OK, I am shy. Worse, I'm an attractive girl who is shy. I'm not bubbly or outgoing and never have been. Is it so rare that a cute girl is not a ditzy flirt??? Why do guys in general have to bring my shyness to my attention all the time? Example: Today I went to a US Cellular dealer to buy a phone and a plan. The guy who sold me the stuff pointed out my shyness about 10 times in 15 minutes!! Here are some things he said, "Are you tired? Why are you so quiet?" "You're quiet *as he whispers*" "Are you a mega-introvert?" "For being quiet you sure do pay attention." "Are you always like this?" Ok.. why do people point this out to someone who is shy? I don't understand? Was he trying to get me to talk more by telling me I'm shy? Was he hitting on me? He told me his wife is also a "mega-introvert." Then yesterday at work this co-worker whom I've never talked to said, "You don't talk much, do you?" What did he expect me to say? I like my personality and it's just annoying when SOOO many people find it necessary to point out my shyness when it makes me feel kinda uncomfortable because what am I supposed to say? Can anyone relate???? UGH!

OK, I am shy. Worse, I'm an attractive girl who is shy. I'm not bubbly or outgoing and never have been. Is it so rare that a cute girl is not a ditzy flirt??? Why do guys in general have to bring my shyness to my attention all the time? Example: Today I went to a US Cellular dealer to buy a phone and a plan. The guy who sold me the stuff pointed out my shyness about 10 times in 15 minutes!! Here are some things he said, "Are you tired? Why are you so quiet?" "You're quiet *as he whispers*" "Are you a mega-introvert?" "For being quiet you sure do pay attention." "Are you always like this?" Ok.. why do people point this out to someone who is shy? I don't understand? Was he trying to get me to talk more by telling me I'm shy? Was he hitting on me? He told me his wife is also a "mega-introvert." Then yesterday at work this co-worker whom I've never talked to said, "You don't talk much, do you?" What did he expect me to say? I like my personality and it's just annoying when SOOO many people find it necessary to point out my shyness when it makes me feel kinda uncomfortable because what am I supposed to say? Can anyone relate???? UGH!

Its because you're attractive. Guys that lack confidence will try to talk to you and get the nerve by pointing out a "flaw" Its not really your flaw per se, its just insecurity issue for those guys. Don't change, its their problem - not yours.

See above. The other possibility is that they're trying to draw you out and engage you a little more.

I'm generally quiet and shy around people I don't know, but not around friends

See above. The other possibility is that they're trying to draw you out and engage you a little more.

I agree with that as well. It all depends on the delivery; however, I try not to make fun or poke at a chick when I am trying to talk to them - I save that for later ;)

Being quiet and/or shy is not the problem, but being an @$$hole is :mad:

I'm not referring to you mahdimael, I'm referring to those guys that make fun of chicks incessantly to "break the ice"

OK - thread hijack is over

I'm shy too. It is really depressing to not have the self-confidence to go up to an attractive girl and introduce myself because I always convince myself I wouldn't have a chance.

A lonely world it makes. :db:

Just say, "It's not that I'm shy or quiet, it's just that I really can't stand you." Bet they wouldn't bother you about it after that. :)

Just say, "It's not that I'm shy or quiet, it's just that I really can't stand you." Bet they wouldn't bother you about it after that. :)

Awesome. :tu:

LOL!!! GOOD one! I'll try to remember that next time :) And there will be a next time..probably this weekend with my luck.

Just say, "It's not that I'm shy or quiet, it's just that I really can't stand you." Bet they wouldn't bother you about it after that. :)

You're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

They would point out that you are loud if you were, they would point out if you were funny, they would point out if you were a bitch. I wouldn't worry about it too much, us guys have no idea about girls and we're looking for an "in".

I think shyness is damned adorable.

Yeah guys who know me like that I'm shy..they do think it's cute..but the ones who dont know me or want to know me are the ones who throw it in my face. I think shyness is damned adorable.

ya, I usually pick it up, but im a gentleman, so I wont like shove it in your face. Id just let ya be, because I like it ;)

Many people in this country place so much importance on being "social" or "friendly". IMO this is just another facet of insisting that everyone be
the same. We get the message constantly that we should be thin, pretty, (or handsome), outgoing, women must be helpful and kind, men strong and dependable. The truth is human beings come in a tapestry of personalities, intelligence, looks, and interests. Encouraging each person to be the best of who they really are is what we should be doing. And that, I believe, is what this community is all about. Thank you John.

Word meg. Sad that I actually have to go through such a change like I am to get some decent respect out of people. Ive noticed since Ive lost 30 lbs or so, that people treat me completely different, the way they look at me, talk to me, and treat me, its disgusting...I have girls talkin to me who wouldent have even breathed my way.

I'm crazy and I'm shy, so you never know what you're going to get from me.

I'm crazy and I'm shy, so you never know what you're going to get from me.

LOL! That's me too. Sometimes I'm painfully shy and other times I'm obnoxious. If there's a guy around who I'm attracted to, I turn completely quiet though. Some people think I'm a snob because of it. That sucks.

I'm shy until I get to know people.........once I know someone, I tend to warm up. I'm just not good at meeting new people......something to do with confidence I guess. *shrug* You'd think by 29 you'd have gotten over that huh? :o

Well you said yourself that you are attractive but I think it's more than that. Some girls have the cute/shy look down pat, but you just look outgoing, and people get uncomfortable when reality doesn't match one's stereotypes.

That and I'm sure they're trying like hell to hit on you :nod:

Did you look at my pix? I really LOOK outgoing? How could someone look outgoing?

Well you said yourself that you are attractive but I think it's more than that. Some girls have the cute/shy look down pat, but you just look outgoing, and people get uncomfortable when reality doesn't match one's stereotypes.

That and I'm sure they're trying like hell to hit on you :nod:

We get the message constantly that we should be thin, pretty, (or handsome), outgoing, women must be helpful and kind, men strong and dependable. The truth is human beings come in a tapestry of personalities, intelligence, looks, and interests. Encouraging each person to be the best of who they really are is what we should be doing. And that, I believe, is what this community is all about.

I couldn't agree more :)

I'm shy too. It is really depressing to not have the self-confidence to go up to an attractive girl and introduce myself because I always convince myself I wouldn't have a chance.

A lonely world it makes. :db:

Exacly the way I feel. But the shyness is going aways as I slim down.

I think it's all a confidence problem.

:bb: :db: Will hopefully help me build some confidence too.

damnit, stop talking in this thread and go to my drunk thread!! weee!

LOL! That's me too. Sometimes I'm painfully shy and other times I'm obnoxious. If there's a guy around who I'm attracted to, I turn completely quiet though. Some people think I'm a snob because of it. That sucks.

That totally happens to me too! Except with girls, heh.

another victim of shyness right here :)
losing alot of weight has increased my confidence, but i still got along way to go (when my stomach is flat i'd say that would be the biggest booster)

i am now able to make eye contact with random people, and get a few smiles from the girls ;) which is nice, but i want to get to a stage where i can just approach anyone

the most common "shy line" i get is "gee you talk too much, shutup"
i dont belive so many people say that

I'm a bit shy myself. I get nervous introducing myself to strangers and speaking in large groups. I'm normal or even outgoing in situations where I've atleast met everyone. It's hard to tell someone to not be bothered by comments like "Why're you so quiet?" and the like, b/c we tend to be insecure, over-analytical types to begin with.

woeisemma: I can see how you get hit on all the time, you're beautiful. One question though, how do you deal with being introverted and work at Hooters at the same time? Was that a halloween costume? ;)

a b/f bought me a shirt from there. Never worked there, but am thinking about it so I can live on my own..don't know how that would go though..they want girls who are bubbly and flirty..I could act I guess? I got the cheesiest pick up line a few nights ago: Him: Are you single? Me: No I'm not! Him: Do you have a twin? :p

I'm a bit shy myself. I get nervous introducing myself to strangers and speaking in large groups. I'm normal or even outgoing in situations where I've atleast met everyone. It's hard to tell someone to not be bothered by comments like "Why're you so quiet?" and the like, b/c we tend to be insecure, over-analytical types to begin with.

woeisemma: I can see how you get hit on all the time, you're beautiful. One question though, how do you deal with being introverted and work at Hooters at the same time? Was that a halloween costume? ;)

I tend to agree with this, although I also think that there are common beliefs that we all share (fair play, honesty, etc). There's plenty of room for both individual tastes and respectable behavior (I'm talking to you, guy who drives on the shoulder to get around traffic!). In my own mind, I'm willing to sacrifice some "individuality" to be a decent human being to others. And I know, meg, that it wasn't your point, but I wouldn't encourage a thief to be the best one he could be, or a bratty kid to become a self-centered adult.

Anyways, before it becomes (or shortly after it has become) a morality lecture, my advice is to just give people a chance. Sure, some will be hitting on you because you're attractive- some may just be polite. Every so often, though, you can meet someone who really strikes a chord with you. :tu:

Many people in this country place so much importance on being "social" or "friendly". IMO this is just another facet of insisting that everyone be
the same. We get the message constantly that we should be thin, pretty, (or handsome), outgoing, women must be helpful and kind, men strong and dependable. The truth is human beings come in a tapestry of personalities, intelligence, looks, and interests. Encouraging each person to be the best of who they really are is what we should be doing. And that, I believe, is what this community is all about. Thank you John.

Encouraging each person to be the best of who they really are is what we should be doing.

Sweeeeet.... as someone who one day aspires to be rich enough to be an alcoholic (I'm currently only able to afford to be a drunk), does that mean everyone will buy me beer now?! :D Hehe. Just in case, I am of course j/king :)

When I started getting out of the house a few years ago, I guess I was kind of shy. But I've developed that many other mental problems (lets see, my psychiatrist said I'm, um... "a narcissistic schizophrenic with antisocial tendencies" so that's about everything), I just used the deep lakes of supreme arrogance I have bottled up to "get over it", at least on the surface. :rolleyes: I'm also one of those men who points out faults to women they're attracted to.. :o

Still, I find shyness cute, too.. :)

I've been doing the social thing for 7 years now. Going out up to four times a week, every week, although it tapered down to once a week in the past year. Now for the past couple of months I've decided to hardly go out at all to take a break from it. That's why I post here alot now :)

I've currently got other things going on, working on myself and getting my band to record a CD later this year. At times I feel anti-social doing this but I'm generally not an overly out-going guy. I used to be the quiet one that didn't say much. Even my ex kept on asking me if I was ok a lot of the time. I was just fine, relaxing and not wanting to be the center of attention every minute of my life.

Recently though my confidence has made another leap forward and when I do go out I'll be the one just talking crap and having a blast! I still have quiet times...

Woeisemma, there are a number of reasons why guys would say things like that to you. Who cares what the reasons are! Just ignore them and live the way you want to live. If you're unhappy with your shyness then try and break out of your shell slowly, one step at a time. Just remember us guys say and do stupid things around girls we like.

:D

you can dress and hold yourself in an attractive and outgoing way.

Folding your arms for instance is defensive, eye contact is engaging. You can dress to look good but not be noticed, or dress to be noticed.

I agree with the others tho, when trying to engage someone in conversation, especially an attractive member of the oposite sex, you try to pick up something specific to them, rather than asking about the weather. So you'll ask about the sports team top they have on, or their tatoo, or how they did an injury if they have a bandage, anything really to pick up a subject. You don't really care about the answer, it's just to get them talking.
So if you're struggling to pick up on something, the fact they are quiet is somewhere to start.

Even people who act super confident are usually not as confident as they appear to be and are often desperatly trying to think of something to say that doesn't sound stupid and that you'll pick up on and reply too, after a couple of attempts you'll try anything hehe.

Did you look at my pix? I really LOOK outgoing? How could someone look outgoing?


I would not have said that had I not looked at your pix. As far as how you could "look outgoing," I don't know, it's just my opinion of how you look. Maybe it's the hair, or the outfit. Who knows.

I would not have said that had I not looked at your pix. As far as how you could "look outgoing," I don't know, it's just my opinion of how you look. Maybe it's the hair, or the outfit. Who knows.

I'll have a stab at this. Generally if someone dresses well and shows a bit of skin then that makes some people think they like to go out drinking/clubbing etc.

Remember that's a generalisation.

Good call, Revlis, maybe that was it.

Hmmmm, I used to be shy, but I'm really not anymore, so I don't really have much more to contribute to this thread, I'll take that as my cue to leave :p

Oh, but two more things: if you want to overcome shyness, it can be done, it's not a permanent part of your personality.

On the other hand, if you're perfectly satisfied with your shyness, and it doesn't bother you at all, don't let other people tell you that you must learn not to be so shy. If you like who you are, nobody should talk you into changing just to make THEM happy.

Sho' nuff... :D

[Edit to say: Jee, I just realized I have been known to tell people this very thing (most notably my fiancee), so maybe I should follow my own advice.]

your post made a lot of sense and made me feel better :) I'm so glad males responded to this post.


you can dress and hold yourself in an attractive and outgoing way.

Folding your arms for instance is defensive, eye contact is engaging. You can dress to look good but not be noticed, or dress to be noticed.

I agree with the others tho, when trying to engage someone in conversation, especially an attractive member of the oposite sex, you try to pick up something specific to them, rather than asking about the weather. So you'll ask about the sports team top they have on, or their tatoo, or how they did an injury if they have a bandage, anything really to pick up a subject. You don't really care about the answer, it's just to get them talking.
So if you're struggling to pick up on something, the fact they are quiet is somewhere to start.

Even people who act super confident are usually not as confident as they appear to be and are often desperatly trying to think of something to say that doesn't sound stupid and that you'll pick up on and reply too, after a couple of attempts you'll try anything hehe.

I consider myself as shy and kinda unsocial. I'm not really outgoing, yet sometimes I am. My moods are up and down though. Sometimes I think I suffer from that SAD(Social Anxiety Disorder) and/or depression and want to get it checked out. Sometimes if I go to a store and someone starts talking to me I want to just blow them off and other times I'm fine talking with strangers....all depends on my mood.

Sometimes I HATEEEEE small talk. I really do!! Sometimes I'll be at work and be in a mood and a customer will want to just chit chat about meaningless stuff and It's all I can do to tolerate it..lol! This is bad, I know. Sometimes I don't think it's as much "shyness" as it is my "ultra bad moods spells". I need some anti-depress meds or something I guess...lol! But, yeah, I am shy too!:)

Me too. It might be more of me just wanting to get in and get out without having to small talk with people I dont even want to know. I am moody..always have been. Depression pills would help that? I consider myself as shy and kinda unsocial. I'm not really outgoing, yet sometimes I am. My moods are up and down though. Sometimes I think I suffer from that SAD(Social Anxiety Disorder) and/or depression and want to get it checked out. Sometimes if I go to a store and someone starts talking to me I want to just blow them off and other times I'm fine talking with strangers....all depends on my mood.

Sometimes I HATEEEEE small talk. I really do!! Sometimes I'll be at work and be in a mood and a customer will want to just chit chat about meaningless stuff and It's all I can do to tolerate it..lol! This is bad, I know. Sometimes I don't think it's as much "shyness" as it is my "ultra bad moods spells". I need some anti-depress meds or something I guess...lol! But, yeah, I am shy too!:)

OK, I am shy. Worse, I'm an attractive girl who is shy. I'm not bubbly or outgoing and never have been. Is it so rare that a cute girl is not a ditzy flirt??? Why do guys in general have to bring my shyness to my attention all the time? Example: Today I went to a US Cellular dealer to buy a phone and a plan. The guy who sold me the stuff pointed out my shyness about 10 times in 15 minutes!! Here are some things he said, "Are you tired? Why are you so quiet?" "You're quiet *as he whispers*" "Are you a mega-introvert?" "For being quiet you sure do pay attention." "Are you always like this?" Ok.. why do people point this out to someone who is shy? I don't understand? Was he trying to get me to talk more by telling me I'm shy? Was he hitting on me? He told me his wife is also a "mega-introvert." Then yesterday at work this co-worker whom I've never talked to said, "You don't talk much, do you?" What did he expect me to say? I like my personality and it's just annoying when SOOO many people find it necessary to point out my shyness when it makes me feel kinda uncomfortable because what am I supposed to say? Can anyone relate???? UGH!

Nothing turns men on more than a woman who has confidence in herself. If you can show your confidence you will not be shy and guys will be flocking over you. :gl:

um..I do have confidence..and guys do flock over me :) but I am STILL shy. I need to get a tattoo on my hand so people ask about that instead of asking me if I'm shy.

Nothing turns men on more than a woman who has confidence in herself. If you can show your confidence you will not be shy and guys will be flocking over you. :gl:

As odd as this may sound...I'm do the afternoon show on a radio station and I'm very shy. When I'm on the air or making an appearence, I'm very much an extrovert, however, when I'm out by my self or with the kids I'm the quite shy one. People who know me think I'm an odd duck because of the two personalities. One is me as an entertianer, the other is me.
:confused:

As odd as this may sound...I'm do the afternoon show on a radio station and I'm very shy. When I'm on the air or making an appearence, I'm very much an extrovert, however, when I'm out by my self or with the kids I'm the quite shy one. People who know me think I'm an odd duck because of the two personalities. One is me as an entertianer, the other is me.
:confused:

I'm like you. When I am around in the "real world" I am pretty shy :o . I like to be by myself and do my own thing without too much attention. However, I love acting. And when I get onstage, people can't believe that it's me. I think it's just because I get to entertain people and I really enjoy that.

I consider myself as shy and kinda unsocial. I'm not really outgoing, yet sometimes I am. My moods are up and down though. Sometimes I think I suffer from that SAD(Social Anxiety Disorder) and/or depression and want to get it checked out. Sometimes if I go to a store and someone starts talking to me I want to just blow them off and other times I'm fine talking with strangers....all depends on my mood.

Sometimes I HATEEEEE small talk. I really do!! Sometimes I'll be at work and be in a mood and a customer will want to just chit chat about meaningless stuff and It's all I can do to tolerate it..lol! This is bad, I know. Sometimes I don't think it's as much "shyness" as it is my "ultra bad moods spells". I need some anti-depress meds or something I guess...lol! But, yeah, I am shy too!:)

I'm exactly the same way. All of my friends at work go out almost every night, and I probably go out once a month. Sometimes I just feel like it. When I run into someone I barely know, sometimes I don't say anything and probably appear to be blowing them off, when really I just would rather them approach me. Other times I approach them without hesitating. I have no idea how I'll feel on a given day, and it's weird, but I'm used to it. I'm not interested in taking anything to balance my moods, because 'I yam what I yam.' Granted my inconsistent personality probably doesn't help me meet new people, especially women, but that's life. I'd rather have a small circle of good friends than be a social butterfly anyway.

I am a talkative, loud person. We all have our own personalities which is what makes this site so interesting. Men at work tell me I look timid and vulnerable. HA! That could not be further from the truth! The problem is, if I am not interested in conversing I just shy away from conversation. I am not timid, I am irritated! On the flip side of that when I am nervous I won't shut up. Therefore I have had a healthy dose of making an ass of myself. Thank god I have a man that finds me funny! :D

Nothing turns men on more than a woman who has confidence in herself. If you can show your confidence you will not be shy and guys will be flocking over you. :gl:

True, but I don't think confidence completely rids shyness. Some people grow out of shyness and some don't. I once heard that the actor Robin Williams was EXTREMELY shy in his youth. And, look at him today. He's one of the most likeable/funniest people I know in entertainment. Like myself, even if I had the ultimate sexy,ripped and muscular body, I would still be shy. It's a personality trait that, unfortunately, I inherited. Although, both my mom and dad are outgoing! :confused: Or, like I mentioned earlier in this post, it could be a chemical imbalance problem in my brain preventing my and other peoples "outgoingness". Who knows? Maybe a psychologist/psychiatrist could more accurately explain each of our personalities better than we, ourselves, can.

OK, I am shy. Worse, I'm an attractive girl who is shy. I'm not bubbly or outgoing and never have been. Is it so rare that a cute girl is not a ditzy flirt??? Why do guys in general have to bring my shyness to my attention all the time? Example: Today I went to a US Cellular dealer to buy a phone and a plan. The guy who sold me the stuff pointed out my shyness about 10 times in 15 minutes!! Here are some things he said, "Are you tired? Why are you so quiet?" "You're quiet *as he whispers*" "Are you a mega-introvert?" "For being quiet you sure do pay attention." "Are you always like this?" Ok.. why do people point this out to someone who is shy? I don't understand? Was he trying to get me to talk more by telling me I'm shy? Was he hitting on me? He told me his wife is also a "mega-introvert." Then yesterday at work this co-worker whom I've never talked to said, "You don't talk much, do you?" What did he expect me to say? I like my personality and it's just annoying when SOOO many people find it necessary to point out my shyness when it makes me feel kinda uncomfortable because what am I supposed to say? Can anyone relate???? UGH!

Yeah, I can relate. I'm often happy with my own company and with my own thoughts in my head. For me it's not shyness as such, more not needing to make small talk with somebody just for the sake of it. This may be a little different to what you're talking about, but the effect is that people still wonder why I'm not talking to them...

Back to you: I think your problem stems from looking stunning, if you don't mind me saying so. Men want to get to know you and will use what they see as a vulnerability in you to get a response. What they want is for you to deny it, and show something that proves that you're not shy. Good on you that you're happy being shy - it's really their problem if they can't deal with it!

What to do? I'll never be in your position, but if I were, I'd just have a few nice retorts ready for anyone who told me I was shy. They don't have to be bitchy, just good. Try "if you saw my website, you'd know I wasn't shy". It's completely truthful and as you leave the shop smiling inside they'll be kicking themselves for not asking for the URL.

If it fails, move to England. We have this preconception of Americans as brash and noisy. A good-looking, quietly-spoken girl like you will do wonders for Anglo-American relations!

Cheers,

Jim

Aaaaw you're shy? Me too! Like, INCREDIBLY shy! When I meet people they think I'm practically plotting their death 'cos I'm so quiet. But yes I'm a warmer.

Hey, maybe I'll come to Nike in a week or two and be your customer, I'll be shy, and you can be shy too! That way you'll have the perfect shy experience!!! And you'll get to keep asking me what I'm saying 'cos my voice is so soft and quiet! Fantastic :eek: