I have a fairly obsessive personality. Not only obsessive, but one track. The last relationship I was involved in ended because she left for a better looking guy. A guy who treated her like crap, but he was in very good shape and that's what she wanted.

However, that part really isn't important. The important thing is that I snapped out of the funk I had been in for so many years and finally realized I had the capability and the determination get into really really good shape.

I think the fact that I have been focused nearly 100% on eating healthy, running, lifting weight, and learning everything I can on the subjects, has kept me on the right track.

Now, I find myself attracted to another girl who might very well want to start dating. I just know that if I get into a relationship that my priorities will shift. It may start slowly, but I know i'll start slipping. It takes so much of my time to prepare healthy meals, take time out to eat 6 times a day, go running, lift weights, and work a full time job.

Right now, when I weigh the options, building the body I know I can build is more important to me than girls.

I say to myself "Okay, once you get down to 8-9% BF and you have a nice defined body then you can start the rest of your life. Until then nothing else matters."

Am I being completely irrational?

It sounds like you are insecure about yourself - you are not happy with you. You want external validation to feel good, but I have seen people do this time and time again. The truth is, you can't control what other people think or feel. Even with a ripped body, you may not be able to please everyone. However, if you learn to be comfortable with yourself, then it doesn't MATTER what the others think ... what matters is that you love yourself.

I'd focus less on what other people think or why they like you or left you and more on why you aren't allowing yourself to be comfortable with who you are, right now, regardless of whether you are lean or not.

Jeremy

I have a fairly obsessive personality. Not only obsessive, but one track. The last relationship I was involved in ended because she left for a better looking guy. A guy who treated her like crap, but he was in very good shape and that's what she wanted.

However, that part really isn't important. The important thing is that I snapped out of the funk I had been in for so many years and finally realized I had the capability and the determination get into really really good shape.

I think the fact that I have been focused nearly 100% on eating healthy, running, lifting weight, and learning everything I can on the subjects, has kept me on the right track.

Now, I find myself attracted to another girl who might very well want to start dating. I just know that if I get into a relationship that my priorities will shift. It may start slowly, but I know i'll start slipping. It takes so much of my time to prepare healthy meals, take time out to eat 6 times a day, go running, lift weights, and work a full time job.

Right now, when I weigh the options, building the body I know I can build is more important to me than girls.

I say to myself "Okay, once you get down to 8-9% BF and you have a nice defined body then you can start the rest of your life. Until then nothing else matters."

Am I being completely irrational?

You've just "found yourself attracted to this girl" who "might very well want to start dating" and you're already thinking about when you're going to be spending so much time with her that you won't ever have a free hour in the day ever again?

My boy, you are taking this whole thing waaaaaaaay too seriously. Relax!

Whatever happened to a phone call? Whatever happened to a cup of coffee? Whatever happened to dinner and a movie? Whatever happened to that part of dating that exists between "Hello" and "Pathologically Codependent?" You know, the part called "dating?" Yeah, whatever happened to that?

If you don't want a relationship to be a specific way, you don't have to let it go a certain way. And if you find that it's going in a way you don't like, you can change it. And if you try and try and can't change it, that's what breaking up is for.

I'm not straight-up advocating promiscuity or anything, but casual dating can be a valuable way to spend some time. Figure some things out. Figure out what you want and don't want out of a relationship, and figure out how to build a relationship that works for you. Try different kinds of relationships with different kinds of girls. Don't just do the same super-serious thing over and over again and refuse to learn anything; it'll make you bitter and angry.

It sounds a lot less efficient than just latching on to the first girl that comes along and totally enmeshing her life and yours in a matter of months, and it is. But it has its advantages and its lessons to teach.

And remember, on at least some level, being in a relationship with somebody is supposed to be fun - not just an unremittent burden.

I wouldn't necessarily call this irrational. I think for your personality type it's understandable. Fortunately this is something that can change. You know what's important to you right now and only you can manage your priorities. I know your concern is that if you start seeing this girl, you'll eventually start loosing sight of your fitness and health goals. I think it's a perfectly valid concern as both things require a lot of time and dedication to cultivate; those things being a relationship and a lean, ripped body. At least you aren't totally oblivious to the fact that you're one-tracked. You've identified the problem and now it's time to fix it. Maybe seeing this girl will give you even more of a reason to improve yourself. Maybe you two will start a relationship together and improving your fitness and health will become even more of a priority. Who knows, you may even get her into it as well.

Don't pass up on opportunities because of things like this. Learn to work with them. It's perfectly feasible to have a girlfriend and a workout regiment at the same time. I do it, and so do a lot of the other members on this forum. Many of them are even married.

Give this some thought. You'll see where I'm coming from. Just know that it is possible and it's really up to you what you want to pursue. You can pursue them both.

Good luck! :tu:

Dude, find a girl at your gym...then you will know at least your fitness priorities may be on the same page. Ha ha, no, but really...if your goal is to get in great shape to be "date-able" (what I seem to gather from your post) yet there is a great gal who digs you now before you hit your goals, it would be "irrational" I think to pass that up. Like Pete said, dating does not have to be some immediate inter-twining of lives...go out with her, have some fun and in the process you will learn her priorities and she will learn yours. If and when it gets to the point when you are discussing becoming more serious let her know what is important to you. If what is important to you is not respected by her then you know she probably is not the one for you AT THIS TIME regardless of how good looking she may be.

Dude, find a girl at your gym...then you will know at least your fitness priorities may be on the same page. Ha ha, no.


Even though he was kidding I agree with that statement. Maybe you don't have to find someone in your gym but at least someone who enjoys the same things you do (i.e.: working out, being active, sports...etc.). Finding someone like that will not only encourage you too keep at your physical goals it will also give you something to do together rather than dinner/movie. Also someone who enjoys being active will also not think your weird if you get a chicken salad at a resteraunt rather than the cheeseburger! :gl:

Maybe its just me, but perhaps you need to multitask a little better?

There are 24 hours in every day. You lose 8 of em on sleeping.

The remaining 16 are all yours, and you can do whatever you want with them. Figure work is going to sap about 10 of those a day, so that leaves you 6 hours of YOU time. Now, mix in your maintenance times (bathroom breaks, bathing, hygene, etc) and you're left with about 5 productive hours a day.

5 productive hours a day to choose your opportunity costs.

Dave (just reminds that thats a bunch and can't be entirely swallowed by personal fitness)