I've been going out with this girl for a month now and so far it's been amazing. I'm in college and I see her every day. I usually tend to rush things so I wanted to know what would be the 'normal' period of time to wait before saying "I love you" when going out with a person. I know this is only something I can decide but I'd like to hear from others past experiences.

There is no normal period of time. Love is an emotion, not a rational thought. It is something that comes from within and that you can feel straight down through to your marrow. The typical response is that you should wait, not get in over your head, etc. However, in my experience, true love works both ways and suppressing it when you feel it is basically living a lie. I knew I loved my wife when our eyes first locked ... we were engaged within months, married, and have enjoyed over 7 wonderful, beautiful, life changing years together. It would have been ridiculous for me to wait ... the right moment was the moment we locked eyes!

Jeremy

I've been going out with this girl for a month now and so far it's been amazing. I'm in college and I see her every day. I usually tend to rush things so I wanted to know what would be the 'normal' period of time to wait before saying "I love you" when going out with a person. I know this is only something I can decide but I'd like to hear from others past experiences.

be careful...incredibly careful.... too soon and youve just kissed goodbye to that relationship.

i took out a girl once on our first 'date' when i was like 19, in the morning she told me she loved me..... freaked me out completely..... obviously didnt see her again

This is one of Life's hardest questions. WHne to say, "I Love You", well the funny story with me is that my girlfriend of 3 years now, was afraid to say it thinking it would scare me away and so was I. SO what I did one day was say "I LOve YOU" in a joking way and guaged her response. If she would have freaked out, I would have began laughing and tried my best to play it off :lol: , but if she like took it in and wasnt really 'negativly' shocked, I repeated it. So luckily she was the latter and I was able to tell her and she told me.
So I'm not saying be careful, but just try to think of some way to slide it in there. Maybe like at a dinner when she makes a funny joke, just luagh and all of a sudden say, "Many, your funny, thats why I Love You". That way you slide it in and the words, "Your funny" can save you if something goes wrong you could defend yoruself like, "No I LOve YOu like I love insert hobby here" and maybe you will be lucky enough to move on.

Supa

I'd wait till that "honey moon" period of a couple of months is over. At the moment you are feeling like falling in love.

Real love on the other hand is not a feeling, it is a choise and commitment you make to someone. I'd enjoy the ride but would wait for another 2 months till you are sure.

I'd wait till that "honey moon" period of a couple of months is over. At the moment you are feeling like falling in love.

Real love on the other hand is not a feeling, it is a choise and commitment you make to someone. I'd enjoy the ride but would wait for another 2 months till you are sure.Yes, after the politeness and initial europhia of the relationship subsides...when you realize certain things about the person that, well, annoy you. Then if you can still say it, it may mean something :)

Anyway you'll probably know when the time is right...cliche, but it's true.

Anyway you'll probably know when the time is right...cliche, but it's true.


I think if it feels right, then it's ok, no matter how long it's been. My husband and I were literally engaged only 2 months after we met... up until then my record was 6 months in a relationship - and I was mighty proud of THAT just because before that it was 6 weeks. This year is our 10 yr wedding anniversary - so when it's right, it's right, and it's not about rules.

As long as saying that you love someone doesn't come with strings. Some people say it with an expectation that the other will say it back, or that it will "deepen" the relationship, etc. It has to be put out there by you when you truly feel it, without any expectations or strings. Vulnerability is part of a relationship.

I say - say it when you feel it. If you want her to know you love her, tell her. It's ok if she doesn't say it back it's even ok if she is not in love with you.

Yes. I'd say, when someone says, "Is this love?" It's not. I see so many people settle or feel like love is some process and a conscious decision to work out. Of course, the results of approaching it that way are reflected in the high divorce rate. I swore I would not get married until I turned 30 because I met so many women that I thought I loved but wasn't sure they were "the one" (so I felt that perhaps they weren't, if I had to think about it).

When I met my wife, I knew. There was no doubt. I didn't have to ask or guess ... I knew. So I let her know how I felt. We've been happy together without a dull moment since our eyes first locked. I know other couples who ask how we do it, that they are "striving" for the intimacy we have or that it looks like we are newlyweds ... I say it's not something we did other than being honest with our emotions, not settling, and not forcing something that wasn't there.

Jeremy

I think if it feels right, then it's ok, no matter how long it's been. My husband and I were literally engaged only 2 months after we met... up until then my record was 6 months in a relationship - and I was mighty proud of THAT just because before that it was 6 weeks. This year is our 10 yr wedding anniversary - so when it's right, it's right, and it's not about rules.

As long as saying that you love someone doesn't come with strings. Some people say it with an expectation that the other will say it back, or that it will "deepen" the relationship, etc. It has to be put out there by you when you truly feel it, without any expectations or strings. Vulnerability is part of a relationship.

One other point to make here is that the words "I Love You" are cliche and loaded (big time)! If you love her or feel like you do, there are other ways of saying it and expressing it. Perhaps its better to SHOW her how you feel rather than trying to use words to describe it. I agree with what Jeremy said about it being an emotion and something you shouldn't hold back, but at the same time there are many ways to express that emotion and using the words "I love you" at the right time rather than whenever you FEEL like it will save you some headaches if your sig.other doesn't feel the same way.

Love is loaded. It's got so many connotations that it simply can't be used without a lot of implied baggage. At some point that baggage will be something you want to carry-on, at other times something you want to check! I say check it ;)!

If you feel love then you have to express that. Trying to predict what the other person thinks is counterproductive. All you are responsible for are your own perceptions, feelings and actions. Other people's perceptions, feelings and actions are completely out of your (or anyone else's) control.

Somebody commented that if you say "I love you" too soon it could kill the relationship. That's absolutely true. But, do you want to be in a relationship with somebody who dumps you because you said you love them? At least then you'd know who you were dealing with and could move on to find a more open and decent partner.

My girlfriend starting telling me that she loved me at 4-5 months into our relationship. I think I waited for about a year before I told her but it didn't come without a bit of a stinger / notice:

"I love and appreciate you and everything you do for me but I'm not 'in love' with you".

I'm such a jerk but I'm an honest jerk. She was satisfied with that. I was confused and may have handled that not so well. Don't emulate me lol :D

I say - say it when you feel it. If you want her to know you love her, tell her. It's ok if she doesn't say it back it's even ok if she is not in love with you.

I agree. Say it when you feel it. Just make sure its actual love you feel and not infatuation. Its easy to think you "love" someone early on before you truly know the person and all their faults. Real love is when you know the person, faults and all, and still love them.

If you feel love then you have to express that. Trying to predict what the other person thinks is counterproductive. All you are responsible for are your own perceptions, feelings and actions. Other people's perceptions, feelings and actions are completely out of your (or anyone else's) control.

Somebody commented that if you say "I love you" too soon it could kill the relationship. That's absolutely true. But, do you want to be in a relationship with somebody who dumps you because you said you love them? At least then you'd know who you were dealing with and could move on to find a more open and decent partner.

Thanks all for your advice. calHawk, what you said seems to make the most sense to my situation, thank you. I've never felt the way I did before with this girl and I think I'm going to tell her that I do love her becuase i'm sure i do. It's early but i think i see myself with her for a long time so I'm going to find a nice way to express this to her.

iv only been in love once, and it was a pretty mutual feeling with both of us. we both knew it, and we said it to eachother after about..... 3 months? maybe 4. maybe 5. cant remember, it was senior year of highschool. basically, if you're not 100% sure if its the right time, then its not the right time. its not something you rush. you'll know when to say it when the time comes.

Good luck! :tu:

I've always said it when I felt it and meant it the first time, not before.