I think we've touched on this before in Off Topic, but I think it's worth specifically revisiting again.

The Story:
Girl at work who is about 100 lbs or so overweight has told me that she is working on losing weight and getting fit. She's started an exercise program and is trying to eat better. The other day she comes into work with a very very high calorie, very high fat breakfast and proudly announces that it is "low carb". She is not, however, on a low carb diet like Atkins, so this particular choice is clearly not going to help her meet her goals. She doesn't know this and thinks she has chosen wisely. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything.

The Question:
Most of us have probably encountered situations like this. What do you do? Do you say anything? Does your answer vary based upon whether or not the person has expressed an explicit desire to lose weight? Is it rude to say anything or negligent to keep your mouth shut? If you say something, how do you approach it?

Point them to the board so they can read and become better educated. Or, if I find that I give a rats ass (which I usually don't) I will tell them flat out that what they're doing is stupid and tell them how to fix it. I grew tired of babying people long ago.

My sister thinks buying and eating tons of 'lean pockets' will make her healthy. Since she has explicitly announced her desire to lose weight, I think the door is open for discussion with her and tell her that what she chose isn't as healthy as she thinks. Perhaps point her to more information.

I'm tight lipped about it. One or two persons have accused me of being obsessed for just ordering healthy at restaurants, so you can imagine how someone might be if I were to open my mouth.

Since I have problems sugar-coating my words, I'll stop here. I will say... I've seen that before... and it makes me chuckle that people will outright gamble with a little "look at me" parade like that, expecting that there won't be a person in-the-know nearby.

My guess is that we're there from time to time, we just don't say anything often, unless directly asked...

-R

Because she has expressed that she would like to lose weight, and she clearly doesn't have a clue, then I agree: point her to this site. Also, offer to help answer some of her questions if she feels overwhelmed or confused.

I was going to come in here and ask if you caught me, too;) I've been taking a couple of 'days off' from the health food due to extreme PMS and other factors. I'm keeping an eye on my muscle strength and morning weight, though. a couple of cheat days should do much damage... hopefully it'll get out of my system soon.

Freemason,

If this is someone you are comfortable talking with I would suggest telling her upfront. Many MANY people don't understand the importance of proper nutrition and attempt to follow the latest 'fad' in their own half assed way. This just proves detrimental to them in the long run and further sets them back from making any progress at all. When they aren't able to make any progress it will make them give up completely or just blame the 'crappy' program when the real fault lies with their ignorance.

Definitely tell her!! Only folks who know what they are doing can offer sound advice. If the recipient chooses to take it, that's great, if they refuse, don't offer to help again.

Point them to the board so they can read and become better educated.

I did that with my dad becuase he's now trying this low carb bs. But it didnt work at all. He didnt believe that it was any different then what he was trying. Just a different theroy. People think its like impossible to set out a plan that its like "do this and it will DEFINENTLY WORK" they think everythings theory.

now one month later im down 25lbs and hes exactly the same.

I think once im not a fatass anymore he'll ask me what the name of the site was again.

The other day she comes into work with a very very high calorie, very high fat breakfast and proudly announces that it is "low carb". She is not, however, on a low carb diet like Atkins, so this particular choice is clearly not going to help her meet her goals. She doesn't know this and thinks she has chosen wisely. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything.


I would just tell her in a very non-threatening way that it isn't a good choice.

Your friend says: "This breakfast is low-carb, so it should be OK to eat!"

Joe says: "Yeah, but if you aren't on a general low-carb dietary plan, you might want to be careful because it does have alot of fat and calories. A good place to ask questions about dietary info is Johnstonefitness.com"....or something like that. If you say it in a non-threatening way so that it doesn't come off as judgmental...but instead seems helpful, the person probably won't get offended and might actually appreciate the advice.

Freemason, I don't think it's rude or negligent if you say nothing. But of course the "best" things to say, or not say, will depend on whatever rapport you already have.

When someone expresses good intentions, but maybe isn't going about fulfilling them right, I try to keep the channel open. I've found that if I first ask more questions and draw-out the person a little more, before I make any assertions, she is less likely to feel threatened, scolded, or otherwise put-upon. The way she answers the questions helps to tailor the assertions. Success to you and girl at work! :tu: -Martin

I've generally gave up "advising" people. They don't listen. A few have asked me time and time again how to loose, and once I tell them they stick to it for a week and give up, "it's not for me"..

I took the time to learn and educate myself on the subject on the internet in my own free time, anyone can do it, so no, it wasn't ignorant or rude, or even bad that you said nothing, at least I don't think so, she will find nothings working and THEN you can give her the link to here, or any website that gives good advice.

I would just tell her in a very non-threatening way that it isn't a good choice.
If you say it in a non-threatening way so that it doesn't come off as judgmental...but instead seems helpful, the person probably won't get offended and might actually appreciate the advice.I generally don't criticize other people's food unless specifically asked. But I do agree with JoeSchmo that you could do it in a non-threatening way if you genuinely want to *help* her. I personally would not say anything right before she is about to eat that particular meal. It might just ruin her breakfast or lunch and make her feel bad/uncomfortable. I also wouldn't directly criticize the specific food she is eating but just talk about your own experiences and point her to good sources of information. (If asked, or if the topic was brought up)


Just my opinion though.

Offering advice on other people's food choices, even if they've openly expressed that they're trying to lose weight, is more dangerous than answering the "Do these jeans make me look fat?" question. I've found that advice with the best intentions, even as sugar coated as you can make them, will never be taken in the way it was offered, especially when it's criticism of any kind. The only time I'd offer advice is if someone flat out asked me one-on-one seriously for some, which no one but my wife ever has. When it comes to dieting, people really have to find their own way. It takes work and research, which most people have les desire to do than the actual dieting itself.

BTW Freemason, what was the "low carb" breakfast that person was so proud of?

The best reply I've ever come off with when asked "is this any good?" is "I wouldn't eat it."

The best reply I've ever come off with when asked "is this any good?" is "I wouldn't eat it."
You're answering the wrong question... when people ask "is this any good?", they want to hear, "Yes, it looks delicious."

Offering advice on other people's food choices, even if they've openly expressed that they're trying to lose weight, is more dangerous than answering the "Do these jeans make me look fat?" question.

FYI - my standard answer to that rusty-barbed question is an unwavering, "No, your ass makes you look fat". Answer with that response just one time and you'll never, ever get that question again as long as you live*.

I've found that advice with the best intentions, even as sugar coated as you can make them, will never be taken in the way it was offered, especially when it's criticism of any kind. The only time I'd offer advice is if someone flat out asked me one-on-one seriously for some ... When it comes to dieting, people really have to find their own way. It takes work and research, which most people have les desire to do than the actual dieting itself.

Wise words. And so true. And so few actually will...

-R

*Disclaimer - The price you'll pay for an eternity without this question is steep. Answer as such at your own peril.

Since she has explicitly announced her desire to lose weight, I think the door is open for discussion with her and tell her that what she chose isn't as healthy as she thinks. Perhaps point her to more information.

I 110% agree with that statement. If someone lets others around them know they intend to lose weight, the people they tell I believe are allowed to offer criticism / advice UNTIL the person says they don't want it.

An option is to approach the person while they are alone and say something about how you've done a ton of research in the area of fat loss and you could offer some tips or pointers.

Just a thought.

oddly enough, breakfast is when i want to get carbs in for sure. later at night not so much?

its too hard to try and explain to people that dont really listen anyways. its the new small talk i guess.

like when you talk to someone you havnt seen in a while and they say how they want to lose weight, do all kinds of things and be fit and healthy. then you dont see them for a long time...and suddenly you do adn they look the same, and see how you are doing great and express again how they want to lose weight and get fit...and maybe they'll mention they lost a few lbs too. they look for that little sign of hope that will get them to the next time they see u and need that hope again. they'll say i wish i had your dedication. meh, its all in propelled by self-interest. whaever you're truely into comes though.

i just wanna balance it all out. i tend to go gungho one way while things die off the other way.

but, i agree on pointing people to this site. you wanna get fit, there is a wealth of information here.

The Question:

Most of us have probably encountered situations like this. What do you do? Do you say anything? Does your answer vary based upon whether or not the person has expressed an explicit desire to lose weight? Is it rude to say anything or negligent to keep your mouth shut? If you say something, how do you approach it?

I personally feel that it's not my place to tell someone what they should or shouldn't do in the way of nutrition unless they ask for my opinion.

Especially when the person in question isn't someone i'm particularly close to, as in your case since you identified her as a "girl from work" and not a friend.

Just because a person says they're trying to lose weight and get in shape doesn't necessarily mean they want your help or advice, I know it's hard to bite your tongue when you see people make such poor choices, but until they specifically ask for your help, it's better to avoid the matter, especially with such a volatile and sensitive topic such as health and nutrition.

Being 100lbs. overweight before in my life, I can tell you that it never helped to hear about it. She already hears and sees people's responses to her body everyday. One thing you can do is start emailing or copying that person on articles that might get their ball rolling on their own.

I think we've touched on this before in Off Topic, but I think it's worth specifically revisiting again.

The Story:
Girl at work who is about 100 lbs or so overweight has told me that she is working on losing weight and getting fit. She's started an exercise program and is trying to eat better. The other day she comes into work with a very very high calorie, very high fat breakfast and proudly announces that it is "low carb". She is not, however, on a low carb diet like Atkins, so this particular choice is clearly not going to help her meet her goals. She doesn't know this and thinks she has chosen wisely. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything.

The Question:
Most of us have probably encountered situations like this. What do you do? Do you say anything? Does your answer vary based upon whether or not the person has expressed an explicit desire to lose weight? Is it rude to say anything or negligent to keep your mouth shut? If you say something, how do you approach it?

I've generally gave up "advising" people. They don't listen. A few have asked me time and time again how to loose, and once I tell them they stick to it for a week and give up, "it's not for me"..


I started to take the same approach, but it felt negligent to me to not help people. Sure, in general people tend to have more desire than willpower, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't try to help when I can.

So my answer has been to, when people announce their plans, to ask questions about their approach. If it sounds like they're still finding their path, or otherwise seeking advice, I ask outright - "Do you want my help?" if the answer is affirmative the next question (when it seems like the right moment) is - "Do you want me to say anything if I see you straying?" If the person is hesitant about the second, it's my first sign they aren't that serious.

I don't like to be someone's conscience, but some people seem to want it.

I lean more towards setting the example with your actions rather than jumping in and telling the person they're doing something wrong.

Invite them to lunch - be extra particular about your choices at the meal - on more than one occasion it's opened the door of discussion for me.

I had my sister flat out ask me a couple of months ago - "Ok - what are you doing to lose all this weight and where do I get some of it"

We had a great week discussing where she was falling short and a lot of misconceptions - it was really cool.

I used to say things but not anymore. When people ask me I'm honest, but I stick to the facts, answer quickly, and move on rather than go on and on about it (like I do on JSF!). I notice a lot of people get really defensive and almost mad when they hear you saying something they don't want to hear, like "no that's terrible for you." I've actually had a very obese person try to argue with me about ketosis once, and how he was effectively burning fat all day long, etc. Seriously, I'm standing there in almost competition shape (a long time ago, haha), and he's literally 400 pounds and he's telling me how he's studied this and knows more than I do. My tongue was bleeding from biting it so hard.

I wouldn't say anything if I were you Freemason, not unless she asks you. If she does, be honest, and maybe point her to JSF. :nod:

As with many things, I've noticed that when you push people tend to push back.

I suggest that if you see something like that, you call the person on the inconsistency. When she makes an announcement like "it's low carb , so I'm good". Then go up to her (privately) and say, "Oh, are you doing Atkins now?" If her response is no, then the next most natural thing to say is, that indescriminate low carb choices only make sense if your enitre diet on a whole is low carb. Otherwise you are just consuming tons of calories and fat, when there are much healthier choices.

By asking the question, you make them put two and two together in their head that something is wrong with what they are doing.

When you talk to her, it is also great to say something like, "I thought the same things you did about low carb food, but I've been doing some reading up on it and apparently it is much more complicated than that, I just wanted to let you know, so you don't make the same mistakes I did when I first started."

I think by saying this, she'll think, you, are confiding with her, and she would be less likely to take your comments as judegmental.

Fire and forget :) Fire her over to a good message board and forget! If she's really interested in losing weight (most people are interested in being thin but not doing what's required to get there) she'll take the ball and run with it. If she doesn't care enough to do that, no amount of convincing will get through to her.

Thanks for all of the thoughts and suggestions. For those who are curious, it was a Hardee's Low Carb Breakfast Bowl.

Would anyone object if I wanted to request that this thread be deleted?

I'd like to try to get her to come over to this site, but I don't think it would be so good if she got here and was greeted by a thread about her breakfast! :eek: :)