit (weird in print, but a nice suit actually), and a seersucker suit (I like them, so I bought it).

On the other hand, my tux is an Armani. Purchased at an outlet for less than the cost of 3 rentals (well, until I had to have it tailored). That's a great item.

Custom suits - fairly dear, but as you say it's hard to get the pants right with an 8 inch drop or more. . . $500-600 minimum I'd guess.

Just this morning, I gave away EIGHT suits which I had outgrown... they were 44R/38W (I used to wear a suit every day to work). I bought a new suit this past week... 40R/34W. I had a 42R/36W suit in the interim, but it was starting to feel a little "roomy"... I debated whether or not to give it away too, but it's a fall/winter weight wool and I should be bulking by the time I need to wear it again.

Looking good in the suit, Matt... a far different look than in your avatar.

BigDog - I've been distressed to see my chest shrinking from cutting. I'm kind of in shock at the amount of muscle mass that atrophied away through my years of negligence. My brain says I need to be a 42 at least. I gotta keep workin' at it. ;)

MB - What an awesome problem to have. :lol: If I can get to a 44" chest and a 34" waist I'll cough up the dough for a couple more suits. Definetly getting a tux as well. I seem to have more need for one every year.

Philly - A sharp black suit'll even give a greaseball like me an aire of respectability. :cool:

M@

MB - What an awesome problem to have. :lol: If I can get to a 44" chest and a 34" waist I'll cough up the dough for a couple more suits. Definetly getting a tux as well. I seem to have more need for one every year.

Yeah, I'd gotten to the point I could wear a 43L with a 35 inch waist or so at one point, and that was STILL hard to find. Even "fat" Andy weighing 216lbs is hard to fit, but not as bad. I was a 42L/32 back in high school/college, too, so being back to that size at age 34, even with a bit more BF and maybe a bit less muscle feels pretty good compared to looking at some of my peers.


Philly - A sharp black suit'll even give a greaseball like me an aire of respectability. :cool:

M@

Not sure if it's the suit or the shorter hair cut :)

I always have a black suit in the closet because it can look a bit more "dressy" than a charcoal/blue suit.. You have to work with ties and shirts to avoid the undertaker/MIB look, though :)

...I've been distressed to see my chest shrinking from cutting. I'm kind of in shock at the amount of muscle mass that atrophied away through my years of negligence. My brain says I need to be a 42 at least. I gotta keep workin' at it. ;)


It is strange to see your jacket size shrink. Somehow when I started to get fitter, I figured that my chest would stay the same size, and everything else would get melted away.

As you so rightly suggest, fat shrinks when a caloric deficit is generated. Even if it's not where you think it should.

I'm pretty happy with a 44. There's a hell of a lot more muscle in this 44 then I had in the old 48. If it gets any smaller, I'd be surprised, but it won't cause me any great distress. . .

It is strange to see your jacket size shrink. Somehow when I started to get fitter, I figured that my chest would stay the same size, and everything else would get melted away.

As you so rightly suggest, fat shrinks when a caloric deficit is generated. Even if it's not where you think it should.

I'm pretty happy with a 44. There's a hell of a lot more muscle in this 44 then I had in the old 48. If it gets any smaller, I'd be surprised, but it won't cause me any great distress. . .

A 42" chest can look pretty muscular. Just look at this pic of JS:

http://www.johnstonefitness.com/images/09292005_chest.jpg

According to his measurements page, he had about a 42" chest last Sept when that was taken. So, you can look pretty strong at that sized chest. I wouldn't worry too much about being around that number. :)

MB - When I had a 42" chest and <10% BF I looked a lot more like John in early 2004 (http://www.johnstonefitness.com/php/enlarge.php?i=ready_2_go.jpg). I've never had the kind of size and definition in my appearance as in that September picture. I'd LOVE to, of course and it's what I'm striving for in the long-term.

I don't know. Maybe it's the way my height affects my proportions but I've always thought I had a pretty small chest. Going in to look at jackets and seeing 44", 46", 48", etc. only reinforced that opinion.

BigDog - Someone snuck in and replaced my muscle with fat. I'd been hoping they'd only layered fat on top of the muscle and that when I stripped it off all the old power would still be there! Rassifrackin. :mad:

M@

Remember: Just as your triceps determine how big your arms are, your lat spread has a whole lot to say about the "size" of your chest!

Remember: Just as your triceps determine how big your arms are, your lat spread has a whole lot to say about the "size" of your chest!

Please don't remind me of how much pain I get from pullups. They work like crazy for your back, but I'm stuck between hating them and loving them. . .

Love them! Adore them! What bodyweight exercise does more for you in one rep? What exercise do more strong people have more trouble with? Cheat like crazy and they'll STILL give you a great workout.

I <3 Pullups.

M@

MB - When I had a 42" chest and <10% BF I looked a lot more like John in early 2004 (http://www.johnstonefitness.com/php/enlarge.php?i=ready_2_go.jpg). I've never had the kind of size and definition in my appearance as in that September picture. I'd LOVE to, of course and it's what I'm striving for in the long-term.


Yeah, I get what you're saying. I'm just saying 42" isn't necessarily wisp thin :)

I'm nowhere near either pic at the moment, so it's all supposition what it would look like if I was down 4 or 5% bf from where I am :D

Of course, you're nearly 4 inchs taller than John as well, and I'm maybe a couple. We'd look a bit slimmer with the 42" chest than somebody at 5'11.5" (ever notice people below 6' like the decimals? :D).

Do you guys really find it that hard to find suits with a big drop? In Canada, all the suits come in about 6 or 8" drops (that I've seen), but when I was down shopping at the outlets near Seattle, all the stores had "mix and match" suits - even the *nice* stores. Pick a size for tops and a size for bottoms and away you go...

I'm actually looking forward to getting some new suits - a friend of mine just started importing some Armani and Zania stuff (150S!!!) so I'm gonna get some sweet deals. Good times!

M@, gotta say, looking sharp. I'm not sure how you looked before, but things are looking good now.

I don't think I've ever seen an 8" drop. Ever. Don't know if I've seen more than a 6.5" "Athletic Cut".

I looked at some Armani stuff at Saks Off Fifth (their outlet) and definitely didn't see anything close to an 8" drop, because I can work with 2". 4+" just looks funny when they take them up.

Hmm, all I know is the suit that I just had let out is 44/37.

http://www.mlebeau.ca/pictures/mikesuitgrey1.jpg

As cool as pleated pants are, nowadays...

I think (although I could be wrong) my old suits were 44/36. I could definitely be wrong on those. They were pieces of shit, anyhow. Glued together 2/99$ kinda things. Although, the blue on always looked okay, I thought - it's just double breasted and that ain't so cool anymo':

http://www.mlebeau.ca/pictures/mikesuit2.jpg

(sorry for hijacking your thread, M@, and if it bugs you, I'll pull the pics out - just for illustration purposes)



I also presume I'm understanding the "drop" to be the number for the chest size/waist size...is that right?

Yep. The drop is the amount down from the chest size the waist size "drops".

We have kind of taken over his thread today on fashion topics :)

Oh, and all my suits are old enough to be pleated, too :) Some are 3 button and some 2 button, but all have pleats and cuffs.

Oh well. They'll be back "in" soon I'm sure ;)

(I'm trying to stop on the suit topic here. Sorry M@.)

Haha, sorry M@, just one more, I swear!

That grey suit had cuffs (and has pleats, obviously) but I just got them hemmed to about a half inch longer (like them more that way) and got the cuffs taken out in the process. Figured $8 is a small price to pay for being "hip to the groove", as the cool kids say.

M@, I love your progress, and your husky is cool, too! (see, back on topic!)

I've got no problem with the thread hijack whatsoever. I'm a total clothes horse even if I don't have a lot of suits...and I did start all this after all. :lol:

My take: Double-breasted suits are still damn slick, you just can't be casual in them. If you let the suit jacket hang open it just flops all over the place. If fedoras were back in style I'd wear a DB suit, braces, and hat just for the hell of it.

Also, I'm never buying a pair of suit trousers without pleats. It's how they're supposed to be made ffs. Flat-front trousers evolved out of fabric rationing for WWII. Now more than two pleats and you're wearing a zoot-suit or a clown suit, but that's an entirely different thread.

My two-week anniversary from smoking passed without incident at 7:30 last night. I was dog-tired for some reason and wound up crashing early. I also wound up waking up and getting ready to go to the gym only to notice, as I strapped on my heartrate monitor, that it was 2:00am! :doh:

I've only got a week left in my initial 12-week program. Next Wednesday's gonna start a week long break from lifting, though I still intend to get a workout in every day, cardio or bodyweight strength. I'm as committed to never smoking again as I was when I made the decision in the first place. I think I'm gonna start transitioning this journal over into a more fitness-oriented thing while still celebrating milestones and venting when needed.

I also recently realized that my six-month anniversary from smoking will occur on my 32nd birthday. Not bad at all. :tucool:

My philosophy for this first twelve-week program was to get reconditioned to lifting weights and bodyweight exercises while cutting fat. I did as much with dumbbells as possible to work my stabilizers and eased back into sets of push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups on non-lifting days. I'm nowhere near as strong as I used to be but I'm light years beyond where I'd sunk to three months ago.

Right now I'm thinking of a bunch of goals I want to accomplish with the next program. Foremost: I want to cut to 8%. My secondary goal is to increase all around size, a tough order while cutting. Tertiary goals include getting back under a 7-minute mile on the treadmill; doubling my 1-minute max of pushes, pulls, and crunches at least; and improving my posture and flexilbility.

My current thinking is that I'll split M,T,Th,F for weights, W, Sa for running and keep Yoga on Su. Unfortunately that's not much running training at all. I may have to reconsider that 7-minute mile thing. We'll see. What's certain is that I want to build in re-evaluation sections into my program. I've stuck with my current program even though there have been a lot of things I wanted to change. I've stuck with it because I've felt I should. I don't want to get that locked-in to the next program. I'm thinking I'll allow tweaking every 4-6 weeks. Still debating. :confused:

M@

Love them! Adore them! What bodyweight exercise does more for you in one rep? What exercise do more strong people have more trouble with? Cheat like crazy and they'll STILL give you a great workout.

I <3 Pullups.

M@

Don't get me wrong - every one of my routines has at least 6 sets of pullups per week. Hell, on some of the routes I pass a playground and (if it's not too busy) I'll run over and try to crack a set of 10 out (this is an amazing way to break your rhythm running. Legs feel much heavier after doing this).

It took me a while to figure out how to set up a "real" pullup bar in my basement - think stairwell and 2.5 inch screws (x3 per bracket). Also think non-OSHA compliance.

Real pullups are a great test of strength, but they are harder if you are tall-ish (6'3"), relatively heavy (201 lbs), and if you have long arms (36" sleeve). It's very functional stuff, involving back, arms, shoulders, etc. The choices thus boil down to doing them as well as you can, or not doing them.

Let's put it this way: I like being done with them more than I like doing them. For me the sense of accomplishment is second to none.

At this point, if I do 3 sets (as part of a circuit), I can get sets of 9, 7,7. Tomorrow, I think I'll shoot for getting to 30. Even if that means adding an extra set.

bd

Hell, on some of the routes I pass a playground and (if it's not too busy) I'll run over and try to crack a set of 10 out

Oh man does that hurt when you get back into your run. There was a playground I used to run by and I did that...twice...then changed my route so that I'd be finishing my run right as I got to the park. :p

6'3 - check
> 200 lbs - check
36" sleeve - check

I hear exactly what you're sayin' about "being done with them". I always work the hardest at the exercise I hate the most because, invariably, I hate it 'cause it hurts real bad and I'm not good at it. Funny thing is, when I get good at it, it somehow becomes my favorite thing.

The harborside athletic field at the U.S. Naval Academy used to have 25 pullup bars lined up along the water side. The instructor of the workout group I was in would, once a month, have us run a pullup test down the length of that row of bars. 5 grips x 10 reps, then 8 reps, then 6, 4, 2 all the way down 'til you were done. I was the first guy in the group to be able to complete the entire thing and can still hear the cheers and applause every time I get on the bar. It's incredible.

M@

I got to where I could recently do 10-12 pull ups/chins. I was proud, because a year ago at this time (post surgery), I couldn't do one. Prior to surgery, I'd struggle with 6. Pullups do give a great sense of accomplishment for a simple body weight exercise. The next thing I want to accomplish body weight is one legged pistol squats.

I have just started to add weight in my 10x3s :) I think I'm up to about 20 lbs for 10x3s. With that rep scheme, it is recommended you use 80% of max weight, so I want to see what that does to me once I switch programs to see if my max reps will be increased, or if I'll just be stronger and not fighting for that 10th rep or whatever.

I don't have it quite as bad as you guys do. I'm 6'1", 188, with a 35" sleeve in dress shirts.

I don't know how I'd do in the midst of a run. I keep thinking about doing some of Waterbury's GPP program for cardio, where you do a mix of stuff including pushups, pullups, etc for grouped sets.

MB - I just tried to do a pistol squat when I got home and almost fell over and cracked my head on the doorjamb. I'm sure it didn't help that I'd just done legs at the gym but I really doubt I could do one at 100%. Hrrmmmm. That's definetly something to work on.

I don't know what the hell happened to me last night. By the end of the workday I was pissed off about a couple of things. By the time I got home I was shooting fire out my nose and ears. I was just pissed at everything. :mad:

I'd also agreed to go to my roommate's charity fundraiser for the American Diabetes Association ride. It was being held at the Arlington Cinema and Draught House - A movie theatre you can eat, drink, and smoke in. A bunch of our mutual friends were already there by the time I arrived and they noticed my mood very quickly. After I rejected their offers of alcohol and cigarettes they just backed off and gave me some space. The movie was "The Blues Brothers" which I wasn't intending to stay for...but it's TBB, I got sucked in and didn't leave 'til the credits were over.

Got home and was still super pissed. Had my protein shake and then an enormous glass of orange juice 'cause I think I was carb-starved. Sure enough, my mood began to even out almost immediately. Feel fine this morning and have no reason to argue with anybody. Sheesh.

Got a couple of things floating around in my head but can't quite express them. I'll save it.

M@

I can't do a pistol squat, either. I think chic posted a thread the other day on progressions to getting there.

I've played around with steps method, where you basically just sit down onto a second step and then drive up off of it. I get to part of the way down and my hams just kind of collapse into the step. I can drive up off of the step to standing, so I think it is the decent that gets me :)

I don't know. Maybe it's the way my height affects my proportions but I've always thought I had a pretty small chest. Going in to look at jackets and seeing 44", 46", 48", etc. only reinforced that opinion.

I hear that. I've always had an anemic small chest. Not necessarily measurement wise, it's just that my pecs look small. Hopefully that will improve as I go... If you find a pill for that, definitely share the wealth.:tu:

Iceweasels - I didn't find a pill for it (though I'll definetly share the info if I do :p ) but I did find a website. You're already here. My workout partner showed me this site back in 2003 and I applauded John's transformation. I was in similar shape at the time and didn't think much else of it other than having been left with a profound respect for what John accomplished in such a short span of time.

Fast forward three years. Circumstances in my life broke my rythm and my confidence. I'd been maintaining a physique and had no long term goals. When things got hard with the rest of my life it was easier to abandon fitness than pursue it even harder. Looking back, the latter is exactly what I should've done. That's hindsight for you. :rolleyes:

So I realized that things were way out of control and this mental image I still had of myself being a fit person could no longer be sustained. I remembered John's site and came back to see if I could get charged up over his transformation once again, because this time I needed to transform.

I can't explain the awe I felt when I came here and found that not only was John's original transformation still here and still inspiring, but that he'd never stopped! :eek: He kept going and surpassed anything I thought was possible. I thought bodybuilders were naturally huge. "Genetics" was always the thought that crossed my mind whenever I saw a guy with 18"+ arms in the gym. I'd worked my ass off for years and had never gotten big. How on earth did John do it?!

That's the question I wanted an answer to so I started scouring these forums. I found out that the knowledge of what to do is something I've had for a long time, but that the knowledge of how to do it was something that took study, mentorship, community support, and a host of other factors I'd never even considered. My workout ideas started and ended with throwing iron around and running fast. That has changed substantially and I now know why a lot of the things I've done have worked. I also know why a lot of the things I've done have failed. Finally, I know that I have a lot to learn.

That was a long-winded soliloquy that I hadn't planned...but I'm not done yet. :lol:

This morning as I got dressed I noticed my yellow "LIVESTRONG" bracelet in the tray on my dresser. A friend of mine gave it to me last summer. Now, I've been a fan of Lance for a long time. I was a course marshall in 1993 at the Thrift Drug Classic in Pittsburgh, standing and watching the riders climb Sycamore St. from the McArdle roadway and collecting their discarded junk as they blew past me on their way down Mt. Washington. Near the end of the race Lance, with a big lead, screamed down the roadway and tossed his water bottles and his Oakleys. I still have the sunglasses. My dad's got the bottles.

That was three years before he found out about his cancer. He was just a kid at the time and I was even more of a kid.

Two years ago I'm living in Silver Spring, MD and am driving home from work, dangling a cigarette out the window of my truck. I pass a guy walking on Spring St. who's wearing a green t-shirt and black leather car-coat. I think, "Damn...dude's a dead-ringer for Lance Armstrong." It just seemed a little to small to really be him. We make eye contact at the light as I take a drag. He holds the gaze. I nod at him. He nods back. Light changes and I drive on. Get home and turn on the TV and see Lance, in a green t-shirt and black car-coat, accepting sponsorship from the Discovery Channel at their headquarters two blocks from my house. :doh:

A year later, my friend gives me this bracelet. I want to put it on, but I can't. Wearing it and smoking cigarettes would make me a complete hypocrite. How on earth can I wear a band supporting cancer research while sucking down one of the most sure-fire carcinogens on the face of the planet? I put it in the tray on my dresser and hoped to be able to find the resolve to stop smoking and wear it one day.

So when I saw it this morning, I kind of got a little choked up. Nowadays there are bands for everything and the LIVESTRONG fad is diluted, maybe on its last legs, but this thing means a hell of a lot more to me now than I can articulate. I'm proud to finally be able to wear it.

M@

:claplow:

:claplow:

Thanks a lot Travis. :bow: I didn't expect anybody to read a post that long. :lol:

So a post from last week on tanning (http://forums.johnstonefitness.com/showthread.php?t=26779) made me want to get bronze again. I used to tan by going home at lunch and laying out by the pool for an hour a day. That's not an option since I moved, but there's a tanning salon right up the street from my office. I used a salon once before and loved the relaxing nap in the middle of the day, plus the chain had a free week's tanning coupon online. I headed up at lunch.

Got there and was kind of overwhelmed at all the different kinds of beds. I just asked the girl at the counter to recommend something and she selected a bed for me, saying I should go in for 6 minutes to start with. Sounded good to me so I got in the bed, closed my eyes for a couple minutes and boom...it was over. Got my clothes back on and started itching like crazy. I looked at the bed and it had a recommended exposure chart: "1st week - 3 sessions - 1-2 minutes per session."

Holy CRAP! :mad:

I'm not fried, and it's actually half faded to brown this morning, but I was bright pink from shoulders to ankles yesterday evening. One of those burns where you can press your hand on the skin and it turns alabaster white for a few seconds, but the skin didn't feel "hot". I'm grateful that my face was spared and I've actually got some good color today...but damn! :lol:

M@

Damn...last night was harder than it had any right to be. I don't know where it came from but I was doubled over like a heroin addict, completely wracked with cravings. I was also kicked-in-the-face depressed. I didn't smoke, but I did go out and get a six-pack of Bass, which I proceeded to pound down. Not what I freaking needed to do for my fitness goals. Shit. :mad:

Woke up this morning feeling guilty as hell. It's pouring here. Wanted to hit the tanning salon before going to the gym so I parked on the street in front of it and got out in the rain. Turned around and saw a girl I used to go out with in the passenger seat of this Honda SUV with some guy I'd never seen before. She had this expression on her face like she'd just been caught doing something illegal and they both stared at me, slack-jawed. I gave 'em a half wave and ran into the salon without noticing if they regained their composure. I have no idea what that was about.

Did calf-work cardio and sweat buckets. Stopped feeling bad about 10 minutes in. Started feeling great about 30 minutes in. The next time I'm having a rough night I'm gonna get the friggin' yoga mat out and run through some forms. I need to get my seratonin levels boosted from workouts, not friggin' chemicals.

M@

My weekend has officially come apart at the seams. I've kept my workouts going and have accomplished all the chores I set aside for myself but my diet has been shot to shit. I'm holding the gun and reloading.

Quite frankly, I don't give a f**k about self-discipline right now. I hate doing this to myself in the last three days of my program but screw it. There's a pain in my head that working out and eating right and all the good shit isn't doing a goddamn thing about.

M@

...still never smoking again, though. That's worth something.

Is this stress from not smoking or is there more to it?

Unfortunately, there's more to it. Everything turned out O.K. I got a couple of numbers at the bar and got home safe. I would've preferred a more sedate Sunday evening, but I'd thought things were going to get much worse than they did. As it stands, I can sober up, eat a good final meal of the day, and address damage control in the morning.

Thanks for checking up and for the Nitrean/Opticen review in your journal. Haven't responded to that yet and wanted to thank you for the answer.

M@

Coo' man. Take it easy and just keep in mind how much more satisfying reaching goals is than short term satisfaction that can negatively impact progress. At the same time, remember that there isn't much that's irrecoverable.

No sweat on the review, I'll try the Opticen sometime soon and give my thoughts on that, too.

Gotta live M@, cant be a hobbit. Dont kick yourself while you are down, just get up.

I have never read your journal before. Quickly skimmed the last couple pages. Its a good read. Thanks for sharing. Ill stop by more often.

Decided to change this reply after all. It's not doing anything positive for me. Making excuses and indulging in self-pity is not something I want any part of. Times get tough and we move through them.

Thank you, Silver and BG, for your kind words and support. You guys rock.

M@

I don't know if I just played some stupid joke on myself or if I had some actual rationale for setting my alarm for 3:00am. Didn't notice 'til I'd brushed my teeth. Fortunately I caught the error before taking any Adderall. It's a chance to get more hydrated at least.

The indulgence and self-pity in the post above kind of astonishes me. It feels like it was written by another person, not me just a couple of hours ago. I'm tempted to delete it but think it may be valuable, if only to annoy me into better behavior the next time I'm feeling that ridiculous.

I just wonder how I'd be able to handle life if something bad actually happened. Like, what if I were paralyzed or something? If I bitch and moan this badly when I've got so many good things going for me, how would I react to actual adversity? :shrug:

In three hours I'll be off to the gym for my 83rd straight workout, and my last weight session of this 12-week program. I think it's safe to say I'm officially back into the whole fitness thing. Looking back, I'd like to think that something bad was actually happening to me, and this has been my reaction to it.

M@

First, I want to offer a :tu: for not giving into your cravings and having a cigarette. The six pack of Bass? Well, at least it was a tasty beer. Alcohol doesn't appear to be the demon that you have to get by in order to reach your goals, so don't beat yourself up over it. You don't drink very often, so the heatlh consequences of the six pack will not affect your long term goals. It's happened, it's over with, and you've already gotten a workout in to get back on track.

Our personal transformations don't take place in a vacuum; regardless of our commitment to being healthier the other aspects of our lives continue and we must deal with them. Ideally we wouldn't let a negative issue in one area effect what's happening in another, but having the ability to comparmentalize like that all the time is almost impossible. We're human, not some machine that can be turned off and on.

Keep making the positive choices to do what will lead you to your goals, fitness and otherwise. Your 99%/1% reference really resonated with me as I've thought about it often. I've realized the asymmetricality of my behavior and screwing up, as I did also this weekend, for only a miniscule percentage of time has such an inordinately negative effect on the many hours of staying with the program. The bad view on this is that it takes so little to go askew, but the good view is that there is so little bad behavior that it should be easy to minimize or eliminate.

I'm rambling, sorry. I just wanted to lend my support and to let you know that I think you're continuing to head in the direction that you want.

Your 99%/1% reference really resonated with me as I've thought about it often.

I just edited that post and deleted the reference. I couldn't agree with you more regarding that 1% and the negative influence it has, which is way out of proportion. Instead of submitting to those things in the future, I'm going to stand there and take the hit. I have a feeling that once I survive the initial salvo the problems will shrink back down to normal size and eventually disappear. Time to minimize and eliminate. :nod:

Worked legs this morning. I was dead-tired, of course. Had one continuous nightmare when I went back to sleep but it feels like a good thing. I didn't hide from the scary stuff in the dream, I embraced it. It was like my mind didn't know how to terrify me so it kept trying different stuff. One second I'm being assaulted by monsters, the next I'm being eaten, the next I'm falling from a great height, next I'm covered in spiders, etc. In each circumstance I accepted what was going on. I didn't fight back, I just let things happen, and wasn't afraid. Woke to the navy carillion bonging out 6 bells.

I'm going to the bank this morning to get a cashier's check for SwoleCat and will be sending it to him in the afternoon. Gonna get SGX'ed for the summer and make some serious progress.

M@

Well, I'm glad I read it last night before you edited it :lol:

I didn't reply, though, because I didn't think that any reply I could give would be particularly helpful. I'm just glad to see you back on track and doing what you do best - fighting for what you want.

Good luck.

Silver - Hah! :p Thanks for that. I shouldn't have been posting anyway and wouldn't have wanted to put up another response I'd delete. It feels good to be back on track, though I'm suffering from that sleep interruption last night.

The check's in the mail to Swole Cat. A $102 9-Month CD has been purchased through ING Direct for the last 17 days' coke and smoke savings. Tomorrow's the last day of this 12-week program. Went tanning again today and got talked into buying "intensifier". Don't know if it did anything but at least I smell like a girl now. :rolleyes:

I'm kind of daunted at the thought of putting up photos on Wednesday but I said I'd do it, so you can count on it being done. So many others have had the guts to put their photos up and I find them inspiring so I feel like I owe it to folks.

I'm also off the sauce, officially, and am telling people about it. This isn't gonna be a permanent thing like smoking, but I'm not going to touch a drop of alcohol 'til I've got six-pack abs. However long that takes. It's too expensive, too counterproductive, and too dangerous.

M@

I'm also off the sauce, officially, and am telling people about it. It's too expensive, too counterproductive, and too dangerous.

I'll drink to that! :cry:

PD - Sad but true. This helps me get better perspective on it, though:

http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b346/a429MySpace/Alcohol/genius.jpg

So as I got off the Stairmaster this morning and recorded my stats in a shaky, sweat-soaked hand, I officially accomplished a goal I set for myself three months ago: Go 12 weeks without missing a workout. Today was the 84th straight day in a row I've worked out. I'm half tempted to take tomorrow off but I know I'd never be able to live with myself. I want to keep the streak alive. I think it deserves preservation.

I'm taking a week off of the weights. I'll just be doing some bodyweight stuff and cardio 'til next Wednesday to give my muscles a week of rest before SGX begins. I'm heading up to my parents' place in Pittsburgh this weekend for the Easter holiday. They belong to HealthTrax, the greatest gym I've ever seen. I'm very much looking forward to working out there for a couple of days and getting in a couple sets of tennis with my Dad.

Tomorrow's picture day. Whoo. Big day. It'll also be three weeks without nicotene. Damn...I've done a lot in the past 84 days! :tucool:

M@

Tomorrow's picture day. Whoo. Big day. It'll also be three weeks without nicotene. Damn...I've done a lot in the past 84 days! :tucool:

:nod:...:guitar:

I'll just be doing some bodyweight stuff and cardio 'til next Wednesday to give my muscles a week of rest before SGX begins.

M@

I can't wait to see your results on SGX. I've been trying to do it on my own for so long. I'm always second guessing my choices because I'm not sure if I'm getting the best results possible. I will continue my cut this summer and start my bulk September with SUP.

I've curtailed my alcohol to only one drink socially a week. Previously I was a two martini a night drinker. It just takes time and the urge seems controllable compared to the body I'll have this summer.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm routing for you. Have a great week off from the weights and enjoy your easter. See you in the winners circle.

BG & SpecialK - Thanks a lot for the encouragement. I appreciate you guys having my back. I'm also very much looking forward to SGX. I would imagine that the program, combined with no smoking or alcohol, will give me exponentially better results than I've gotten on my own.

Well I guess there couldn't have been a better time for work to have exploded. I was working on a project for the EPA back in September and it was shelved the instant Katrina hit as that department needed to be responding to the disaster. Well it just came back and they want it tomorrow. :mad: I was working 'til 12:30am last night and am back in the office early this morning. No yoga for me today...well, no yoga class. I'm still gonna do 40 minutes of work when I get home this evening. No excuses for missing a workout. ;)

Took the "final" pics this morning. Didn't have time to put 'em in Photoshop and compare with Week 0 so I'll be doing that when I get home as well. That's when the posting will occur too. Until then, there's one easy thing for me to do that I'd promised myself I would: I'm gonna support this community. It's had more to do with improvement in my life than any other outside source in the past three months. It's also the single greatest resource I've had available for smoking cessation.

I am grateful to John and to each and every one of you. THANK YOU. :tucool:

M@

Matt, as I've mentioned before, you've also been a great addition to this community... looking forward to seeing the progress pics. Got your bike out yet? I'm putting mine on the road this weekend...

Matt, as I've mentioned before, you've also been a great addition to this community... looking forward to seeing the progress pics. Got your bike out yet? I'm putting mine on the road this weekend...

I agree with Philly. You've been a great addition to this end of the world.

Keep up the good work!!!!

Bike you say? 50m'er this weekend Sf -> Tiburon and back!!!

I agree with Philly. You've been a great addition to this end of the world.

Keep up the good work!!!!

Bike you say? 50m'er this weekend Sf -> Tiburon and back!!!

Actually, motorbikes. Although I'll be out on the roadie tonight.

Sigh...sold my bike last year - couldn't rationalize the cost of keeping a motorbike and a car while in law school, considering the weather that we get here. Plus, I need the car to carry my golf clubs.

What kinda bikes have you guys got?

You know what, screw work. I didn't feel like I should leave the office but I needed to eat, pick up a prescription, and fulfill some commitments to myself. Now that I've done all those things...I want more. I've given my job 100% for 13 hours today. That's all it's gettin'.

I was really paranoid about missing my workout. That's what motivated me to go home more than anything. I wanted at least 30 minutes to myself to exercise. I was bent that I missed this morning's yoga class so I came home, crated Orion, shut the door, turned on the air purifier/white noise generator, and proceeded to sweat my ass off through a combination of yoga and calisthenics. I was in some sort of a trance when the timer went off at 35 minutes. Afterwards was the best friggin' shower I've had in months.

P-Shopped my pics and was very pleased with the results (http://forums.johnstonefitness.com/showthread.php?p=309549&posted=1#post309549). Gets me totally fired up to see what things look like in June.

PD & Coachese - Yeah right! :lol: My major virtues are an inquisitive mind and a loud mouth. That said, I'm pretty humbled and can't think of a funny way to deflect it...so...in the interest of actually typing something here instead of starting a sentence, backspacing, etc. I'll just put this down and say thanks. ;)

Ugh...about the motorcycle: When I said earlier in my journal that I was thinking of replacing it I meant that I don't have one any longer. I was unemployed for nine months back in 2003 and around month 8 I had to eBay it. I've been getting no end of s**t from my riding buddies ever since and every spring is absolute torture. It's honestly been worse than any romantic breakup I've ever had. I stare at every bike that goes by and think of the one that got away. It's a hard lesson but it's written in my soul now: Don't ever get rid of your last motorcycle.

They multiply like tattoos when you've got 'em, but get rid of 'em completely and it's like getting the wind knocked out of you. Really tough to get back up there. Oh...and as any former or current rider can attest to: There's nothing more pathetic than that guy who corners you in conversation when you've got your leathers on talking about the bike he used to have. :rolleyes:

sniff

Okay...right. As far as bicycles go I've got a Trek 450 3-ring road bike with downtube shifters that does a hell of a job for the $120 I spent on it, used. I've also got a magnificent AlpineStars mountain bike that I used to race but it's residing with my cousin in Boston for now. Ever since I woke up having been passed out in a ditch in Maryland for two hours from going head-over-handlebars my heart just hasn't been off-road.

Right. Now I wanna figure out stats. :nod:

M@

I think that I may not be as much of a "rider" as others I know. I don't miss my bike nearly as much as I thought I would. Part of why I sold it was that I was just golfing too damn much - if there was a nice day, I was on the course, I wasn't riding. Also, my gf didn't like "going places" on it. She liked riding, but didn't like riding with a destination because then you have to deal with helmets, gear, etc. I'll get one eventually, but it's kinda lower on the priority list at this point.

In some ways, I miss mountain biking as much as I miss riding. I never got too big into mountain biking (because I took up golf :lol: ) and never got past the point of being a chicken. I just don't like the feeling of not being in total control - which was another problem with motorcycles for me.

Good on you for going home - work to live, don't live to work. I wish more people in law school lived by my motto - it'd be a bit less competitive, :lol:.

Silver - Thanks, it felt really good.

Another busy day and I'm very much looking forward to taking the weekend off, starting tomorrow.

Had to miss my morning workout again and I don't like that at all. My day doesn't seem right anymore without a visit to the gym. I'm going to go tonight around 8pm to see what the place is like then. They've got it listed as off-peak hours so I'm hoping it'll be considerably less crowded than it is just after work. Need to scout it out.

Bleh. I'm procrastinating. I'm home and looking at another late night of work. I'm pretty sick and tired of it. Nothing to do about it, though. Gonna make some dinner then get back after it.

M@

Went to the gym last night at 8:00 pm to get a cardio workout in and see what the crowd was like. To my great surprise, there were about as many people there as there are at 6:00 am! I hope that's a regular thing and not just a Thursday-night/Happy Hour situation. I'll be finding out as soon as SGX starts.

Speaking of that, I still haven't heard from SwoleCat. Kind of bugging me a little since I sent the envelope with the money order on Monday. I used the Automated Postal Station when I sent it 'cause the line was 12-people deep and I had to get back to work. I thought the series of numbers on my receipt was my tracking number but it doesn't work on the USPS site. I'd wanted to order the supplements this week. I'm down to my last scoop of Nitrean as of this morning.

Gonna finish up this assignment by noon, go tan, go do a light workout, and head up to Pittsburgh. I need to change one of my photos on my Media Gallery post as well. The right-side photo isn't Week 0 - Week 12. (http://forums.johnstonefitness.com/showthread.php?p=309546#post309546) It looks more like Week 4 - Week 12. I must've hit the wrong layer in Photoshop. It's easy to tell because my hair's much longer than the other Week 0 pics.

M@

M@ just had a good read through your journal. Good read is an apt descriptor. Excellent work on your 12 weeks the photos show a tremendous change.

Props for the quitting smoking as well. I've never smoked myself but been around a lot of reformed smokers so I've witnessed how hard it can be. Keep it up :tu:

sfc01 - Thanks a lot. You need to keep posting double-biceps shots, the progress between your start and Feb 06 photos is awesome! :flex:

I really needed this break from work and from working out. I've still be doing something active every day that qualifies, but the emphasis is on feeling good and having fun. It's a great mindset to get into and I look forward to incorporating that into my upcoming program. Carguy informed me that SwoleCat is on vacation and will be getting back in touch with folks on the 17th. That was a relief to hear.

Yesterday before leaving for the 'burgh I did a bunch of bodyweight exercises at the gym. I'm surprised at how much I feel it today. It was fun to play around with no schedule. I basically just did pushups, pullups, and situps 'til I could only get one rep sets in. Finished it off by testing out ATG squats (I've only ever gone halfway) and getting an idea of what kind of weight I can handle when it's time for lifting again.

The drive up was gorgeous and I made it out of D.C. just as rush hour was starting. Listening to good music and thinking for four and a half hours was incredibly relaxing and I almost didn't want to get out of the truck when I got to my folks' place. This morning I spent time with my Dad, just hanging out and BS'ing. Went to my mom's office and spent a couple hours trying to get the spyware off of her computer. Got my oil changed, new wiper blades, and met my best friend at the high-pressure car wash where we proceeded to get our rides factory-spotless.

Dinner was 1.25lbs of Alaskan King Crab legs which was even better than it sounds. Instead of heading out to a bar, I met my buddy at the park where we used to hang out and we played catch 'til they shut the lights off on us. My catching hand is numb from being a dumbass about seeing the ball into the pocket but I'd do it over again. Hell, I'd still be there if I could see. That's a fun way to work out. I'm gonna head down to the local walking trail tomorrow morning and run a 5K just to see what my outside time looks like nowadays.

It feels weird to be home and sedate this early on a Saturday night. It also feels weird to be sober.

Three years ago I met a girl whom I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. The morning after the first night we spent together I took her to the Silver Spring metro station and sent her off to Conneticut while John Allen Mohammed and Lee Boyd Malvo began picking people off with an AR-15 from their modified Chevy Caprice.

Six months ago I admitted to myself that there was no way I could be happy with this woman for the rest of my life and I ended our relationship. It has still been a hard thing to come to grips with. Although I have improved my life dramatically since that time, I'm having difficulty coming up with replacements for a lot of hopes and dreams.

Despite the fact that I dumped her, I still held out some vague hope that there could be a reconciliation. Last month I found out she'd met someone else. Rather than face the pain, I've been numbing my brain with alcohol and random hookups. That's probably the reason I'm still feeling the knife twist in my chest all this time afterwards.

Tonight's different. It feels better. It definetly hurts more, but I'm standing firm and letting it crash over me. No more running away.

M@

Wow, I had a feeling there was more to your posts that you were letting on. It makes a lot more sense now.

Been there. Long relationships are hard to end, especially when you think they'll be the last one, even when you know it won't work. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much you love someone, sometimes things just won't work.

I went through my major breakup dry. It hurt like hell (especially her with the new guy a month later and having to see her every day because of working across the street from me) and I acted weird and was a bit of a nut for awhile. I kinda wish I had've been drinking so it could have been excused. But...when all was said and done, I emerged a much stronger person emotionally who was better able to deal with all things life threw at me.

I'm almost too calm now, sometimes my gf wonders why I don't get more upset about things when we're fighting. I'm okay with that.

Seriously though, I think that the position you're in now is the best way to deal with it. Good luck.

Silver - Thanks for the reply. I've got more to say on that but it'll have to wait 'til I get back to VA.

My dad, who works on the local running trail in his spare time, told me that there was going to be a 5K run on the trail and that there were markers at certain locations. Perfect! All I'd have to do is find the start and run to the 1/2way marker, then turn around.

Doesn't appear that they've gotten around to putting the 1/2way marker in yet.

I probably put on an extra 1/2 mile and, believe me, it was ALL hills. Even if that added 5:00 to my time, I'm still running about 10:00 miles. Ugh. I've become a total slug. I'm sure my weight has a great deal to do with it but that's a huge amount of time to start carving up before I can get back to 6:30's.

My legs aren't used to running outside. They're already cramping up. Now I've got to get in a truck and drive for 4.5 hours. :lol: Not the greatest job of planning I've ever done. Still, it was a gorgeous morning and I'm thrilled to have gotten such a good workout in.

M@

My legs aren't used to running outside. They're already cramping up. Now I've got to get in a truck and drive for 4.5 hours. :lol: Not the greatest job of planning I've ever done.

Hydrate. When you have to pit stop with the truck, get in some light jogging in place or something. Even for just five minutes.

Well I've got 12 cigarettes left in my pack, that im going to smoke all of today, and quit cold turkey tomorrow....I only started smoking when I ran into legal trouble to help deal with stress and it carried over and I began smoking half a pack a day. I really think its hindering my performance, as I could cut just fine while smoking, but transistioning into bulking...things seem a little harder then they should be, and I credit it to smoking. I'm glad I won't be scavenging for change all the time so I can go pick up a buy one get one free when I run out...Alot of people I've read about made huge gains 2 weeks after quitting smoking...I hope to see the same. This forum rocks and is a great support in pretty much everything to living a healthier lifestyle. thanks to all JSF'ers

sfc01 - Thanks a lot. You need to keep posting double-biceps shots, the progress between your start and Feb 06 photos is awesome! :flex:

Thanks M@. Next update I'll include a front double bi shot for you, complete with goofy face.


Tonight's different. It feels better. It definetly hurts more, but I'm standing firm and letting it crash over me. No more running away.


You've got to hurt to heal. It is as simple as that. Stand tall mate. Stand tall. Hell it was 2.5 years after separating when I found out that my ex was seeing someone again and it STILL hurt. Or maybe it was because he was a skinny, bald old guy who I could shoulder press.:bb: :madpimp: I digress... Stand firm and let it in, and let it out. She'll be apples! :tu:

Good on you M

Been there. Long relationships are hard to end, especially when you think they'll be the last one, even when you know it won't work. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much you love someone, sometimes things just won't work.

Honestly, good riddance to her. If I were still with her, I'd dump her before I typed another character. My life is 10,000x better without her. She's the reason my fitness fell apart. She's the reason my confidence was shattered. There's nothing about her that I would welcome back into my life. I'm glad she's gone.

What I'm reeling from is the death of hopes and dreams. There's a great deal of talk on this site about goals. Well, my goals were to be married and starting a family by this time in my life. I watched the last year take shape, getting less tolerable by the minute, and felt my jaw drop as I realized that not only was I not going to go shopping for an engagement ring, but that I was about to go back on the open market and look for someone once again.

I've been through difficult breakups before. I know how to deal with deep wounds. What I'm totally unfamiliar with is how to do all this shit at 31! My support network is shattered. I went to a party last weekend where I was the only guest who wasn't there with his/her wife/husband and/or kids. They looked at me like I was some kind of f**king PANDA and exchanged glances with one another before speaking to me as though they were trying to establish who was going to use the speech-centers of the brain at that moment.

I just wasted three prime years of my life on a woman I should've broken off contact with after two months in the relationship. The only reason that didn't happen was because I lost my job. I got too chickenshit to deal with the situation before me alone, and clung to this frigid girl like she was the last thing on earth that could help me.

Every one of my friends has been through a tough breakup. Every one of them is offering advice. They're offering that advice as their children scream in the background of their phone or their wives/husbands call to find out why they're out past 11pm. Honestly, I don't know a single f**king person in my shoes right now, no matter how good intentions might be.

Hydrate. When you have to pit stop with the truck, get in some light jogging in place or something.

Didn't read this before I headed out but kind of followed the advice unknowingly. I numbed my legs in the bathtub after brunch and sucked down bottle after bottle of water during the drive. No seriously ill-effect transpired, though I was moving like Frankenstein's monster when I finally got to D.C. and gassed up again.

Well I've got 12 cigarettes left in my pack, that im going to smoke all of today, and quit cold turkey tomorrow...

Good luck to you, ecko. I wish I had had the foresight to stop when I was your age. I do not know and cannot attest to how smoking affects one's athletic performance. I can't see how it could possibly be of benefit. Not that it doesn't do anything for you: There is a definite social lubricant inherent in the act of smoking. It's just that the longer you rely on that, the less confident you become in yourself. A day will come when you want to make a move, but can't be smoking when you do it. Experience life without crutches. I guarantee you'll be better off because of it.

Thanks M@. Next update I'll include a front double bi shot for you, complete with goofy face.

PM me when it's up. I don't wanna miss it. :D

You've got to hurt to heal.

New mantra. Thanks.

Good on you M

You too, JM. ...though Mariano Rivera needs to die in a fire. :nod:

M@

You too, JM. ...though Mariano Rivera needs to die in a fire. :nod:

M@

Thanks bro. Avatar is changed just for you. :cool:

Thanks bro. Avatar is changed just for you. :cool:

There's ol' Skeletor himself! :lol:

Went straight into work again this morning. It's bugging me not to go to the gym on my regular schedule but I'm forcing myself not to, so I don't think there's reason to worry about falling off track when it's time to start the new program later this week.

I'd actually talked myself into taking today as a planned day-off. My shoulder girdle is sore from Friday's bodyweight exercise and Saturday's throwing. My legs are SCREAMING from the run yesterday, which is kind of surprising. I can lift again on Wednesday and will have had an "official" week off of the weights. Despite all that, I'm feeling really guilty about the prospect of going a day without some sort of workout.

I think that, if it's nice out this evening, I'll take Orion for a nice long walk. If it's not, I'll do a half hour or so of yoga with the emphasis on stretching. There's no way my body's going to heal up if I keep poking at it like this...but this would be the 90th straight day with a workout. I can't break that streak. :nod:

Still no word from Swole and I imagine I won't get the program 'til Wednesday at the earliest. I think what I'm gonna plan on doing is get a couple total body weight workouts in, one Wednesday and one Friday. I'm very curious to see how they feel, never having trained in any way but splits before.

This off week has been very suprising from a physical appearance perspective. I've visibly lost more fat and my pecs, lats, and delts are looking fuller. Getting some more pop in my serratus, too (I love those little bastards). My base tan is building well too, which may be half of the reason these things are showing up better. I'm now ready to move up to 7 minutes on the bed I've been using. It was hilarious, nobody commented on my weight loss this weekend (they're used to seeing me even lighter/fitter so that's not a huge surprise) but I got several, "How the hell did you get tan?" comments. :lol:

Wanted to take another minute to thank everybody who posted to support me this weekend: Silver, Zenpharaohs, sfc01, xxxeckoxxx, and Jakemeister. The first weekend of sobriety was rough and I didn't lean on anybody around me 'cause of pride. It was good to get a pat on the back and some commiseration here. Deeply appreciate it. :bow:

M@

Oh, almost forgot: Four weeks without a cigarette. Not bad at all.

M@, what do you think is more important (and I know you know the answer to this)? Letting your body heal in order to better further your fitness goals or to get a bit OCD about a streak?

Just a thought ;)

M@, what do you think is more important...

http://victorjr.users.superford.org/pictures/various/owned/snakeowned.jpg

Ow...okay, okay, I'll just go for a walk. :lol:

M@

Sweet. SwoleCat just emailed me to say that he's received the payment and I'll be getting my program on Wednesday evening. That's a good piece of news. I'm still going to keep my total-body workout plan in place and transition over to SGX's workout on Monday, my "Official" start.

My previous program beginning and ending on a Wednesday was a total anomaly. I knew I wanted to start cranking the fitness again and didn't see any point in waiting 'til a Monday to get started. It may be the first time I haven't gone on a Monday-Sunday schedule. I actually kind of liked it. That said, I'm fidgety enough about having to wait 'til Monday to start the SGX weight program, let alone 'til next Wednesday.

Okay...back to an evening of not working out. *twitch* *twitch*

M@

Okay...back to an evening of not working out. *twitch* *twitch*

M@

:claplow: enjoy it

although it's probably okay to take the dog for a walk

listen to the fat man giving fitness advice :rolleyes: what the hell do I know?

:claplow: enjoy it

I took the dog for a walk.

...then did a half hour of yoga 'til I was pumped to the gills and soaked with sweat. :lol:

I guess I just needed to burn some energy last night. Things weren't right with me. I was restless and didn't want to be sitting around or laying down. I did yoga 'cause I'd been downloading a ton of Trance off of iTunes and felt like I could make a great workout CD with some of the stuff I'd gotten. Mission accomplished. The half hour was up before I felt like I was really getting into it.

Slept. Like. The. Dead. There was a bunch of housekeeping/writing/filing stuff I wanted to do last night but was too twitchy to do it before working out and too peacefully exhausted afterwards. I don't mind missing that but am kind of annoyed that I can't seem to make time to read my new book The Long Walk by Slavomir Rawicz (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1558216847/sr=1-1/qid=1145370632/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-9847490-7863141?%5Fencoding=UTF8&s=books).

Books and movies about Poland usually bug the hell out of me 'cause of the history of my ancestors getting totally screwed. This book's got plenty of that, and my blood boils to read it, but Rawicz has his middle finger firmly extended towards his tormentors the entire time...and wins in the end. So that makes it tolerable and fascinating.

Was rudely awakened by the alarm and happily vaulted out of bed to go to the gym in the morning for the first time in, what feels like, weeks. Got a very solid cardio workout in on the treadmill even though my legs are still screaming from Sunday. Looking forward to the first sane day at work in a while and tanning later this afternoon. :cool:

M@

I just posted in Seltzer's journal and recalled a Robert Frost poem (http://forums.johnstonefitness.com/showpost.php?p=312111&postcount=57) that my father sent me a while ago when I needed some perspective on how to keep doing what I knew was right despite the rest of the world pretty much telling me I was off my rocker. It got me thinking about my dad.

The guy's been a star athelete. He went to an ivy-league school on an athletic scholarship. He served his country as an army officer in Vietnam when that conflict was particularly shitty and earned a bronze star with 'V' for a stunt that almost snuffed out his life and mine, but saved many others. He's been a covert government operative, a corporate executive, and the owner of his own business. He taught me how to wrestle, throw a baseball, play football, mow the lawn, do long division, and use an arc-welder. He told me what it's like to have your first child. He told me what it felt like to kill a man and how to tell whether or not you'll have the will to do it before you're ever put to the test.

All that and more, yet if you met him you'd think he was the simplest guy you'd ever encountered. He's honest and friendly and an utter gentleman. He'll fall asleep at the drop of a hat and can give you the impression of a fat, lazy old tomcat who's just looking for a warm spot to curl up in. These tendencies usually cause me to underestimate him, particularly in relationships. He married his high-school sweetheart and is going on 43 years with her this June. I keep expecting him to be a bit out of his element when I tell him about whatever relationship troubles I'm having, yet he invariably pulls some line out of literature or greek mythology that pops me right between the eyes.

The Frost poem was his gift to me on a recent occasion. Quite some time back, when I was going through an absolutely miserable breakup, he responded to a particularly anguished phone conversation by sending me a poem by Kipling. To say that it solved everything would be a lie, but it helped a great deal. It also gave me a great deal of clarity regarding the way he has striven to live his life. I consider him the greatest man I've ever met and if I could reach half his measure I would count myself a tremendous success as a man and a human being.

For some reason it feels really good to remember that this morning.


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

-Rudyard Kipling, If


M@

Thanks for sharing the poems. Your father sounds like a wonderful man and you are fortunate to have him as a father. In many ways you could have been describing my father and our relationship, just substituting Viet Nam for Korea. I've also always felt that if I accomplished half of what he did then I would be a success and a wonderful human being.

M@- best poem ever. Thanks. :tucool:

Great poem and it sounds like you have a very impressive father.

I think it's important to be impressed by our fathers and I think that, when and if it's my turn, I'll try to be impressive to my children.

I wasn't always proud of my own dad, mostly because there was an emotional disconnect for several years while I took time to grow up and learn to appreciate what he'd done for us, but when I did figure it all out, I realized just how impressive he was. He was too young to get into the forestry program he wanted to start, so he joined the fire department as a live in volunteer at 18 (I think) and was the youngest firefighter they ever hired full time at 19. He went on to be a successful firefighter who took his job seriously and progressed through the ranks by getting the necessary post-secondary education as he went along. He did all of this while maintaining a farm for a few years, working for H&R Block during tax season, and raising two sons alone (my parents divorced at a young age and we lived primarily with my dad). He eventually got remarried and continued to progress in rank until he became the second youngest to be promoted to an Assistant Chief. He held that rank for about 13 or so years, fighting the city's urges for him to become the Chief (didn't like the politics of being Fire Chief) until he retired last year at the tender age of 50.

He's done all this while maintaining an excellent financial balance in his life (pays off his house and cars and everything else ASAP), helping to put two sons through law school, and dealing with family crisis with my very ill step-sister. He's now 51, retired, and has the time to enjoy his life and do everything he's wanted to do, I'm even getting him into golf and he's on the fitness bandwagon and even using Adi's spreadsheet!

I think that a parent's success can often be measured by the success of his children. My brother's a lawyer, I'm almost done law school, we're both pretty well adjusted, healthy, and intelligent individuals.

Dads are great.

Seltzer - Glad your comments reminded me. I needed that boost today.

TarSeal - (originally typed a different screen name) I've yet to see it surpassed or have a day where I couldn't draw something from it. Honored to share it.

Silver - Yes, yes they are.

Still haven't officially gotten my SGX program yet but it's not even 7pm on the left coast so I wouldn't be surprised to have it show up overnight. I took photos and updated my page in the media gallery (http://forums.johnstonefitness.com/showthread.php?t=27285). I also took measurements. I've gone up to 206 lbs but down in measurements and am registering lower in bodyfat by both measurements, calipers, and average. The 5+ lbs of lean mass that went missing during my final measurements are back. I'm half tempted to correct the chart.

...yeah, that'll probably happen in a minute.

I went out and bought some more workout clothes at Target. If I'm going to be going to the gym eleven times a week then I'm definetly going to need the gear. I'm gonna plan on getting into the gym and doing 45 minutes of cardio tomorrow and will figure on hitting it again in the evening for lifting. That's about as much as I know of the program to be able to anticipate.

M@

:claplow:

Terrific post M@.
You are both lucky to have a relationship that allows you to recognize your father's qualities at this point in life. It takes some people a long time to get there, and some never do.

Very well said.

BigDog - Great to see you back. I think lucky is a very accurate description.

Well, the SGX program showed up around 1:00am my time, judging from the timestamp in my inbox. I actually woke up before my alarm, fired up to go and check if it had arrived. I felt like Ralphie from "A Christmas Story". Then I found that I couldn't open it on the PC I'm currently using at home since I never go around to installing MSOffice. Figured I'd wait 'til work and print stuff out anyway.

Hit the gym and got 45 minutes of fantastic cardio in. Showered and changed there and walked across the street to my office for the first time. Although I do sort of miss the lazy hour I'd have at home after the gym, I enjoyed not having to use my towels or muck up my bathroom. I also like the counterweight scale they've got there. Weighed in at 202.25. Verrah nice.

Since then, everything's gone to hell. I opened the program and have been pouring over it ever since. I've accomplished absolutely nothing yet today. I'm totally out of my routine.

I ordered all the supplements but the soonest I can expect them to arrive is Monday. All the food I have here is nothing I'm supposed to be eating during the times I'm here. All of the food I have at home is nothing I'm supposed to be eating during the times I'm there. As a result, I've missed the first two meals completely and have another coming up in a bit that I'm totally unprepared for. Gah! I hate it when my plans get all borked up.

I'm tempted to finish the food I have at my office and start the SGX diet when I've had time to acclimate to it, but there's really no excuse for that. I've got a fancy-schmancy grocery store right across the street and it'd take me all of 25 minutes to go over there and get what I need.

The one major drawback to the timing of this program is the evening weightlifting. I'm going to have to start bringing lifting clothes to the gym every morning as well and will need to head straight over there after work. I don't really mind that, just, again, not something I was prepared for today.

Whoo...this is overwhelming, but exciting at the same time.

M@

The good news is my gym isn't crowded at 5:00pm either. There's a couple more people than there are in the morning, but not many. Seems like the increased traffic is for the aerobics classes.

The bad news is that I had the misfortune of starting SGX on Leg Day. I think I could pass out right now. I haven't had that brutal of a workout in a long, long time. I would actually have to go back to the SEAL Challenge training to remember a time I felt this exhausted. This is AFTER having consumed a bottle full of sugar with some protein powder and water mixed in to keep my mouth from drying out.

Actually, now that I think about it, that sugar bomb's probably wearing off and that's what's making me comatose. I need to get showered and get dinner rolling.

M@

My legs are siezing up as I type. For some bizzare reason, that excites me. I love it when my body parts get this fried 'cause, invariably, I see progress in the next 5-7 days.

When I was back at my folks' house I saw myself in a full-length mirror for the first time since Christmas. What jumped out at me immediately was my legs. I didn't have any definition, but they seemed so much leaner. I admired them for more than a few seconds and immediately thought about how great they're gonna look in June. Workouts like yesterday's get me closer to that point.

When I raced mountain bikes I had my first leg-shaving experience. Felt like a complete tool for doing it 'til my first fall. The myriad scrapes and contusions were almost completely healed within three days. I've got scars all over my legs from all kinds of horseplay and sports when I was a kid. I was just looking at them this morning while I was stretching. I totally blame the bodyhair. It's f'ing filthy. Every day I think more and more about electrolysis or laser hair removal.

The only drawback to shaved legs is...how to phrase this...sticking. I know I don't have a ton of body hair compared to many men but I still feel like a wookie half the time. Shaving's no good 'cause when it starts growing back I go out of my skull over the itching. Why am I even writing about this? Sheesh. I need to get back to work. :P

M@

Welcome to the pain and torture that is SGX leg day. I was brought to tears many times. Many, many times.

BTW, you can work out at lunch if it is more convenient for you.

:tucool:

Welcome to the pain and torture that is SGX leg day...

As the routine progressed I thought in horror: "Oh my god, am I really this much of a p*ss?" The comisseration from the folks in the VX forums has been almost gleeful, with the vets taking great delight at being over the hurdle the rookies find themselves in. :lol:

If pain is weakness leaving the body, I just lost a whole lot of weakness.

M@

*** Warning: This entry got kind of out-of-control lengthwise. ***

Damn. I was too worn out to do anything social last night. I've heard that the first week or two of SGX is like this. Part of the problem, I'm sure, lies in not having the supplements. I'm still on prescription amphetamines though, so at least I've got that boost. I may actually start drinking caffiene again 'til the supps arrive just to keep my eyes open. Actually, I'm being overdramatic. I've been fine right up until bedtime at which point I get really tired...which is what's supposed to happen to a normal person.

This morning has been one of the best I've had in months, possibly years. I took a Tylenol PM last night to address the soreness that's been interrupting my sleep the past two nights. Absolutely crashed and slept in utter blackness 'til my alarm went off at 7:00am. I hit the gym and got in a sweet cardio session that left me drenched and nailed my targets. Showered, changed, and went across the street to the tanning salon. I asked for a better bed than I've been using, the Ergoline Classic 600, 'cause I felt like indulging a bit. The girl behind the counter put me in an Ergoline Avant-Garde 600 (http://www.palmbeachtan.com/images/store/8.jpg) instead.

Holy moly! This thing's like the Cadillac of tanning booths. In-bed timer and incredible air-conditioning, plus a built in CD soundsystem that kicks the ass of the shitty single-speaker deals they have going in each of the basic salon rooms. It's included in my membership so I can say with confidence that I'll be tanning in that bed for the forseeable future. I walked out of the salon feeling slightly euphoric. I would say that my seratonin levels are normalizing and being spiked by activities other than drinking and sex.

Despite the slate-grey skies and a constant drizzle I was practically spinning like Julie Andrews in the Austrian countryside on the way back to the truck.

Okay...that may be the gayest line I've ever written. :eek:

Anyway, drove to Dunkin Donuts for my cheat meal and have been leisurely doing chores this morning, checking out JSF whenever I have to wait for a load of laundry or have some other kind of break.

Last weekend sucked. It just flat out, utterly sucked. It should've been wonderful to be around good friends and family but I was a million miles away the whole time and the time alone in the truck on the way there and back was brutal. Things hit their crescendo on Wednesday night. I was almost in a fetal ball on the floor with pain and frustration...and then it broke.

It was like a fever hitting its spike then receding. I wasn't trying to make deals with myself any more. I wasn't tearing myself down for doing things wrong. In short, I didn't view myself as a bad person any longer. Bad things have happened to me in spite of my being good and worthwhile.

If you want closure, you can get closure. Closure is not going back to the scene of the crime and and trying to feel the pain so intensely that it burns itself out of you. Closure is not stringing yourself along with little fits of hope and memory. It's not feeding yourself a smaller hit of the drug every day. If you want closure, you just have to slam the fucking door shut.

Now the thoughts that keep coming back to me center around Blue:996 (http://forums.johnstonefitness.com/showpost.php?p=309716&postcount=996). I saw a quote once, I don't remember where, but it went, "We are what we do everyday." I think very positively about certain things but not others. When I see a photo of Nick Auger or Jason Sehorn I know I'm going to work until I get my physique as aesthetically pleasing as that. There's no doubt in my mind and it gets me all fired up. When I see a beautiful woman I think of what her skin smells like and what mannerisms she has that could make me laugh. When I think of smoking there's no romance or yearning. I feel cut off, like I've been quit for years and years. Like it was some folly of my youth. That's confidence and that's thinking positive. It does great things for me and in each of those cases I am striding confidently towards my goals from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep.

When I think of owning my own home I think of the obstacles. I can only envision reasons why I can't do it. I think of my age and how old I'll be by the time I'd be able to afford a $60K downpayment. When I think of replacing my motorcycle I think of how contrary it is to the property issue and my other financial goals. When I think of a relationship all I think of is how no successful, ambitous woman is going to want to spend more than a night or two with me while I'm living with roommates in a rented townhouse and treading water in my career. When I think of making a serious effort towards becoming a professional artist I think of how obscenely competetive the market is and the rejection I would have to go through to get one gallery to carry my paintings.

There's no difference between the scope of these thoughts. Quitting smoking is no more or less difficult than saving money and making sound financial decisions. Meeting someone special and forging a lasting relationship is not more or less difficult than transforming my physique. Hitting on a beautiful woman and picking her up is no more or less difficult than selling paintings to a gallery owner. The only difference is in my attitude. I need to transform my way of thinking about the negatives. As soon as that happens, I'll wake up every day working towards those goals as well. I know it's true. I've done it before.

And it's a hell of a lot easier to go through the day with a dozen critical goals than it is to go through the day telling yourself about one thing you'll never accomplish.

M@

P.S. It's very nice to arrive at a point where my head is ready to move on with my life and find that my body has carried me a long way down the path even while I was getting used to the idea.

If you want closure, you can get closure. Closure is not going back to the scene of the crime and and trying to feel the pain so intensely that it burns itself out of you. Closure is not stringing yourself along with little fits of hope and memory. It's not feeding yourself a smaller hit of the drug every day. If you want closure, you just have to slam the fucking door shut.

A lot of times, when people talk about "closure", it is just wanting somebody else to do something FOR them. In reality, most times they aren't responsible for you, and once you realize that and "slam your own door" as you say, what they do to or for you doesn't matter as much. You've closed off that control you gave them, and now it's yours again. Once you've let go of whatever it is you are out of control of and realized that things can't go back, you can start seeing new opportunities as well as all the other good stuff going on you've been ignoring while you stress over the past.

Good post, M@. Hopefully it's a bit epiphanous (is that a word?) and that it helps you continue on and make the right decisions.

I feel very sympathetic...particularly to the property issue. It's insanely expensive to buy property here. Insanely. Did I mention insanely? Insanely. So what do I do to further achieve my goals? Watch an episode of Bones instead of study for Tax, wake up late and go for a ride instead of waking up early and getting going on my paper...

We make most of our barriers and we're the only ones who can break free and get what we deserve, if we make ourselves deserve it.

Werd up.

Werd up.

Word.

A lot of times, when people talk about "closure", it is just wanting somebody else to do something FOR them.

Again, Word.

M@

At some point in my life, everything I have now was everything I ever wanted.

My 36" waist jeans were falling off this afternoon so I tried on my "largest" pair of 34"s that I'd dug out of deep storage a couple of weeks ago. They fit. They were tight, but more like the just-washed kind of tight and less of the "my god I look like an overfilled muffin" kind of tight.

M@

I to started wearing 34" 501's again this week, first time in years. I know how you feel.

At some point in my life, everything I have now was everything I ever wanted.

My 36" waist jeans were falling off this afternoon so I tried on my "largest" pair of 34"s that I'd dug out of deep storage a couple of weeks ago. They fit. They were tight, but more like the just-washed kind of tight and less of the "my god I look like an overfilled muffin" kind of tight.

M@


Good job M@, if you really wanna feel good about yourself, go buy some GAP jeans. I was a 40 or 42 from everyone, except the GAP where I could still make a 38 fit, although a bit tight :lol:

Sizing at that store is so dumb.

I to started wearing 34" 501's again this week, first time in years. I know how you feel.

Gah! The 501's are still my smaller 34" waist jeans. :lol: I've got three pair just waiting for my fatass to fit 'em again. I've also got my treasured pair of Diesel that I will henceforth use as a barometer for my overall fitness.

Silver - I could go on at great length about the sizing of GAP Inc. clothing and how it affected the marketing between Old Navy, GAP, and Banana Republic. I don't know if GAP has reestablished normalcy in their sizing but BR did after they discovered that their repeat customers expected to come in and buy the same size clothes they'd always bought without trying anything on. When they started jacking around the sizing they lost a hell of a lot of business.

M@

Last night we were going out to a 40th b-day party. I put on a jacket that I haven't used since last year. It hung of me like an over-sized cape. I put on my dress pants and they were to baggie at the waist. I finally put on a dress shirt and again it was to big. I looked as though I was wearing somebody else's clothes. At least my shoe size hasn't change.

It's time to shop for some new clothes and I have no clue what's in style anymore.

Silver - I could go on at great length about the sizing of GAP Inc. clothing and how it affected the marketing between Old Navy, GAP, and Banana Republic. I don't know if GAP has reestablished normalcy in their sizing but BR did after they discovered that their repeat customers expected to come in and buy the same size clothes they'd always bought without trying anything on. When they started jacking around the sizing they lost a hell of a lot of business.

M@

I still have trouble with BR shirts being different sizes sometimes. That's where I end up buying a lot of my corporate casual type of clothes, and sometimes to avoid looking like the Stay Puff Marshmallow man in the shirts I've had to get a medium, and the problem with that is eventually, no matter that you never put them in the dryer, they'll lose enough sleeve length they'll be too short.

I've heard what you said before about BN, though.

Another place I buy a lot of clothes has another weird thing going on with their shirts. Express shirts seem to come in two sizes for the same "Modern" labeled fit. Sometimes, the large shirts are just way too small in the chest for me, but on the other hand, the sleeves will be slightly too long (which is a rare thing). On the other hand, if the chest does fit, they'll be perfect. Now, I can't imagine what kind of body shape you'd be if those larges actually fit your chest, because I'm not exactly Ronnie Coleman.

OK, how did I get drug into your thread to talk about clothes sizes, AGAIN? :D

Clothes are interesting! That's why :)

Are we turning into metrosexuals around here?

I think I'll go put some beef on the grill and change my oil in the car or something. Maybe put that new exhaust on the Z that's been sitting in the garage. Hmm.

Nah, I really need to go to Sam's and buy 5 lbs of frozen chicken tenderloins :)

I think we need to think about forming a support group for the clothes-horses on this forum. I have no less than three gigantic rubbermaid containers and a duffel bag in my closet that are packed with "skinny" clothes. The most disturbing thing is that these containers hold the items that made it through two rounds of culling for Goodwill. I think Kenneth Cole owes me a watch.

On a related note, I got a bunch of compliments on my new workout clothes at Yoga today! FAB-U-LOUS! <queue QEFTSG intro music>

Right.

Last night I drove my roommates up to Jessup, MD where we attended a birthday gathering for our friend Jen at Max Blob's Bavarian Biergarten (http://www.blobspark.com/)! Now for someone who loves beer as much as I do, sitting through 3 hours of everyone sampling pitcher after pitcher of awesome beer for dirt-cheap without participating would be extremely difficult. Two things helped dramatically though:

1. I'd put off my final SGX meal so that I could get something at the Biergarten. This left me hungry enough to gnaw through a two-by-four. People around me were turning into hams and chicken breasts like some goddamn looney-tunes episode.

2. I grew up in southwestern Pennsylvania in a big Polish-Catholic family and this place was like every VFW hall we'd celebrated births, weddings, communions, and held wakes in for my entire childhood. I was actually looking for relatives in the crowd. It felt really strange not to be wearing a suit. The nostalgic distraction alone burned two hours.

I was a sober ride home for my friends and crashed having had a good, social evening. I had distressingly erotic dreams about a girl I know all night, but more on that later. Woke up, hit the gym for 45min of cardio. Came home for a meal, a shower, and another meal. Headed off to pick up Ashley for Yoga and had another phenomenal class followed by a great breakfast (meal 3) with her at the local deli/bakery. Got home to find my roommates hungover on the couch, just having crawled upstairs to start their Sunday. Hah!

I miss the drinking, but do not miss the hangover.

So this chick I dreamed about last night is someone I've known for years. We've discussed our underlying sexual tension many times. The problematic part is that she is the best friend of my ex. She introduced us, in fact. It was one of those, "I want you but I'm seeing somebody so I'm going to hook you up with one of my friends and live vicariously through that as well as fixing her up with someone of whom I highly approve." things.

I know I should just get the idea out of my head right f'ing now but the thing that keeps bringing it back is her lifestyle: She's a fitness nut too. We used to run together all the time. She started having knee problems so she switched to biking and has gotten into that hardcore. She always used to ride me about quitting smoking (she's an ex-smoker). Dunno what I'm trying to accomplish by writing this. Any romantic contact between us would hose up a lot of mutual friendships so it's something that should just be avoided.

Finally, SGX is the real deal. I'm already visibly tighter after four days than I would be given my previous diet and workout routine. This morning was the first time I've looked down at my body in the shower and been pleased with what I saw. I can't freaking wait to see what happens in the next couple of weeks.

M@

Gah!

Missed my first cardio session of the SGX plan. I'm f'ing furious, but am trying to keep things in perspective: I didn't manage to get my work finished last night and grabbed a couple quick hours of sleep before getting up and trying to get things squared away before heading to the gym.

The good news is that I got the stuff for work done. The bad news is that it took 'til 10:30am and I have to be on call to field any problems. No way I can go for cardio this morning so I (finally) ate. That takes away the very possibility of fasted cardio.

Gonna hit the weights hard tonight (like I've ever halfassed 'em?) and get as close to on-schedule as possible regarding meals. Supplements should arrive today so there's a silver lining. Hope folks are having a better Monday than this.

M@

That takes away the very possibility of fasted cardio.

Strickly fasted as in first thing in the morning yes but fasted no. Have a pro/fat shake as a meal. 3 hours late do your LISS. BAM! instant fasted cardio. In a pinch it should be effective. Of course you now have to seperate your weight training by so many hours but you might be able to make it work.

This is a good time for one of those free consultation right?

This is a good time for one of those free consultation right?

Just gonna ditch it. Seen people ask a similar question on the VX forums and the response has been just to let it go and don't make a habit of it. I'm gonna have to be doing my weight training late because of work as it is. As long as I get that in, I'm happy.

On the upside: All my supps came in! No more trying to funnel powders into small-mouth workout bottles using junk mail that's been lying about on the kitchen counter!

M@

On the upside: All my supps came in! No more trying to funnel powders into small-mouth workout bottles using junk mail that's been lying about on the kitchen counter!

M@

Would anyone miss doing that? Got to love it when the powder clumps and clogs the junk mail "nozzle" :mad:

Got to love it when the powder clumps and clogs the junk mail "nozzle" :mad:

EXACTLY! And then the back end's built up too much and does its glacial "calving" off onto the countertop...and clothes...and shoes...etc. :lol:

My buddy just sent me an email congratulating me on five weeks without a cigarette. I'd forgotten! Pretty sweet when I think about it. Greater than one month sans-nicotene seemed like such a huge thing just a short time ago. Now I'm there and the time seems to have flown by. :flex:

M@

When I was...I dunno...maybe 7 or 8 I was at the barber shop and they had comic books for kids to read while waiting. I was looking at a pulpy issue of SpiderMan...I think...and got to one of the zillion pages of advertisements. There in the lower-left corner was the "REMOTE CONTROL ALIEN EYEBALL!"

It was AWESOME! It was this huge eyeball with tentacles and the lucky owner was standing at the top of a flight of stairs, cackling with glee as he remote-controlled the ominous ocular squid down towards his terrified sister. Oh, and if all that wasn't awesome enough, it glowed in the dark! Send a self-addressed, stamped envelope and $2.79 to the address provided and one could be all yours!

I think my allowance at the time was $.50 per week, enough to not have to bug my mom to buy a candy bar on grocery store trips. I also realized that if I brought some Tang to school I could skip lunch and pocket the dollar given to me to get food at the cafeteria. Sure, I'd be hungry, but Tang kept the Astronauts alive and I had a sister that needed scaring.

By the end of the week I had the $2.79 and then some. I had to find out what the hell a self-addressed, stamped envelope was, but got that sorted out quickly once I did. I put the two $1 bills in the envelope and taped the change to a piece of paper. Stuck the whole thing in the mail the next morning on the way to the schoolbus and did a mental victory lap around the house, at night, remote-controlling an alien eyeball.

For eight or nine months I checked the mailbox like Ralphie from "A Christmas Story". I learned the engine note of the UPS truck and would press my face against the window every time I heard it, just in case the U. S. Postal Service was too feeble to handle the size and power of the eyeball.

By the time school was starting up again I realized that I'd been had. I asked my mom about it and she looked dumbfounded that I had sent change through the mail, telling me that it probably never even made it to the eyeball manufacturer. The fact that I may have been responsible for losing out on the RCAE was shattering. I felt like an imbecile. There was no way I could find that advertisement again, though I did check, even going back to the barber to see if any of their archived comics had the same offer. Eventually, as all grief does, the sensation passed and I returned to drinking Tang and hoarding lunch money (I had over $180 by the time school had ended!).

TWO YEARS LATER I got home from school and flipped the mailbox open to get the contents and head inside. There's the usual junk mail and bills...plus a bulging, white, hand-addressed envelope with smeared ink and my name on it. I knew what it was the second I touched it and almost dropped my keys in amazement.

I raced inside and actually took the time to find a letter-opener, lest the device within be damaged in opening. The contents of the envelope were three simple items:

1. A white balloon with an iris and pupil printed on it in black ink.
2. A strip of greenish-white plastic with black strips on it so that it looked like some sort of large tapeworm.
3. A printed sheet of instructions that read: "Inflate eyeball. Cut plastic into strips for tentacles. Tape piece of string to top of eyeball for remote-control."

I can't describe how utterly satisfied I felt. I knew not to expect a huge, fantastic, awesome, semi-sentient, malevolent-yet-loyal-to-me alien eyeball for $2.79, but I wanted something. What I received fit every line of the description and I could see how, under just the right circumstance, a sister could be terrified by it. Plus, the fantasies alone of how my RCAE and I would strive for world startlement were probably worth the three days of Tang for lunch.

I ordered $250 worth of supplements from Bodybuilding.com which entitled me to the Bodybuilding.Com gym bag (http://www.bodybuilding.com/store/bcombag.html)as an upgraded free gift. It arrived today and was about as different from what I'd envisioned as the alien eyeball, but I'm no less pleased at having received it. :nod:

M@

:lol: quite the story

I'd have been pissed and filed a suit, but that's me ;)

:lol: quite the story

No idea why I was thinking about that but once it got rolling there wasn't any turning back. :lol:

The scale taunts me. I've been between 200 and 200.125 for four days! Every day I keep expecting to have gone up or to have broken through the 200 barrier. Still hasn't happened. I think it's pretty funny. Maybe SGX just has me that balanced?!

Today's chest day in the weight room. Chest day's always my favorite and I never feel like I've done enough for my pecs. Normally I'll start out a program so that the split targets chest first. Circumstance dictated that pecs actually be the last area hit on SGX and I think that's actually a better way to go about it. I've been looking forward to today all week.

Got up before my alarm this morning and got into work early after cardio. Felt so good to get a cardio session in after missing yesterday's. Unfortunately, I forgot my shirt, so I laid low in the office 'til 10:00am in my t-shirt. At 10 I went out and got a dress shirt at one of the stores across the street. Snagged it off the sale rack - Originally $89.50, Sale price $15.00. Hell yeah.

Feels good to have gotten a bargain on the shirt. Between SGX, Supplements, Easter, and a couple of birthdays, I spent way too much in the past 30 days. My normal discretionary budget for a month is about $500. Mid-March through Mid April saw me ring up over $1500 in ancillary expenses. I spent some time pouring over statements this morning and only picked out about $300 worth of frivolous stuff, which is actually pretty typical, so I'm not too upset, but that money needs to be crushing debt in the future. I've got enough crap for cryin' out loud.

Blue had another excellent post today. (http://forums.johnstonefitness.com/showpost.php?p=314314&postcount=1022) I believe in karma too and thoroughly endorse the Jefferson quote. Makes me look forward to the weeks and months ahead. :tu:

M@

Other Bodybuilding Forum

Chester: <point>
Cromag: <counterpoint>
Chester: I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYONE YOU HOLD DEAR!
Cromag: I WILL RIP YOUR ARMS OFF AND BEAT YOU INTO A WHEELCHAIR WITH THEM!
Moderator: STFU BOTH OF YOU I NO WHER U LIVE AND WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSES WITH A MACHETE!!!

M@

/Except the spelling's even worse.
//"Gear" gives you a short temper kids, don't try it.

Amen to that!

The RCAE story reminds me of Calvin & Hobbes(That's a good thing). Also, what did you do with the rest of the lunch money you saved living on tang?

Other Bodybuilding Forum

Chester: <point>
Cromag: <counterpoint>
Chester: I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYONE YOU HOLD DEAR!
Cromag: I WILL RIP YOUR ARMS OFF AND BEAT YOU INTO A WHEELCHAIR WITH THEM!
Moderator: STFU BOTH OF YOU I NO WHER U LIVE AND WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSES WITH A MACHETE!!!

Hey quit mocking other forums or I WILL BITE OFF YOUR KNEECAPS. COME BACK HERE YOU COWARD. I'LL CHOP YOU DOWN WITH A HERRING.

:D

sfc01 - Testify!

Ice - Calvin & Hobbes has my vote for best comic strip in history. Also, <3 Bullet-Tooth Tony. As for the rest of the lunch money: Most of it was spent on fireworks and other summertime shenanigans, but some of it was left over and when I inherited a paper-route from my friend Justin it seeded the purchase of:

* Powell-Peralta Mike McGill Skateboard Deck
* Tractor Trucks
* Slimeballs
* ABEC 5 Bearings
* ...and grip-tape I custom cut into a tiger-stripe design

That skateboard was the bomb. I've always had a minor vendetta against Tony Hawk for taking the McTwist away from Mike. :lol:

I also used some of the money on toy guns. I don't know if anybody remembers "Capmatic" guns but they were absolutely incredible. They were cap guns but were molded to be the exact size and appearance of the firearms they were replicating. In retrospect, they were a lawsuit waiting to happen, but damn were they cool. Whenever we'd play "guns" I was pretty much the neighborhood arms dealer.

The cap system for the guns was a chain of about 13 caps. For the pistols you had clips that slotted into the pistol-grip. Fill the clip with one of these strips and you have 13 shots to fire. The strips were disintegrating belts and the used caps would eject out the side of the gun like a shell being cleared from the chamber! With the rifles and automatic weapon replicas you could chain the strips together for a belt-fed weapon!!! :spaz:

Now they don't have swing-sets in playgrounds. I fear today's youth becoming a generation of p*ssies. At least there's gangsta rap and extreme sports. :nod:

Weighed in at 200 even again today. It's got me thinking how awesome it would be to get to the end of SGX and be at 8% bodyfat, but still weigh 200 lbs. That might be out of reach but it'd be damn cool if I could manage it.

Oh, and memo to the redhead with the incredible body but too much perfume at my gym: There is a six-foot wide sidewalk a foot and a half to your left, get the f*ck out of my road!

M@

Also, <3 Bullet-Tooth Tony.

Why do they call him Boris the Bullet Dodger?

Because he dodges bullets Avi.

or,

What should I call you? Bullet? Tooth?

You can call me Susan if it makes you happy.

Why do they call him Boris the Bullet Dodger?

"You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with ya. The fact that you've got 'Replica' written down the side of your gun...and the fact that I've got 'Desert Eagle point five O' written on the side of mine, should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... F*ck off."

:claphigh: :tucool:

M@

"You go in the cage, cage goes in the water, you go in the water. Leg Day's in the water, SGX Leg Day..."

<chuckle>

"...faarewell and adeiu to you fair Spanish laaydies..."

Tomorrow.

Dun dun.

Dun dun.

dundun dundundundun...

:jumping:

M@

:lol: are you drunk?

Now they don't have swing-sets in playgrounds. I fear today's youth becoming a generation of p*ssies. At least there's gangsta rap and extreme sports. :nod:

:lol:

:lol: are you drunk?

No booze 'til visible abs at rest! I'm sticking to that. :D

You've seen what I post like when I'm drunk. It's not pretty. This, I'm like naturally. :cool:

Leg day is today and I'm really freaking intimidated. As usually happens when I'm scared of something, I start making fun of it and going completely opposite on the reaction I allow myself. I love squats. Lots and lots of them. The more the better. I love the pain in my quads, hams, calves, and ass. I love spiking my heartrate up to 185 after rep 15 and feeling like I'm gonna pass out. Let's me know I'm alive. ALIVE I TELL YOU!

I also like this little guy's enthusiasm, coupled with the fact that he has no legs -> :jumping:

Scale this morning read...200!

This is so bizzare. If my weight-loss graph were an EKG I'd be in cardiac arrest right now. It's completely flattened out. Every day I stay at 200 makes me think that I could be heavier at 8% bodyfat, and that prospect is freaking awesome. If I'm > 195 at the end of SGX I may just have to consider becoming Chris' manservant for a couple of months.

Finally, considering the ads on the last page were focused on discount men's fashion, I think i need to spice things up a bit:

Girls gone wild firm round buttocks laser hair removal thongs thong bikini swimwear brazillian cocoa butter smooth glistening. Women beautiful full voluptuous corset curvy. Pillow fight coeds distraction webcam cheerleader librarian naughty. Tender pink taut sleek skirt miniskirt garter stripper heels acrylic anklet.

...god, I just figured out how Beck writes lyrics!

M@

Hey M@,

I'm having similar results so far. My weight is the same which doesn't seem possible. But I feel tighter, especailly around my waist.

Today is my first leg day and I'm a little scared. I usually only squat in reps of 6. Did you lower your weight because of doing so many?

I'm having similar results so far. My weight is the same which doesn't seem possible. But I feel tighter, especailly around my waist.

Exactly. I've visibly and measureable lost fat in my midsection and have a little more definition in my upper body after one week, yet the scale says 200 every morning. It seems like I chucked about 4 lbs of water weight that first weekend and have been rock steady since.

I'll PM you regarding the Leg info. :tu:

M@

Hey.... I just read through your journal... quite a trip... I love it!!!!

I love the long posts that speculate on various things, I love how you emote, I love all the info on men's clotheshorse fashions...I love the story about the Alien eye...:lol:

I most love that you quit cigarettes and are working out too. I quit myself at age 28, cold turkey... like you did.... But I did not have the kinds of programs that are available today... like SGX, etc and all the info here on JSF. Having always been the "perfect weight" with a really good "bod", the weight gain of 5-8 pounds freaked me out. So as a good little academic in the making (grad student) I sat down, looked at the literature and government recommendations, cut back on protein, stripped fat completely from my diet, introduced carbs I never really ate before, except on occasion (whole-wheat bread, pasta, potatoes, other starches), switched to vegetable proteins, and started on a diet/binge cycle that in the long caused me to gain 70 lbs over 15 years and then plateau with a struggle to lose it over the next 5 years in the same diet/binge cycle form the same diet plan.

But finding my way toward re-introducing healthy fats, going back to animal protein, dumping most of the carbs...which is how I ate before I gained weight...qnd then learning about lifting weights, Fasted LISS Cardio, etc over a period of about 5 years I lost a lot of the weight.

That's about 25 years of detour to deal with a 5-8 pound weight gain from quitting ciggarettes....

It is so great that you have the determination you do. And lucky to have this program to substitute for the nicotine.

Thumbs up to you in all your accomplishments:tu: :tu:

And I can completely relate about being single among couples... it has been extremely awkward for me. And I stayed in a relationship I should have gotten out of right away for years so I wouldn't have to feel that awfulness....

Sorry for h/j your thread.... but I can really relate.

Good going for you... and I will enjoy reading your journal on a regular basis...:nod:

(oh, and yes, you have the Justitia blessing of "you are soooo cute!!!!" and I think as cool as your avatar is ... and it is totally cool.... I would still like to see that handsome face of today up there.....:) )

Hey.... I just read through your journal... quite a trip... I love it!!!!

:eek: You must be a fast reader. I'm verbose. :lol:

It's scary that, despite the rollercoaster that quitting cigarettes sent you onto, it was still probably more beneficial to your health in the end. I'm still trying to get my head around the life change that has occurred for me. It doesn't feel like anything's different, except that I just never want to smoke again.

I've got a whole page worth or more of thoughts about the single among couples thing that's gonna have to keep steeping for now. Need to contemplate Bluestreak's positivity angle a little more before going there. I've literally been working on this every night since his post. :lol:

Thank you very much for the compliment! I generally like to keep the same avatar forever 'cause I come to rely on seeing the same avatar from others. I still haven't gotten used to Betastas changing his. The folks that keep with a theme, though, are new to me and I think it's a good way to go (I always know who's posting when I see Drew Barrymore).

Considering the frequency with which some people change their avatars (I'm looking at you, Chicanerous) I'd contemplated putting up a different one for myself at the end of each program. Unfortunately, work and Easter kind of overwhelmed me in the week after April 12th and I didn't get around to it. The moment has officially passed. Maybe if I crack the 200 barrier? I dunno.

I was contemplating altering this one:

M@

That is disturbing.

It is almost gonna affect appetite.

almost.

Please. stop.


Thanks,

Management

Better?

M@

:lol:

That one's my fav!

Better?

M@

I think this is the effect you were going for...

I think this is the effect you were going for...

Of course, but that's why the director has to be behind the lens. My buddy didn't quite get the joke. It was also wet and nasty out that day, as you can tell, so he didn't want to touch the ground for the shot.

The best part of all that: See the guy on the right? He's on a mountain bike and was pulling tricks off of the monument and whatnot. He was "spoken to" by a park police official and got pretty pissed off, hollering about public land and his civil rights and how his taxes paid her salary blah blah blah.

He started riding down into the (drained) reflecting pool, as you can see there. Well, apparently, the Lincoln Memorial end of the pool is the low end...and is where all the dirt, pollen, leaves, and birdshit drains to. When it's empty, that scum is indistinguishable from the cement that makes up the bottom of the pool.

He rode full speed into about four and a half feet of the stuff, went flying head-over handlebars into it, got up looking like sasquatch and smelling like a duck's a-hole. :lol:

That Karma Ghost video Silver posted in Blue's journal acted itself out in real life that day. :D

M@

...how his taxes paid her salary blah blah blah.

M@


:lol:

cops LOVE that line

but really, it's kinda true, there are a lot of enforcement minded people out there who don't respect the people that pay them

what a messy world..especially for the hooligan!

Silver - I just can't fathom how people think it's a good idea to mouth off to armed government officials. Another lesson my dad taught me; "The man with the gun is called 'Sir'."

Well...guess how much I weigh this morning?

If you said anything other than 200, you must be new. Hi. I'm M@ and reading this is a complete waste of your time.

SGX Leg Day redux was nowhere near as much of a shock to my system as the first one. Part of it, I'm sure, had to do with a week of being on the nutrition plan and supplements. The other part was mental preparation. I knew what I had coming and embraced it. I didn't try to conserve energy anywhere or give a single rep less than 100% of my effort, just drove through the pain threshold whenever it appeared and stopped only when my form went to hell or the set was over. Usually the latter, which means I'll be going up in weight next week. ;)

That's not to say it was easy. Not by a long shot. Squats still completely kicked my ass. When I got off the seated calf-raise machine I literally staggered around like a drunken sailor. I once again cursed my standard transmission as my clutch-leg cramped all to hell trying to get out of the parking garage. All in all, a very good workout.

I'm going to go to CarPool tonight with my buddy Jones. Haven't hung out with him in a long time. He's married and needs to get out of the house. He doesn't drink and doesn't smoke. My avatar picture is actually based on a photo of the two of us that I have posted in my media gallery.

If you had told me three months month ago that I'd be happy to be going to CarPool with a buddy who wasn't interested in drinking, smoking, or pulling some ass, I'd have looked at you like you had a second mouth set into your forehead. Tonight it sounds perfect.

That said; overnight company, if it happens, will not be unwelcome. :D

M@

PS: I'm never friggin' buying Walnuts again. The goddamned skin gets stuck in my gums every goddamned time.

PS: I'm never friggin' buying Walnuts again. The goddamned skin gets stuck in my gums every goddamned time.

Get the ground up ones. I get those and love them in my oatmeal for their healthy fats (and other assorted benefits). Just a small handful is great that way :)

PS: I'm never friggin' buying Walnuts again. The goddamned skin gets stuck in my gums every goddamned time.

:cry:

:cry:
:lol: I hate you.

M@

:lol: I hate you.

M@

Your not the only one. I have learned to live with the scorn.:cool:

My project's budget wasn't approved back in September so they farmed me out to a project that was working with the EPA's disaster recovery program. When Katrina hit and the folks on that contract quickly found themselves to busy with new emergencies to worry about what I was brought in for. My project's budget was renewed, I went back, time passed, and then I got a contact from the other contract saying they were ready to move forward.

Couldn't say no, since I'd already done (and, more importantly, billed) a bunch of work to it. My bosses didn't like it, but understood that I (and they) had to honor a commitment made back when we were in need. So for the past three weeks I've basically been working two full-time jobs: My original project, and now this other one.

Despite the fact that I've been burning the candle at both ends. Staying up til midnight or later working from home. Working on the weekends. Etc. I'm doing a pretty piss-poor job at both projects.

The shit officially hit the fan today and I realized how exposed I am. The folks from the secondary contract are furious with the progress, despite all the deliverables having been met on my part. My bosses are still on my side, thank God, but this could be a nasty political situation as everyone has client pressure coming down on them. Being at the very epicenter of this tectonic shift is crushing me. I have a nascent migraine forming in the center of my brain and my traps and neck are wound like a clockspring. I literally can't seem to relax.

This is either going to be a very bad week or it's just going to kind of evaporate with no lingering ill effect. I'm hoping very desperately for the latter.

M@

The politics of conflicting perforamnce demands are the sh*ts... it is so easy to get burnt out. I was faced with that for a year and a half... I got so burnt by last May that I just stopped working in protest. I showed up and went through the motions (teaching classes but I was truly horrible this year...), I worked on re-writing a mjor article for publication... but I did nothing new... no original research, no proper prep for classes, missed about half of the faculty meetings... didn't show up for any of the job candidates's talks.... I was pretty much just "gone.

But your energy does come back... mine is.. and when this blows over and you rest somehow... you will come back stronger than before.

It's tough to keep workouts in... I did not do very well... but I started to learn how to do it imperfectly.. It showd but I probably would have been worse-off if I hadn't done the amount I could do....

The politics of conflicting perforamnce demands are the sh*ts... it is so easy to get burnt out.

Well said indeed. That's it in a nutshell.

Things may not have been as bad as they seemed. The guy at the secondary project who has been my liason for the past three weeks may have gotten a little oatey. His escalatingly hostile emails had me at a loss for (politically correct) words so I consulted with my bosses before responding to the last scorcher.

I laid out a reasonable explanation for each of the urgent priorities he had. Explained what we could do to get the project into the clients hands in time. I hinted at the shock and awe campaign that my billing rate has already inflicted on his budget. Finally I copied my superiors on the entire chain.

Just got a fairly reasonable reply, "Can we get this done by morning Monday?"

Yes, of course we can.

I'm M@ goddamnit. I'm the guy who gets shit done. :flex:

M@

Responded to the stress from today's office work by having one of the best workouts I've had in months. I abso-friggin'-lutely crushed my shoulders and arms tonight. Perfect weights. Perfect form. Couldn't have been better. I have a feeling I'm not going to be very effective on the pool table tonight. :p

M@

Yes, of course we can.

I'm M@ goddamnit. I'm the guy who gets shit done. :flex:

M@


:bow: :bow: :bow:




:neener:

:lol: You and badgolfer need to go bowling together. What is it with people who love to give me a hard time? :doh: :lol:

So if CarPool is still the Arlington meat-market it's cause they're sellin' by the pound. I think the scene has just changed since I was active in it. I passed a lot of new clubs on the way there 'cause, you know, I had to park in friggin' Guam. I hope that's the case 'cause if CP has always been like this then my beer-goggles have been thick.

True to my prediction, I couldn't make a shot all night. Actually had a 7-ball run but scratched on the 9-ball shot and handed the game to Jonesy. It was weird being there, sober, and watching everyone get steadily obliterated. Between my performance on the table and the temptation of the taps I was ready to get out of there by midnight. Jones convinced me to stay a bit longer so we hung out and watched some of the basketball game.

Headed out at one. Jones kept going on about how hungry he was so I decided to use my cheat meal on I.H.O.P. They sat us at one of those f'ing ridiculous booths with a divider down the center so it's sort of two two-person tables but not really at all? Halfway through our meal this heroin-chic redhead comes in with this complete buster who's falling-down drunk. They get seated next to us and we share syrups.

Jones and I talk about our lives and the girl next to us keeps making valiant attempts to wring conversation out of her companion. She eventually just slides into our conversation and the three of us chat amicably while her date passes out. She compliments my watch, touching my wrist, and I look her straight in the eyes. She gives me a look back that says, "Yeah, that was intentional."

So after lingering a bit, we leave. Jones says, "I thought you were gonna get that girl's number?" I reply, "She'll be out here in less than twenty seconds." The words aren't out of my mouth before we hear her yell, "Hey, 'scuse me! Could you walk me back to my car?"

Jones' car's closest. He drives us to hers, flipping me off as we wave him away. The original idea was to drive me to mine but that gets delayed by a half hour of making out. I follow her to her place and eventually get home around four.

Woke up at ten feeling for all the world like I'm hungover. I don't get it. Figure it must've been I.H.O.P. Breakfast Sampler. For the uninitiated, the breakfast sampler is:

2 Eggs (Over Easy for me)
2 Sausage Links
2 Bacon Strips
2 Ham Strips
Hash Browns
2 Buttermilk Pancakes

Now turn that bright-orange with Cholula hot sauce, top it off with about 20 ounces of coke and you have my late-night snack. This is after finishing all my SGX meals for the day.

Wanna guess how much I weighed this morning after cardio?

200 freaking pounds.

M@

I had another cheat meal yesterday. I was starving when I got back from shopping for clothes and couldn't stomach the idea of fish and rice. The hunger made me really, really depressed and irritable. I was teetering on the threshold of either flat-out cheating, or going and having a couple of beers...then cheating. Took the option that enabled me to keep my commitment to sobriety.

Had a fat steak burrito from Chipotle and a 20oz. Coke. After wolfing it down I felt 100% better and within ten minutes or so I was happily puttering around the house, doing all kinds of relaxing little tasks I've been meaning to get done for a while.

So far, staying away from booze has been much, much harder than staying away from cigarettes. I understand the importance of avoiding alcohol for all the reasons I made the commitment. That understanding doesn't do a whole lot for me when my mind sours and goes into dark places. I guess it's a learning process. This is only week 2, so I may very well still be getting used to it/drying out.

I weigh 200 lbs this morning. Same as ever. Scale won't go up at 200.125, won't go down at 199.875. Freaky.

I still feel like there's a lot of fat around my midsection, possibly more than there was two weeks ago. That may be because my upper body and legs are getting serious about leaning out. It would kind of have to be, I think, 'cause I wore my A&F jeans to shoot pool on Saturday, the ones I was just barely fitting into last week. I'm wearing them now, they're really comfortable.

I also fit into my Diesels, which was almost a euphoric experience. Couldn't ask for better proof that I'm cutting fat. Can't wait to see what things are like in a couple more weeks and I'm very much looking forward to progress photos on Wednesday. I took the 1-week photos this past Wednesday and could see a difference in the freaking preview window of the digital camera. My back, particularly, has grown.

Time for yoga.

M@

I still feel like there's a lot of fat around my midsection, possibly more than there was two weeks ago. That may be because my upper body and legs are getting serious about leaning out. It would kind of have to be, I think, 'cause I wore my A&F jeans to shoot pool on Saturday, the ones I was just barely fitting into last week. I'm wearing them now, they're really comfortable.


I doubt you've got more waist fat, especially with what you said about your jeans. Probably a function of losing it faster elsewhere, so it is more noticable.

Once again I enter the thread when you've mentioned clothes. I'm going to have to have a metrosexual intervention with myself.

BTW, I'm going to the mall later :) Technically, it is to pick up one of these Salter nutritional scales (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000BYAE7Y/qid=1146409034/sr=8-17/ref=sr_1_17/102-0532312-0010528?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance&n=284507) at Bed Bath and Beyond (got a 20% coupon). John Beradi recommends them in his Precision Nutrition, and I've been wanted a scale for awhile, and the nutritional calculation stuff on this one interests the geek in me.

However, I'm sure I'll clothes shop for stuff I don't need.

I almost used to never buy clothes when I was 215 unless I'd worn something out.

So far, staying away from booze has been much, much harder than staying away from cigarettes. I understand the importance of avoiding alcohol for all the reasons I made the commitment. That understanding doesn't do a whole lot for me when my mind sours and goes into dark places. I guess it's a learning process.

I was in my minds dark space on Friday night. Kids in bed wife working the night shift. I only allow myself one to two drinks max once a week while on this cut. I had three beers and one vodka martini. Don't know why I felt so self distructive.

Next day I yelled at my oldest daughter over a stupid thing. It made me feel guilty all day. I have realized time and time again that alcohol makes me irritable.

I blew my quota for the next week so no more drinking until mid May.

Hey M@, way to tap that!

(I'm a poet and I know it, yeah that's right, I still don't care!)

Keep on keepin' on off the booze, I know it helps.

I indulged a little myself this weekend and didn't feel any better as a result. Last week was pretty shit overall, actually, but this isn't about me, it's about you.

So yeah, way to tap that, M@!

Andy - Yeah, I'd say I'm definetly getting to the point where my midsection is the only place really still holding onto fat. My shoulders and arms aren't ripped yet, but I'm getting good definition and the first hint of vascularity. Ever forward. (and good luck in your shopping)

SK - I don't know if it's that I want to drink because I can't hack life at the moment or if I can't hack life at the moment because I want to drink. Theoretically, the booze should be completely out of my system by now but when you've developed a coping mechanism over such a long period of time I think it can cause withdrawal like symptoms such as the low points I've been going through.

Silver - That's the ultimate kick in the nuts: It doesn't really do anything for you. That remains the major deciding factor in my staying the hell away from it.

Well yesterday had its ups and downs. Today I'm still waiting for the ups. It feels like something is seriously wrong, chemically, with my head. Had a good cardio session first thing in the morning but could really have used some more sleep. Yoga was awesome as usual but I was tormented by troubling thoughts the entire time we were meditating. I've had nightmares for two nights and it seems like shit's waiting to jump me the moment I close my eyes. I'm not consciously bothered by it, but I know I'm not sleeping well.

Right now I'm tired and sore. There's all kinds of things I want to accomplish today but I don't have the energy to do any of them. I tried food but even a carb-infusion didn't help anything. My temper is out of control. I cursed out just about everyone in front of me when I was on the road and threw a Gillette Fusion razor back into the row from whence it came once I realized it cost $12.99 and came with one f'ing blade.

I wonder if I just need to get some more sleep. I'm tempted to go try. I probably should, 'cause I don't feel like doing anything else and if I try to read some more of my book I'm just gonna pass out.

I wanted to focus on positivity today and I'm whining like Morrissey on and all-night booze and Ben & Jerry's bender. There's gotta be a way to salvage things and a nap may just be it.

L8r,

M@

I'm whining like Morrissey

Funny, I was thinking about Morrissey this morning during my run.

Good times for a change
See, the luck I've had
Can make a good man turn bad

So please please please let me get what I want
Lord knows it would be the first time...

...and I'm not gonna take it anymore.
Can we call ya Howard Beale?

Phillydude - Good 'ol Moz. Playbody actually gave his latest 4 out of 5 whateverthehells. He's just a little slice of sunshine.

George - You know, I've never actually seen the movie. The only reason I know what the line is from is by seeing the clip played on the jumbotron at hockey games.

Well, either sleep, steak & shrimp at Outback, or donuts and coffee from Dunkin Donuts fixed my mood. I had them all in rapid succession so I can't pinpoint a single source. Since the orgy of consumption I've gotten about 90% of what I wanted to do today completed. Very much looking forward to getting back onto a normal schedule tomorrow.

This reaction is definetly going into the list of things to ask SwoleCat about in my first weigh-in. I'm thinking it may be carb depletion. It might also just be that I'm less disciplined on the weekends and have let my eating schedule get shot all to hell.

M@

I swear to god I'm using three different scales and they're all telling me the same thing: 200 lbs on the nose.

Again.

This morning.

After a weekend of I.H.O.P., Donuts, Burritos, and Steak! How is this possible?

Love it.

M@

M@, I'm a little worried because my weight is starting to come down. I may not be eating enough. Glad to hear you're hanging steady if that's what you want. I'm sure you wouldn't mind dropping down to 190 or 195 and increasing your lean body mass.:tu:

I swear to god I'm using three different scales and they're all telling me the same thing: 200 lbs on the nose.

Again.

This morning.

After a weekend of I.H.O.P., Donuts, Burritos, and Steak! How is this possible?

Love it.

M@

Unless you get off on the cosmic immovability of your scale (which, I dunno, you might), or one of your roomates is nailing you with the PERFECT practial joke by rigging the scale, I suggest stop weighing yourself.

Seriously, j u s t s t o p !!!! Who knows you might end up at 9.5% BF AND 200lbs. Would you care that you 'hadn't lost a pound all sprung" then?

You're doing a good job, I hate to see the need for Scale Validation. :p

p.s. When I did SGX last September, I got to 198 (from 216) in about 6 weeks and then introduced myself to 'cheat day' instead of 'cheat meal' and the weight loss stopped dead in its tracks.

Carguy - I'd be elated if I got to the end of the program and was still 200+ with 8% bodyfat! I definetly feel like I'm increasing lean body mass and there's no doubt that I'm still cutting fat. I'm surprised at the overall stall in scale-weight loss, but it's just a curiousity.

Coachese - Sorry if it seems like I'm obsessing over the scale. My scale-weight loss graph from Fitday bounced up and down like a Jack Russell Terrier on amphetamines for three months so it's just really strange to me to see this flat line over the past week and a half. I have no problem with it whatsoever and actually think it's really cool.

I think I need to get a food scale and start keeping better track of my meals. I've been eyeballing and using Fitday for a while but have the need to track actual amounts more carefully now. Dividing a 12oz packet of tilapia makes it easy to enter into Fitday but can't possibly be accurate when you're eating 2 of the 3 pieces of fish in that packet. I try and come as close as I can with a guess and would like to take some more of the guesswork out of it.

The sole reason for this concern is tweaking. If I don't know exactly how much I'm taking in on certain days, bumping 100 calories in either direction isn't going to do a whole lot of good. It's just more guesswork.

It's all gonna have to wait 'til next pay period though. I just ordered razors from RazorsDirect.com (http://www.razorsdirect.com/page/page/637542.htm) and that leaves me $110 in disposable income 'til the 10th. I'm not going into savings or credit for anything. Should be more than enough since I'm not buying booze and won't need to gas up for a while.

M@

I'm not going into savings or credit for anything.

Hooray. Financial fitness can reduce stress, improving physical and mental health!

That 200 lb mark is a helluva barrier. I think several of us hit a wall right on the mark before dipping below. I called it a psychological plateau. It's such a big step from 200 lbs to 199 lbs. Much farther than 201 lbs to 200 lbs :).

Stick with your plan, and no doubt you'll be there in a day or two!

Good luck!
Heavy

Darol - The reciprocal is true as well: Poor financial health begets poor physical heath through stress and anxiety. That's how I got in this mess to begin with -- 9 months of unemployment. My financial security is every bit as important to me as my fitness now. Eat less than you burn, spend less than you earn.

Heavy - I actually like 200! I'm so freakin' long that I think I look spindly at this weight and would love to stay here while reducing bodyfat. The more mass I can keep the less drastic a bulk I'll have to do in the fall. :D

So about positivity...I think I got a handle on what's been holding me back.

My goals.

In September 2002 I was on top of the world. I weighed about 195 lbs and was under 10% bodyfat. I could run fast. I'd just bought a new truck and had taken up windsurfing. I was painting five nights a week and had beaucoup stock options in the startup company where I held my day job. I'd seen, in the words of my friend, "More ass than the backseat of a New York taxicab." that summer and had just met the girl I wanted to marry. On the weekends I'd ride around Annapolis on my motorcycle, looking at houses to buy. Everything I ever wanted was coming true and every morning I woke up knowing that I was moving a little closer towards some big, powerful, fulfilling goals.

That all went to shit, as you may have guessed. The company I worked for went through a round of layoffs in November that took the livelihoods of over 30% of the staff. I was included on the chopping block for a number of reasons I'll save for (possibly) another journal entry. At the time, I was actually rather excited. I had a two-month severance package plus my vacation time and could start collecting unemployment immediately. Figured I'd enjoy the holidays and start the new year by finding a good job and winding up with over $10,000 extra in my bank account with which to purchase a home.

Unfortunately, the country was in a recession. Nobody was looking for someone with my skills at half my old salary, let alone anywhere near what I was expecting to make. Getting an interview was like pulling teeth. I was mocked by receptionists, scorned by recruiters, HR personnel rolled their eyes at me, and interviewers (when I made it to them) seemed to take particular delight in pointing out my shortcomings and figuring out why I wouldn't be good for the job.

This went on for nine months. I dropped my gym membership and sold as much of my superflous personal posessions as I could eBay. Later I sold my motorcycle. Still later I lost my apartment and stood outside the complex, guts twisting, with all of my stuff as my father drove a U-Haul down from Pittsburgh to collect me...his 28 year old son, who would once again become a dependent.

I worked two full-time jobs from Pittsburgh: Scouring the internet for leads and sending out resumes by day, along with some freelance work. In the evenings, going to a call center and doing mortgage-collection work for $4.75/hr. The paying job kept me in gasoline and kept the note on my truck satisfied. Other debts were kept in the black through the generosity of my parents since every dime of my savings had been exhausted by trying to stay in Maryland for too long. My girlfriend would call in the evenings and tell me how difficult the situation was for her. When I suggested that I might want to look somewhere other than Washington D.C. she said she thought that might be good for me but made no indication that she would consider following.

So some of that mortgage collection money went to beer. The beer went to fat. The muscle I'd built went to the public sewer system along with my confidence.

That was the summer of 2003. The fall got me a few leads in D.C. I actually still had a security clearance from a previous job, which got my foot in a lot of doors that would've been closed to me otherwise. I worked freelance and commuted back and forth from Pittsburgh on the weekends, staying with friends in D.C. during the week. My girlfriend was now telling me what an inconvenience it was for me to be staying with her.

My friend Steve, who I will owe a debt of gratitude 'til my dying day, invited me to move in with his family for as long as I needed. They made me the sixth member of their household. I hated the imposition and would do everything I could to avoid going back there 'til everybody had gone to bed. This usually involved sitting alone in bars watching ESPN and sucking down cigarettes. Nevertheless they treated me like an honored guest, celebrated my birthday, and insisted on my being welcome.

Finally, a six-month contract fell into my lap. I started working on it and knocked it out of the park. The company that had contracted me realized I could make a hell of a lot of money for them and offered full time employment. I served out my indenture through the contracting agency and became a salaried employee with benefits once again after nineteen months.

Now...what does all this have to do with goals and why are those goals holding me back from achieving a positive mindset about my life?

...gotta make a protein shake, brb...

Okay, what this all has to do with goals is that my big, huge, overriding goal for the past four years...has been to get back to that summer of 2002. I still see that as the greatest time in my life. Everything was where I wanted it to be. Everything was moving in the right direction. I feel like it was suddenly ripped from me and my entire focus has been to get it back.

Why that's holding me back is that it's mediocre.

The only reason I was in that mindset at the time was because I had even bigger goals, even bigger plans. My life was awesome at the time because I was working towards those greater things. My mind is never happier than when it's occupied with doing awesome things for myself. My mistake has been to isolate that point in time as a goal in itself instead of seeing it for what it was: Just a point in the pursuit of larger things.

The larger things are what I've lost sight of. I've been making incremental plans and taking little steps to improve my life...and if I keep doing that for the forseeable future I will never achieve the things I want to achieve. The steps are just too small. They don't carry me far enough. The prospect depresses me and takes away my passion because I see no point in working towards a goal I do not want!

I've got a book packed with trivia. The last pages of the book are a couple interesting facts about The Beatles. The tidbit of Beatles trivia that has stuck with me since reading it regards the song, "A Day In The Life" (sort of two songs written by Lennon and McCartney, smashed together "I read the news today, oh boy..."). The instrumental section of that song has to be one of the most famous in rock 'n roll history. It was created by whomever orchestrated it taking a piece of staff paper and putting a note (Low 'E'?) on the first bar, the same note several octaves higher on the final bar, and drawing a line through the rest of the bars on the sheet. The message: "I don't care how you get there, just start here and end there."

Whenever I've meticulously planned how I wanted to go about doing something it has limited me. Often I've lost interest in pursuing the end result because the steps in between are too mundane to be able to generate concern or interest. When I've gone through life with a big, powerful, fascinating, compelling goal in front of me and no thought as to how to achieve it, just complete focus on achieving it, I have accomplished incredible things.

It's time to get back to that way of thinking.

Nothing is too ludicrous. Nothing is too hard. Nothing great is won by half measures. Better to strive for an unreasonable goal and fail than to accept mediocrity and succeed.

M@

Thanks for reading. Don't forget to flush. :nod:

Don't forget to flush. :nod:

MIght want to flush twice... that was a pretty big dump. :D

I think Don Henley summed up the essence of this post in a few lines:

Out on the road today,
I saw a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac
A little voice inside my head said,
"Don't look back. You can never look back."

I thought i knew what love was
What did i know
Those days are gone for ever
I should just let them go...

Or maybe I missed something in the translation.

Or maybe I missed something in the translation.

The next line of that song is the word "BUT"...which isn't what I was going for. :lol:

It was supposed to be more a Steve Winwood, "Back In The High Life Again" type post.

I’ll be back in the high life again.
All the doors I closed one time will open up again.
I’ll be back in the high life again.
All the eyes that watched me once will smile and take me in.

:nod:

M@

Edit: Better yet, "I've got something to say! It's better to burn out, than to fade away." - The Kurgan

The next line of that song is the word "BUT"...which isn't what I was going for. :lol:

Yeah see it's all in the editing...


At least I didn't go for this...

Oh when I look back now
That summer seemed to last forever
And if I had the choice
Ya - I'd always wanna be there
Those were the best days of my life...

Bryan Adams = :evil:

I was on a date with this girl about a month ago and we were at this cheesy burrito joint in Bethesda. They were playing the tackiest 80's music selection known to man. It was like one of those mix CD's from the late-night infomercials with all the cliche's mixed together on the cover.

Then Bruce came on with "Dancing in the Dark."

He got to the verse:

Messages keep gettin' clearer,
Radio's on and I'm movin' around the place.
I check my look in the mirror.
I wanna change my clothes,
My hair,
My face.

...and we both just stared at each other for a second before launching into a simultaneous, gushing discussion about how awesome it was that twenty years later the song is still powerful and relevant.

M@

I sit around getting older.
There's a joke here somewhere, and it's on me.

Friggin' allergies.

Everything's in bloom over at Arlington National Cemetery and the outside of my house smells like a scented fabric softener sheet. Three pea-sized hives have formed, one on each temple and one on my right cheekbone. They hurt like hell. My eyes itch. My nose is running.

3:1 odds my truck turns yellow tomorrow with pollen and it's almost time for the green clouds to waft across the beltway.

The good news is that I absolutely annihilated chest and abs today. I almost feel like I'm in shock, they're so dead.

M@

Edit: I don't know if everybody's chest day is Tuesday or if some of the guys in my gym have multiple chest days. I swear there were some guys in there benching who were benching yesterday, too.

Then Bruce came on with "Dancing in the Dark."

My friend and I were debating whether this is the greatest song of the 80's. IMO it's "Where is My Mind?" by the Pixies.
Then again, what do I know about the 80's. :lol:

Gotta love the verbal diarrhea, brotha.

I mean that in a good way, too - like all sorts of stuff just comes gushing out and you can't stop it, as much as you'd like to :lol:

...as opposed to your post being shitty :D

Ok, since you mention 80's music, it reminds me of the movie Bandits with Bruce Willis and Billy Bob Thornton where that chick is an 80's music fool.

Nothin I can do, total eclipse of the heart

M@-

Great advice you gave Seltzer the other day about nutrition being right or you will wonder why you are doing the exercise.
Looking back I see that is why I have not had the results I needed until recently. I worked hard in the gym then went home and rewarded myself with crap food. Felt many times that it was a waste of time to workout. Now I know the importance of the nutrition side.

Great advice bro!!:tu:

George - :eek: I would think that airtime would have to be a factor in that debate and that any track on Born In The USA got more play than "Where Is My Mind". Not that I don't love The Pixies, but more people know that song from the end credits of "Fight Club" than the radio in the 80's.

Silver - That's been building for a while. Got on a roll yesterday and had to let it go. I figured you'd know how it was. :p

Darol - Haven't seen the film but your comment instantly brings to mind the wedding band in "Old School." Because I need you now, tonight. I FUCKIN' need you more than ever...

Bmac - Thanks for the compliment and I'm very glad my post had an impact with you. The advice comes from personal experience. I've found it's very easy to get fed up with working out, even if you're very fit, if you don't look it.

Well, I had a post all planned out and then got a phone call from my best friend, Marc, back in Pittsburgh. One of our high-school buddies fell 60 feet out of a tree on Monday (he owns a tree removal business). He shattered his pelvis and sustained serious head injuries. His family's holding vigil at the Allegheny General Hospital Trauma Center and the doctors didn't think he was going to last 24 hours. Fortunately for us, Brian's a stubborn SOB and, apparently, still has shit he needs to do 'cause he's hangin' on.

Bri, I've said a prayer for you...though you'd probably laugh at the thought of that. Hang on, get better, rub some dirt on it, and stick with us so you can show the scars to your grandkids someday.

M@

sorry to hear that, good luck to your friend

Sorry to read about your friend. I hope he takes a turn for the better.

Hey M@, I have and will say a prayer for Brian as well.

Hi M@,
Sorry to hear about your friend.:( Good thoughts go out to you & his family.

I am also writing to tell you this: If you keep dwelling on the great things of the past that may never come back, you will miss all of the great things happening now.:tu:

Did you break 200 yet? I don't weigh myself daily anymore. I was 150 for 6 months or more... it was very frustrating. As long as I fit into a smaller size jeans, I know I am losing fat. I am 148 now, but a whole clothing size smaller. Sounds like you are going through the same thing.

p.s. 80's music was GREAT. Not the bubble-gummy carp, like AHA or AIR SUPPLY, but there were so many great alternative bands that came out in the 80's, like Big Audio Dynamite , The Cult, Red Hot Chili Peppers and The Beastie Boys!

Silver, Seltzer, Ryanator, Weight-Tress - Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers for Bri. I'm not the most religious guy in the world but do deeply believe in grace and that every little bit helps.

Brian's always been a risk taker and a daredevil. I've got enough stupid stories about injuries concerning him (usually an action of his injuring someone else) to write a book. Cutting through his own safety-harness with a chainsaw has the makings of a fantastic anecdote and I get a good feeling about his recovery from that reason alone. He's the kind of guy that'll die in his sleep at age 90 posessing 3 fingers, 2 teeth, and more scars than Quint from "Jaws".

Weight-Tress - Excellent point re: The past, it's just the "Stop Dwelling" thing that I'm trying to get beyond. I understand the need, just still working on its practical application. Making progress, though.

I have not cracked 200 and am steady at that weight. I've stopped chronicling it 'cause it seems to give everyone the impression that I have a problem with it. Gonna mention it to SwoleCat in my biweekly weigh-in email tonight and see whether he thinks it's something that needs to be tweaked.

Regarding the 80's: don't forget about The Smiths!

I didn't actually discover the good 80's music 'til the 90's when I escaped the time-warp that is southwestern PA. I grew up on Classic Rock there and playing anything more contemporary than R.E.M. was likely to get you publicly stoned. It's a place where you can live on your street for 10 years and still be referred to as "The New Family" and where people give you directions based on places that don't exist anymore (e.g. "It's right dahn tahn across the street from where da old Syria Mosque used ta be."). If everything holds true, the Macarena should be hitting there sometime this summer.

Also, though I believe that the band has actually improved with age...oddly enough...I think that "Permanent Vacation" (1987) may be the best Aerosmith album ever.

M@

Maybe Weight-Tress would suggest another of Bruce's songs. Glory Days:

Glory days well they'll pass you by
Glory days in the wink of a young girl's eye
Glory days, glory days

:D

Seriously, I think through life, we all have high times and not so high times. When you are in those not so high times, it is easy to look back up the last hill to where you were. I guess the goal is to keep looking instead up the next hill, which hopefully will turn out higher than the last one anyway.

Also, your friend will be in my prayers as well. My best friend when we were kids fell about that far out of a pine tree he'd climbed and broke his back. It would have killed him I'm sure except for it being a pine with fairly dense branches that kept his fall velocity from getting too high. He was out of school for months, but came back better than ever, and just as crazy physically :)

EDIT: On to 80s music in movies. Bandits was pretty funny with the 80s chick stuff. However, best use of 80s music in a recent movie would have to go to Donnie Darko. Check it out. (http://imdb.com/title/tt0246578/soundtrack) I'm sure everybody's heard the oft played remake of Tears for Fears' Mad World.

I still love a lot of the U2 and INXS stuff from the period :)

"Sweetness, Sweetness I was only joking when I said I'd like to BASH ev-ry tooth in your head."
The Smiths were great. I have some of their songs in my MP3 I play at the gym, the above being my fave. ( Bigmouth)

It is difficult to let of go of a wonderful place and time when you think about how you felt at the time. I did this for awhile after I moved back from the city. I had a blast living there, working there. I worked at a big club where some of the 80's bands ( before they became radio sucesses) played and that was pretty darn cool for a 19 year old! I got fed up with my boss one night and gave my notice, moved back home and was unemployed within 2 weeks. BAM. I was sorry I did that at the time because I really did like the job, and yes, I did it to myself, but as time went on, I realised that it would not last forever, nor would I have wanted it to. ......After a month of being home I found another job and life went on.
As time goes on for you, you will see that good times are being had now, as well. :)

One of my favorite songs is Thunderoad from the Boss. ( Meeting across the River is another)

"The screen door slams
Mary' dress waves
Like a vision she dances across the porch
As the radio plays......."

See now 90's music is a blur to me. I had my kids in those years and I don't think I could tell you anything about it except Nirvana came out with 'Nevermind' in 1990. I know a few Pearl Jam songs, "What I got" from Sublime and after that I am lost! :lol:

Andy - Thanks for your support re: Brian. Got a report from Marc this evening that said he's stabilized, has 90% lung function again, and looks pissed off. Not out of the woods (or the trauma dept.) by a long shot, but a hell of a lot more likely to be so. The mood has become a lot more positive.

Grace. It's faaan-tastic.

Oh, and I totally need to see Donnie Darko. Heard too many positive reviews from people I trust.

Weight-Tress - The Hatfull of Hollow version of "This Charming Man" with the extra guitar is quite possibly my favorite song in the world. Johnny Marr is a genius and Morrissey is such a clever prick. Love that f'ing band. They'd been broken up for 5 years the first time I heard them. :lol:

As far as contemporary music goes: the song "When It's Over" by Sugar Ray came on at the gym the other day and the first line made me laugh 'cause I finally got it:

When it's over
That's the time I fall in love again

I dumped Clare in October and couldn't have cared less for five months. Then I found out she was sleeping with some other guy and all of a sudden I was utterly destroyed. They actually could've ended the song right there 'cause he just goes on to say the same thing in ten different ways. Not a very good tune, but just one of those things you pick up.

A sad fact widely known
The most impassionate song
To a lonely soul
Is so easily outgrown
But don’t forget the songs
That made you smile
And the songs that made you cry
When you lay in awe
On the bedroom floor
And said : oh, lord, smother me mother...
- The Smiths, "Rubber Ring"

Finally, to cap off the good news and reminiscence: SGX Weigh-In #1 happened tonight. The pics are up in my Media Gallery thread (http://forums.johnstonefitness.com/showthread.php?p=317746#post317746) and I'm thrilled to say that in this whole time that I've been feeling like my gut's gotten bigger, it has actually reduced by almost 2". F'ing incredible.

M@

Finally, to cap off the good news and reminiscence: SGX Weigh-In #1 happened tonight. The pics are up in my Media Gallery thread (http://forums.johnstonefitness.com/showthread.php?p=317746#post317746) and I'm thrilled to say that in this whole time that I've been feeling like my gut's gotten bigger, it has actually reduced by almost 2". F'ing incredible.

M@

Told you so on the waist :) Pants don't lie. Looking good.

Bri, I've said a prayer for you...though you'd probably laugh at the thought of that. Hang on, get better, rub some dirt on it, and stick with us so you can show the scars to your grandkids someday.

I never know what to do or say here. I just want to send get well wishes to you friend.

The Hatfull of Hollow version of "This Charming Man" with the extra guitar is quite possibly my favorite song in the world. Johnny Marr is a genius and Morrissey is such a clever prick. Love that f'ing band. They'd been broken up for 5 years the first time I heard them.

Dude, don't hate me... but I saw the Smiths in Philly on the Hatful of Hollow tour. Had they not toured in the summer, I would have seen them at the Mosque, but since I was home in Philly for the summer, I saw them here. Same for Frankie Goes To Hollywood.

I saw so many shows at the Syria Mosque that I can't remember them all. Billy Idol with the Pretenders as the opening act. Modern English coming out and starting the show with "OK... we know you came to hear this, so we're going to play it now and get it out of the way so you can leave early..." and launching into "I Melt With You." Dead Or Alive. Stray Cats. Human League. We'd end up at the O at three in the morning, eating cheese fries, or over at Sanctuary to dance.

Andy - I do whatever my pants tell me to. (Thanks! ;) )

BG - Ignore it entirely and say something sarcastic relating to 80's music? :p

Philly - ...damn. Hard not to hate. Idol played in by The Pretenders? I might've given a body part to see that.

Only show I got to see at the Mosque was Joe Satriani during the Surfing With The Alien tour. I think I was 13. My dad decked a guy (poor, drunk moron) who tried to get into our car when he came to pick us up. :lol:

M@

Prayers for Brian...

Darol - Thanks man. Every little bit helps.

So I did eventually manage to get to sleep, though it took a while considering how amped up I was. I just wanted to get to the gym! Time to take deep breaths and relax.

While updating my FitDay account this morning I found this site: http://www.dietfacts.com/. Now, I knew about this site before and have looked stuff up there. What I didn't know, or what is a recent added feature, is a button on the Nutrition Facts page for whatever product you're looking up that says "Add Custom Food To FitDay."

Just be sure you're logged-in to Fitday and all you have to do is click the thing. How sweet is that?!? I think I added 20 foods I normally eat but hadn't entered precisely.

It's Leg Day and I'm looking forward to it. :tucool:

M@

Thanks for the tip on the dietfacts site. Once I start logging calories again, that will be very useful. Somebody ought to add that to the sticky if they haven't already.

BG - Ignore it entirely and say something sarcastic relating to 80's music?


Maybe tomorrow. I am sarcasm free right now.

Maybe tomorrow. I am sarcasm free right now. Hmm... I think you lose. Look at your signature. :D

Hmm... I think you lose. Look at your signature. :D

Oddly, I think that's a statement of Fact.

...and frankly, I was wondering how he'd even kept a sense of humor as long as he had, being an architect and all. Appears as though he's finally giving in. That's actually a good thing, considering Archs with a sense of humor are usually just on the threshold of madness and a half step away from coming to work with an assault rifle.

Andy - Agreed. Gonna put that in Marcus' thread if it's not there already.

M@

Oddly, I think that's a statement of Fact.

...and frankly, I was wondering how he'd even kept a sense of humor as long as he had, being an architect and all. Appears as though he's finally giving in. That's actually a good thing, considering Archs with a sense of humor are usually just on the threshold of madness and a half step away from coming to work with an assault rifle.

Its definetly a fact. Sorry Mike but there is no sarcasm in the siggy.

Baiting me will not work M@.

From your pic thread, I thought this would be more appropriate here:

Food scale gets purchased tomorrow. :P


I bought the coolest food scale last weekend. It's this model 1450 (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000BYAE7Y/qid=1146757083/sr=8-40/ref=sr_1_40/103-5041440-8123034?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance&n=284507) from Salter. It even has thousands of food info built into the scale, from calories and macros down to the GI ratings (low medium high). You can add custom foods as well.

Got it at one Bed Bath and Beyond with one of those 20% off coupons they flood my mailbox with, so it was $80. $100 without the coupon.

I may do a write up in the equipment section when I get a minute and after I've had more time to play.

Andy - I saw that at BB&B but there's a Sur La Table next door and they had a wider selection. Got a different model of Salter digital without the food info...well, I got two of them: One for home, one for the office. Not anywhere near as many bells and whistles as the 1450 but it'll do for now.

bg - Either bait you into sarcasm or keep poppin' you while you're preventing yourself from making retorts; either way I win!!! :D :D :D

M@

Hey, don't insult assault rifles that way. None of mine draw ugly-ass "Modern" buildings and then whine when the engineers explain that what they've drawn violates all known laws of physics and at least one law of thermodynamics.