I've been reading JSF for a while now.And I find all of you so comprehensive and helpful. Sorry if this turn into a long post but I really need to vent it out.
I've been trying to deal with all this confused feelings about myself for years now. I'm only 20. I'm a young woman feeling like a girl. Always have been so conscious about myself. I think I never had any self-esteem. I have a pretty good life always been and besides maybe 20 extra pounds I don't see the reason to feel like I do. I'm just an average girl with an average body and face, so why do I feel so insecure? It's killing me, it's stopping me of living a happy life. It's like I never felt like I deserved to be happy, to invest time and money in myself.During many years I "ate" my problems.I've tried to stop now (2 weeks of eating clean now). It's so frustrating to feel like this all day, everyday. I don't even feel feminine. I hide of others, I'm embarassed of others.Even my normal position is curved, not facing the world always looking at my shoes.
I don't have the self-esteem to take care of me like women do. I don't buy clothes or do my hair or stuff I just have a low mainteinance because I have to. I'm feeling so confused and overwhelmed by this. I can't find the reasons behind this. I just know this isn't normal. I can't face me, I can't deal with me. I'm pushing everybody away from me. It's affecting every part of my life specially my relationship with my boyfriend, I can't accept that he loves me and finds me attractive. I can't even deal with my own sexuality.
I want to love my body,to treat it right, to do girlie stuff, to be proud of me and I feel so distance of all this desires.
I'm sorry if I'm being too boring but I really need help and hope that someone here relates to this and could help me find a solution.
Thank you so much.

PS: sorry for my bad english

Hi.

Thanks for being honest, and for sharing.

I have a question for you.

Have you ever had a creative thought? Do you ever day dream?

Do you realize when you daydream, you create? When you think or dream, you create? Sure, it might not be tangible - something we can touch, hold, or feel, but if there is a cloud, a flower, a blade of grass, a smiling face, or any detail that you imagine in your mind, that is something that did not exist - you created the thought into your reality.

Therefore, you have the power of creation. You are a co-creator with God.

So I would argue that you are not average. You are far from average. You are an amazing, unique creation who choses to take an average view of yourself.

Insecurity and self-esteem are very complex emotions. I'm not psychologist and am not here to give you therapy. However, I can share some of my own experience with struggling with the same feelings and what I've learned through not only going through those feelings, but also helping a lot of my weight loss clients with the same.

You see, self-esteem is really a reflection of how honest we are with ourselves. And when we don't follow our heart, when we do something that doesn't feel right - or when we make a commitment and break it, we diminish our self esteem.

However, every time we make a self-promise and honor it, our self-esteem grows.

The problem is, people take on massive self-promises. They put immense pressure on themselves to succeed. Why not make small promises and build it a piece at a time? Instead of worrying about living healthy for 2 weeks, why not commit to doing it for a day, and then enjoying the reward?

The main culprit that holds most of us back is ego. Ego disconnects us from those around us. Trust me, when people take their ego off, people from different backgrounds, different ages, and with different believes can share love together without feeling awkward.

Ego is what makes us feel our value must come from how others perceive us (reputation) rather than from within, and from God. Ego is what makes us feel our value must come from what we do, rather than who we are.

The truth is, however, that you are valuable and unique regardless of what others think. Imagine this: you cannot control the thoughts of others. So no matter how many people you can get to "accept" you, there may always be another who doesn't. So why waste energy on that, and simply allow you to accept you? Why give up your power?

You already know the issue ... that you are not accepting yourself. The question is this ... do you really need to know "why" you don't accept you? Or, can you make a choice that regardless of "why," you are going to change your mind. You are going to accept yourself. Why? Because you know the altnerative - it's depressing and frustrating. So why not try something new, and instead of trying to figure out why you are pushing people away or hiding from yourself, why not simply choose to do things differently today and choose to accept yourself. Just try it for one day to see how it feels.

Your thoughts expand, and when you focus on thoughts of loneliness, alienation, abandonment, those will expand to deeper and bigger thoughts. Ever heard of the phrase, "Misery loves company?" But if you have the faith to focus on positive thoughts, and allow yourself the choice to be happy, while it may start out as a tiny thought, thoughts expand. Let that thought expand and be the dominant one in your life.

Don't ask why. Just choose to do it.

Life is too short to waste being angry, lonely, or unhappy. It's "easier" to be there, but much more exciting to live abundantly and in happiness.

I know. I was depressed when I was younger, even put on medication and visited the "shrink" a few times. So I've seen that side of the coin. I really enjoy the other side a lot more ... so can you trust me and come on over?

Jeremy

I've been reading JSF for a while now.And I find all of you so comprehensive and helpful. Sorry if this turn into a long post but I really need to vent it out.
I've been trying to deal with all this confused feelings about myself for years now. I'm only 20. I'm a young woman feeling like a girl. Always have been so conscious about myself. I think I never had any self-esteem. I have a pretty good life always been and besides maybe 20 extra pounds I don't see the reason to feel like I do. I'm just an average girl with an average body and face, so why do I feel so insecure? It's killing me, it's stopping me of living a happy life. It's like I never felt like I deserved to be happy, to invest time and money in myself.During many years I "ate" my problems.I've tried to stop now (2 weeks of eating clean now). It's so frustrating to feel like this all day, everyday. I don't even feel feminine. I hide of others, I'm embarassed of others.Even my normal position is curved, not facing the world always looking at my shoes.
I don't have the self-esteem to take care of me like women do. I don't buy clothes or do my hair or stuff I just have a low mainteinance because I have to. I'm feeling so confused and overwhelmed by this. I can't find the reasons behind this. I just know this isn't normal. I can't face me, I can't deal with me. I'm pushing everybody away from me. It's affecting every part of my life specially my relationship with my boyfriend, I can't accept that he loves me and finds me attractive. I can't even deal with my own sexuality.
I want to love my body,to treat it right, to do girlie stuff, to be proud of me and I feel so distance of all this desires.
I'm sorry if I'm being too boring but I really need help and hope that someone here relates to this and could help me find a solution.
Thank you so much.

PS: sorry for my bad english